New Year's resolutions

I have been on vacation for about 3 weeks and I have been reading a lot of books to help me strategize for the new year. I am reading an excellent book 'Wikinomics' which offers a good view of the feature. The key ideas in the book is a good starting point to make a strategy for the future. Key points for next year coming from my other readings and reflections are:

1. Outsourcing
2. Global collaboration -> Looking for solutions outside the company
3. Building on core skills - interpersonal, technical
4. Finding your voice - what do you want to say -> Covey's 8th Skill
5. Learning a new skill -> growing your brain biologically
6. Define a Life Strategy

I think these are the main points to work on for next year. The specific tactical details need to be adapted or worked out on the situation on the ground. I think there are a few good works that I have read also that may be interesting to apply such as sense-making or situation awareness.

Know How

I attach a mind map of a book I recently read on management know how. Some good tips discussed in the book by a famous business consultant. As the year ends, good time to take stock of one's failures and mistakes and plan to improve for next year. I think I have weathered the storm going forward to the new year but still a lot of things to do especially focusing on the maintenance jobs. The other projects are still extremely important and one should not lose sight of the ball.

I am glad that I was able to escape from the debacle with my foes in disarray. Not really but they are no longer in the arena. SO I have to pay ball with the new team on the ground. A better team no doubt and I have to learn from them and listen carefully at the signals and the way they want to mve forward. Anyway the mind map gives some traits htat are important to develop.

Learning Organization

I attach a mind map on learning organization following an article from Peter Senge. Seems useful in helping to create a system thinking mind-set. I hope this can help try to work out our problems by having a better method of diagnosing the situation. In other words, making sense of chaos or some sort of situation analysis.

The mind map is more of how to develop a learning organization. A learning organization is a progressive unit supposedly that can adapt to change. But the absence of this environment is a challenge to the project manager. Is he responsible in changing the organization? Sometimes he is viewed as a change agent or a catalyst but really not part of the project scope. So knowing about the qualities of a learning organization maybe helpful in planning tactics or strategy in the project.

Project Management Institute Singapore Chapter's 2007 Annual Symposium

The Project Management Institute Singapore Chapter's 2007 Annual Symposium is scheduled on 22nd November 2007 (Thursday) at Suntec International Convention Center (Level 3), Singapore.

A big turnout is expected so please be there early for the Symposium. The registration starts at 8.00AM. Early comers will get a free car park coupon on first come first serve basis.

If you have not made the payment for the SPMI's Annual Symposium 2007,
kindly send your cheque, made payable to "Project Management Institute
Singapore Chapter" to:

The Treasurer,
PMI Singapore Chapter,
C/o 30, Tanah Merah Kechil Road,
#06-09 East Meadows,
Singapore 465558

Please see above attached Symposium Agenda.

Systems Thinking

I attach a map on systems thinking which I think comes from an article on Peter Senge which I read way back. This method is useful as it offers a way to improve one's cognitive and thinking skills. It provides a broader framework of thinking and understanding that is away from the self-centered model that usual happens in one's own thinking.

So it is a way to improve one mental processes similar to the work of Edward de Bono. But this new framework is much more helpful in resolving organization problems. It is also useful in project management because it takles issues that involve implementing change. Change not only in the processes or organization but also in the way one's thinks and addressess problems. Iam trying to finish an article on 'sense-making' which is another good tool that will prove useful soon.

Sense Making

I started to read articles on sense making and systems thinking to try to understand my recent troubles. There is a need to have a new framework to understand and analyse the current situation as I was unable to apply my usual tools to address the problem. I failed to take into account other factors which maybe beyond my usual field usual vision and understanding. I was blind sided as I found myself out of my compentency.

So concepts like systems thinking which considers the relationship between people within the organization. So I tried to make a mind-map to understand the relationship between the major stakeholder and the politics involved. So this gives me a different view to understand the situation. In this framework, it is not really about tools and techniques and procedures and more about relationship of each part that makes the whole system.

This allows a different aspect in making sense of the situation. 'Sense making' which is about situation awareness maybe is the key to understand the project failures which occurred. Mind maps helps to diagram the relationships between people or the parts within the system and display the whole system.

Mindjet Productivity Pack for MS Office

Mindjet Productivity Pack for Microsoft® Office® is now available.

I have tested the product and has extremely good links to Microsoft applications. Try it out to harness the full power and benefits of your existing Microsoft tools.

A detailed guide is available to help you maximize your applications. The Productivity Pack includes a whitepaper and MindManager maps to help you. See more details in the link below:

http://www.mindjet.com/us/productivity_pack_office/?cid=bridge3

New Model in Place

A new structure has been put in place by Peter and Mary so the boss man will only communicate with Mary in the future. This will centralize the communication so that the message is clear and consistent. In effect, I no longer need to meet with the boss man. I can focus more on the operational side of things while Mary can focus on the tactical and strategic side. I think the boss man likes this arrangement and he has been in a good mood these past days. I hope he does not return to his usual ruthless state.

The new structure has the intended effect of reducing the politics in the department. This move was the brainchild of our CIO who accurately detected the root issues. In fact, it was not a good sight with my constant clashes with the princess and my old supervisor. Now with the new contractor working on the project plus the improvement coming in on the first phase, the project is now well under control. It is a good change coming in with the new support model applied to the boss man and Mary. It is a good change especially with the new major project coming in next year. It lays a good foundation for this major change.

Of course, I have been in the receiving end of the abuse despite all these new moves. I have no choice but to receive the punishment as I share most of the blame. But I hoped to have contributed to it's resolution by junking the old team in the Philippines with the new one in India. It was a needed sacrifice. Hopefully I can now work and focus more on the operational side of things without being distracted by the politics.

Rest and Recreation

I am on holiday for three days. I try to keep work out of my mind but sometimes I cannot help it. I guess this is where we really need to have discipline and forget everything at work. Sometimes it is difficult to forget and the mind can't help but slip into thoughts and memories which bring back the pressures at work. This is the hard part where you can slip into worry and depression without even knowing it.

I checked my mail last Monday and had a few phone meetings with the development team. I did not have a chance to check my mail yesterday. I tried to take my mind of work by playing golf at the nearby nine-hole course. It was great but I cannot help but think about the office. I sometimes feel that the office is a cess pool filled with snakes ready to bite you in the back if you are not careful. Last Friday, I had a few drinks with my old friend in his new job and he suggested that I look for another work - to re-invent myself. This is getting to be a good idea. But I cannot seem to make myself leave until all the problems are solved.

There are some good news these days with some help coming from Peter and Mary. Although their names seem to connote some Biblical echoes, both are really a God send so to speak. I have to be more vocal and that is my personal problem which is to communicate more. I used to be in synch with the world but in recent years I seem to be isolated from the general flow at work. Perhaps I have isolated myself so much that I am lost. Then again I am taking these problems at work personally. I should learn to detach myself from the issues at hand. This is problem because I have always placed my heart at work and try to satisfy everyone. The boss man said that my problem is I have a big heart and I try to solve everything. He is right at that point.

I have to start crawling back out of my rut. It is going to be a difficult time but that is the only option left for me unless I just quit my job. But this is not an option so I have to slug it out with the beasts so to speak. I think it is going to be fun and removing the emotionalism is important because there is a lot of politics in this project that I should avoid by mentally taking all the blame. I am my worst critic and I often second-guess my self that I am paralyze into in action. This is in fact one of the subjects mentioned in Manage Your Mind.

Old Friends Visit

A dear old friend is here this week for a series of meetings. We worked together years back and he is now high up in the organization. We shared many adventures together when he was posted here in Asia a few years ago. He returned back to head office with bigger, global responsibilities about 2 years ago. It was a pleasure and privilege to have worked with him all over Asia. We had lunch today and shared many stories.

I am glad to have maintained our friendship amidst the office politics that prevails in the local office. I think some of the new bosses around are surprised that we are friends. It is a rare event to have this type of relationship. He has brought a fresh air during the week and he and his team have met with the boss man to plan for the replacement of their ancient system. This will be a big project in the coming years and I wonder if I will be involved with my present reputation.

The boss man's current project is now moving along after getting the outsource company in India. The past failures still rest mainly on my shoulders but I think time will show that the past problems where mainly due to the contributors headed by my old supervisor. But that is all water under the bridge as it still remains to deliver the product. I think there is a better chance to succeed with the technical skills of the India team. I just need to grin and bear it until the project is completed.

All these bad feelings and anxiety have momentarily vanished with my old friend's visit. Talking with him amidst my present difficulties made me feel that his presence has helped shore up my reputation and confidence. After all I am the oldest person around the organization these days with all the staff turnover. I wonder when he can come again though he has asked me to tell if I am around at head office. Another old friend came today to join the series of meeting and the three of us remembered the last time we where together which was in India. This was one of the most difficult projects we ever did and I stayed in New Delhi for about 4 months.

It is always a joy to meet old friends because we will never know if we will ever meet again. These rare meetings revive the spirit and let us remember the old days when we were young and eager, working together and completing projects. It gives some strength to move forward and face the challenges with the boss man.

Increase Productivity Via Voice Dictation

Last week at work was probably my most difficult. The boss man announced that I will not work for the project anymore but we met him the next day and he said he was looking forward to working with the team. Peter was very helpful and he joined the meeting with me. It was the first time I felt that someone was helping me. The project team and the process has been restructured and I felt that I been given a second chance to make the project succeed.

In an earlier time, I would have felt really bad but my maturity and improved perceptions have helped me from getting depressed. It is the same old story that I think too much but now my thinking is improving a bit. There are new plans on the table: presenting a speech at the PMI symposium and doing a training outside the company. All these events demand a lot of time and will see how to prioritize.

By the way this is the first time I am using ViaVoice by dictating this article and converting voice into text. It is a good way to improve productivity if the voice recognition software is working well. But it will take some time before the software can correctly recognized your voice.

The Aftermath

Things have not turned out as I thought. My old supervisor hatched a plan although he was really trying to help me I think in his own way. But the outcome is still not certain. I am not sure if I am in the boss man's project or not. But I think the outcome is confused due to no communication. So I am in limbo. I am neigther here nor there which is the same thing for the boss man's company. No knows if the company under the Europe jurisdiction or in Asia - such is the uniqueness of the company.

But I am feeling the heat. I am still caught in the crossfire and I do not know where to move. Oftentimes it is my mind's confused thinking that get's me into trouble. But then again I have always survived with my instincts. So I feel that I soldier along despite the abuse and humiliation. Haha so much for being a good soldier.

I have a lot of projects in my plate and I need to go back to the basics. My focus is lost. The first thing I need to do is to make project minutes. Now I have to be very active as well and aggressive. Anyway the annoucement has been made and I should move forward and start meeting deadlines. I guess I have hit a low in my career where nothing seems to be working right.

Positive Start

Yesterday I met with Peter and Mary who are members of the management team of my department. Finally I am with top level people who are sincerely willing to help me with the boss man. My luck has not been very good this day's and I am losing sight of the ball in a few of my projects. I am multi-tasking and the result is not very good. This has been proven in a few studies I think. The projects I am working on are:

- boss man's data warehouse = delayed
- raw material supply chain = delayed
- planning production process = still OK
- accounting improvements = delayed but not noticed (ha ha)
- support for boss man's system = OK

SO my record is not very good lately. Been trying to delegate some work but will take some time especially with the boss man's company. But the meeting with Peter and Mary have given me hope. We worked on a presentation which we will present to the boss man. I think he will be happy with the structure and road map. More important for me, I feel that I have finally some allies in my side who will help me. People without agenda's and sinister motives and who have experienced the difficulties at work. Most of the people at work seem to prefer simple jobs that are without problems or troubles.

Admittedly most of the problems I face have been self-inflicted. These are all new experiences for me and I have tried to look at my faults and try to improve them. I guess we have learning experiences in whatever age or phase in our lives. It is a matter of being able to adapt and accept change that is important. I really have to be focused in giving the IMPRESSION that I am disciplined and structured. Sometimes what matters is to watch carefully the perception of other people.

Currency Trading

I attended an interesting seminar on trading currency. In the past I lost some money in currency but the game is more controlled and advanced. I think I will try it but need to study more before jumping in. I think the most important point is to have the correct mindset which is to treat investing as a business and not as gambling. It is not due to luck but a mechanical process that be be used again and again. The best way as I have done is to read all the books I can on this subject and try a demo account. This will allow me to test my theories before hitting the water.

I did the same strategy recently when investing in the stock market. I tried to learn by joining a game sponsored by the stock exchange. I had learned a lot and I am not investing directly in the market rather than via brokers or investing in unit trusts. I hope I can do the same in currencies. It is a bot more risky because the swings are more volatile. So I should be more careful.

It is now I think the end game with the boss man's project. I think I have made some progress and I am just exaggerating the extent of the problem. But the issue is real and I am be seeing the true picture than the others who seem concerned. What is clear is that I should increase my engagement with him. There is too much here say and double talk and misunderstanding spread by other people so I need to establish a direct channel to him. This is the missing link in the project actually and I can achieve a lot with his direct supervision.

New Project

I am now working on a new project. It will be deployed in Thailand, China and Japan. The company is now following strictly a project management methodology with the whole works (SDLC, PLC,etc.). So the onus is on documentation. So I spend a lot of time making documentation and planning. It is a really a pain but no choice as the project will not proceed to the next milestone. Aside from this work, we also have to use new tools that monitor request and log our time sheets. We have been using these tools since the start of the year.

All these have made our work more organized and standardized within the structured methodology. But it has also increased our workload and added some confusion. I am often bewildered with all these new tools where we have to do complex budgeting and re-forecasting projects every month. But I guess that is the price of progress. One has to always adapt and follow the times to be relevant. All these with new projects coming along and with the old ones cropping up with all sorts of problems. I really can't wait for the weekend which I spend by roller-blading, swimming and watching movies. I really appreciate the nearby park where I get to bike in the evenings before coming home or skating in early Saturday morning.

Tomorrow I will be meeting the boss man and the other colleagues in our usual monthly meeting. As usual, I expect some finger pointing and bashing each other sessions again. But I am not worried or maybe I am just fatalistic. This is one of the projects where things did not go well as planned and where the boss is particularly difficult and demanding. But it is the other project members who are also difficult and a waste of time. I get to be more defensive and creative during our meetings. But time is running out as we approach the end of the year. There is still a sliver of a chance the the project will go well. I am glad that the week will soon be over.

On Holiday

I am on leave last Friday and today, Monday which is 4 days rest and recreation. I cannot help but feel guilty and I felt that I should read and send some e-mails today. It is really to forestall the impending scenario of a brutal meeting on this coming Friday with the boss man. I realize that my mind mind can go into a spiral of never-ending guilt and worst-case scenario. But now I feel I am beginning to control these thoughts with less feeling of dread and anxiety. I guess the last battle is the battle to control the mind.

I wanted to do some work early this morning but I did not feel like working. So I got up at about 6am and read a book on Mao Tse Tung, surf the Internet and read some books on architecture. I always like architecture because the pictures always show well-organized spaces. Like everything is neat and clean unlike my mental state where my thought go bonkers. So I need to really strive to organize them by using tools like mind mapping.

Anyway, I have tons of work to do but here I am procrastinating. But I am in vacation after all and I should not spend my time on work. But my other mind is telling me that I should show some effort to show that I am still working. But I guess that is like paying some allowance on the rat race. At the end of the day, I still think that I am destined to work here for the rest of my life. Despite some thoughts and efforts in trying to look for another job. It is just this paranoid thinking that has led m present work life become more anxious and less fun.

This weekend we went to computer exhibitiion and I bought a printer. The cheapest around which also has scanning features. I needed to replace my old Epson printer because it was not working correctly. My kids set up the new printer with my help. They spent last night watching movies in the internet. I also spent some time watching in the Internet which is a great way to watch movies these days. All sorts of gadgets where being sold in the computer exhibition and lots of people. I did not like going there but I need to replace some stuff like my printer.

Time to leave?

I am not doing well on the boss man's project. The users of the first phase are not happy although I have elevated the issues to the manager who seem to be more reasonable. My former supervisor has managed to rope himself in and create divisions. There are a lot of tensions now and I am not helping out by not communicating more. I now feel that I have stuck myself into a hole. In fact, I have been assigned another project and I am fully exhausted with no time to focus on all the projects. Maybe it is time to go.

Last week, I received a mail from a former colleague who invited me to apply to another position. It is a well know drug company and I am starting to think that my time has now come to leave. I will leave a lot of projects in mid stream if I do leave. I got a mail from the HR in the drug company asking some specific questions. The position offered is lower than my current position but if the pay is better I am willing to go for it. I think I should plan some sort of transition plan or at least to off load some of my current work so I can focus on the main items in case I remain.

I have always thought that I will eventual retire in my present company. But I now feel that it may not be worth it. As my former colleague mentioned, the culture is like the survival of the fittest, where everyone if out to kill the other guy by severe criticism, spreading false rumours and being unhelpful to the others. There is no atmosphere of support and nurturing but more of a brutal and vicious cycle of betrayal and recrimination. Perhaps I am being too harsh but maybe be an after effect of the recent retrenchments.

I sent my reply to the HR of the other company yesterday. Let's see how it will turn out. It will be a welcome change if I do move and will allow me to grow to a better mental state. I guess it's time to be wise and not be the last man standing like in the movies. I have the resilience and the patience but now it is no longer fun. Nevertheless, I still have to move forward and continue to work on my projects with the mind set of continuing survival. Whew sometimes I write like I was working in a combat zone ...

Kuala Lumpur Training

I spent 3 weeks in Malaysia for training on ERP. The training was done by instructors from Mumbai, India. The last instructor on General Accounting was a big 62 year old consultant. He was very good. During the training, I spent some time answering e-mails and attending tele- conferences. So I had o leave the training for a few minutes to attend to work. But is was a good 3 weeks although it was not as fun as in Bangkok. I went back to Singapore for the weekend as my brother and his wife was visiting from Manila. We went for the usual river cruise and dinner in China town. We also had a good dinner of chili crab at Vivo City.

I went back to the training, travelling by bus. The training was a good break and allowed me to re-think about the work with the boss man. The boss was not pleased about my attention to other tasks and brought this displeasure to the head of our department - CIO of the Asia region. I had a chance to speak to the CIO this week after I gave him a briefing on the ERP training yesterday. He said not to worry as he understood the situation. He said he will protect me. He laughed when I said the the boss man is high maintenance - someone whose feelings are hurt if attention is not placed towards him.

But the rules of the game will be changing. I am working on a new project and I cannot devote the same amount of time to the boss man. So we discussed with my boss and the other management people about the possible changes. Some proposals will be raised with the intention of adding other resources to the work with the boss man. I think I am finally leaving his shadow after enjoying working with him. I still like working for him and I hope to play some role in the future arrangement. I still feel indebted to him for his recommendation which resulted in my becoming a variable pay employee. I think with the recent retrenchment, being involved in the boss man's company maybe a wise move in case I need help in the future.

Back from assignment

I just got back a few days ago from Bangkok. It was a hectic week but rewarding as the application was deployed and the users trained. It will still take awhile before the users get used to the application. Weening them away from MS Excel will be difficult because of the ease of use. But the benefits cannot be denied since it will cut out a lot of work. The weather was good in Bangkok and we had a good time in the evenings having dinner and drinking beer. I felt sad leaving especially with the warm and accommodating team. But I wanted to see my family.

I am off again this Sunday for a 3 week training on ERP. It will be a good three weeks although I expect some people in the boss man's company like Philip to create trouble. Working in that company is getting to be surreal. It's like common sense and logic do not rule. The boss man seem to be grasping and struggling. The princess is not cooperative and it's affecting our integrity. It is difficult to move fast when people really see no value in being aggressive. I am caught in the middle and I cannot seem to move. I hope to convince the princess to work in the direction I want.

I am sad that the business project leader is leaving next month. It was a good and exciting project that we worked on and I learned a lot from him. I had the feeling that I was lifted from mediocrity and worked in another plane. He is really a superior being in the best sense of the word. I often wondered how I allowed myself to muddle my own thinking with reading too much books and believing on to many theories. Learning from actual experience and being less bookish is the way to succeed in the real world.

I especially admire that way he uses his computer like a tool. It's like a samurai welding his sword. He is not really a great wizard but his facility with simple tools like e-mail, word and excel allows him to put words and or actions to reality with a few deft manipulations of these applications. HE manages to marshall the perfect amount of effort and thought to produce the correct memo, spread sheet calculations or work plan. He treats his computer like a mere instrument to wield his management magic.

On the other hand, I look at my computer with reverence. As if the slightest touch would destroy it. So I am careful and reverent and sometimes seldom use my own computer at hand. But now I am emboldened to use it the way my friend does - like a crude instrument such as hammer. It is this speed and efficacy of using the computer that make him very effective. While in Thailand I filled an application to join the writer's mentor program. A very good initiative by the government. I hope I get accepted to develop my writing skills. Like a second career in my middle age as explained by Peter Drucker. I attach a mind map on being a film director as my second career dream.

Deployment in Bangkok

I will be travelling to Thailand in a couple of days. Phase I of the project will be going live. After some tight situations, the application now seems to be working fine. Sadly the project leader will be moving to another company in August. So it is important to implement the project right away to his staff in Bangkok to have our foot in the door. I did not want to travel so soon to Thailand until the remaining patches are installed. But there will be no more time left with the project leader leaving. I have learned a lot from him and he will be sorely missed.

The other project with the boss man is the problematic one. I never realized that things would turn out badly. Actually not that bad except in the pressure I received from all the others. It may have been a mistake to bring my old boss into the meeting. But I felt it was inevitable in order to control the princess. Now he is the main critic if I am not careful. I felt depressed during the weekend after thinking about the meeting last week. It was not a particularly brutal meeting but was painful nevertheless.

The trip to Bangkok was challenged but I think that it was more a aimless shot not meant to highlight any issue but just to throw mud around. I felt fatigued and tired after all these activity but I think we are turning a corner. The trick is to observe your body and take a rest when needed. I attach a mind map on natural medicine to keep us healthy when faced with all the stress in the office. I think I will be able cath my breath in Bangkok.

New MindManager now on sale !

The new version of Mind Manager is out in the market! I have been using visual thinking techniques (usually drawing by hand) since 2001. I discovered Mind Manager a year later while searching the web. I found it the best visual tool then and it still is the gold standard to beat today.

I think visual thinking is now getting into the mainstream with more people using mapping tools like Mind Manager to help them in their work.

I quote portions of their press release below:

SAN FRANCISCO, CA, May 30, 2007 – Mindjet® Corporation today announced the highly anticipated and immediate availability of the next generation of its popular visualization software, MindManager® 7, along with its new Project Management Jetpack and online map gallery. The new MindManager 7 for Windows and Macintosh have received widespread acclaim for new and improved features that increase effectiveness in managing information and projects.

MindManager 7 optimizes both individual and team productivity and delivers quick results to achieve new levels of project and process improvement, communication and interactions, as well as access to and management of key information. New enhancements in MindManager Pro 7 include powerful integration capabilities with Microsoft Office products and easier browsing in a completely redesigned Microsoft Fluent UI with logically grouped tabs, saved queries and views, new map styles and galleries for faster formatting, and enhanced ScreenTips. MindManager 7 Mac offers a powerful new way to select topics with rules, which can be saved and applied as filters; printing enhancements that allow users to print large maps across multiple pages and add headers and footers and borders to printed maps; enhanced import and export capabilities including OPML, HTML, Text Outline and more.

Excellent Early Acceptance of MindManager 7

MindManager 7 received strong early acceptance during Mindjet’s beta testing phase and early look reviews, and has received over 100 positive references in articles and blogs for its powerful new features that make it easier to interact with ideas and information, increase effectiveness, and improve collaboration.

About Mindjet

Mindjet makes software that helps people visualize and use information. Its leading product, MindManager, enables individuals and teams to work smarter, think creatively, and save time everyday. There are over 880,000 licenses of MindManager used globally by 85 of the Fortune 100 companies and more than 50 percent of Global 2000 organizations. Mindjet is headquartered in San Francisco with offices throughout the world and is backed by the leading international venture capital firms, Investor Growth Capital, Inc. and 3i. For more information, visit www.mindjet.com

See more of the press release at:

http://www.mindjet.com/us/company/press_center/about_press_news_release.php?s=1&release_id=05302007

My thanks to Gaelen O’Connell, Customer & Field Marketing Manager of Mindjet for spreading the news on Mind Manager Pro 7.

Unix deployment

Another tough meeting with the boss man yesterday. I think these session should be called the bash the project manager day. I am always in the defensive with everyone having a field day on my expense. Luckily I was able to keep my nerve. I hope I am building some point during the meetings while rolling with the blows. The rope-a-dope of boxer Muhammad Ali. I didn't think I would be using boxing strategy in my meetings. But looks like it is the only metaphor I can use to describe the strategy.

Basically, the plan is keep doing the job despite the criticism. Such as writing the specifications, organizing the meeting, writing the minutes do the nitty gritty work despite the criticisms from the arm chair managers. It's a good thing I am on leave today to relax and enjoy myself. I am still left with my other project which is not doing great. I wonder why I find myself always in this position. Strangely, I learned from my fried that I have gotten the highest percentage increases for the past 3 years. I think that is some vindication for me. In a company like these, the raise goes to the good soldier not the high flying know it all managers. The organization in fact was called the Mexican army with too many generals. In our case, there are to many managers.

On my other project, deployment to the staging environment has not turned out well. Apparently, the Java program contained hard-coded elements that works in a Microsoft system but now has problems in a Unix environment. A silly mistake which is caused by a simple syntax issues where Microsoft recognizes '\' backlash to distinguish directories while Unix recognizes '/' forward slash to distinguish directories. It's good we have another company doing code review to isolate this issues.

I attach a mind map on critical thinking I made long ago in the hope of improving the way I think.

Anger management

I am being teased by my friends in the office of having a short fuse. I have had at least a few recent incidents where I raised my voice during meetings in the S project. The princess remarked that I need to have a vacation. The business leader has agreed that I should go on a few weeks leave. Of course, after going live on the first phase of his project. At lunch yesterday, we were all eating together and my boss jokingly said that I seem to have anger management issues based on the feedback he hears from the princess and the business leader.

I think they are right. I guess the strain is getting to me as I am working on two major projects with demanding clients. But then again, most of the conflict is within the department and most disagreements I have had is on the steps to go forward. Sometime I feel that I am the only person talking sense. Perhaps it is because I am the oldest serving person within the team and we have different viewpoints. There is an article in one of the latest issues of the PMI magazine on handling gaps in perception. I hope this can help me when I find the time to read it.

But I guess I do need a vacation. I never had a vacation leave since the start of the year. The key on working effectively is to seek for a balance between life and work. These days I feel that I am the odd man out. So I attach a mind map on treating your self right. It is supposed to help find time from a stressed out life by doing some things you enjoy. Good to heed the advise to be fresh and continue to have the energy and sanity to fight the battles at work.

Back from business trip

I just returned from a trip to Manila, visiting our developer with the business leader. We conducted a series of workshops for the next release of the software even if the first release has not been done yet. Not really a good way to go. Something like rapid prototyping. But it was the only alternative left with the series of delays. The business leader was not happy and he sent out his main concerns to my boss. On the last day of the workshops, we reviewed the concerns and met with the head of the development team. We discussed the action plan and the meeting went well. The coming weeks will be very tight.

On top of this project is the ongoing S project. We met yesterday with the head of the contributors. It was a preparatory meeting for another one scheduled on Thursday. It was actually the first time we have sat together to discuss the details. As usual there was a source of contention with the princess but we managed to keep it civilized. I am glad we involved my former boss who has moved on and is now the boss of the princess. He is very useful in guiding the princess. Of course her views are legitimate and it will take some give and take from both sides. It will be a struggle in the coming weeks especially with my other projects.

I am in a classic bind where I am multitasking between several projects. I am also playing numerous roles in each project which is a bit taxing. For instance, the most urgent task at hand is to finish the solution requirements specification which is a task done by a functional analyst. Now I have to play this role again and still be the project manager. I am concerned also on my other project which need attention in terms of monitoring the deliverables from the developer. I also have to complete another specification once we get the business requirements for the next release.

The advise the business leader gave me when he assessed the situation last week was for me to step up and and start leading. He felt that I have more experience on managing the developers and I should work and guide them directly, spending more time in the developer's premises if needed. I think that was good advise and I need to lead more despite my workload. I attach a mind map on leadership with some good tips.

Idea maps as visual blogs

I just started thinking why idea maps seem effective. Usually blogs or journals are the easiest way of expressing our inner thoughts and feelings. Perhaps because the spoken and written word is the way we are taught to express ourselves so it comes easily to us.

Now visual thinking introduces a different way of expression. We can express ourselves and our inner thoughts visually. Mind mapping provide simple rules to follow (to prevent us from descending towards incomprehensible doodles). Are we headed towards a way of visual communication where all we do is send idea maps to communicate? No more verbal or written e-mails but mind maps.

Sometimes the same feeling of relief is felt when we finish a blog or journal entry as when we finish a mind map. It's as if some pressure or stress has been released with the act of writing or visual mapping. The psychological result is the same: serenity (due perhaps to clarifying thoughts or experiences and expressing ourselves). So which method is better? Do we communicate more effectively in a visual manner?

I wonder if the princess can focus and express herself better if she practices visual thinking. She again wrote an email pointing faults and grandstanding. I sometimes feel she like to read her mails in the same way that some people like to hear their own voice. But I am being unkind. She is just getting emotional but she has a way of zeroing out into off tangent subjects that never fails to provoke me so I end up being emotional as well. So I have to stick to the high ground and focus on the issues.

I attach a map on improving relationships at work. One key skill in this area is negotiation and persuasion. I need to move away from being reactive and emotional and focus more on the issues at hand.

Get the work done

We will meet the boss man at late afternoon. Sp and the princess are not available because of their meetings. I realize Sp is not a bad guy after all. Involving him in the meetings of the S projects has made him happy now that he is involved. I think he can help me manage the princess as well. I think bringing him into the loop is good overall as the boss man will also know the problems we face especially with their team.

Managing contributors is getting to be a crucial part. Often people think that writing emails and making long PowerPoint presentations show the project is moving. To a certain extent it may be true but it is also important to have face to face working meetings and interactions. One important element is to determine what is the next step as explained in D. Allen's book Getting Things Done.

I think this is a key skill which I think E.de Bono talks about known as 'operacy'. It is more like the ability to get the work done. We are all good at some skill like writing emails or making presentations but the core skill of moving a project forward or 'operacy' may be missing. This is the key point that I believe is lost in the company. But the project management methodology is a step in this direction by providing a structured methodology to use.

I have to finish the project plan for the meeting today so I have to go to work early. We hope to have cleared the budget mess last Friday with the phone conferences and meetings. We agreed to reduce the budget at our end to account for the needed work until June. Hopefully our counterpart at head office will take up the slack and put the amount needed from July to December in his budget.

I think our accountant committed the mistake by not having the account created in our system. But I guess the issue is bigger than that because it's more a governance issue which is tied to managing work and its corresponding costs. But at the end of the day the customer should not suffer which is what will happen if this mess is not cleared. Now I understand the frustrations of the boss man with our department.

Full blown budget fight

The budget issue has now reached terrible proportions. No one is backing down. A silly issue really because it does not affect the boss man's company. More a governance issue in our department. It looks more like an issue caused by the transition to our new time sheet program. No one seems to budge despite the seeming triviality. But one thing is clear, work cannot stop with the boss man's company due to this accounting issue. It's just not possible to stop work maintaining his system without dire consequence to their business.

I spoke to Roger about this problem as he is the boss man's accounting head. He told me not to fight this battle. It's not my concern. But I cannot just lie down and let this go. At the end of the day, I will have to tell my people to stop work if worst comes to worst. Roger advised not to go to the boss man and tell him this problem. Using his words, we will just get slaughtered like the Spartans in the movie '300'. But this will reach him eventually and need to find out how we can frame the discussion. He suggested that my managers address the issue to him.

We never had this problem in the past years. It's only recently with this new system and processes being put in place. It's actually the French accountant's problem and he should speak to the boss man about it and solve this issue. Every one is in on the discussion: sp, my new boss, the overall customer manager. But no one really cares. They prefer to focus on the other countries perhaps because they have a chance to travel. Meanwhile, no one cares for the operations right here in our back yard. Except me as I am directly involved. Life is not fair but I guess this is the challenge.

So I plan to write a good strong memo this morning and explain the situation clearly. We will be meeting with the boss man next Monday and I cannot let this information slip by him because my ass will be on the line. I have to ask FA to come with me and own this issue and have it resolved. Otherwise, we bring it on the table and face the boss man and the corresponding consequences. The boss man has no choice but to request a bigger budget to the big cheese at head office. It is important that the timing is right and the right time at the latest is next week before his business trip.

I attach a map I made about a book called mind mapping in 1 week. It helped me understand the concept and apply it to my life and work.

Snake's protegee (sp)

The meeting went well yesterday on the S project. The boss man was in a good mood. My former supervisor - the snake's protegee (sp), his staff - the princess and I were in the meeting. We cleared up a lot of things. It was good because the princess and sp finally admitted to the boss man that they have resource problems. I think he finally realized the issues. What is also important is that the S project is moving along, the proper attention is given and, more importantly, we showed that we have the attitude to continue plodding along.

The sp, true to his nature of being the snake's protegee, proposed that the I should not be in the loop. I did not take it personally and I am glad that the boss man did not take his suggestion. Now the sp knows that I still am in the confidence of the boss man. But the fact that sp would propose what I think is a silly suggestion and the princess, who I considered my friend, would even suggest it is quite surprising. But I should not take it personally because he feels that it would improve the process.

The boss man will be travelling next week and he will be not around in the coming months so he requested a meeting next Monday to review our proposals. I am glad that the sp and the princess attended the meeting because they are now committed to the delivery of the project. I hope that the boss man still thinks I can provide value in the work. This is the key word in the whole thing which is to provide value. The value I provide I think is that I can be relied upon to deliver the project. I can stick in there despite the pain and humiliation so to speak and keep plugging along. In other words, being a good soldier.

I attended a good seminar last night with some sections in providing value to the company. This people are considered indispensable because they either increase sales or cut cost. I don't know if I fit in the equation except to cut costs by doing the projects which help the business. Another important concept which was explained last night is scalability. This allows one to multiply value a hundred times. This is an interesting challenge on how to multiply value in an office environment. Let's see what I can think off in the coming days.

Condolence to VT families

Sad news on the massacre at Virginia Tech. I think that it shows that we all have to develop coping mechanism to help overcome our problems or inner anxieties. I know how inner paranoia and turmoil can sometimes flip a person over the edge. Writing a blog or journal has, believe or not, helped me cope with the pressures at the office. It is simple and engaging activity if done every day.

Another way that I find useful is to use visual thinking tools like creating idea maps. It clarifies complex ideas by making associations to different concepts. It relieves the mind from over thinking via conventional or verbose ways. In fact it frees us to process information in a different way. I believe that it helps clarify thinking towards a more rational framework.

These days indiscriminate shooting seems often to occur in common social environments like schools and office places by seemingly normal people. Perhaps this occurs when troubled individuals can no longer cope with the social pressures they face - whether imagined or not. Still the complex world is getting to be more difficult to adjust to and perhaps technology offers a way to help. It may sound silly but blogging and visual thinking I feel have helped sort out and relieve stress from people like me.

I just thought that today I should not write about myself and my problems but allow today's entry to show support to the victims of the shootings. So much tragedy seems to have affected the US these past years. I attach a visual map I did on a book chapter about reliving stress and worry.

April announcement?

There is still some news that an announcement will be made at the end of this month about further restructuring. This news came from my boss and seems to concern another department. But again the rumor mill says that it will affect us. So it sent some shivers through me. I am always afraid that I will be caught unguarded and a sudden announcement affecting me will catch me by surprise. So I should always cultivate this always ready attitude that expects the worse.

I heard yesterday that Philip is away but it seems that he is afraid of his losing his job. I don't know if the story he said that he is bringing his mother on holiday is true or that he is contemplating on leaving his job. I am not aware of any incident which caused him to think like that. We are releasing a new version this week it is not the best time for him to leave. He plays a critical role in our work and I think I should make that known. Perhaps our small rivalry at work is affecting him.

The snake left last night for a few weeks training at headquarters. He is also not sure if he has a position when he comes back. All these rumors do not help in keeping a good atmosphere at work. I talked to a colleague back at the old outfit and she was afraid of losing her job. I told her that large organization usually fire the generals and not the colonels or captains who are on the ground fighting the war. She is implementing a world wide project and the result in this region is not that great so she is afraid of losing her job.

I also have some anxieties now and again especially with my recent exchange of mails with the French accountant who did not do his job. I am afraid that he may get vindictive and take revenge on me. The talk of another announcement this month has brought this all together for some minor attacks of anxiety. But I am feeling much cmore onfident and know that I can whether the outcome what ever it is. I will be meeting the boss man tomorrow for our meeting on the S project. It is my performance in his organization which I hope will save my career for the short to medium term.

Keeping my job will depend on my performance this year with the boss man so I should focus on the customer especially with his managers. This is the first time that I will be meeting more with established managers. I have often meet with young managers and their staff and this is the first time I will be working closely with top notch managers at an extended level. So it is a different type of interaction at a higher more sustained level. I attach a picture of the bay with some Chinese lanterns. A good place to walk after work to relax.

Great weekend

Last week I headed towards a great weekend. The meeting with the boss man went well and he finally acknowledged the improvements that we started with release management. None of his managers were able to attend the meeting because they were busy. I met with most of them the day before and they were comfortable with the pace we were moving. I think the meeting outcome surprised both Philip and my rival as they mat have expected some fireworks.

The nagging issue on the budget was also resolve and the customer services boss and I had a phone conference with his counterpart from head office. He finally cleared the the issue by sending us the email on his discussion with the French accounting. The accountant apparently forgot to have the accounts settled last November which resulted in this mess. I think he maybe also spreading the news that I was the one at fault.

Philip is away for more than a week starting today. I have to meet some of the managers for the next round to prepare for the next release. This week will also be the deployment of the release 4.0 and we are also going live with another project. So it will be hectic. I have some tasks coming for phase 2 of the request that that are going to come. The supervisor of the old outfit is out this week for training. So I have to spend some time with the boss man's managers and staff. It's all about customer focus.

We will have another meeting with boss man this Wednesday to talk about the S project. I initiated this meeting and I invited the princess and my old boss. I think it's a good way to bring everything out on the table and plan the way ahead. I think it is a good way to clear the page and lay out all the cards. I think I may have thought that some conspiracy was afoot as the boss man was meeting some outsource agents but I finally realized in the last meeting that it was my imagination again.

I attach a picture of an artist painting on the floor of the nearby art's center. A good job I think without the rush of office work.

Ready for the battle

I woke early today to download a software for the boss man. It concerns a request from the one of his critical managers. The download is blocked in the office so need to do it at home. I tend to do more work for the office during my free time at home. Maybe a sign that I am getting more responsible. It's just that we promised to deliver this request at the end of the month and nothings seems t be moving so need to step in. I like to be actively engaged in the day to day running of things though I often step back and let the experts do their work.

The meeting with the boss man will start in a few hours at 9am. I spoke with his manager who were invited by Philip. Seems that none of them are keen to attend because they are quite busy. It is good that I meet with almost all of them yesterday to review the presentation I will show in case they attend. It is more effective to join their managers meeting instead of them joining the our meeting. I guess Philip is grandstanding again following some advise from his local mafia (snake + rival + former supervisor + other local people with their agenda).

I don't feel nervous or anxious unlike before because I have done my home work. Besides the boss man has a meeting at 10 am so it will be short. I think that he wants to get it done with. I have sent him the minutes of my meeting with his managers and I think he already appreciates this work. I think they are very sensible and protective of their time so meeting them very briefly yesterday was good and showed me that they value their working time. The bottom line is that they would like to avoid meeting with the boss man himself as his mood may turn ugly.

The turning point for this year with the boss man is the S project which will tied to my variable pay. I get nothing if I don't deliver. I spoke with the princess on the project and she seems to be over our stressful exchange before the Easter holiday. So I sent her the materials from the managers and she did not panic. We get to have more conversation on this project and I need to give them some time especially with her key staff leaving in a few days. I guess it is back to the basics of project management again. This is the key point that Philip misses which is to give attention to the details instead of sending out emails.

Meeting challenge

I have the a meeting with the boss man tomorrow morning. It is our monthly session. Philip invited the other managers to attend. I don't feel very worried because I met with each of them in the past weeks. It will be the first time I would meet with them again since last year where we had a few unpleasant moment. Now I hope it will be different after initiating more meetings since last March to improve our communication. Today I will meet with them again for just a few minutes to touch base so I can avoid any embarrassing moments tomorrow.

I don't know why Philip invited the other managers. It is not part of our monthly sessions. Originally it was scheduled during the boss man's weekly meeting with his managers. We hold a separate session for our area with him and don't mix the two. The series of meetings that I have initiated is a working meeting where and plan and thresh out issues. So tomorrow will be more like a reporting session to see if anything was missed.

Philip's invitation to the manager set me thinking again. Did the boss man instruct him to do it? Or did my rival persuaded him to do so? Or maybe it was Philip himself as he is not part of the regular sessions with the managers? I think he will not send out the invitation unless someone urged him to do it. But it will be a test of sorts to check if the regular sessions with the managers is improving the communication. I still need to complete and plan out the meeting for tomorrow. The presentations have to be completed by today.

I attach a map of the book 'The New Alchemist' by Charles Handy. I made it long ago to remind myself of the features that bring about change.

The snake departs ...

Yes there is problem recording the time sheets for the development team and myself for our work with the boss man's company. The solution seems to be simple but funny. We just don't record our time in the new time sheet program for our work for this year. Perhaps use the old system which was suppose to stop this year. What a mess!

It seems that the global customer manager for the boss man's company should have placed the budget under his purview. This was the procedure last year. But he claims the it should have been the customer manager in the Asia region who should have done it for this year. The local manager claims that it should not be so. So it is turning out to be a problem.

The snake knows nothing about it or so he claims and we called him to discuss this problem. He was pointing to the manager who replaced him in the old outfit. There seemed to have been a meeting where this topic was discussed last year and the budget for this type of work was discussed. Apparently the budget for this work was removed without any thought of the consequences. But this is typical of the snake who tends to point fingers. It just shows that no proper transition was done with his successor.

But it's only a problem in our end with regards to using the new application to report our man hours. I spoke with the accountants in the boss man's company and they said the budget was approved by head office. So the mess only belongs to our department and the new French accountant in our department did not do any thing to help us. What a waste!

It is good that the snake man is leaving this week. He is moving out of his apartment and he will stay in a hotel until he departs for headquarters for a 6 week training. But it seems to be more of a cover story and he may be leaving the company soon. His family is moving back to their home country so it looks like this story may be true. Let us see.

Budget problems

I may be heading towards a potential big issue today. Last Thursday before the Easter holidays, I had a discussion with the snake's replacement about the budget for the boss man's systems. Seems that no budget has been allocated. I remember that I did not look into this area because I thought the my rival and Philip would be in charge. The new French man who handles accounting was suppose to help as well. It seems that nothing happened as the actual man hours have gone beyond the group budget.

Now all hell can break lose if no solution to this can be found. Last year I was handling the budget for the boss man for our particular work and I worked with our counterpart in the head office who placed this under his budget in the office. We were trying to call him last week to work out this issue but he seemed to have gone out early for his holidays. I hope this has been budgeted under his overall account or we will be in a lot of trouble.

I should have placed more attention on this area. Ideally I am not responsible for this area and it is really my rival's work but this mess will really result in unplanned transitions. I should have followed-up on this point but perhaps my mind in it's wisdom prevented me from getting a more responsible role because I thought I should be minding my own business. It is now a big mess that I hope to solve today.

My next big concern is the coming meeting with the boss man. I have to finish the minutes today and place them into the work sheet. I also have the assess the time line for the S project as well. So it will be a lot of work this coming days and I need to thresh out the support concerns with the princess. I think I should prepare a lot and frame the correct questions with the princess because she is reacting emotionally.

Conflict with the princess

I had a particularly stressful session with the princess supervisor. I use that name because she has this attitude that she is the best around. She is quite hardworking and good at her job but her attitude of being the best blinds her on her mistakes and prevents her from moving forward. She is actually a good friend of mine and I have worked with a lot of projects with her and have helped her in a past project which was in trouble. She has also helped me in my projects as well.

But I guess her recent challenges have prevented her from seeing the correct perspective. Admittedly she is still very young and it's part of her age that she is still emotional, reactive and a bit immature from my perspective. So I have to try to find a formula to help her even though she thinks I am not helping her. At the end of the day, she and her team will be the main actors in the S project. Her main problem is that her key people are leaving her team and we are faced with scant resources.

I think I have the same problem with the boss man and the princess. Both are highly intelligent with strong views. So it is a question of trying to communicate properly the ideas that I feel strongly about and to persuade and lead them to the direction I want them to. For the princess supervisor, there are larger political issues at work with involves the old outfit. I think the snake is working with her as well to try to move the work away from the old outfit into his outsource partner in India. The princess supervisor has also a strong group of friends particularly my immediate boss so I have to tread carefully.

I think the main source of conflict is to determine how the project should advance. I have asked my own team at the old outfit to help the princess staff due to the their turnover. But the princess supervisor may think it's a power grab. So I have to seek some allies with the boss man and perhaps the new customer head who has replaced the snake in his job. The bottom line is to get the project back on track and complete the deliverable as planned.

Day's clashes

I was in a lot of unpleasant episodes yesterday. I did not arrive for an early morning meeting with the boss man. I did not think her secretary would inform him of the early morning appointment. I saw him in the elevator when I arrived and he joked about waking up late. But I was able to meet him again late in the morning and I updated him with the feedback I got from meeting his managers. I explained that I wanted to meet him after talking to the final manager that I have not met with yet and I only had this meeting with the quality team in that morning. So I tried to recover from this minor faux paus by writing the minutes and sending them out to all managers before the end of the day with a copy to him.

The quality team focused on the S project and I tried my best to explain the delays, which had to do with the boss man as well. I admit that I had some fault myself and I did not grasp it properly as it is in an area where I have only few experiences. I think this will be the deciding factor in my performance with the boss man this year. The other difficult episode yesterday was when I spoke the supervisor who is helping me in this project. I tired to explain the concerns but she became defensive and emotional in my view. She is a good worker but she is still immature and and tends to take things personally. This will be one of the major areas of personal disagreement in the coming months.

Today is a holiday and I get to relax and to take stock. I have not been swimming lately. My work will now be scrutinized more closely and I have to step up the mark. Yesterday there was a problem on the booking of expenses for work done for the boss man’s company. Some misunderstanding with the customer support manager in the head office and I could not reach him as he may be on holiday. So I talked with our second in command head of the department who raised this issue. A good guy actually. I explained to him the situation and he was pleasant and we will need to work on it next week when we get to the office after the holidays.

Another battle to come

I had another nasty exchange of letters with Philippe yesterday with copy furnished to all the staff in their company. I replied with some comments that their system is obsolete plus some remarks on how to improve their system performance. It was all about the slowness of their application at certain times and I gave out some general advice. My main point is that he is complaining on performance based on his suspicions while I replied based on facts I think. But I hope to have presented a fair reply rather than a subjective and emotional one.

In the back of my mind were the snake man and his colleagues initiating some moves as they had a lunch appointment with the boss man that day. Somehow I linked in my mind the mail sent out in the morning with the goal to discredit my work and the meeting of the snake and the boss man with I think an external software provider. I have a suspicion that the snake and Philip are acting behind my backs. Philippe I believe is being influenced to challenge me in an attempt to get back his influence. Admittedly I have no proof on this suspicion and the train of events had me think that there was a link.

So I reacted out of these thoughts but in fact I consciously turned down the nastiness of my reply. I had hoped to work on the principle of being fair and factual despite my inner fears which I think is a good sign that I am not reacting blindly. I also had another exchange with a colleague who is also working with me on the S project. She is also a difficult person to be with and I am not satisfied with her reactions. It also involves the boss man’s company and I think that we are not getting the correct attention. So I replied with my usual irony that she is focusing more on group project rather than local projects at our expense. I think there will be a battle soon with her team especially with my old bosses plus the snake. For my case, I may be able to bring the boss man on my side. Let’s see.

I attach a map on thinking straight.

Snake in the grass

My suspicions was proven right. My old bosses are maneuvering behind my back. They scheduled a lunch meeting with the boss man and another supplier. The old snake has struck. I think he will try to entice the boss man in outsourcing the project to his preferred supplier instead of the old outfit where the snake man no longer has influence.

I had mistakenly thought that the boss man will remain loyal to me and the old outfit. But god knows what sort of lies the snake and his associates have spread about me and the old outfit. Many possibilities come to mind. For instance, I will be retrenched soon or I am corrupt and earned some kickbacks in some outsource contracts or the outfit is closing soon and work will move to India.

But my recent performance is not helping much. I am just starting to get back into my groove and a few good reviews. I just need to be consistent. Admittedly the outfit is having some trouble with some recent turnover of staff. The remaining resources for the project is inexperienced. I am trying to get some external resources to help the internal team. At least it wont be the snake man's resources.

Hopefully, the boss man will see through the maneuvering of the snake man. But he is a hard business man and will go to the person who can deliver the goods Even to the snake man. So I think I have to make the case that the old outfit can do the better job at reasonable cost. I think that I have to speak to him frankly in the morning.

I think I am second guessing myself that I am unable to respond in the proper way. For instance, I think the snake man and his associates are talking behind my back because they know something about me that I don't know like I am in the list of people about to be retrenched. This is the reason my paranoid mind think why these fools have the confidence of doing these back room dealings. But I am just sinking into self pity and playing the victim or martyr.

This is not true and I should fight back. My mind is so open that I prepare for anything and everything. In other words, I think to much. I made a map of all the possible options or plan of actions I will undertake in case I lose my job, transferred abroad as an expatriate, returned to my homeland, etc. In the end, nothing will happen after all.