Coming Back to Oblivion

Last week I had a tough meeting where my proposal was proven to be not good plus my approach to the current project may not be the right one. I pivoted and agreed to follow the proposed process, trying to show non-nonchalance and that I could swiftly change course if that was the way to go. The director that  is following up on this project seems to like my approach so I am confident that I am not in a bad path though some adjustment maybe feasible to maintain good rapport with my colleagues. My boss seems to agree with me but he defers to the young lady who is quite driven and smart and likely in the right.

During the scheduling of this meeting I tried to bring another young colleague to join but he is perpetually postponing meetings that I invite him to. I think he is either insecure of joining meetings because he has nothing to contribute, he is really busy on his project but unfortunate, not updating his calendar. At any rate, he sometimes is a pain in the ass but one should keep encouraging as he is young and much to learn and grow. He seems to be a good friend with the young lady and good to keep supporting them in in their good graces. I am not emotionally intelligent (EQ) so sometimes I miss social signals.

I also attended another party with my friends and I am getting tired of too much of these social sessions. The party was fun but getting to be tedious with guest taking turns singing karaoke, eating having conversations and having a good time. The other week was lunch and dinner at my friends house setting up a pergola and the week before was a wedding. Despite these social activities in the weekend, I go get to work on my project painting my back yard patio. We did miss a children's party today as we did not feel like attending as I had to continue painting and my wife seem not interested since it was for kids. Nevertheless, my other friends joined to show support as likely they had nothing to do.

My mind was churning with thoughts in the past week, causing some sleepless nights which I tried to address by listening to Gregorian chants or binaural beats to put me to sleep. Irrational thoughts driven by the meeting in the office where I think people are ganging up on me, feeling sorry for myself for not being better at EQ, thinking of plots and plans against me. Now with the social commitments that we neglect due to our personal projects, I feel further anxiety that our friends will cut ties as a previous conflict with another friend is again making me think that my friends are ganging up on me as well.

I wonder if the close election race, the misinformation and lies are also turning my head in these environment of divisiveness. It is as if the world is hurling forward to destruction, causing conflicts in the office and home; people siding with others to fight against another, of dealing with lies and subterfuge instead of discussing face to face in the light of day. Too much thinking is the bane of modern life; driven by pressures at home and at work that one wonders is sinking into oblivion without unwanted attention is the best remedy.

    

Coming Close

The election is approaching, and I feel anxious and concerned about the outcome. I know I should not let these external events stress me, following the mantra, one should not worry about events beyond one's control and just focus on what really affects and concerns you. I can't help it being a nerd with years of reading about US politics and elections and not that one is confronting historical events after reading books by Anne Applebaum that foretell the rise of autocracy. Then again I do overthink and let circumstances affect me without reason.

Last week was a good week with my interaction in a group chat with our division director; where I posted a comment requesting a budget after a domain manager reached out to me. I am not really the project manager as this is not really a formal project but I had to respond because I was the de facto or acting PM. Besides this is a chance for me to show what I can do after the events that transpired in the last year where my capability was being questioned by my former supervisor and platform manager. I feel that I am being seen in a new light due to my actions in the recent months.

Last week I finished a course in Gen AI for PM from the PMI organization which was very informative and useful. I believe I am the first who has attended this course and my boss encouraged me to talk about what I had learned in our weekly meeting. Encouraging comments from my colleagues gave me confidence in sharing this experience with other groups by posting about these seminars in several Team's channels in Europe and USA in this area. I got few likes on my post but it was a good gesture to inform my network that I am in my new post and learning the latest technology.

This progress plus my interaction with our division director where I focused on responding to his questions I had my usual doubts about what to say but I stated the facts and got a good response. My mind kept jumping around mainly because of my new post and last year's events but I got my confidence back. Yesterday my friends and I met to help out in putting up a pergola as well as having a great lunch and dinner after the work has been done. My former supervisor was there and I showed my mettle by talking to others and showing that I had moved forward. I am a bigger person by letting old wounds lie and just moving ahead.

Amid all these work and personal events, I am working on my patio; painting the ceiling and putting up plastic covers, covering the uneven surfaces with speaking, spraying primer, and paying the ceiling twice. I have never done this type of work so I overcame my usual doubts and just went ahead with what I thought was the right thing to do with my previous experience painting my house and my dad's house in Lods Angeles way back when I was in college. I have come a long way and if I just keep my wits with me and not succumbing to panic and overthinking, I will get through and keep his sanity.

Watching John Ford

As a latecomer to John Ford's films, one is surprised at the sophistication and technical excellence of his films; realizing later that Ford has more Academy Awards as a director than anyone. I had the impression that his films were cheesy with cliche Westerns but in fact, his oeuvre can be compared to the works of Kurosawa and Bergman. My prejudice or rather my snobbishness made me miss the richness of his movies. I had seen movie scenes of his work many times but avoided plunging in; preferring foreign directors like Fellini, Antonioni, and Kurosawa and neglecting Ford who may be the best of them all.

It was the series 'Dark Winds' about a Native American sheriff located in the immense grandeur of Monument Valley with memories fresh from my visit to the desert near Temecula in Southern California. There was a scene in the series in a hotel in the valley where Ford stayed together with his film stars when filming his movies. My interest in Native Americans increased since watching the recent movie "Killers of the Flower Moon". I visited Cherokee village in the Smoky Mountains with a close friend many years ago and the memory is still fresh with the dances and museum visit.

Going back to Ford's Westerns was a welcome change where right and wrong was clear though there were moments of complexity that gave his films a fair and realistic tinge. It felt like a return to old values when the issue was clear unlike in today's world of disinformation, lies, and confusion. So far I watched 'My Darline Clementine', 'Cheyenne Autumn', and 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' and can't wait for his other films. The performance of the old movie greats was also distinctive with nuances that I did not notice when watching these greats while growing up. 

Henry Fonda, Richard Widmark, John Wayne, and James Stewart are much better actors than I remembered them to be. Their old-time allure especially of old Hollywood brings back to my mind the books of David Niven of a Los Angeles that no longer exist. I always loved LA and my recent visit due to my niece's wedding recalled back to the old days as the reception was in an old Orchard.  I cling to the past of the old movies and books of those long-ago days.

A terrible hurricane swept through the Carolinas last week bringing power outages, lost internet, and destruction to mountain communities on a Biblical scale. I was disoriented last week after the storm, going to the office for 3 days due to no internet access at home, watching the news of the devastation in Western North Carolina, and seeing downed trees and pole lines everywhere while I took advantage of the lull amidst the storm by taking a course on AI for Project Managers; an excellent course that shows a path to the future.

In this chaotic situation brought about by the weather, I also struggle with my new circumstances being in this new department in my new role for about eight months. The noise and turmoil of the election adds to this mix that I often find myself bewildered though focusing on learning new things like AI and Power BI, while trying to fix a BI issue where I am trying out new skills. The election will be done so hopefully in a peaceful manner, while the hurricane has passed and people try to get back or rebuild their lives.

Further struggles lie ahead but a welcome respite watching Ford's old Westerns, reconnecting to old values, and moving forward with one's instincts and keeping one's wits. These old movie stars with their grace and perseverance offer a kind of hope though their kind is never to be seen before. A venerable Toastmaster also passed away a few weeks ago, someone who I had admired with his English accent and manners though he was from New Zealand as if he was from an old tie when people respected each other; an impression I had from my Grandmother who also passed away; a representative of any older and kinder time and those who remain here in this work for the moment are left to continue their example.

A Hollywood Story

The events that unfolded in the last week seemed like a Hollywood movie playing out in real-time. The protagonist is playing a role that portrays him as a child of destiny as if he was a leading man in true life.  If one did not know that he is a con man with multiple lawsuits against his companies, declared bankrupt, and now a convicted felon who is familiar with the ways of Hollywood and cinematic plotting that brings doubt to the storyline now playing out in real life. In fact, this strategy has been used many times in history; to distort the events of one's life to portray a hero in the making.

Perhaps it is a story of redemption or transformation; a near-death experience that brings enlightenment that the hero emerges ready to take the mantle of leadership and solve the world's problems. Peace in the Middle East.? However, one remains doubtful, especially with the real actors behind the scenes: a real dictator orchestrating the storyline to further his dreams of conquest; to revive the Soviet empire and wage real war to recover their former glory. It seems possible if one understands the dictator's origin as a practitioner of the black arts of spycraft.

Unfortunately, everyone goes about their daily lives watching television and watching the made-for-Hollywood movie playing on their screens. The true hero is an old man who has overcome terrible tragedies in his life until he has achieved true greatness but now old age has come to claim him as it does to all mankind. Perhaps this is the real story; of a great man overcoming his desire to remain in the fight but instead leaving the scene of battle to the next generation who are ready to engage in the struggle. Of a party still with its values intact and goals clear in sight while the other party is corrupted and lost.

This is the deeper storyline playing out if one discerns the true battle occurring behind the scenes; behind the spectacle of manufactured heroism, distorted values, and the capitulation of good people to remain in power; willing ( or perhaps unknowingly ) to become pawns in the great game that's been playing out for centuries but now with the new weapons of social media, Hollywood storylines under the shadow of a real war still being fought in European soil. Perhaps the only thing left is just to lie down in ignorance and let the darkness swallow one up.

Perhaps it is just overthinking like my week at work where my new projects were now removed for good reason; allowing me to work on new things and learn more. The constant adaptation in the workplace as one navigates the changing tide, still remaining relevant but attending courses and learning new ways of working. To go to lunch with good friends, eat good food, and talk about trivialities,  about new electric cars, vacationing in Europe, or thinking about skiing trips in the coming winter. We are all going to die anyway so why not just go with the flow.?

4th of July in Boston

Boston during the week of Independence day is like living in the past. Actors walk around in period costumes, history coming alive with events in old building like the reading the Declaration of Independence in the old State house, walking the Freedom trail with a character of the past - in my case Mother Goose - the Bostonian writer of nursery rhymes; played by a delightful part time actress also wearing the clothes of the 17th or 18th Century. Hearing cannons firing and muskets shots as the actor re-enacted imagined events in history.

We walked all over the city from Boston Commons to the Harbor front, eating six different types of Chowder during the Chowder fest in Washington Street, listening to concerts at the harbor front followed by fireworks over the bay. The next day, we went on a whale watching cruise with thoughts about Moby Dick; when catching whale was the main economic activity back in the day in nearby Nantucket. The obligatory visits to excellent museums like the Museum of Fine Arts and the singular Isabel Gardner Stewart Museum quenched the artistic side one normally gets when visiting a city.

On July 4th, we went to the JFK Library with it's magnificent location along Boston Bay in solemn solitude tucked away within the University of Massachusetts. A beautiful exhibit worthy of the tragic life commemorated in I.M Pei's elegant architecture. One's feels a certain fire and rebellion in the city with echoes of revolutions and rebels, of the Sons of Liberty and the Kennedys. The city seemed like an old world of simple truths with the fight for righteousness clear and valiant, mixed with times of victory and tragedy. Boston felt like a world lost in time; away from the confusion and tribalism of modern times.

 

Returning back to work refreshed as if Boston had clarified what was vital and important amidst the turmoil and confusion at work. I did a Toastmaster speech on my Boston visit in a cramped room with too many people, the visual aid not working so I had to improvise by holding my lap top screen in front of the audience. I completed my monthly reports, participated in department meetings and feedback sessions, attended a town hall, wrote emails summarizing the current status of a new project I was working on; in short back in the rat race.

A played a good round of goal on Thursday with my partner and I finally wining our round in the last day of the first half of the tournament, biking on Friday and swimming in the pool on Saturday morning. Afterwards working in the yard and dismantling a pergola to make way for my new enclosed back patio and deck at my backyard ; the construction nearing 2 months with the builder often sick or not feeling well because of the heat wave or depressions due to his recent divorce.  A few hours earlier as I wrote this blog entry, an assassination on a presidential candidate portend a grim future like all hell is about to break loose.    

Alternate Reality

I attended yet another presentation on AI last week and missed a few which I will watch later in the recorded webinar. In fact, there is nothing new in the previous session attended just a reputation on what AI is all about with some more information on current projects. My experience has made me believe that only a little one can do except use the products already created by Microsoft in the Co-Pilot features. In essence, the term best explains the AI feature as an assistant that would help you in your work.

There is a true benefit to be sure at a higher level where more focus and technical expertise are needed but for the ordinary Joe, using the readily available tools like Co-Pilot in Microsoft, ChatGPT and Google Gemini may provide the easiest exposure. Other tools that help one build a simple language model like Google Notebook may offer more specific use to those who have a goal in mind and the ability to make it work. Tools like Sudo Write may help an aspiring novelist like me though one does have to define how the tool will be used. 

The ordinary Joe will likely experience AI in the way ordinary services are provided for example more context and suggestion when one does a search in Bing or Google, a summary of a subject using Gemini and ChatGPT, programming coding in various tools like GitLab and so on. Otherwise, the AI experience will be beneficial to those who are inclined to dive into a journey with focus and intent. Most of the people who attend these AI sessions, perhaps about 80%, will not be interested in diving deep unless an AI feature already exists in the tool they use in their everyday work, following the provider's vision of how AI should be implemented.

Perhaps this is the danger that some experts warn about; allowing AI to do the work thinking that it's all-knowing and omniscient and would bring a slow descent into chaos; allowing things to play out until all hell breaks out. Watching the Presidential debate gave me that feeling; of watching a would-be dictator waltz in despite the obvious outcome of his actions; or the doddering performance of a president past his prime in television debates (though he may be more functional in private). The reality of both men's compulsion were clear for all to see though it's been there all along.

I can't help to feel the same; going to work trying to keep busy, to focus due to my procrastination and attention deficit. Is this is reality of folks my age ? To find techniques to maintain my wits and focus using tools like binaural beats, TDSC, mindfulness meditation, ADHD planners, and so on. One is on the threshold of change brought about by getting old, to observe life's absurdity as if being in an alternate reality. Like watching the country slide into dictatorship or alternatively to doddering socialism without as care on either option.

 

On Being A Professional

I had the chance to attend several web trainings last week. The courses I attended were Digital Marketing, Hybrid Project Management, and SAFe or Scaled Agile Framework. So much I did not know especially about SAFe despite being practiced in the company. I thought I knew what was going on but in fact, I was just winging it in my ignorance; based on a vague understanding of what was going on. It's more of the experience gained which I don't consciously recognize due to my predilection to having a 'beginners' mind all the time.

A beginner's mind is always good but needs to consider the skills and experience already gained with the many years at work. Similar to the way I play golf; still have that imposter's feeling of being a beginner and having all the techniques and stances and swing rules in the playing fields when one needs to throw that away and just 'feel' the game. This is how one graduates from being a perpetual amateur and into being an old hand. Lessons do help obviously but one needs to incorporate confidence by having faith and playing the game with one's natural 'feeling' and wits.

"Feeling" in golf means to chunk away the lessons in the mind but just go about playing with what feels right which is gained from many years of effort. I have been playing golf for more than 20 years and I should recognize that and not go back to being an amateur in my mental space. Similar to novel writing, I do not have the confidence to just write but instead, go back to the lessons and buy all sorts of webinars to continue my learning when I have read and write since my youth. This experience already entitles me to a certain confidence that should allow me to move ahead.

Instead, I continue to attend trainings to keep me updated when I am already ahead. For instance, when I already know a particular subject, I persist in borrowing all the books about the topic and submerging myself into the subject until I am an expert. Such efforts are actually useless and only an indulgence. Of course, at work, I do have to earn units regularly to keep my certification as a professional project manager. There is so much new technology or knowledge to learn that one is perpetually a student.

Last week, I presented an update on my project and introduced a metric that the domain managers liked. This output came out of my experience and not from any training. I have been a PM for 19 years and have been with the company for 29 years. I have many decades of experience in golf, reading and writing,  biking, swimming, and being a Toastmaster. This background qualifies me to evolve into a confident golfer, a successful novelist, and a professional manager. Banish my doubts and feelings of being an imposter and being a perpetual amatuer.

Rage Against Boredom

 There was not much to do last week except procrastinate; surfing the internet with my cellphone while monitoring group chats or emails in case something came up or someone reached out to me. Unfortunately, it was another mostly quiet week with myself holding out from contacting people who are involved in my project to avoid being a nuisance since I am the new person in the team - the project leader no less as if parachuted by the management team, right into the melee to lead.

This decision should be thrilling to inspire trust and confidence, but in the end, it is the long relationship and string of projects I worked on for several decades. I looked back at the stuff I worked in and was amazed at the stuff I did to keep things organized: spreadsheets, emails and what have you. Is that me? I wonder in amazement as if discovering a side of myself that I never realized as if the actions of a different person. Is that the reality of being middle-aged?  I want to look back and see a different person, a much younger and more vigorous one.

I know how Joe Biden feels, to be a different person in one's old age, no longer the same person he was but nonetheless still competent and effective though perhaps at a slower pace. There are no shortcomings in cognition or ability but a different way of working; perhaps a bit jaded and cynical after all those years of hard work and drive during the younger years. Perhaps the late nights, the alcohol, and the indulgence finally make their mark.

One needs a project to engage one's attention instead of the constant web surfing in the bottomless pit of the smartphone. Perhaps learning more about AI is the subject to beat. It might even be a survival path to retain one's younger drive by having help from AI. It's all about attention and how one can still be relevant by focusing on a subject. How about learning a new language like French or playing a musical instrument?

This is the real reason why experts suggest the elderly learn new skills. To preserve one's attention and cognition by being engaged. The workplace will never provide this avenue since it's about politics and emotional intelligence, accepting neurodiversity, and whatnot. Not a bad avenue as it also paths of learning and awareness but not provide the drive and passion that one would need to be authentic and relevant.     

MetaCognition

Last week I attended several seminars and webinars on generative artificial intelligence (AI), and productivity tips in MS365 plus read several articles on improving work and assorted blogs on various topics about D-Day, reflections on Japan, and so on. I particularly like Adam Tooze's blog and other less well-known ones offering multiple takes on current events, especially on politics and culture. I find that these blogs offer a deeper perspective on their subject matter than is usually done in the mainstream media.

Oftentimes there is an alternative narrative that exists in all topics as clearly seen in politics and discerning the truth is not straightforward. My recent trip to St. Agustine for example expressed the narrative that the first European settlement in North America was initiated by the Spanish with their conquistadors and Catholic emissaries way before the arrival of the English and Protestants in Boston, Massachusetts. The English version is the prevailing narrative especially here in South Carolina following the Anglo version which the Florida story debunks and seems the more factual.

This alternative take on events exists everywhere especially in the workplace though on more mundane topics, even between friends that one must be fluid in one's outlook instead of having a fixed point of view. Fluid intelligence or being open and adaptable in mindset rather than fixed and using one's learning may not be enough. I find this is an important skill for me especially when one has changed departments, working with new people, and adapting to new conditions. Being middle-aged adds to this problem since one has already accumulated decades of experience that may no longer be relevant to today's world.

I have been meditating and doing Tai Chi for some time but mindfulness is not the full solution to cognition though this exercise does address attention and focus. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helps correct patterns of thought but Metacognition is the more relevant skill in today's world of multiple narratives. Cognition and or understanding of one's thinking will lower stress as makes one more adaptable to recognize the 'new' instead of sticking with the 'old'.

In my recent change at work, I see that my former ways of thinking, of being cock sure of reality is not a good attitude in recognizing neuro divergence in the people I work with. Being a bit ADHD myself has made me aware of my own situation and using new tools like eRemarkable tablet coupled with a special ADHD yearly planner helps me navigate my own mental landscape and improve my way of working to understand and be adaptable to different realities. Mostly to remain sane and serene in the face of confusion.

Back from Florida

 Enjoyed 3 days in St. Agustine; our first day was spent on an hour-long bike ride along an old train route converted into a bike trail. The trail was outside the city, moving from the city's outskirts and snaking along trees, wide open spaces beside the highway, houses, and small towns. We reached the city in the afternoon after a six-hour drive from South Carolina.

The second day was spent on the beach in Anastasia State Park, biking along the shoreline escaping the crowds near the entrance, and reaching the deserted stretch where crowds of sea birds walked near the surf I drove my bike through them and watched as the birds flew up in all directions then coming together to flow in format together. After our ride, we returned to the car to get our umbrella to shield us from the sun and go into the cold water for several minutes before returning under the shade. 

Lunch at Harry's with crab and fish over rice and two beers. Then, we walked to the old Hotel Alcazar, which had been converted into a museum. At sundown, we took a cruise out in the ocean, enjoying the city's views from the sea until sundown. The next day was spent first in Ponce Deleon's Fountain of Youth park, enjoying the different shows about the early Spanish colony with cannon shots, arquebus rifles firing, and a giant globe showing the routes of the conquistadors into the Americas. 

Afterward, we visited the fort near the shoreline, watching the exhibits and walking along the walls staring at the sea and the city beyond. We envisioned the history of burning towns and fights with the British coming down from South Carolina. The old Spanish city offered a different narrative of the country's history. Spanish conquistadors were the first Europeans living on the continent rather than the prevailing narrative of Plymouth ships coming from England.

Lunch at Columbia - an excellent Spanish or rather Cuban restaurant where I had pork chops and rice. After lunch, we visited the old Governor's mansion and the Villa Zoraydo - an interesting house built with a Moorish design with intricate carvings and an internal courtyard. The Spanish presence feels like Intramuros in the Philippines. We left the next day having discovered a different perspective on the country's history - more familiar with the Spanish Catholic influence as compared to the existing English - Protestant story.

I worked remotely for the next two days, logging into the network and trying to get work done, re-forecasting and closing the month in the electronic books, replying to emails, meeting with colleagues, and explaining my project. Next week will continue the work on my project, preparing the project report for June, and meeting with the business teams and IS teams to review the report before officially publishing the content. Announcements of leadership changes will mean a different experience in the coming years with new management.

Everything is a Journey

A recent article in NYT talks about the use of the word 'journey' to describe any event or experience in people's lives.  No longer a word that connotes a physical trip, the word now becomes a metaphor for whatever experience or challenge occurring in one's life.  Several journeys or stories are happening in my life at the moment. I say story because the word 'journey' is really about storytelling, to depict one's challenges as a sort of voyage of salvation, redemption, or transformation. The struggle must be difficult otherwise the experience is trivial.

• Journey #1: transfer to a new department, adapt to new people and ways of working, and learn and lead a project in a new area of the company

• Journey #2: leave behind my old team without rancor, anger, revenge-seeking, or bitterness and, instead, be grateful and not disdainful of their success; be big-hearted and proud of their progress;

• Journey #3: to adapt to new tools and techniques like artificial intelligence, building a second brain, Microsoft 365 co-pilot, Google Gemini, and ChatCPT, to be outgoing and more open to people and follow new ways and not succumb to ageism being middle-aged;

• Journey #4: continue to progress in extracurricular activities that will increase my understanding and appreciation of the wider and not just consumed by work: play golf in the company league, participate in Toastmasters, watch Opera and National Theatre;
  
  
• Journey #5: continue to meditate and practice mindfulness, focus on my health by going to the gym, swimming, biking, running in 5k races, and managing my mind not to keep churning thoughts about perceived slights from friends or office politics or envy or focusing of trivial internet surfing and self-debasement plus continuing therapy and self-reflection;

• Journey #6: continue the effort to write a book and use the latest tools to be a writer, attend online lessons in writing and continue lessons on various topics to let me be a better writer have a regular routine, and foster a disciplined writing craft;

This weekend my mind was again churning with too many thoughts about work, friendships, projects, and planned hours improvements all under a cloud of paranoia, dark desires, low self-esteem, and plots and the flights of the ego; of being the center of the world and wanted time due to thoughtless abuse and shameful pleasure.

There is too much thinking, worry, daydreams, external stimuli, and ambition that meditation and mindfulness help me control, and listening to Gregorian chants and church music helps alleviate and soothe the mind. Again the solution is Just Do It following the Nike commercial because one has the experience knowledge and success being in the place that one is in today. However one must have compassion and self-love that one cannot do everything. 

New Project Work

 Last week I had a lot of free time to take courses on project management and watch videos of company meetings and read about events in other departments.  I have learned more about the company in these past few weeks than the 3 decades I have spent in my career. So much has happened on the sidelines that I was aware of in the periphery but now have more understanding. This lull period is normal as I recently moved to my new department where I spent time learning new things and taking online courses until a project has finally been assigned to me.

Since then, I have scheduled several meetings with the business team; project leaders, project owners, and the main business sponsor. I also met with the IT teams; domain and platform managers, squad leads, and some engineers. I have been reading the project documentation and attending some seminars on this new area of the company business. This realm is so much different from the area I have been working on for the past decades of my career. It is a new world for me with a different vocabulary, area of focus, business, and IT resources and it feels like I was hired by an entirely new company. I find myself the rookie in the field.

It is a rare chance for me to have a new lease of life in my career; as if I was handed a second act for me to fulfill. I have learned many new things I am obviously a novice in the arena but my experience and skills in leading projects will sustain me in this endeavor. Oftentimes I am the oldest person in the meeting by my biological age as well as the longest-serving employee as most members are less than 20 years in the company. I guess it is this seniority that I get the respect of the team.

I do feel the years in my situation not succumbing to anxiety or excitement being new but instead jaded and calm with the experience I have gained working in Asia and the different projects I worked on worldwide. I am the old man who still has a bag of tricks in his sleeve perhaps like Joe Biden who is running again despite his advanced age. I do feel the bias that most people have toward the so-called elderly despite having spunk left to get things done. The challenge is reframing once usual reactions to a project not as the bright young genius but as a veteran old hand that ensures respect and courtesy.

This is the advantage that I have in these moments; as a senior; to be calm and calculating and strike at the precise target that my experience and intuition would guide me. My initiative to learn new things like AI and keeping abreast of new technology will also give me an advantage not sinking into a situation of being obsolete and behind the times. I think my new boss is starting to see my value. I have always brushed aside my age; trying to be one of the boys but my colleagues are younger than me and have polite deference if I don't perform the way a younger person would.

This may be the root of my debacle when I was overwhelmed due to my age when it was really poor management with the lack of preparation and support from my previous supervisors. My age has slowed me down, causing me to be confused and out of touch when the issue was really management incompetence; the inability to manage seniors and instead shut them away and replace them with younger people to hide their inefficiency. But that is the way of the world and one has to rely on his wits to survive.

Cyrpto Currency

Last week I used Notebook LM from Google for my project and see if I can get some value from this AI tool. There is a lot of hype about AI in the press as well as in the office as everyone is eager to get on the bandwagon. Notebook LM is a quick and easy way to get started and I was able to demonstrate in our weekly meeting how I intend to use this tool in my work as project manager. There is some promise but not fully realized what I have done. I got a lukewarm response but some interest from my boss as maybe a new path for his department to explore.

I was admonished to use this tool instead of the company tool that is being promoted using Chat GPT. I wrote to the Eurepoen head requesting access and expressed my ideas for using this tool to help in managing projects. He seemed happy and eager to provide me access perhaps to help this initiative to get more headway and attain a game-changing result. Next week will be interesting once I get access and as I load project documents and experiment. I like this type of work to be an innovator and learn something new that is at the cutting edge though I suspect not much from this endeavor with Language Models. The promise seems to be the Microsoft implementation of Chat GPT in their copilot tool available in their Office 360 suite.

I spent most of last week attending courses on Project Management while learning about the details of my project which covers a different part of the company business where revenue is expected to increase. This new area is different from what I am used to and more into pure software as a service instead of the usual manufacture and delivery of a product. So I spent time learning about this business and reading about this new area. Everything is new for me in my new department from the project focus to the use of new tools like AI.

At times I could not help myself in looking at my old team, hoping that disaster would strike now that I am gone and that without my 'brilliance' all will go to hell but in fact, the team is doing well despite some small mishaps. This is a lesson to me that the world does not revolve around my existence, that I am not as brilliant as I think I am though that is also short charigng myself as I do focus and commit my energies and initiative with some imagination and verve. Using the AI tool was a retunr back to form but not in the groundbreaking way that I often exaggerate.

A golfing friend of mine is encouraging me to invest in a private equity firm that invests in real estate and some interesting investments like alt-currency coin mining. This is a new direction for me and I borrowed some materials from the library on cryptocurrency and bitcoin mining. The return on investment is impressive at 28%. I feel that we are truly in a new world with Artificial Intelligence, altcoin mining, and my new job in the software as a service domain.  

A New Home

Last week, I worked with a project manager on an infrastructure project that involved deploying new hardware in North, South, and Central America. The project manager praised me for my work in ensuring that the software components were compatible with the hardware and could be installed at the respective sites. Most of my work involved coordinating with several teams through chats, emails, and conversations. Although I was supposed to be a co-project manager, it was determined that having two project managers would add unnecessary complexity to the project.

I like working with her after having worked together in the past. She was actually on leave for spring break last Friday but participated in the group chats and had a few phone calls with me to talk about the next steps. My former colleague told me that I was praised in the meeting and I was glad she had done so without my asking. It was good to be recognized and that my former colleagues heard this recognition from other people as a sort of vindication for my skills after my difficulties in that department recently.

I have found a home with good people, honest, straightforward, and competent; where we have good enjoyable conversations and honest sharing of ideas. I am assigned new projects with another platform which is good for learning new things and meeting new people. I feel that I have narrowly escaped from a tangled web, from chaos and confusion driven by inexperienced managers, and finally landed in a place where people are experienced and competent. Of course, this is an unfair assessment as people are trying their best at work and coping with the workload.

I am a different person to match my new circumstances, learning from my mistakes and striving to do things differently and more efficiently. What more can one ask after breaking free from a jungle and walking into the light?

 

Prague in Winter

We spent 6 days in Prague which was a delight, walking the cobblestone streets, exploring the city, drinking beer or hot wine while walking and enjoying beer houses or coffee houses or underground cellar restaurants when taking breaks from our walks. Prague occupied a place in the periphery of my mind, not having the attention of a Paris or London or Rome, like a neglected gem that would someday get it's needed attention. 

I chose Prague by happenstance while searching for cheap hotels and found a discount in a 4 star hotel 20  minutes from old city possibly since it was the off season being winter. It was a busy 6 day vacation with long walks in the city, attending concerts and the opera at magnificent venues such as ancient baroque churches or synagogues or Municipal Hall or the National Theater with the magnificent architecture of an imperial city.

On our second day while listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons in St. Clementine Church, sitting in the pews with music enriching the cold space of the church, looking at the paintings of Christ and the Saints adorning the ceiling and the wall behind the altar was a sublime moment. Tears filled my eyes and I was on a verge of crying; finally feeling the impact of difficult events of the last few months;  my career change, my feelings of humiliation, hard work and stress coming back in that instant together with the rapture that came with the music and magnificence of the church. 

Suffering is a Christian experience, to survive the unfairness of life, with God as your guide that I felt I was willed into that majestic church to listen to that divine music within the halls where spiritual visions were displayed that I felt an epiphany, that my suffering at the office was God's plan and I had  overcome my challenges with his grace.   

The next few days was a joy to explore and  understand the history of Prague and it's significant role in Christianity. Somehow the city seemed familiar as if coming back from a former lifetime, welcoming me with it's embrace, an ancient city with it's mystery and beauty, of spirituality and grace and of redemption and renewal.  

In the week before our trip, we watched several YouTube videos on Prague everyday during dinner. I also borrowed 5 guide books and read a bit on the city so we were prepared; to understand the transportation in the city, the currency and food, places to go, travel tips and other useful information that made our trip enjoyable.  While at the hotel and at the airport going back, I watched videos on Franz Kafka, Prague Spring, Velvet Revolution and the breakup of Czechoslovakia.    

Our itinerary in Prague:  

Day 1 - Wednesday. Departure  Charlotte to Chicago to Zurich to Prague

Day 2 - Thursday. Arrival@ afternoon : check in Hotel, eat local food near hotel,  ride bus to Prague Old town square;  see astronomical tower, cross Charles bridge

Day 3 - Friday. Tour Prague castle, St. Vitus Cathedral, St. George Basilica, Golden lane, lunch (beef in mash potatoes) near castle in Mala Strana, lost in Mala Strana town looking for tour guide to Prague castle. Watch 1st classical concert at St. Clementine church.

Day 4 - Saturday. View IMucha exhibit in Municipal hall, Chocolate factory in old town, eat sausage in old town, Lobowicz palace in Prague castle, lost in Mala Strana, cross Charles Bridge from Mala Strana, drink coffee in old town.

Day 5 - Sunday. Walk in park outside city, around lake, go back to Prague Castle to Lobowicz Palace for 2nd classical music concert, ride tram to National Theater to watch Dalibor Opera, eat early dinner (duck confit) before opera beside theater and  walk across the bridge and in the island below the bridge before watching the opera.

Day 6 - Monday. Go to Prague Lumia Light Show and Museum of Senses at old town. Eat lunch in cellar restaurant boar cuts and beer. Watch 3rd Classical concert at Spanish Synagogue @ 5pm and another out 4th Classical concert @ Municipal Hall @ 8pm, walk in old town while drinking hot mulled wine.

Day 7 - Tuesday. Walk in old town across Charles Bridge and enter St. Nicolas Church in Mala Strana, go to  Clementine Baroque library and astronomical tower, lunch in Uzbekistan restaurant meat and dumpling soup, beef or lamb in rice with nuts. Departure - go to airport@ 2 pm. Flight to Brussels

Day 8 -  Wednesday. Brussels overnight - Ibis Budget hotel. Ride Bus to Brussels airport. Brussels to Newark to Charlotte arriving at 10 pm EST.

Rabbit in the Year of the Dragon

Last week I had meetings where I transitioned my work on the environment where I had an hour to explain all the work I had been doing for more than a year in stabilizing the computer system; from the fixes done at the infrastructure until the monitoring of change that are deployed that breaks the system. It's been a good recap for me as I surprised myself with the scale of work I have accomplished as well as the initiatives and processes that I set up. It seemed a fitting end to my work on this subject as I transitioned this project to my replacement.

I also had a couple of exchanges by chat to transition to another project where I had the lead in fixing data inconsistencies between different systems. I had hoped to have a meeting to do a good turnover like the other project but my manager did not have the opportunity to schedule a meeting with the different parties; preferring to take the lead in other ways without my participation which is just as well. This project had a lot of loud voices from different sectors and may be better to be without me. However, the chat was effective in laying the process clearly so that the new team could follow with some improvements.

I had another meeting on Thursday to explain another project that I am doing which has not been completed yet due to lack of funds and resources. It was the second meeting of the day on the same topic but this time without the other parties and just me and my boss. I again explained the current situation and the remaining work to be done once funding is secured. I feel good in these meetings because they let me showcase the work that I have been doing and lend a feeling of finality as I move on to my new department.

I also attended 2 projects that I bring with me to my new post. I felt that I needed to do more but I have done as much as I can as dependent on the work from other partners that are delayed or need further explorations. Such is project work where you meet with other people who have their own opinions and pace of work that I have to adjust to. My new post is for product improvements and my boss is a step away from the top management. From this perspective, my move can arguably be called a promotion.

I feel I have turned a corner with this move where I had no input on the decision since it was just announced to my manager by top management. There was no explanation for this move but seemed tied to the recognition last December where I was recognized and awarded a generous amount of points that I converted to a vacation in Prague. My trip is the final reward for a year of challenges and changes that had turned out well as seen in my recognition and new post.

My role in my new post acknowledges my long experience in project management and I continue this role but with more customers. The past year of transformation self-reflection and focus has prepared me and I had anticipated this move in the back of my mind though my horoscope did predict a career change. Is there some truth that one's destiny is aligned with the stars? Perhaps astrology does play a part in our lives.

Happy New Year

Last week my current boss announced my transfer to a new department; same role but now my customers is all the domains in the platform not only the domain I used to work in. My new boss reports directly to the head of the whole division which I guess is a step up for me. This transfer follows in the heels of my recognition by the platform head where I received a large amount of points which I converted to a hotel stay in Europe. I can't help but feel vindicated, that I emerged victorious after several months of feeling shame and humiliation.

Despite my seeming success, I am under no illusions that my path ahead is going to be smooth. There are new people to meet and new learning on the other domains. Currently I am already working on an infrastructure project replacing hardware in Northern and Southern Hemisphere, and another project related to customer interactions - a far cry from my usual work exclusive to my domain. The last 2 projects I worked on went well which had praises reaped upon me for my performance; mainly attributed to my constant communication that is clear and timely and collaborating with other groups 

I have transcended my dire circumstances, focused on the work assigned and kept at it especially the new projects outside my domain where my work was good enough for me to be moved to this new department plus public recognition. At least that is my interpretation since no one really explained why I got the recognition plus incredible points and my transfer. Perhaps it was the sacrifice I made leaving my post for the betterment of my domain and enduring the loneliness of this decision; the deliberate exclusion of my presence as may affect the needed change; as if I was bad influence like having the plague.

The division manager had promised me that he would post me elsewhere if I agreed to leave my post and finally showed he was good to his word, a person I trust more than my immediate management. My supervisor maybe surprised by my success and recognition as well as the person that replaced me; thinking that I was old and washed up; counting the days, months or years until my retirement; an elderly relic who has seen better days. But the old dog still knows a few tricks of his own.

The danger here is hubris; to think that I came out on top, that I am better at those who had wronged me. It's true that I feel contempt to my supervisor and the new recruit for their treatment of me; that I am glad to be rid of this department and have a new home that will welcome me. Thoughts of anger and revenge, of plots to get even still haunt my thoughts but one should have compassion. This is the better way that despite my progress I do not get swell headed and gloat. Indeed, my circumstances is largely due to luck than anything else.