Meeting Anxiety

Today I have a meeting with the dreaded ‘boss man’. The president of the company we support. Actually he is very decisive and brilliant based on any standard. It is surviving the meeting that matters. My challenge is to rise above the technical areas and focus more on the business side especially on management issues that needs decision. This is an area I am weak on or lose focus on as I drone more on the technical domain, which leaves the others especially him irritated. So this becomes my personal challenge today and I have prepared an array of topics, which will keep him focused on the right direction instead of on me. Hence, focus on the issues and the process.

In the meeting will be my so-called rival who is jockeying for position. I believe she is trying to get my job by spreading some rumors around especially my impending retrenchment. But this is not the case as she is in the same boat as myself. In fact, speaking with my former boss who is more attuned to the goings on at the top level, it looks like she maybe in more trouble than myself. This again is another area I should take out of my mind because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Thought like this taint the imagination and color my viewpoint and affect the actions I take. I should focus more on the main task and avoid mental distraction and, yes, faulty thinking.

I have been attending training seminars these past few weeks. Sometimes I start reacting emotionally when some attention is focused on the other attendees. I feel that I should get more attention with my status and years of service. This is another ego problem that I also have when I report in the management meeting. As the boss man has mentioned, I should be less emotionally and coldly assess the situation. I have pinpointed this fault which is more on my emotional reaction. From the self-help books I read, it is because I am more right brained than left brained. Perhaps I am just more bird-brained.

From a spiritual point of view, the Buddhist call this the ‘’monkey mind" – where the mind flits from one idea to another, driven by sensations perceived by the senses. Nowadays we are more sophisticated where we have things like cognitive therapy or cognitive restructuring or psychology to help us understand and control the mind. Perhaps this is why the self-help book proposes the early morning practice of meditation. I guess it is this area that is getting the most attention.

I am less tense after speaking with my former boss. His comments on the restructuring exercise are similar to my thoughts. Perhaps I will escape the ax after all. At least give me a year or so until 2008 so I have more preparation. I think the major decisions will be coming out in the last quarter of 2007 and not the first or second quarter of this year. Let’s see…