Monday Stress

I had another nasty meeting with the boss man yesterday. But I had a chance to stay calm and explain my self. It feels like we have entered another difficult level in the game. A more difficult and challenging level where I need to keep him in the loop with regards to communicating with his managers. In the past few years, the boss man has been generous with me despite his frequent outburst. But it is a part of his nature and he does show some consideration to the people he likes. It is just now in the recent months that the attitude has changed due to the circumstances in our company. It is also due to the politics that is occurring behind my back. I think it is something being done is at a subtle level.


I did not sleep well last night due to the heat and my troubles at the office. I increased the fan and had a chance to get a few sessions of sleep. With the recent layoffs and the troubles with the boss man, I have come face to face with the prospect of losing my job. It is a stark reality especially at my age. I have experienced company closures in the past. But I survived by moving on to the company that bought the old one or moving to another subsidiary. Now the situation is different with the prospect of leaving this company, which I worked on for 10 years or this industry, which I was in for about 15 years. The stakes have changed and I am faced with confronting this situation which requires attention and spirit.


It is nothing to get panicky about but to move forward coldly in a manner that is different from my nature. But I will go down fighting and hope with a good severance package if worst comes to worst. I think I would still need to express my desire to work for the boss man despite his nature because it will offer hopefully some job stability in this country instead of moving to the other countries like Thailand and China. I think it will be good especially with the kids finishing secondary school and moving on to junior college and hopefully college.


Yesterday I had al sorts of stress such as missing training sessions, access to certain applications don’t work so I had to call the help desks, things not working so it felt hectic. But strangely my mind is in the grip of things like those doctors in the television show ER jumping from one medical problem to another. But they are able to keep their composure during the day and focus their attention on the tasks at hand. It is their grasp of the technical and medical problems plus their ability to interact with each other during stressful situations perhaps closely resemble my work. In this situation my patients are the malfunctioning computer applications and the people I work with are the boss man and the others in the company. What are missing are perhaps the romances at work and other fun stuff.