On Being A Professional

I had the chance to attend several web trainings last week. The courses I attended were Digital Marketing, Hybrid Project Management, and SAFe or Scaled Agile Framework. So much I did not know especially about SAFe despite being practiced in the company. I thought I knew what was going on but in fact, I was just winging it in my ignorance; based on a vague understanding of what was going on. It's more of the experience gained which I don't consciously recognize due to my predilection to having a 'beginners' mind all the time.

A beginner's mind is always good but needs to consider the skills and experience already gained with the many years at work. Similar to the way I play golf; still have that imposter's feeling of being a beginner and having all the techniques and stances and swing rules in the playing fields when one needs to throw that away and just 'feel' the game. This is how one graduates from being a perpetual amateur and into being an old hand. Lessons do help obviously but one needs to incorporate confidence by having faith and playing the game with one's natural 'feeling' and wits.

"Feeling" in golf means to chunk away the lessons in the mind but just go about playing with what feels right which is gained from many years of effort. I have been playing golf for more than 20 years and I should recognize that and not go back to being an amateur in my mental space. Similar to novel writing, I do not have the confidence to just write but instead, go back to the lessons and buy all sorts of webinars to continue my learning when I have read and write since my youth. This experience already entitles me to a certain confidence that should allow me to move ahead.

Instead, I continue to attend trainings to keep me updated when I am already ahead. For instance, when I already know a particular subject, I persist in borrowing all the books about the topic and submerging myself into the subject until I am an expert. Such efforts are actually useless and only an indulgence. Of course, at work, I do have to earn units regularly to keep my certification as a professional project manager. There is so much new technology or knowledge to learn that one is perpetually a student.

Last week, I presented an update on my project and introduced a metric that the domain managers liked. This output came out of my experience and not from any training. I have been a PM for 19 years and have been with the company for 29 years. I have many decades of experience in golf, reading and writing,  biking, swimming, and being a Toastmaster. This background qualifies me to evolve into a confident golfer, a successful novelist, and a professional manager. Banish my doubts and feelings of being an imposter and being a perpetual amatuer.

Remote Training

Last week I attended a Zoom training for 4 days. Despite being remote, the seminar went well as the 2 trainers were extremely knowledgeable and experienced. They organized breakout rooms, effectively grouping people together and giving us small projects for each team to discuss and present. The  technology allowed us to interact and engage with each other despite not being physically together. I admit I lost my shyness by keeping our cameras open and interacting with other people.

Since moving into my new role, I have gotten back to my PMI world as PM, getting PDU units to keep my accreditation. I plan to also continue my Toastmaster membership and attend meetings. The decision for leave my former role was the right thing to do and I have to bear whatever burden and loss that may bring. I read an old journal entry where I recorded my conversation with the former manager and I told him that I wanted to leave the squad and act on my own as project manager. 

The challenge would be not to succumb to self pity and paranoia but to strike out in my new role and excel like I always do in projects. There is a path forward if I keep my wits and initiative, and the journey will be a rebirth, to get unstuck and recover from stress and anxiety. It is a good sign that this month I have the best sleep score than the previous months which shows I am heading back to a more saner life.

I am getting back my old confidence being away from working with people, organizing weekly activities and getting things done. I see the progress and new method being used and the change happening to the squad and glad the are thriving under the new squad leader. I am glad to have experienced that role and to meet with each of the squad member but this was not my wheelhouse. I am glad to have gotten the mental space and bandwidth to do project and also personally to finally focus on my project to write a novel.

AI has brought a new path forward and this new technology makes senses for me to use. Never have I imagined that such a tool would exist that would perfectly fit my situation and aptitude. I may have stumbled into an area that may fit exactly my temperament and skills (or lack thereof). A door has opened and it's up to me to focus, master the new technology and move ahead.