Christmas in Manila

I will be flying back to Manila this afternoon. I will be there until New Year's eve when we will be flying back home. I spent the weekend going to the museums. There were some good exhibits but I found later that one of them will be open free to the public from 24th to 4th of next month. I should have waited but I guess I saved some time next year. I wanted to go to the Marina Barrage but did not have time. I planned to go the next day on Sunday but decided to spend the day watching DVD. I am watching the HBO classic 'ROME'.

The mini-series is one of the best series I have seen in years. The first season I think was better than the second season. I started to read about the characters in Wikipedia this morning. I nearly finished with the second season and will continue when I get back. I don't have the time to finish all the episodes today as my flight is at 4 in the afternoon. I also reserved the audio book 'The 12 lives of Caesar' by Suetonius. I think I will not have a chance to read once I transfer abroad. I have had many thoughts about transferring over the weekend and I guess most people in the office think I will not transfer. I guess moving is more an act of will than anything else.

I always envision the life of other people who are now there, how they are living their lives now, how they have adjusted and assimilated. I then have dreams of my own life, the transfer of my family and the other things that concerns us during the move. I would then compare and contrast and see who had the better life. I think this instinctive act of comparison is how I adjust to the new life. I remember my grandmother who always challenges us by comparing each other, with my brothers or cousins. I think this has made us lose some self esteem or made us more competitive and aggressive. To judge our lives by comparing with the lives of others.

Perhaps this is also the explanation on why I go to all these museums or shows. To be part of some social elite, one that is aware of the trends in art, literature or architecture. I realized that I am a snob and I like elitist things. Then I try to imagine the life of the ordinary folks where I will be transferred soon. I realized that they may be more simple and down-to-earth folks who have no desire for stuff like art, literature and architecture. They are the more practical and pragmatic people, people who are ultimately the more happiest and simplest people. These folks are not driven to seek decadent pleasures like some people in sophisticated cities do.

But I guess that is the life that I must lead. I think I should focus more on the labor of writing and it will be similar to my life back home where I had a house and car to maintain. It will be a life filled with day to day stuff of maintaining a household unlike here in Singapore with housing flats maintained by the government. So I will have less time to read but maybe more time to focus on completing my book. Reading will be more a luxury there where quality books may not be as accessible as here. The library system here is probably the best in the world, geared towards a sort of citizen elite but resulting in some sort of sophisticated decadence I think.

Last Office Day in 2008

I can't seem to focus in work today. I kept looking at the websites sent by the overseas relocation team. I looked for houses and cars for sale. I choose a few from those available for 2 bedroom and 2 bath houses. I also choose a 2001 or 2002 Toyota Sienna van. I can't help having this dreams and thinking about my new life. I will be on a 2 week leave starting next week and I can't help surfing the Internet and dreaming about my future. I feel that it is already close to me that I can taste it. Listening to William Faulkner is also a sort of preparation for living in the South.

We had a meeting a few moments ago on the new organization structure for next year. My boss will be moving to China so I will be reporting to the group director. At least hierarchically but I still report to my boss functionally in China. I guess the situation will further evolve as we move along the year. There is still a lot of transition that will proceed. I am glad that I have been plucked out of my situation here and transported into a bigger stage. The bigger stage is in an economic mess right now that salvation depends on the new administration. So everyone is hoping for a grand plan that will lift them out of their troubles.

Tomorrow I plan to go to the museums. I plan to go to 2-3 museums then use my voucher at the Marriott hotel at Orchard. I think I will be back at my home at about 6 or 7pm. It will be probably be my last Christmas here in Singapore. It will also be my last visit to my home country in a long while as well. So I hope to make the most of it by going to museums and places of interest. I think I have seen a lot of Singapore with all the company and personal events that I have gone to. Now I plan and prepare from my new life. Similar to the book 'The New Life' by Orhan Pamuk which actually was the death of the narrator in a bus accident at the end of the book.

There are still many loose ends at work but I cannot seem to get anything done. This attitude is not possible in my new job next year. The new office will be a no-nonsense, focused and hard working place. I hope the economic situation will improve when I get there possibly in the 2nd quarter. The things I still need to do here at work are: enter the work tickets for the project, plan for the data warehouse training, plan for the go live in China, follow-up IBM to complete the set-up, monitor the transition and transfer support to a new team before I leave. In my personal life, I still need to: finish the documentation for my visa, sign the dispute form, ask about my kid's deferment or possible cancellation of residency, arrange my finances and plan for my flat's rental.

There are a few minor things to complete as well such as complete my appraisal, call up my business project leader in Thailand and consultant in Europe. But the atmosphere at the office is already vacation time. I think the major activities have started and the little ones need some attention before they become urgent. The team in the office is getting less though some departments are increasing. I cannot help but feel that I should push the transfer process faster so I get to move soon. I think the economic prices will be good to me because house and car prices will be down.

Dinner in Chinatown

I had dinner tonight with my old friend. We used to worked together in a project before he left the company. We had dinner in Chinatown of spicy stingray, prawn omelet, kangkong vegetables, seafood fried rice and beer. We had a good conversation discussing about life. I like talking him because he is one of the few persons whom I can speak sensibly with. I will miss his company when I move overseas. I received this morning the documents to process my visa application. Things are beginning to move forward now. I started to look in the Internet at the houses for sale in the location of the new company. I like what I see and hope I will be successfully in my plans.

The conversation last night was about life, relationships and marriages. I spoke from my experience after being married for nearly 18 years. These days I am the old guy, the veteran at work. For instance, we had a meeting with my department where we shared our thoughts and spoke with the new team from the outsource agent. Most of the people around the table where quite younger than me. They all shared their stories and thoughts. When it was my turn, I said that I was with the company for nearly 14 years. It seemed like an incredible achievement these days. Sometime I wonder why. Is it because in today's culture, spending this length of time is an incredible task?

Sometime I sell my self short by thinking that I did not have the courage to move to a new company. But my old friend would always tell me that I have a wealth of experience. He is right but I don't have the mindset or gumption to appreciate what I have. My mind is always at the present tense, not thinking deeply of the past stores of experience that I have in me. I guess that is a problem because I always shoot at the hip without any serious thought. I always realize when ever I meet my old friend wherein he bring out in me my inner most thoughts and confidence. It was always a pleasure to work with him because he could size up a person well and understand exactly how that person can be best utilized, to bring out the best in him.

Today was a sort of sad day. A few of my colleagues from the old office in Manila are returning home tomorrow. We may not see them anymore as they have transferred their knowledge to the new outsource team, or will be working remotely in Manila or at another location. They may not have another opportunity to work in Singapore again. So we said our goodbyes and they went on their way. I tried to organize a dinner but could not reach a schedule where everyone was available. I went to the room where the knowledge transfer was being done with the boss man's company. We talked and had a good exchange and, finally, said our farewell to the staff who will be moving to India to continue the shadow support.

I was glad to speak before the team although my role has drastically been reduced. The Indian team touched me by saying that I was the only friendly person here in the company. It seemed that I was the only person the outsource people could talk to. I seemed to be always smiling and having a good time. I liked that and I am glad that my seemingly good nature has enabled them to enjoy their work. I jokingly said that my job is to entertain them to make sure that the real job gets done. So that I guess is my present role at my age and stature. With my length of service, my true role is to coordinate, lead, entertain, coach and guide. I may no longer be fit to do the actual work because there are other people who are smarter and more hard working than me.

I think that I have risen above the level of being the jester or comedian. I realize people not only look at me for humor but also for direction. Perhaps this is leadership when one can achieve it due to dint of age and experience. On another subject: it is difficult to read William Faulkner's books. His game is at a more difficult level and deceptively simple. His works are more difficult to understand if one just listens to it. But his work is relevant because it is new and chart's new territory. His work is like Picasso's cubist paintings which represented the avant garde at that point in time. Now my problem is trying to look for relevance in a world of change and young people. Perhaps to do something new and avant garde like Faulkner due to some inner insight or experience.

Christmas Anxiety

I am attending a make-up class on the software tool used for enterprise project management. I already attended a few sessions in the past but was unable to complete the whole training. Often times I leave early or could not attend the day's session due to some pressing concern. I now appreciate the training because I could now focus on the details. In fact I have a chance to sit across the table from the lecturer. Luckily he can't see me blogging across from him as he is busy lecturing to the others on the conference call. Most participants have called in from Thailand, China and Japan. I am the only attendee in the Singapore office aside from the lecturer.

The lecturer is quite good in his communication skills though I often have difficulty explaining things to him. He is more a talker than a listener. So we get into problems when I try to persuade him with my point of view. As a talker, the best approach is to try to ask probing questions and move him towards the direction that will explain my point. But he is a nice guy and his communication skills is quite good. He is diligent and studies his area well. The previous person in his position was also quite good but did not have his focus and diligence. Not because she was lazy but because of too much work; handling many responsibilities at the same time. In fact I like working with her and she now works with the boss man in my previous role.

Last night I slept a few minutes after midnight. I arrived home late after a meeting with the team from head office. I watched the HBO series 'Rome' when I got home and had a modest dinner of toasted bread, Cheddar cheese, anchovies, Camembert cheese, wine and a chocolate bar. It was the same dinner for the past few days. One good thing about being home alone is that I am less inclined to overeat. I was able to watch 2 episodes but fell asleep near the end of the second episode. I slept in my son's room so I could use his air con and read some of his Japanese Manga comics about a Japanese Samurai. I woke up at about 7am, had breakfast of oatmeal and cashew nuts and orange juice. I was able to exercise in the rowing machine for about 15 minutes while listening to William Faulkner's audio book.

This morning I met the human resource head, my former boss, on the way to the office. I think we shared the same train. We talked about my impending overseas transfer and he asked me about the status. I told him about the remaining issue on my starting date and that he needed to reply to a mail to confirm my starting date. I can now speak more in the open about the transfer. In the past, I would not like to speak about it until things are at a more concrete state. I feel that speaking about a possible event this early may affect my luck adversely. I think this attitude affects my enthusiasm about the transfer. The overseas team are very happy and enthusiastic but my replies by email may not be as enthusiastic enough. I guess I never felt such candor and openness in the past.

I feel like I am more like a wound-up ball waiting to explode. I am always in defensive mode looking for traps laid out by my enemies. I guess it is this fear that prevents me from relaxing and trying to be myself. I am more in a cautious and alert state, keeping watch of possible aggression and deception. I guess it is this state of agitation like being in a perpetual state of alertness. This is preventing me from being a writer or speaker and just living a relaxed normal life. I often try to review my past to determine when I started to live this way. Perhaps it was when I lost my first love in college or my dad's explosion of anger and harsh whacking to enforce discipline or maybe the frequent comparison to other people that affected my self-esteem during my early youth.

I was always called a quiet man, not noisy and verbose. Perhaps keeping more to myself, being comfortable in solitude. Now I am trying to break this mold with my Toastmaster experience and interactions in work. In fact I think that I should be more an extrovert and be a vocal person to succeed in work. So I am trying to change myself which is not the lesson expounded by current literature that speaks of focusing on your strengths. My actions for self-development in recent years have been to improve my weaknesses I think. I don't know if I have elevated myself to a higher level but I feel more paranoid and agitated. I guess it's all the changes and anxiety arising from the changes in the organization.

It's a strange time to be anxious; being in the midst of the Christmas season. Sometime I think that I can no longer understand the way the office works. Especially working with the people in the office. It seems like there is no order and coherence in their words and efforts. I feel that their works have no clarity or structure. Of course, they all talk but nothing significant is really being said. So that is why I want to transfer. I hope that I can better adapt to the new world than trying to understand today's generation of personnel at the office. It is also these seeming incoherence, a babble of confusing tongues, which give me stress as well. Maybe as the mind ages, it looks for simplicity and order.

Home Alone

I arrived home at about 8pm last night to a empty house. I passed the library to borrow the William Faulkner audio book - a collection of his short stories. I returned Somerset Maugham's audio book this morning. The styles of both writers are very different. When I try to compare Salman Rushdie's work with both these writers, I have the impression that Salman is more flash and less substance. He is the lesser amongst the three writers but his flashiness do have echoes of greatness. Somerset's novels has a more mature and deeper work. A true classic. But compared to William Faulkner, I think Somerset is a lesser writer.

William Faulkner has a more singular, creative and unique voice from my impression. No doubt Somerset is a great and classic writer but he seems more a workman, a craftsman of writing. It is his subject that makes his works great and no doubt his body of work enriches literature. But Faulkner's work seem to be made of a more higher state, with the voice of a true artist. He speaks of the American South together with Tennessee William's work. They both provide a rich picture although I know Tennessee William's work more from the movies made from his plays starring Marlon Brando. Faulkner is a more difficult work to understand but the construction of his novels is at a more elegant and sophisticated level.

Tonight I have a meeting from 7 to 9 pm in the evening with the support team from Europe. Yesterday I had a meeting with the regional team in Asia. The news from my projects is the reduction of budget. We will deploy to only a few plants in Asia next year. I also had a meeting about the budget with the new guy from project office. I had a loud discussion with him. I often have difficult sessions with him and I sometime think that he is talking down on me. I often have a difficult time talking with the locals. Maybe it's a different perspective which the locals have or I have to improve my communication skills. I admit I have some problem in that department but I think I work hard to try to explain myself clearly.

Now the end game is being played with my impending departure. I started writing this blog about 2 years ago to relive my stress in the coming changes in my life. The picture is clearer today regarding my fate. It was a fate that I would not have thought possible 2 years ago. It is really amazing how things often turn out. But the endgame is also a difficult phase. I expect a lot of obstacles and challenges. I feel more energized these days than previous weeks or months now that my future is known. I think the journey I started with the writing of this blog, searching for work in the Internet job sites, Toastmaster, project management certification and guitar lessons have made me a different person.

As I read about novel writing, the plot or story is about change or transformation of the characters. If there is no change, then there is no story. I often ask myself if there has been a change these past year. I think the change for me will be more physical when I transfer into a new location. I hope the journey would have prepared me for the new challenge. So the story is not yet over for me but only a beginning. I think the transformation for me is to have reached a saturation point - a point where I have revisited my previous haunts, a different and perhaps older person. I think I have aged in my current job where I get to experience my changed perspective when I revisited Thailand and China again and again in my projects.

Regarding my voyage as a writer, I realized so little I have known. My consciousness and perspective is changing as well from the naive dilettante to a more worldly maturity. My writing skills still needs to evolve from self-expression to a more focused and clinical objectivity. Perhaps it is more a move away from self-centeredness. At this point in time, I think I would need to rise above from my indolence and focus more on practical areas. I think now is the time where I will have less time to read but more time for action. Sometimes I feel that this job is like moving to a retirement home but in fact it will be a challenging place where there is no time for naivete but for hard earned experience.

Christmas Vacation

My family left for our hometown yesterday afternoon. I spent most of the weekend watching DVD movies and drinking brandy. I slept late last night at about midnight. I got a text message from my son when they arrived at the airport in a province outside the city. I will try to call them later this evening. I will leave next Monday for my vacation and join them for my 2 week holiday. We will be back together here in Singapore on the 31st of December. I will miss the reunion with my relatives next Sunday but it's for the best. I don't feel like meeting them although it maybe our last visit for a long while once we transfer overseas.

We had a phone conference with the relocation manager last Saturday morning which was Friday morning over there. She is a kindly woman who looked like a grandmother. She told us about the steps for relocation and the process of moving. I asked my wife to join so she can also hear about the process so she can plan as well. My wife will also be able to share this information back home once she meets with my family. I miss her terribly and realize that she has kept my life on an even keel despite my flights of fancy. I don't know why but seems that I appreciate her more while listening to the works of Somerset Maugham. It's strange that he could write with such delicacy and detail about family life. I especially like his stories about the life of expatriates in Malaysia and Singapore.

I can identify with the challenges faced by English families living in the colonies. We have moved about 7 years ago to Singapore and we are preparing again for another move. It will be another difficult time I think for my kids but maybe I am just exaggerating it. I think it will be a good environment and I am just being pessimistic after remembering all those images seen in American movies about schools with unruly kids. But the relocation manager in her kindly voice reassured us that it will be alright. My kids may need to stop their studies for a few months since they will be changing school when we move over.

During our talk with the relocation manager, she mentioned that there is some discussion on the my starting date with the company. I told her that the date reflected in the computer system is my start date here in Singapore and not at my home country. It should be about 13+ years covering my years at the old Philippine factory. Again I was suspicious that not enough effort is being done locally to help me in the transfer. I get the feeling again that I have to do all the work myself to push the transfer through. Strange that my former boss - the snake is now the head of our resource service. But it's my paranoia again working overtime.

I watched a good Chinese movie on Sunday, 'The King of Masks'. I still have a fresh memory of my trip to Liaoning province. This place always evokes for me a kind of exotic ness about China which I can't get anywhere except maybe Hong Kong. But Hong Kong reeks more of the British while Liaoning reeks more of the Japanese and Russians. I feel that I have had a settling of my mind during my stay there and my monkey mind is again reacting. But with my family on holiday and the house empty, it will be a difficult time to settle my thoughts. Loneliness and travel and assimilating into foreign local shores are a constant theme in Somerset Maugham's works and I can't help feeling the pain of his characters.

Recovering From Travel

I feel in a daze after arriving from China. Last night, I attended the Toastmaster meeting and I did not contribute too much. I felt tired but I wanted to attend the last meeting for the year. This morning we began the knowledge transfer for the boss man's data warehouse project. It was a struggle to start because it was a long while ago when I started this project. So I had to look for my old materials and remember what had transpired about 2 years ago. I realized that I had done a lot of work despite my failure to successfully complete the project.

In the afternoon, we had a phone meeting with the contributors from India. We settled a few issues on the scope of work needed to be done. We are in the midst of transition while the project is ongoing. I hope that the road is now clear. I was also answering a lot of emails from the technical head in China. The performance issue keeps on going round and round. But I realized that he does not know how to proceed. Hopefully, we got the message across. I still have to log my time sheet and work on the dashboard report for the meeting next week. A day in a life of a project manager.

I realized that tomorrow's knowledge worker should be someone with a wide ranging mind. Talking to different people in different areas in the globe, about different subjects or projects, learning new processes and things to do. I am reaching my breaking point and it's only the will to continue. Tomorrow's worker should not be bewildered by having a wide range of experience or have a wide range of interest by reading books. Maybe this will help them overcome the bewildering onslaught information. I guess I am feeling this way because I am tired from my trip. I will have a better mind when I get some rest during the weekend.

I have 1 disc left to listen to before completing the 15 disc audio book 'Shalimar the Clown.' Salman Rushdie strikes me as a more modern Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He wrotes more about the relevant issues of the day. But his novels lacks the mark of a classic and timeless work which Marquez or V.S. Naipaul reeks in. There is no doubt that his work is way above average, close to a work of true genius but there is a feeling of triviality or pop culture. His greatness lies in the broadness of his vision, inventiveness and craft. But somehow it lacks the power of Kawabata or Marquez or Naipaul or even Coetzee.

Back to work

I went to the office today and tried to do some work. Last night I was able to get some sleep but awoke early to fix my things. My wife said that I snored loudly, the loudest so far that she has heard from me. I had moments of wakefulness when I had minor difficulty breathing but all in all I awoke fresh from sleep. It was a good plane trip and I had a good spot near the doorway between compartments which had a wider leg room. The movies shown on the plane where Chinese movies: the first one was a good dramatic thriller which I liked and showed a gritty realism of life in China. The second one in the trip to Singapore was terrible. It seemed like a Chinese version of 'Sex and the City.'

I have good memories of my trip in China despite my problems with the cold. I always like this city in winter but never liked the chill which is really a poor preparation on my part. If I brought my long johns and thermal underwear, I would be fine. Most people actually do not like this city but I like it's sometimes bleak and depressing scenes. It has a kind of sad melancholy and I guess most people prefer to stay home in the cold so it's streets seem to be desolate. So it's a welcome change when one stumbles into streets filled with lights and restaurants and people eating in the well-lighted rooms. The fact that it's difficult to communicate in English with the cab drivers and waiters actually add to it's charm.

I realized that I had suffered moments of paranoia and self-delusion due to my sleepless nights. The cold was able to shield my uneasiness. But the novelty of the experience was stimulating especially with the book 'Shalimar the Clown' which I am reading. I have about 2 more CDs to go before I finish the book. It's amazing to read with interesting passages about the Abu Sayaff and terrorism in the Philippines. It reads like an earlier book I read called 'Imperial Grunts' which talks about the American military presence in Mindanao and encounters in Basilan island and Jolo. It's like Salman Rushdie has connections to American intelligence to get this type of information on terrorist organizations.

I am going to a Toastmaster's meeting tonight. My days are numbered in this local organization. I may have about six months left before moving. At last I just got a mail from the person in charge of re-location. It seems she is in charge of helping me and my family move. I have set a meeting and hope she can call me and my wife at home so we can discuss our concerns. As I have thought, things are moving in a slow and methodical way. Despite my nervous doubts, there has always been an air of inevitability towards the transfer. Once the decision is in place, all the cogs will begin to switch into gear and move the machinery towards it's goal.

The trip in China went well. I am glad we had pushed through with it. My friend, I think enjoyed himself. It was a strange and exotic place perhaps for him and he did really well in the training. Now is the time to follow through with the remaining action tasks to do. I am glad he came as he provided the meat. His summary on the last day was a good wrap-up. I called the project leader in Thailand who was not able to attend due to last week's demonstrations in Bangkok airports. We went through the summary and agreed with most of it's main points. I have a load of things to do especially in the use of the new tools. A week from now I will be on a 2 week vacation so I need to hustle.

Leaving the Cold

Just arrived in the airport close to midnight and using the free Internet access terminals to blog. I started the day swimming, having a sauna and packing my things. I thought that I should walk to the nearby park but I did not like to go out into the cold morning. I was not able to sleep again last night because of the dry air in my room. The humidifier did not do any good. I felt that the room was haunted. I felt that maybe the ghost died in my side of the bed. So I switched sides. But it did not do me any good.

I said the same thing to my friend in our last dinner together. I said the reason I may not be sleeping well is not because of the dry air but a ghost. Maybe one of those who have died in the war. One of poor souls shown in the museum we had gone to on the weekend. He laughed though he said that he had the same problem last week in the first few days he arrived. He solved his problem by opening the window and letting the air in instead of using the air conditioner. Maybe I should have tried his suggestion. So in my last morning, I opened my window in the room while I was packing and felt the cold morning air rush in.

We had dinner in the Korean restaurant near the hotel. I found out that there was a Korea town in the city and wished that we had a chance to visit. But the cold sometimes changes our plans. I felt that I was half functioning in the cold. Like my capacities where working at only 50% capacity. When I was talking to my wife after I got back from dinner, I told her I was going home the next day. She was surprised. Apparently I forgot to tell her that I changed my schedule the week before. Hence, here is evidence that the cold is affects me.

But it was not only the cold but also the sleepless nights. When I keep waking the moment when I get to the point of achieving sleep. Then my difficulty in breathing would come and I would awake again. I felt like a fool opening the TV and watching the shows, closing it and trying to sleep, walking to the bathroom to take a pee and switching position to try to sleep. But the cycle would repeat many times until suddenly it was the morning and time to get up. But I got a chance to see a lot of good movies in the early morning shows.

During these wakeful moments, my thoughts would often shift to my coming new life overseas. I keep dreaming of my new assignment and the work I would be doing and the new people I would meet. I wonder when I could get the clear details. But I should not worry because the message is clear. I just keep thinking that the economic mess would affect everything. I still have a ton of things to do and I tried to so some work today. I tried calling my contributor in India from the airport but could not reach him. So I decided to forget it and continue work in the office the next day.

Going Back Home

We finished the training today. The evaluation from the participants were good. It was a good 9 days here with a lot of information shared to the users. I personally feel that they have learned a lot during these past days. I did not contribute much, sticking to the PowerPoint presentations. I allowed my friend from head office to dominate the stage because he is the true expert. In fact I suspect that he may be a genius if his attentions is more focused. Nevertheless, I think the users where in awe of his knowledge and ability. I contributed more by showing him around and arranging the whole training agenda.

I will be going home finally tomorrow afternoon. My flight is at 2pm but I feel tired and have no idea where to spend my spare morning. Usually, I will have something planned already, going to a temple or a park. But I feel tired. My nose and throat is raw and dry and I did not sleep well in the past days. I keep walking up due to my dry throat and have difficulty breathing. So I did not have a good sleep. My voice is also very strange and I could not speak too much although I try to handle both the starting and ending presentations. I also try to send out the materials to everybody. My friend is the star of the show during the training and I am willing to recede from the limelight.

I think I should be humble towards my abilities on this subject and not pretend that I am an expert. In fact, I am more the project manager and not the subject matter expert. I have loads of things to do as well, particularly testing, coordinating with my contributors, answering important emails and planning for the transition. The outsource company wants to conduct the training in Bangalore with my current contributor but they do not like any competitor in their premises. So we are stuck but I threw the problem back to him, letting him find the venue for the training in Bangalore. Not a good feeling, doing all these things, with a stuffy nose, dry throat, fatigue and enduring the cold.

Listening to the book 'Shalimar The Clown' and living in the northeastern Chinese city in the winter is far from my ordinary reality. At least my colleague from Europe has similar experiences on winter. So I am in an entirely new world enjoying an internal life driven exotic by Rushdie's book and living the cold winter scape in this strange city that often seems moored in the past in certain places. I was surprised when I found that some American soldiers who surrendered in the the fall of Bataan where shipped here to work in factories. I believe there were about a thousand men who where shipped from the prison camps in hot and humid lands of South East Asia to the freezing winters of North China.

There are also similarities. Rushdie's book is centered on Kashmir also a cold place. The novel is about the struggle between India and Pakistan which echoed the actual reality last week when terrorist attacked Mumbai. It was found out that the leader was a known terrorist from Kashmir. So I understood the passages about the snow and cold in Kashmir, experiencing it myself here. Now I have also to talk to my colleagues in outsource who are also young Indians, successfully riding a wave of outsourcing, led by their famous writers like Salman Rushdie. There are similarities all over the place.

Shalimar The Clown

I brought along an audio book with me, Salman Rushdie's 'Shalimar the Clown.' I thought that I would not like his book but it's a great work. The story has a wide scope with the feeling of being a classic epic. It is a fun story to listen to. I wonder why I did not discover Salman Rushdie before. Listening to his work, I feel that he's like a vanguard, spreading the voice of India throughout the world. So I now understand why India is sweeping the world with outsourcing and BPO's and software development. If people of the world would like to hear the voice of India, they can just read the talkatively stories of Salman Rushdie.

He is a modern voice which speaks of an understanding of the modern world in all it's complexities. It is an open voice. I wonder if there is a similar voice in China. The recent Nobel prize winner from China also has a great voice. But it is more a philosophical voice, talking of a more abstract reality. China is a much more complex world and the order and progress it has achieved is something that India still struggles in. So I guess it is great to listen to the modern India while in China; trying to reconcile the coming greatness of these 2 giants. I can hear the rising of India in Rushdie's works while I can see the rising of China by waking and seeing it's great modern cities.

Last weekend, we went to the old imperial palace, the 'electronics' street, the old tombs in the park with the lake frozen over and people skating and some even swimming insanely in the freezing cold. Yesterday afternoon, we went to an excellent museum talking about the war with Japan. A great museum that really inspires you and leaves you with an admiration of the communist armies fighting for independence. It was bitter cold in the weekend and I felt sick on some days. Last week there where days that were -22 degrees below zero. It was also cold and dry in my room that I could not sleep well. But the thrill of walking in the snow against the cold biting wind was something hard to miss.

Looking at the old palaces and tombs of the Qing dynasty is something one cannot get in other provinces in China. It fits with the old buildings of Manchuria and the Japanese and Russian occupation. It tells of a different China with cold and snow and nomadic warriors, quite different from the Southern China of languid summers and elegant food. In Liaoning it s more of a rougher and harsher nature with boiled lamb, spicy chilied food and hot pot to keep you from the cold. It is a China that is far from the glamour of Beijing and Shanghai and Guandong. More of the smog, harsh winters and snow and tough rough people. It is a place where Japan lost it's soul and reverted back to a past barbarism, seduced by the land and it's riches.

Hot Pot in China

We had lunch with the project team outside the factory in a nearby restaurant. We took 2 taxis to get to the place which had private rooms with circular windows in the 2nd floor. We paid for lunch which was hot pot but with a difference. We each had a small boiling pot in front of us unlike in most restaurants of this type which had only one central hot pot where everybody would cook food. We cooked meats, noodles, mushrooms, vegetables, shrimp and tofu in a boiling mixture of water and chili peppers. We also had soy sauce and chili to dip the cooked food. It was spicy but refreshing for the cold weather.

I felt a bit sick last night after our dinner. We went back to the food center where I finally had the dumplings. But the climate was bitter cold. There was a very hard cold wind biting into our skin. My colleague from Europe agreed that the bitter, harsh and cold wind in this Chinese city was the harshest he has experienced. Usually the winters in Europe did not have a biting cold wind. So we returned to the hotel after walking for about 15-20 minutes in the merciless weather. Winter in this city may probably be one of most difficult anywhere. Luckily I recovered through the night and only have a slight weakness and cough the next day

The local people seem to enjoy the weather. I saw some people skating in a small man-made lake which was frozen over. During the training, I had calls from India and Singapore. There are issues that needed to be resolved and important emails to respond to. I forced myself to think through and answer or at least try to resolve the issues. I wanted to ignore this problems as I was inclined to but I had to force myself to focus on them. So I did not have time to help out in the training. But really I do not have the full expertise in this field as compared to my European colleague. In fact, it is only now that I get to understand some of the features.

I wonder if I am too old for this type of jobs. Walking up the office steps after coming in from the bitter cold made me feel old. My friend laughed when I said that this job is for young people. In fact all the people in the room are younger than me. I used to be one of the youngest during projects but I now find myself the oldest person around. But I guess I am not that old compared to the other people in the company. I am in between youth and experience and I am still glad that I get to do projects like these. Learning new things, meeting new (and younger people) and travelling to far places.

At the end of the day, there are few people who can still do this type of work. But this experiences will be less and less. There will be more localization and fewer travels. I am glad that I can keep up though by a slight thread. I am sort of the middle man between East and West, between business and technical, between young and old, between new and experienced. I guess my profile fits this kind of project where they need an old and seasoned 'veteran' who can shepherd the young into the new process. I still do have problems getting up to speed in the new process. Especially this application which is quite technical and specialized.

Snow in Asia

Yesterday night there was a light snow falling after we left the office. It was very cold and I was not used to it. I regretted that I did not bring more winter clothes. But the jacket, gloves and cap was enough to give me some warmth. We walked near the hotel to the famous street with department stores. We walked under the falling snow and found a food center that I used to go to in my past trips several years ago. I thought it closed down when I last walked these streets on my return a few months back.

I tried to buy the dumplings that I loved but they were not selling any. So we bought honeyed pork and rice and drunk the local snow beer. We talked about the economy and the coming recession. Everybody seems to be talking about the hardships ahead and the possible lay-offs or forced vacations. My colleague was saying that he may go on forced leave once the budget cuts are forced through. But despite the gloomy talks I feel a strange optimism. Strange because we have now started to receive mails on the stoppage of projects if they have not crossed the preliminary milestones.

The training for the past few days were good. I think the users now understand the application better. With the budget cuts and the project stoppages, the timing for the training was good. Otherwise, we may not have continued because we will be asked to postpone. Not it seems that it was a stoke of wise insight. I am glad to have pushed it and planned for my friend to come over from Europe. I may not see him again for a long time. The recession will be deep in Europe but I think will be short lived in the USA. I have this faith and optimism on the new administration that may be strangely unwarranted.

This morning it was lovely to see the snow on the trees across the hotel. It was also refreshing to see the snow on the cars, rooftops and sidewalks. It only snowed for a while last night so the city was not engulfed unlike in my past trips long ago. I always liked the snow in China because it is like another world. It's like snow in China or Japan or Korea is enough to elevate it into world ranks. Other Asian countries will never rise up because of the absence of snow. Perhaps snow gives a certain hardness and perspective to it's inhabitants.

At the airport at 7am

I am waiting for my flight which will be boarding soon. Last night my sister was at my home. She is here on business and will be departing tomorrow. I invited my cousin over for dinner. We had chili crabs, stingray, chicken, almond cake and chocolate Rocco cake. I had brandy before dinner and made me less sociable. I did not have enough time to talk to my guests because I was thinking about my trip. I was in a rush to complete many things before my departure.

I rushed to read my books so I can return them to the library, watched 2 DVD movies, went roller blading and swimming in the afternoon. In consequence, I was not able to go to mass because I went to the library to borrow my next set of books. So when my guests arrived I was a bit tired from all these rush of things. I realize that pressure and stress sometime come from your own self. It is this perceived idea that I keep on doing this things. Setting an imaginary goal to achieve by reading many books and watching movies and exercising. To keep me up to date.

In fact I was doing 2 things at the same time. Watching DVD movies while blogging and mind mapping. I did not provide quality time in watching the movies. Both were good movies and I did not have the proper attention. Instead it was divided to my other activities. Why did I borrow these films when I knew I would not be able to watch them with proper attention? I felt like being a glutton which is a sin in the old days. I just wanted to feel the achievement of having borrowed these notable films and being able to say I watched them even though from the periphery.

It's all internally set goals that prevent me on focusing on my true priorities. For example, my priority yesterday should have been with my sister who was here on a visit. I should have shown the proper respect and attention. To talk about how things where back home. But instead my mind was filled with many trivial thoughts and goals. This is really my problem. I seem to lose the correct perspective on things and insist on my own point of view. I should take my attention away from books and look at the real situation on hand.

In China, based on the article I read yesterday, students get elected in their school elections if they show self criticism. I think that is a good way to do self reflection. I guess blogging and talking about myself in this way helps to reflect about my problems. Self-criticism I think had it's roots in Mao's communist movement. I think it's the only way to manage a huge country by asking it's citizens to reflect on their personal flaws. To know thyself is the first step as mentioned by the Greeks and the Chinese 'Art of War'. I guess that is also the goal on why I write here. To better myself.

Blogging as an exercise

I still cannot write my novel but I now know why. Instead I blog to keep practicing my skill in writing and self expression. Still not enough to be a novelist. I just finished reading the book 'Write' and I plan to use the tools and tricks like letting my left and write brain communicate with each other. A strange theory but maybe worth trying. Lately, the books that I have been reading is not about the art of writing but more on the psychological side. This maybe more important than the craft of writing. If one has a good 'sense of self' or 'mature psychology' then mastering the craft of writing is easier.

My flight to China is at 8am tomorrow. I am reading an old National Geographic issue which features China. A good and easy way to keep in touch of developments in the country. It's really a modern country now like Singapore and no longer a communist state. I watched the film version of Ernest Hemingway's 'The Sun Also Rises.' I think it is a good adaptation of the book. By it's own merits, I think it is a classic film with good performances by Tyrone Power, Ava Gardner and Errol Flynn. It captures the mood of Paris, France and Pamplona, Spain in a distinctive era after World War I.

I am starting to feel a slight regret about my mail sent out last Thursday asking about the overseas offer. It shows that I think too much - a person who worries too much. This is a bad habit of mine to always regret something that I have done despite devoting some thought on the act. I hope to get a reply next week when I am in China. It will be an interesting time next week with out the business project leader. It's a pity that she could not go. It will be much colder and I think me and my colleague will have a fun though challenging time.

I believe that the act of maturity is to think less. I always feel nervous when faced with people who are more relaxed and in control of their temperament. My difficulty or perceived difficulty in life is my emotional nature. This is what is actually preventing me from being a novelist. My right brain is too active and I should let my left brain provide more control. The book provides some interesting tools like meditation, yoga and other such tricks to allow me to control my right brain emotions and let my left brain take charge. This will prevent me from taking the flight approach (instead of the fight or write approach). Perhaps I persist in focusing on my right emotional brain by doing things like blogging and letting my emotions run wild. But it is also by journal writing that I keep control of my temperament by writing it all out.

Strange that I now have this perspective of analysing my left and right brain and it's in relation to my progress as a novelist. First it was the focus on my relationships and immersions into creativity. Now it is the left and right brain, inner dialogue and the writing process as a project. A lot of theories to help me understand the work that needs to be done. But I realize all these are helpful and I hope to internalize it and when I do, I think it will be an effortless activity. It is like any other skill that I try to acquire this year like playing the guitar, roller-blading and public speaking.

Off to China

I spend to much time in meetings these days. Meetings about new procedures, about problems, about new tools and what have you. Almost all the managers spend their time in meetings. Now I know why things don't get done. I always read about wasting time in meetings and I now realize why although maybe useful if done well. I guess that is how executives in the top rungs like to spend their time at their level. For me, I always like to get my hand's dirty and be an operations guy. But as one grows old, I guess one cannot help it but 'progress' into meeting mode.

I realize there is a special skill needed in meetings. One should have good communication ability and a take charge attitude. I think I can like participating in these meetings. The trick is to find the loop hole or gap and charge in. It's like looking for the enemy's weakness and going into the gap and exploiting the weakness. The weapons are verbal thrusts and parry to defeat the enemy through words and clever maneuver. Often time, when one runs out of tactics, the person makes up by raising his voice, creating a scene and repeating the other mistakes in an attempt to cover his empty armory. But this is a game that one should inevitably master.

I will be leaving for China on Sunday. The business project leader will be unable to make it due to the closure of the Bangkok airports. I hope the airports open soon so she can participate. It's a nightmare that this situation is unfolding in Thailand. It's really chaos and the rule of the mob. Democracy in all it's implications and responsibilities have not really seeped in I think like in most Asian countries. The principles of Jeffersonian democracy requires a rare maturity. Only the USA seems to have achieved this goal. But I suspect some hidden hand possibly due to royal politics coming to a head in anticipation of the departure of the revered king.

Last night, I wrote to my overseas controllers asking about news. A reply will come much later due to their holidays. I feel that I should keep the communication going; showing a positive, eager and enthusiastic side. I can't help but feel that I am like a beggar requesting for some scraps of food. But sometimes I am at the other extreme; thinking that they should exert more effort to try and woo me. But as usual I think to much. I can't help it because it's a dream that is coming true and I can't help feeling that one will always be disappointed in life. I realize though that going there will really be that start of a pleasant struggle because life is not as easy as compared here. But I now know that life can really be simple and easy where one can achieve one's dreams as long as one can control his passions and urges.

Economic Crisis

Now that I have a firm offer to transfer overseas, the economic crisis comes along to mess things up. Like most companies, a memo has been issued that some production slow downs are planned as well as technical lay offs in Europe and USA. I begin to fear that my prospects for transfer will be imperiled. It's a fear only without corroboration from personnel. I plan to write to them and raise the question. But I think it will not be cancelled but only delayed due to the retirement of a lot of employees. I just wonder if the government will be amenable to hire foreign talents despite the unemployment problem.

But I think the economic crises due to a slow down in housing and consumption can be fixed by a significant increase in immigration. Opening the borders will allow new immigrants with money to come and start spending. The backlog of houses can be cleared once immigration is relaxed. Perhaps a political issue but nevertheless a possible solution to the crises. Let the world's hungry and desperate masses come to the new world and solve it's problem. It's been done before many times and will make the economy more diverse and strong I think.

I think that the boss's man project will also need people and I can work there in case my transfer is delayed. I am still working on my project which is still proceeding at least until the end of next year. I will be leaving for China next week to start the training. We will be preassured in the coming months with the deployment. We are quite busy and I think it will take a lot of time. It's only now working with outsource agents that I now understand the new procedures. It's all about documentation and I am going deeper into the use of the PPM tool. I hope that I get to use all these new knowledge and experience in my overseas assignment.

I am keen to go to China and meet my team mate from head office. The last time we met was in Thailand where we deployed the application. It was a fun time and we enjoyed ourselves buying some 'fake' goods. I hope to finish reading all the books that I borrowed though I know that I will bring some with me. I am listening to Perez-Reverte's excellent book 'The Painter of Battles'. I feel he is at the cutting edge of novelists; creating a new genre of books that speak about painting, war, photography and European history. It's a mix that is unique and exhilarating like no one has ever combined this heady mixture before.

Writing as a Process

I mind mapped the book 'Write' which I already read in the past. A lot of interesting techniques particularly in using the left and right side of the brain. It's an interesting book that provides some tricks depending on the state of your brain. It also has some interesting insights on the nervous system. The author calls it the 'write or flight' response. During my past attempts I always go to the 'flight' response. I did not know how to handle those moments of anxiety due to the pressure to write the novel.

The book describes writing as a process rather that a product. So one should not focus on the product which is a novel or book but in the process of writing. There are many stages of writing which one can focus on such as pre-writing, writing, gathering notes, revising, etc. I always seem to focus on the writing part and that's what gives me stress. So if I am not really 'writing' or creating sentences than I don't feel like I am working. But in fact gathering notes, researching, pre-writing and revising are also part of the 'writing process'. So I don't need to be actually 'writing sentences' to be a writer. The lesson is to be an expert in the process and not only on the 'writing' task.

There are a lot of tables, questions, to do lists and templates in the book. I thought it looked like a book of tricks to me like a parlor game and not a serious guide on writing. But then I found myself unable to write the novel like Hemingway in perhaps the so-called 'classic' way. I find that there are lots of tricks and techniques that one should master in order to complete a writing project. Hence, completing a book does not just involve the core task of writing. It involves a whole range of tools, techniques and mind-sets to get the job done. The best description is a 'writing project' instead of writing a book because 'writing' is not just the task needed.

The mind map provides me with an easy summary or reference to get the lessons and tips right away. I think it will be useful because there are so many moods that one feels during the course of the day that one should apply the appropriate tool depending on the situation. Mind map is a good tool for referencing the different writing tricks. Determining the right writing tool to use is also the difficult part. But first one should get used to the idea that writing is a process before one does the actual crafting of sentences.

Initialy the only writing objective is to complete a SFD or 'shitty first draft' without concern on the quality.

Writing for Healing

These days are again very hectic. The project office has scheduled a crash course on our PPM tool. Actually a refresher course but too much information I think to absorb in a short 2 day session. I could not attend both days full time due to the work I need to do for my projects. I was only able to attend a few hours today. I got into an argument with the project office head because he insisted that we resolve all the data quality issues in the coming 2 weeks. Everyone is rushing to complete their projects as the year ends and project office is rushing to improve the data quality of the PPM tool which is his project.

This afternoon I had a phone conference with the IBM team on my project. The project head is a former colleague who has transferred to IBM. I am glad to work with her because at least we understand each other. The team is quite new and I am not happy with the response as I think it's quite slow. Nevertheless, I think that I need to be patient because I have to establish a good rapport with the team. I hope to have access to the environment because it will be helpful to resolve problems in the future. But under the new rules only IBM has access. So this will be a problem and user satisfaction will suffer if we don't have access.

The only way is to establish a close rapport via interpersonal interaction. This is the way it's done in the Europe office and I hope to establish the same in the local zone. I am not happy with the way we are required to follow the new rules. I always have diffculty adjusting to new procedures or new bosses. But the resentment is not as strong as before. I think I have mellowed down and controlled my impulses. The trick is to keep cool and focus on the activity at hand. I always lose my focus and attention due to the distractions that I allow myself to indulge in. It's the same thing with my writing when I cannot focus on the task at hand.

I borrowed a book again called 'Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period.' I borrowed it before but thought otherwise when I reserved the book online. I was looking for another book about writing and the title caught my attention. In fact it's a good book but I did not appreciate it when I first read it in the past. Now after my reflections and recent reading on writing, I now appreciate the lessons it's trying to impart. Like the previous book on writing that I have just finished, the author is a PhD. A psychologist and writer who can talk about different sides of writing.

The author also spoke about writing as a therapeutic activity. She mentioned books with titles like 'The Writing Cure' or 'Writing to Heal'. I remember that in my first journal I wrote the following title 'My Therapeutic Diary' where I recognized the healing effect of journal writing. I realized only now that the medical profession has recognized this effect of journal writing. So I have been journal writing for many years to cure my stress and heal myself of traumas. Hence, it's a good activity for self transformation and self knowledge. Since I have been doing it for many years, the impact was not really to improve my writing skills but to reduce stress. I now wonder if I have been living a stressful life or is it just me.

Now the challenge is to move from a writing experience derived from a stressful existence and self-understanding to a more formalized writing process. The main activity is self-expression and I should use this core benefit to move towards being a novelist. So I write for therapy and not as a novelist. So I write to heal instead of writing for profit. So the motivation is really different for both instances. So perhaps that is why I flounder when writing a novel. There is no therapeutic effect; no release because it feels like work. Hence, there is no feeling of exhilaration. So this is the challenge for me when I try to be a novelist to find that feeling of exhilaration derived not from therapy but from a pure expression.

Milestone Meeting

We passed the milestone meeting for the China project this afternoon. I attended the meeting with my regional CIO in his office. The attendees where people from Thailand and China (specifically from Shanghai and Laioning office). After the meeting, I updated my CIO on the offer to work overseas. It was a nice chat and he suggested some tips. I told him my challenges on the transfer and he offered some advice. He was very supportive and he offered to help if I need it. It was a nice conversation and I appreciated the gesture. He is actually a nice person and I had a lot of preconceptions about him. I guess that's the problem of second-guessing.

Before the milestone meeting, I had a pre-audit session with the head of the project office in the morning. I also briefed the CIO prior to the milestone meeting during the same time. Both went well and a good practice for the actual meeting. I spoke a lot to explain the details and a good way to inform and publicize the progress of the project. I felt that these type of sessions are not useful but I should not knock it because verbal communication serves a very subtle process. Certain activities are beyond my sight and may be initiated because of these discussions. It was a bit intense with the meeting with the project office. But I like the guy as he's just doing his work.

I will be in China next week for the training. I will be with my close colleague from France who is helping me in this project. He is a good guy and I would not have survived without his help. It will be an interesting week and will play a large role in the training. Like today's activities, it will be successful despite my worries. I had a lot of doubts and thoughts on my mind about the meeting today but realized most of these doubts are unfounded. It's the constant thinking that will distort the logical progression of ideas. I never learn and persist in thinking to much.

The weekend was eventful: meeting my cousin, going to 'baptismal' party, roller-blading, guitar lessons and watching 2 DVD movies and reading books. I did not have a chance to swim on Sunday because it was raining. I had too much to read and watch movies that I did not have a chance to write. There is a burning desire for me to write but I don't seem to have the time or the strong urge or motivation. Sometimes I think that my age will ultimately prevent me from writing any books. The decline of memory and purpose will eventually do me in.

On this subject, I read a short article from the Oprah website. It says that being distracted is in fact a loss of focus and attention. The mind as it ages cannot focus on the thing at hand because of the myriad distracting activities that divert one's attention. I agree but I realize that to allow oneself to be distracted is a conscious act. Hence, being diverted is a form of procrastination but for creative tasks is in fact a 'disengagement from immersion' as one is not truly ready. So I guess I have to continue reading about being a novelist to learn the techniques. This is the lesson of my procrastination I think.

Strange Days

John Lennon composed an elegant song I think called 'Strange Days.' It reflects the feeling I have these days. News are filled with dark tidings: about recession, bankruptcies, economic slumps and factory closures. Yesterday I went to a party for my golfing buddy's young son. I met my old office mates and a few talked about the economic situation. One mentioned that the German company she works for will close 80 plants all over the world. Also an IMF economist mentioned that the worse is still to come. Strangely I don't feel the sense of collapse in my situation.

Of course, I am still working but the sense of doom has not permeated my company. In my dark moments, I feel that it may affect my chances for the overseas transfer. But I also think that the situation is overblown. I just read an article about Citigroup a few moments ago. The stock price has tumbled to about USD $3. But in fact the article says that the bank has billions in cash, a stable business and enough capital to tide them over any huge losses. But it was the market sentiment that is affecting the stock price. In other words, the stock price does not reflect the reality.

So theory is turned on it's head. If the stock market does not reflect the underlying value of the company, what does? It's like the right sense is fighting against the side of illusion that is buttressed by old theories that used to be relevant long ago. Now the whole game has changed. Strangely I feel optimistic and think that things will work out fine. I have great faith in the ability of the USA to resolve global problems. Now that the leadership has passed to a person who is himself a unique and strange and uplifting individual. Perhaps his unique or strange make up is the answer to today's great and unusual problems.

Last night my cousin came to the house with his young son. We drank brandy and talked about life. We watched a photo show of our reunions back home. It was great to be reminiscing about the past happy times with relatives. Both our dads have resolved their problems and are now talking together. I hope that it will turn out right. It's great to have these moments when people from back home visit. I am afraid that we won't have these moment again if ever we move to my new assignment. But I guess I will be seeing my brother there if we do move. Life is all about movements and adaptations.

Botanical Garden

Our company had a fun event yesterday afternoon at the Botanical Garden. It was a fun afternoon and our team won the top prize. It was a very tiring afternoon but it was good fun to run around the gardens and play games. A pleasant afternoon which ended with a buffet dinner at a nearby hotel. Afterward, we met up with an old friend at Starbucks and had a fun time talking and telling stories about the day's events. We finished at about 11pm. We hope to plan a regular get together like dinner on Fridays to keep in touch. Soon some of us will be leaving the company and moving to new assignments.

The Botanical Garden was created by the British in the mid 1800's. It was awarded as the best urban jungle in South East Asia by Time magazine in 2008. It emphasizes the good benefits of the British Empire. A first hand glimpse of this aspect after reading Niall Ferguson's 'Empire' and Somerset Maugham's 'Casuarina Tree'. I also just finished the anti-globalization book 'Game as Old as Empire.' A good counter argument against globalization which was started by the British Empire theorized in Ferguson's book. I just finished this book this morning while roller-blading in the park near my home. Actually, this is what motivates me to exercise in the morning; to listen to the audio books I borrow from the library.

Last night in the buffet I enjoyed the oysters with hot sauce and lime, Japanese udon noodles, oxtail and champagne. I got a lot of other things but did not enjoy them. I had a lot of food in the buffet table while talking to the project leader in Thailand on my cell phone. I did not get a chance to think about the food and kept filling my plate. In the end, I could not finish it and ask the waiter to take it away. I always take too much food which I force myself to eat. I sat beside the project office quality head and enjoyed our conversation. She told many amusing stories of her job in Australia and everyone in the table was laughing. We compared our stories about the local culture and realized that we all come from outside the country.

I think that is the common thread of our associations with our friends in the office. Generally, most of our close groups are with 'outsiders',i.e. not native born. I also noticed that the topic of the conversation is always the same -> about the local culture. It's fun to compare our different cultures and talk about the adjustments needed to adapt to the local milieu. It's the ties that bind the foreign talents that come and work here. It's always the talk of adjustment and adaptation. But last night after dinner, the discussion was more on retirement.

With the company changes, talk was about returning back to our home country and living the simple life. Most talk of starting a simple business and living a simple life of farming or starting a simple computer business. I can't help but think of my new assignment as well. The change will be different and the challenge will be of adapting to the new culture again. I did not explain to my friends that I felt the need for a change. It's like realizing after so many years that my personality does not fit the local milieu. Something like a divorce when you realize that after many years, you realize that you married a stranger.

This brings to mind the stories of Somerset Maugham. The stories of British expatriates or colonial administrators living in the Malay archipelago, about fragile marriages in the jungle, about adapting to the local culture and keeping the English tradition alive. I guess this is globalization at work, telling the story about the front lines where British people are governing the uncivilized masses. I guess the Malay Federation was a lesser version of British India. With lesser challenges and more friendlier people. I think it's this understanding that I will be bringing with me when I depart the place. Maybe a very similar feeling that Lord Chris Patten felt when he left Hong Kong as the last British Governor. He was interviewed at CNN the other night and a real life supplement to the books on the British.

Outsource Go Live

We have now moved to the outsource support. I cannot just walkover to the infrastructure team to have something done. Mainly becuase they are no longer there or soon transfer to the outsource company. I have to raise a ticket and request for service. So I have to log into the intranet site and record all the request and problems that I receive. I am also doing a knowledge transfer from the team in India. So it has now begun and I feel that we are moving into an impersonal world like in George Orwell's book. I feel that the new structures are absurd with the many levels of approval and review.

I wonder how this would improve and simplify work. Looks like creating more layers of bureaucracy and people who have no business on the infrastructure and implementation side now have their fingers in the pie. I wonder what will happen to my request logged somewhere in cyber space. Will it be really reviewed by the approving committee. It's now all about committees and processes. Long gone are the days where rapport and meeting and discussing with colleagues are gone. Everything is now replaced with faceless efficiency and impersonal procedures. I guess that's progress for you.

I have just finished reading Niall Ferguson's 'Empire' . It tells of how the British Empire help establish globalization. The final passages talk about how the mantle of global imperialism and leadership has been transferred to USA. The author has been labeled a neo-imperialist following the footsteps of Rudyard Kipling or the American neo-conservatives like Rumsfield or Cheney. But he is a good writer and I like his ideas. The hero of this group seems to be Winston Churchill with his sweeping imperialist tendencies to lead and save the British empire. I like to read his works as well and his writing skills, visionary and strategic abilities and, should I say his resistance to tyranny are his saving grace.

I am also reading Somerset Maugham, a writer that I did not appreciate in the past. Now I understand his milieu and I love his works especially on the life of British expatriates in the colonies. It is a fitting work to read and enjoy before one departs the islands and goes to the new world. All these seem to echo the voyage in my life as I prepare for my new posting. I have increased my input of books because I can just listen to them via the audio books from the library instead of reading them and ruining my eyesight. Now I get to enjoy a book when I walk to the train station, exercise or riding the bus home.

I reserve my reading and eyesight on really important books, picture books and manuals on how to write if no audio books exists. I have increased my capacity but I have also used up a lot of my spare time. Like being in a candy store, I have opened the doors and have borrowed too much books, movies and music CDs. I know that if I leave this place I will not have the excellent facilities offered in the libraries. The library system here is probably the best in the world. This is one of the things I will really miss if I leave here so that is why I am in a mad rush to borrow everything that I can in my last few months in the island.

Early Morning Epiphany

I woke up in the early morning with a sudden realization. I have been interested on Obama's campaign and have read his two books, monitored the US election as well as read other books and newspaper commentaries on American politics. I knew that he had a unique message and story and liked the way he spoke. But his oratorical gifts did not exactly portray the full victory of his campaign. It was only after reading his campaign manager's famous PowerPoint presentation about the Democrat's primary campaign and Xplane graphics on Obama's use of Facebook in getting campaign funding that I had a glimmer of his unique achievement.

There are many firsts in his achievement. Obviously with his being the first African American president is probably the most significant. But it was really the use of the Internet as the tool to get funds and run his campaign that it's really the first significant political victory that was achieved via the Internet. Since it was the US presidential elections that was won that the magnitude of his victory is truly incredible. This fact is overshadowed by the uniqueness of his victory that most people do not see it. So this was my epiphany in early morning that Obama's success can be categorized as a victory of technology similar to Steven Job's IPod or Apple Macintosh or Bill Gates's Microsoft or the rise of Google and web advertising.

So Obama's victory is a victory of technology, particularly the use of social networking. Hence, social networking is the tool of the future and one that people should study. My experiments with blogging, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. have given me a front seat on this technology and Obama's victory have converged my interest in history, politics and technology. The convergence of these different strands made me realize the uniqueness and specialness of his victory. As he has mentioned, this is the power of the American democratic system that he could achieve the pinnacle of political success in the greatest nation on earth.

Hence, his success I dare say may not have been possible without the clever use of the Internet. If he had travelled the usual way by trying to get delegates, he may not have gotten pass the Clinton challenge. But his unique story and voice gathered the crowds that made possible the use of the Internet and Facebook and social networking. So it was a perfect storm with the confluence of the perfect candidate that could attract independents and swing voters and transcend all the political categories that resulted in a landslide. I guess all this is attributable to his brilliance and effective use of technology that may have swung the difference.

In fact, I am still a Hillary Clinton supporter as I liked her story as well as the brilliance of her husband. But as I said to my wife, Obama is a man of destiny. Fate seemed to have aligned the stars in his favor and the problems faced in the USA may require someone of his story and background and experience.