Victory for the Moment

The meeting went well with the boss man. He was in expansive and generous moods though with some skirmishes with his usual flashes of brutality. But I survived and enjoyed the meeting. He listened and approved my ideas, which was a good triumph for the other people who were present in the meeting that I think are attacking me behind my back. The thing about the meeting was that it was the first time I felt I was managing something. Hilariously I felt that I was a real manager, not the idealistic grasping of some one who aspires to be one, but a grizzled veteran who has experienced a few trials. It was a refreshing and world-weary feeling if ever that was possible.

I felt in that instant that I was no longer the technical person trying to be the best there is by knowing all the little technical secrets. In this environment with the customer, I will never beat Philippe who has been there for many years. I cannot compete as well with the technical team who are the developers in my home country. So my value and contribution, I realized was in managing this process. It was in fact leading the team to the desired destination. It was something that I have been doing unconsciously and without confidence. Now I realized that it was my role that I have to play. I know that it is also due to all the training that I have been receiving in the past months regarding the so-called re-organization of our department.

It was a realization I had when I saw that the development team and the customer were talking directly. I felt that I was by-passed and that I needed to insert myself into the process. I wanted them to stop and bring my authority into the fray but I luckily pulled myself back and allowed them to continue. I knew that our present success is due to their empowerment and I should get out of the way and let them proceed on their own. But I realized they were proceeding based on my plan. It was a plan I proposed last December, which is now bearing fruit. So it was a plan that met some resistance at the customer’s end and which is now an accepted practice. Now I am extending the changes with a new process, which I have to lead. So the key word here is leadership.

Some affirmation exercises with negative blurts:

1. I am a good project manager. (Blurts: no you are not. You are confused and lazy and do know what to do.

2. I am a proactive manager. (Blurts: you are reactive and a control freak. You really lack talent.)

3. I am a good group leader. (Blurts: you are a domineering dictator who wants things done his way.)

Some affirmation exercises with positive blurts:

1. I am a good project manager. My team appreciates the input, leadership and direction I bring.

2. I am a proactive manager. I empower and adapt positively to the situation.

3. I am a good group leader. I provide good, clear and sensible directions.