Keeping One's Bearings

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to get my bearings in the work I am doing. Working on several projects is not easy, especially when one needs to dive deep and lead several initiatives in each individual project. Just keeping track of the tasks in each project, with several to-do lists, is a challenge. Using the latest tools like MS Planner is a lifesaver.  The mind has to multitask with the workload that one is subjected to. The tools that help one in this daily struggle will ensure mental peace.

One project is regional catastrophe planning, where several simulations are planned to transfer applications to a fail-safe environment. This entails coordinating meetings and workshops with multiple groups, including the customer support team, the application support team, and the external backup company, which has members worldwide. Another project is the ongoing obsolescence project, where app locations are moved to a more modern and secure environment.

This project also entails working with the customer support organization, application support, and the external infrastructure organization. This involves scheduling meetings, writing emails, planning workshops, and so on. A third project is a Logistics one where some programs need to be revised so that one's shipments to other countries are not hampered by incorrect documentation. This endeavor involved working closely with business leaders, stakeholders, and application developers.

Other smaller projects exist and are mixed into this stew of multitasking and further confusion and complexity. Decommission servers related to a previous project, coordinate backup testing for two applications in Central America and North America. Further adding stress is the ongoing request for funding for these projects due to the recent slowdown in markets that require the reduction of working budgets. Under this complex working environment, one has to stay afloat, attend department meetings, and log one's time entry before the end of the month. One has to be aware of the individual quirks of personality of the people one works with.

This is not the dreary and boring workspace of a large bureaucracy but the hot house of a major global company where initiatives come and go, crisis happens, and politics need to be played. Personal interactions are important, as one needs to be polite and follow the prevailing rules, go to the office at least for the majority of the work week, while trying to stay focused while working remotely and doom-scrolling on one's phone. Under this personal backdrop is the cultural and political chaos of the presidential office, the infighting and several divisions, which only causes more stress and confusion. It seems like a Russian plot to sow disorder in Western societies has now come to pass.  Hence, the need to get one's bearings, to restore a sense of equilibrium and balance, mainly to keep sane and continue functioning as a competent cog in the global machine of commerce.

A Hollywood Story

The events that unfolded in the last week seemed like a Hollywood movie playing out in real-time. The protagonist is playing a role that portrays him as a child of destiny as if he was a leading man in true life.  If one did not know that he is a con man with multiple lawsuits against his companies, declared bankrupt, and now a convicted felon who is familiar with the ways of Hollywood and cinematic plotting that brings doubt to the storyline now playing out in real life. In fact, this strategy has been used many times in history; to distort the events of one's life to portray a hero in the making.

Perhaps it is a story of redemption or transformation; a near-death experience that brings enlightenment that the hero emerges ready to take the mantle of leadership and solve the world's problems. Peace in the Middle East.? However, one remains doubtful, especially with the real actors behind the scenes: a real dictator orchestrating the storyline to further his dreams of conquest; to revive the Soviet empire and wage real war to recover their former glory. It seems possible if one understands the dictator's origin as a practitioner of the black arts of spycraft.

Unfortunately, everyone goes about their daily lives watching television and watching the made-for-Hollywood movie playing on their screens. The true hero is an old man who has overcome terrible tragedies in his life until he has achieved true greatness but now old age has come to claim him as it does to all mankind. Perhaps this is the real story; of a great man overcoming his desire to remain in the fight but instead leaving the scene of battle to the next generation who are ready to engage in the struggle. Of a party still with its values intact and goals clear in sight while the other party is corrupted and lost.

This is the deeper storyline playing out if one discerns the true battle occurring behind the scenes; behind the spectacle of manufactured heroism, distorted values, and the capitulation of good people to remain in power; willing ( or perhaps unknowingly ) to become pawns in the great game that's been playing out for centuries but now with the new weapons of social media, Hollywood storylines under the shadow of a real war still being fought in European soil. Perhaps the only thing left is just to lie down in ignorance and let the darkness swallow one up.

Perhaps it is just overthinking like my week at work where my new projects were now removed for good reason; allowing me to work on new things and learn more. The constant adaptation in the workplace as one navigates the changing tide, still remaining relevant but attending courses and learning new ways of working. To go to lunch with good friends, eat good food, and talk about trivialities,  about new electric cars, vacationing in Europe, or thinking about skiing trips in the coming winter. We are all going to die anyway so why not just go with the flow.?

Snake in the grass

My suspicions was proven right. My old bosses are maneuvering behind my back. They scheduled a lunch meeting with the boss man and another supplier. The old snake has struck. I think he will try to entice the boss man in outsourcing the project to his preferred supplier instead of the old outfit where the snake man no longer has influence.

I had mistakenly thought that the boss man will remain loyal to me and the old outfit. But god knows what sort of lies the snake and his associates have spread about me and the old outfit. Many possibilities come to mind. For instance, I will be retrenched soon or I am corrupt and earned some kickbacks in some outsource contracts or the outfit is closing soon and work will move to India.

But my recent performance is not helping much. I am just starting to get back into my groove and a few good reviews. I just need to be consistent. Admittedly the outfit is having some trouble with some recent turnover of staff. The remaining resources for the project is inexperienced. I am trying to get some external resources to help the internal team. At least it wont be the snake man's resources.

Hopefully, the boss man will see through the maneuvering of the snake man. But he is a hard business man and will go to the person who can deliver the goods Even to the snake man. So I think I have to make the case that the old outfit can do the better job at reasonable cost. I think that I have to speak to him frankly in the morning.

I think I am second guessing myself that I am unable to respond in the proper way. For instance, I think the snake man and his associates are talking behind my back because they know something about me that I don't know like I am in the list of people about to be retrenched. This is the reason my paranoid mind think why these fools have the confidence of doing these back room dealings. But I am just sinking into self pity and playing the victim or martyr.

This is not true and I should fight back. My mind is so open that I prepare for anything and everything. In other words, I think to much. I made a map of all the possible options or plan of actions I will undertake in case I lose my job, transferred abroad as an expatriate, returned to my homeland, etc. In the end, nothing will happen after all.