Re-framing Past Experiences

Past obstacles and failures need to be re-assessed to get a healthy perspective of the past. Most of the time, past failures result in depression and the blues. But after looking back at the events with a more detached and experienced eye, I think the real lessons can be learned. Most projects end with a lessons learned session but this can still be too close to the actual events which make a more objective assessment difficult.

I previously was engaged in a difficult project about 4 years ago where an application was developed in a rapid and pressurized environment. I had a do the specification in a piece by piece fashion which was not the norm in our organization. Traditionally, the complete functional specification are made following a structured water-fall methodology. But the circumstances did not allow for this type of slow, structured process. So we went a head and did the project and we were heavily criticized. My assessment was not good and I suffered a bit from this experience although the application was delivered though a bit delayed.

In fact, the type of methodology is now called agile development where iterative processes are advocated instead of slow and traditional structured method. So we went through the project following an agile method following our intuition and self-organizing ourselves in this fashion to respond to the environment. Hence, we can say that we were following the methodology of the future though we and the organization did not realize at that point in time. It was a messy project but the team in fact, re-engineered an old application developed in an obsolete language and moved it into a web-based, intranet application.

I think this illustrates the importance of re-framing past experiences especially so-called failures because new developments and experiences will help us assess what really happened by using one's present knowledge and ability. Outsourcing the boss man's data warehouse as another example, is a world wide trend to foster global collaboration with external suppliers. Previously, I had thought that it was a personal failure in my part. Of course, as project manager I do share the blame but I have recovered by moving the development from the in-house team towards a more experienced and skilled outsourcing company. It was really the wave of the future experienced close hand.

Re-framing past experiencing may seem like the usual spin to improve one's reputation but, then again, one is entitled to one's viewpoint. We all have a right to express what we feel like the true course of events -> our own spin so to speak. But the pain and suffering has already occurred and this exercise is more like a recovery operation where one takes time to understand the past events and move forward with a better understanding of the past and make us a better person that is able to handle future assignments. Reading the latest literature like 'Wikinomics' also helps in understanding the future to know more of the past.

Rest and Recreation

I am on holiday for three days. I try to keep work out of my mind but sometimes I cannot help it. I guess this is where we really need to have discipline and forget everything at work. Sometimes it is difficult to forget and the mind can't help but slip into thoughts and memories which bring back the pressures at work. This is the hard part where you can slip into worry and depression without even knowing it.

I checked my mail last Monday and had a few phone meetings with the development team. I did not have a chance to check my mail yesterday. I tried to take my mind of work by playing golf at the nearby nine-hole course. It was great but I cannot help but think about the office. I sometimes feel that the office is a cess pool filled with snakes ready to bite you in the back if you are not careful. Last Friday, I had a few drinks with my old friend in his new job and he suggested that I look for another work - to re-invent myself. This is getting to be a good idea. But I cannot seem to make myself leave until all the problems are solved.

There are some good news these days with some help coming from Peter and Mary. Although their names seem to connote some Biblical echoes, both are really a God send so to speak. I have to be more vocal and that is my personal problem which is to communicate more. I used to be in synch with the world but in recent years I seem to be isolated from the general flow at work. Perhaps I have isolated myself so much that I am lost. Then again I am taking these problems at work personally. I should learn to detach myself from the issues at hand. This is problem because I have always placed my heart at work and try to satisfy everyone. The boss man said that my problem is I have a big heart and I try to solve everything. He is right at that point.

I have to start crawling back out of my rut. It is going to be a difficult time but that is the only option left for me unless I just quit my job. But this is not an option so I have to slug it out with the beasts so to speak. I think it is going to be fun and removing the emotionalism is important because there is a lot of politics in this project that I should avoid by mentally taking all the blame. I am my worst critic and I often second-guess my self that I am paralyze into in action. This is in fact one of the subjects mentioned in Manage Your Mind.

Toxic people

The self-help book I am reading advises to avoid toxic people especially when trying to improve oneself. Good advise as I am getting bored with the usual crowd I have lunch with almost every day at the office. There is to much argument and back-biting and criticism of other people at work. With my experiments on cognitive restructuring (wow!), I am trying to correct my faulty thinking. This is especially helpful when I myself am criticized by the internal customers I worked with at the office. The boss of the company we support has called me many names such as a marshmallow (because I keep changing my opinion), a ghost (because I should not tell the customer what they need but just listen) and weak (because I cannot protect my views with other assertive people).

I think in the back of my mind that he is saying these because he wants me to improve. In fact he is a nice guy personally and it is only in the business environment that he is very demanding. He has a well-deserved reputation for being a tough boss. So my self-esteem is a bit fragile these days and being around toxic people is not helpful. I may descend into a spiral of vindictiveness and self-pity if I always listen to negative people. I think the key word is to be positive. This would be difficult because I often like the crowd I keep who are really capable and decent people and one cannot have a perfect environment.

Last night I attended a photography club meeting where a professional photographer gave an interesting lecture. It was a good night with a lot of picture being shown. I should have joined a photography course much earlier. I focused more on the stock market, which was not bad, except that I increased my investments just before the recent market correction. Now I have to wait until the market improves and rises again. I guess life really has it’s ups and down!

Tomorrow I will have our monthly meeting with ‘the boss man’ himself. It is always a stressful event though I tend not to show it. Sometimes I feel that I am running out of things to say especially with my recent failures on the data warehouse project we were doing. I guess I should strategize and plan how the meeting should proceed. I am too emotional during the meeting which I cannot help it because ‘the boss man’s attitude is very accommodating and charming and I cannot help bring down my defenses. Perhaps I mistake him for a father figure that I try to please him by bending backwards on my positions. Now that is a new thought! In fact, despite the negative rating I have gotten last year, I still have this hope that he will help me in the end in case the retrenchment hits me.