On Holiday

I am on leave last Friday and today, Monday which is 4 days rest and recreation. I cannot help but feel guilty and I felt that I should read and send some e-mails today. It is really to forestall the impending scenario of a brutal meeting on this coming Friday with the boss man. I realize that my mind mind can go into a spiral of never-ending guilt and worst-case scenario. But now I feel I am beginning to control these thoughts with less feeling of dread and anxiety. I guess the last battle is the battle to control the mind.

I wanted to do some work early this morning but I did not feel like working. So I got up at about 6am and read a book on Mao Tse Tung, surf the Internet and read some books on architecture. I always like architecture because the pictures always show well-organized spaces. Like everything is neat and clean unlike my mental state where my thought go bonkers. So I need to really strive to organize them by using tools like mind mapping.

Anyway, I have tons of work to do but here I am procrastinating. But I am in vacation after all and I should not spend my time on work. But my other mind is telling me that I should show some effort to show that I am still working. But I guess that is like paying some allowance on the rat race. At the end of the day, I still think that I am destined to work here for the rest of my life. Despite some thoughts and efforts in trying to look for another job. It is just this paranoid thinking that has led m present work life become more anxious and less fun.

This weekend we went to computer exhibitiion and I bought a printer. The cheapest around which also has scanning features. I needed to replace my old Epson printer because it was not working correctly. My kids set up the new printer with my help. They spent last night watching movies in the internet. I also spent some time watching in the Internet which is a great way to watch movies these days. All sorts of gadgets where being sold in the computer exhibition and lots of people. I did not like going there but I need to replace some stuff like my printer.