Acclimatizing

Last Sunday we went to the Biltmore house in Asheville, North Carolina. It’s a wonderful place. It’s the type of house that one read about in novels or watches in movies. In the past, I would often think that these types of houses do not exist, as it’s just a Hollywood set or a figment of the writer’s imagination. But walking through the enormous halls and rooms, I realize the true extent of wealth in America. Of course, I have visited the enormous palaces in Thailand, China and India. But I attributed them as something that is part of history, where it’s a normal consequence of ancient kingdoms, empires and monarchies.


Only here in the Biltmore house was I able to see the incredible wealth of private individuals that match and even surpass the ancient royalties. It’s the naked display of wealth and power in a manner that is acceptable and welcomed by the public. In fact, it was a brilliant conversion of private magnificence into a public tourist park. The conversion into a public business concern from a private estate was a sort of allowance to today’s frowning upon of conspicuous wealth. And what an enormous wealth it is. Long ago, about 18 years ago, I had wanted to see the Hearst castle in California but it was closed when we drove up. It would be interesting to compare and make the comparison. The only comparisons I can think of are the castles in India especially in Rajasthan that seems similar.



The drive to Asheville was pleasant and took less than 2 hours. The drive was through the mountains and pleasant country side, with a view of the Blue Ridge Mountains and the southern foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. The view of the North Carolina hills was great from the Biltmore house too and I was reminded of those movies on English royalty in their country homes. Movies like ‘Remains of the Day’ or even ‘The Queen’ come to mind. After the house, my sons and I took a walk in the extensive gardens, the Bass pond and the conservatory. It was a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Afterward we drove to the winery and I tasted the wines which were quite good.


Driving home I was amazed that we have come this far; like it was something that we have been doing for a long time. Or rather it seemed that we have been living here for many years already. I guess it is because the move here is the second time my family has transferred to another country: the first one was from Philippines to Singapore and the 2nd move was from Singapore to USA. I am glad to have completed most of the tasks like buying a house and car and settling everything down within 3 months. But I think it will take a year at least for everything else like my kids assimilation into local college, acquiring the habit and lifestyle to drive and be independent. Perhaps, also my wife will get bored at home and look for work. I think these are still the coming adaptations that will play itself out in the coming months.

I dare say I like my job, the place here and the decision to move. Initially some trepidation at the back of my mind but things seemed to have turned out well. We invited our friends over last Saturday during lunch and they told us about the news in the Singapore office. It seems like our department will be there until the end of 2010. But there also other news like promotion of a friend which is also good. So change is moving along and I am glad to have decided to transfer here. The people are great and the way of life here is just to my liking. I have more time to spend with my kids who are at a growing stage that needs more participation from the parents. The move has made me closer to them as they mature in their teenage years.

Overspending

Yesterday I got a shock when I checked my bank account. I was surprised when I saw my credit card deduction. I knew that my ‘extravagant’ spending ways for the past months will soon haunt me. And it did when the bank statement came. At first I thought there was some fraud and I called the customer service to complain. But it turned to be correct so I was left mulling about my behavior. I was suddenly faced with financial ruin, especially in the coming months when my kids will go to college and my wife not working. I started thinking of ways to earn more money by getting a job or completing a book.

Suddenly my dreams of security in the US was threatened. But I knew that I could work something out because it’s the way things are here. One can have 2 or more jobs if one wants to as long as one is physically capable. So I started to wonder what type of jobs are good for me. Previously my mind would go on blaming mode, accusing everyone who I think is conspiring to keep me down. Nowadays I am settled to accepting responsibility. It will be on my shoulders that my family will succeed. I had always wanted a strong partner to help but I guess that is not possible. Hopefully for the time being only.

Most of my purchase where paid for by my saving stored in my Singapore account. Now I am faced with the near depletion of my savings if I keep on spending. The coming major expenses are my wife’s medical treatment and my kid’s college tuition. If there will be any emergency expenses, I will need to borrow money. The only thing left for me to do is to pay for the fenceconstruction. I think that would be a good investment so my family with have an additional area to go to. My expenses in the sport club I think is also needed to provide my kids withopportunities to exercise and meet people. So I am keeping expenses to a minimum.

I now understand how people can be over extended here. Credit is easy and there are all sorts of things to buy here. So it is a temptation nightmare. So I have to go back to my discipline again. Even my health is suffering because I can’t stop myself from eating. Now I am being more careful going back to my water and oatmeal days. I have gained about 8 kilos and I need to lose it fast. I also need to live within my means again. Last month I was in the negative, meaning I withdrew more money than I received from payroll. It was due to the balance I gave for the car purchase. So at least there was a reason for my over extension.

I also need to realign my values and focus on the important stuff. There is a different mind set here and the emphasis is on practicality and values. I can’t help but think that I have been living a dissolute life in Singapore. Previously I thought that I had lived a dissolute life in the Philippines when I just moved to Singapore. It seems that the more I move to a more prosperous country the more circumspect and chaste my life should be. I guess that may be the result of being in a progressive country: people are more serious and working on activities of true value while maintaining their conservative ways.

On Borrowing Books

I enrolled at the company sponsored sports club. The offer is good and includes membership for the whole family for the cost of one. It’s a good deal and I plan to encourage my kids to go more to the sports club. They spend too much time in their room playing games or surfing the internet. I think they need more social activities and the sport club should be able to provide the right atmosphere. Initially, I did not like the added expense but I think it will be a good move for the family. Hopefully, my wife will be encouraged to exercise as well.

Last night I was on the phone to Singapore working on my kid’s academic grades. Their former schools need to send their transcript to a US organization prior to their enrollment. So I spent some time discussing with the customer service to speed up the process. I had sent the postage fee in US dollars and the staff insisted on Singapore dollars. So I called my old friend and asked a favor. He made up the check and sent it to the ministry. I will call again tonight to see if they received the payment. I need to follow-up more frequently now that school is approaching.




My younger son’s school has already sent the records for his post secondary classes. I now have to call my oldest son’s college to follow-up the records. It’s very tiring to call after work and try to convince people hundreds of miles away to work on your request. I hope it will be easier. The key is not to let things proceed by chance. Normally people may think that the work is done after sending the request by mail. A lot of things can happen along the way so one should be vigilant. I still have to call my credit card and real estate broker to settle these other issues. There is no one left who can work on these issues because my wife is not well and my kids are too young. I also feel that I should lead and manage this process because I have pushed them to move at the end of the day.


I had a good conversation with my friend and it’s good to talk to him after so long. His adopted son will soon join him in a couple of weeks and his life will soon change. A lot of changes will be happening soon to my old gang. One of them will be returning back to the Philippines, another will have his adopted son, while others may be moving to another country soon. So many changes for them as well and I may have started it all by moving here 2 and 1/2 months ago. Change is happening everywhere in people’s lives. I watched a 60 Minutes video on Barack Obama and I better understand his symbolism. It’s all about change in his mind and he is trying to lead it.

Barack is more a symbolic inspirational leader in contrast to Bill Clinton who is also an inspirational leader but is smarter and knows how to get things done. I guess Barack is the right person appearing at the right time in the history of the US. As a symbol, his victory validates the American dream. He is the mid-point between 2 warring sides and is the best candidate that is appreciated by the world. I am getting to be more interested in local history and I borrowed Doris Kearns ‘Team of Rivals.’ I also borrowed a book called ‘Lost Triumph’ about Gettysburg. I was in the library yesterday and I was amazed at the quality of the books. The audio visual section was quite good and comparable to the best in Singapore. It was just a local library branch and it’s resources where impressive for a local branch.



Strangely, while walking around, I was not as thrilled or excited as I should have been in a library. Instead I felt more tried and had the realization that I would not have the time to read and listen and borrow all the books and movies and audio books at this stage in my life. It’s like my days of reading are gone and that I should move forward and do something more concrete rather than making me smart. I felt that now is time of application of all the things that I have read and learned. Or, maybe it was because I was tired and I had so many things to do. I have to apply for my driving license soon as well as complete my son’s application to college, push both of them to learn driving and exercise in the gym so they would be physically healthy to handle any stress in school and/ or life. That’s my challenge: to plan for a soft landing for my family here in this big move.

4th of July Weekend

Writing here now in my blog means that I am dozing off or having trouble keeping awake at work. It’s about 3pm in the afternoon and the sleeping sickness is coming over me again. So I resolved to write once I feel like dozing off in the afternoon. At least I like writing so the desire to write keeps me awake. But it’s better today than the past few days because I had a more difficult time previously. Maybe it’s better because I was able to sleep early, about 10 pm last night. I guess it’s a fact of having a good night’s rest but the afternoon drowsiness is a killer. I suppose I need a nap or a really strong coffee to keep me awake. Now I realize why older people seem to drink more coffee: it’s to keep them awake.

We are having more meetings and I am receiving more work from my boss. I perceive that he wants to schedule work that he can manage by himself. Sometimes I feel bad that he is not delegating more but I guess it’s his style. He is one of the more disorganized and unstructured manager I know; more so than me. But he is good is some areas like managing work via MS Excel. Sometimes he is also good in the use of some applications which can compensate for his weaknesses. But I think it is getting to a point that some of the members are resenting the way he works. Perhaps his considerable charm is starting to wear off. In my paranoid mind, I think he is isolating me more and more.

But I understand the situation. One of the long time staff from India is affected. He has been very helpful in past projects and I am sure he has solved a lot of problem. But recent moves to cut costs have impacted him. In fact, 2 of the outsource staffs in my department have left or are leaving soon. There are jobs considered dispensable. Some of these staff even think that I am the reason being the new guy on the block. Perhaps I am also too aggressive that I turn people off and others feel that their jobs are threatened. I feel for them because they are decent and hardworking with families to support. But what can I do because it’s how top management will decide on what to do to reduce costs.

So I try to be less aggressive and keep quiet. I think I will be aggressive than Iam called for because I detect that I am turning other people off most especially my boss and the key architect. I am just applying the Asian way but it’s not appreciated here because things move at a much slower pace. I can’t help feeling that the American dream is slowly being derailed. Thomas Friedman may be correct in writing that Americans maybe losing their edge in business. I share the same view after seeing the incredible development of people in China, India, Malaysia and Singapore. So their lunch will be eaten away from under them. I think the good life and taken out the edge out of their life.



During the meeting this morning, the lead project manager did a subtle criticism of me by saying that I am working hard so I can get another feather in my cap. I don’t really know if he is alluding to me but I guess he has stereotyped me. I don’t know if I should talk back or let it pass. But I guess that is the way of life here in the South, where people tend to stereotype others so that’s why there are a lot of civil rights issues. But in fairness to them there are also a lot of kind people here. I guess I am also guilty because I am not communicative which may be affecting them. I also stereotype which is a shortcut made by the brain. I think there are a lot of cognitive shortcuts being done around here principally to absorb increasing information.

Afternoon Drowsiness

The afternoons at work are terrible for me. I have episodes of sleepiness. Is it because we are left more on our own here than in Singapore. Is it because with more freedom, falling asleep on the job is more tolerable here? Or, conversely, working in Asia is more stressful that falling asleep at your desk is not an option. So the stress is keeping us at our toes in the East. Or is because I am doing more work here in the USA like driving to work, working on the kid’s application paperwork and so on. So I am not sure why I have problems in the afternoon’s here than before. Maybe it’s because I eat more since I often go home to grab a bite to eat.


Most night I sleep at 12 midnight and wake about 6am. I start my Tai Chi exercise while watching TV, and doing rowing exercise for about 30 minutes, then breakfast of 2 toast with cottage cheese, chocolate drink, fruits and 2 table spoon of cider vinegar. Then off I go for a shower and drive to work along the lonely country roads to the office. It takes about 10 minutes to get to work and I take coffee once I reach my desk. Hence, I think it is a typical life and the only thing really is that I struggle to keep awake in the afternoon. Maybe I don’t get a good night’s sleep because of my possible sleep apnea. But I also realize that I am more awake and on my toes here than anywhere else.


It’s a calm attentiveness that I have now due to the circumstances. For example, driving to work as compared to taking the train to work, where driving require more attention than just passively riding the subway. So my senses are more alive here now especially when I am doing something. I am glad that I can function now at the best of my abilities as compared to my existence in Singapore where I was half dead. So I guess I may be more tired mentally than physically which is sapping my strength. I want to be more productive in the evenings after work so I guess I should start drinking small cups of coffee after dinner so I could work on my other activities.

Sometimes I feel I should start smoking again in the afternoon to keep me awake. Last night I smoked my cigar while walking around the neighborhood. I did not like it and I put the cigar out after smoking about 1/3rd of it. It did not keep me awake because I dozed off while watching the video on The Appalachians. Afterward I took a bath and started reading the magazine ‘Wired.’ It a great magazine as it keeps the everyday Joe like me updated on the latest trends and inventions. It was enough to keep me awake for a few minutes to learn about new things. I guess new ideas often keep me awake.

This morning I brought my wife to the doctors and I was driving around like mad to keep the appointment. It went well and I went home to eat a big lunch of beef stew and fish fillet and rice. Maybe that’s why I am sleepy now because of the effort of driving and eating a big lunch. Even the strong tea I am drinking is not keeping me up. Another idea is that my mind is working at a different level that my mind shuts off as it's working on an unknown groove. I guess I have to monitor and think if new ways to keep awake. Some options: taking a nap in my car during lunch time, listening to music on a MP3 player, writing a journal (which I already do).

Facebook Memories

Yesterday evening I looked at the pictures of my friends in Facebook. There were farewell lunches for a former boss in Singapore, lunches with former colleagues in Bangkok and old pictures from college. Most pictures were with friends and former office mates in Asia. I felt sad because these events depicted in the pictures recently happened (except for the old college photos from an old friend who posted them). I felt strange because I was not in them. If I were still in the old office (which I left about 2 ½ months ago), I would probably be in most of these pictures having fun and laughing with them.

It felt that it was ages ago when I left them but in fact it was not so long ago. I guess the newness of my experience, the work, challenges and problems that I now face since I left Asia have given me the impression that it happened ages ago. The break seems to be complete and the distance traveled is really significant. Of course, in terms of geography, it really is very far and I guess this has contributed to the feeling that I have left long ago. I felt that I am a ghost, that these friends no longer knew me and that I am a stranger to them when I happen to met them again someday in the future. It’s a strange feeling to be connected by Facebook and still feel apart despite that facility of connection.

Yesterday afternoon we had lunch with our friends here and we had baked ribs, pasta salad, rice, brownies and ice cream. We had a nice discussion and ended at about 5pm. afterwards, we drove to Best Buy to buy a phone card for my wife and son. It was a nice day and we attended mass in the morning before the lunch. I guess my family is now getting assimilated into life here. Our days are busy and a lot of things are getting done. For example, we opened their bank account on Saturday morning, went to the grocery and enrolled in the education service for their coming college class via Internet. I still have to write to the Ministry of Education to send their grade results and for my kids to take the placement exams.

I guess being busy is how people adapt to a new life. One cannot stop and wait and suddenly know that he or she has arrived. It is the busyness of life doing stuff and getting things done. I realize that my kids are at a significant age that is helpful for the time of our move. They have helped a lot (moving the furniture, helping mom, preparing for college, etc.). It’s a great time for them to be here and I thank God again for giving us this opportunity. The big concern for me right now is to help my wife with her medical problem, talk more with my younger brother in Manila who seems to be stressed and trivial things like working on my driver’s license.


I sometimes wonder if I am trying to adapt too fast. Maybe I am requesting for more responsibilities here than is normally acceptable. But I guess I wanted to settle down as soon as possible and get our lives going again. To minimize the interruption to our children’s education, to my work and career as project manager and analyst and continue my hobby or goal of being a writer. I guess that is why I want to do things very fast so we could get on with life again and continue with our dreams as a family. As for work, I guess the people here would like me to settle down and learn the culture and people here before attacking the challenges at work. But work is work and one cannot help but address the challenges and problems right away that keep happening every day.

Meeting Place

People love to organize and attend meetings here. My friends warned me back in Singapore that that most of my time will be spent in meeting. Earlier I did not like meetings and prefer to work on my own, working on reports and deliverable products. But later I realize that people meet in order to make collective decisions. I think people people seldom think in a deep level here. It is via the forum of meeting that their thought processes start working. I think very few people can work effectively alone here. It's because their darker and selfish natures come to fore. But by working together, the best qualities rise up and their better natures take over.


I think it is also the feeling that one should share oneself. I think people genuinely want to know you more. To get to know you and know your ideas. By this way they can grow themselves and learn new worlds. Maybe because people do not really read here and prefer to watch television. But I am making assumptions because I just joined their library system The libraries here are great, perhaps as good as the one in Singapore. But I noticed that most of the people there are children though maybe because I went during lunch time. Maybe more adults go there on there after office. I am still exploring their resources but it seems that it is a great one considering a lot of audio visual resources in almost all of their libraries plus an online catalog. Let's see.


I think people here love to talk but talking here is a subtle art. I love to talk myself but sometime I end up blubbering nothing. Just noise coming out although I am a better writer than a speaker. I am thinking of joining the local Toastmaster and the main goal is to network, learn their local culture and way of speaking. I think the general goal of speaking with confidence has been achieved it's just the adaptation to local sensibilities is needed. While speaking during meeting, I still get excited and I tend to rush in and speak my piece without regard to the circumstances. I think I need to control myself more and provide a more relaxed and measured performance.

My boss and I are entering in a kind of holding pattern relationship. It's 2 planes circling each other, maybe before collision. But he is a nice guy. I suspect that he does not know how to assign me. I understand his position because I think he has a lot of people he would like to manage but he is eighter disorganized (in a charming sort of way) or the people who works under him eigther don't care or are not motivated enough to meet aggressive goals. So I think he is stuck trying his best to lift the project off the ground in the sort of seat of his pants methodology. But he is really much better than most of the people I used to work with back in Asia. He has been with the company for more than 20 years I think so he has the gravitas to handle projects.

As for myself, I have to be careful on how to conduct myself and prevent myself from getting burned or making a fool of myself. Again there seems to be some pressure on the office on reducing some people and I suspect that the contractors will be hit. I am not that concerned because the company has spent a lot of money getting me and my family here. So I am not worried because I think the company needs me for basically the following reasons: a lot of people are retiring soon, most people have long histories in the company but are not as productive following the new ways and, finally, a risky dependence on outside contractors. So I think there is a general lack of good people around.

My wife and younger son arrived last Monday. They missed their connecting flight but took the next flight the next day. They are recovering from jet lag and spend most of the time sleeping and waking in odd hours. I enrolled them last week in the local technical college but still need to get their grades from Singapore sent to a company that does the assessment to the US standard. My wife like the house and I am glad they are adjusting well. My younger son keenly wants to join a local soccer club and I am trying to find the best and cheaply priced ones. I also bought a new car (which is so easy to do here) the other day because my eldest son has difficulty driving a manual transmission. I bought that latest Kia (which is the cheapest car here) with automatic transmission. I am always careful in my expenses but suddenly that night I felt buying the car because I could and I needed to anyway. Possibly the key to the American way of life here.