Rage Against Boredom

 There was not much to do last week except procrastinate; surfing the internet with my cellphone while monitoring group chats or emails in case something came up or someone reached out to me. Unfortunately, it was another mostly quiet week with myself holding out from contacting people who are involved in my project to avoid being a nuisance since I am the new person in the team - the project leader no less as if parachuted by the management team, right into the melee to lead.

This decision should be thrilling to inspire trust and confidence, but in the end, it is the long relationship and string of projects I worked on for several decades. I looked back at the stuff I worked in and was amazed at the stuff I did to keep things organized: spreadsheets, emails and what have you. Is that me? I wonder in amazement as if discovering a side of myself that I never realized as if the actions of a different person. Is that the reality of being middle-aged?  I want to look back and see a different person, a much younger and more vigorous one.

I know how Joe Biden feels, to be a different person in one's old age, no longer the same person he was but nonetheless still competent and effective though perhaps at a slower pace. There are no shortcomings in cognition or ability but a different way of working; perhaps a bit jaded and cynical after all those years of hard work and drive during the younger years. Perhaps the late nights, the alcohol, and the indulgence finally make their mark.

One needs a project to engage one's attention instead of the constant web surfing in the bottomless pit of the smartphone. Perhaps learning more about AI is the subject to beat. It might even be a survival path to retain one's younger drive by having help from AI. It's all about attention and how one can still be relevant by focusing on a subject. How about learning a new language like French or playing a musical instrument?

This is the real reason why experts suggest the elderly learn new skills. To preserve one's attention and cognition by being engaged. The workplace will never provide this avenue since it's about politics and emotional intelligence, accepting neurodiversity, and whatnot. Not a bad avenue as it also paths of learning and awareness but not provide the drive and passion that one would need to be authentic and relevant.