Monday, March 2, 2009

No News Yet

I guess I am a nervous fellow. I have not received any news from my new office for the past 2 weeks. So I am starting to get worried that maybe something has gone wrong. So I am filled with a lot of thoughts and anxiety. Nevertheless, I am proceeding with the plan that I will be moving by April. I am preparing for the rental of my flat, asking my son to apply for leave of absence and generally closing out my affairs here. It feels a bit strange that I am proceeding with this major move without a written offer from my new office. I guess the philosophy is that the transfer does not entail an approval of the offered salary and benefits on my part. I guess its viewed as an opportunity.

In these periods of useless anxiety, my mind starts playing tricks on me and contributes to my nervous state. Of course I have a right to be nervous because it will not only affect me but my children's future as well. So I have to make sure that the decision to move is the right one. But I guess this is water under the bridge at this point in time. The decision to move has been expressed so one has to plan for the transfer. But there is so many things to do that I am often transfixed into indecision. For instance, I need an operation to remove the k-wire in my hand and I know have 2 choice: a.) go for an efficient but expensive operation tomorrow by another surgeon, or b.) go for low-cost surgery at the end of the month by my original doctor but with less efficiency due to long queues in the government hospital.

My mind is filled with indecision because essentially I like living here. It is a nice place to live and leaving here, especially for my kids require them to burn their bridges. so this brings up my concern on their future. I know that their life will be different when we move because the life style there is not as modern as here. But I think that the change will be for the best as will be less distracting to them unlike here living in a city. I am listening to Phil McGraw's 'Life Strategies' and the first rule to that one should try to get it. I mean to get the true essence of the situation. Regarding my move, I guess I don't get it because the move is a real certainty and I should start planning for my new life.

Hence, worrying is a useless activity. The delay maybe due to many reasons: a.) that's how they work over there, b.) they are still deciding on my role and benefits, c.) they are waiting for the result of my visa application, d.) some political issue has come up which prevents my move, or e.) the local office is not helping in the move. I guess the last 2 reasons is the cause of my distress. But really it is more the unknown especially my expenses because I have to take care of my kid's coming university education. Our plan is to have them go to community college first for 2 years and finally going to a university for the remaining 2 years. Thinking about the expenses and coming challenge is also giving me this anxiety.

But maybe I just don't really get it as explained in 'Life Strategies'. Moving is a done deal and a privilege for my family. so I should not be having an attitude of doom and gloom (brought about also by the economic crisis) but look forward to a fun life. I should set the example to my family by appearing cheerful because I have been infecting them with worries as well. I guess it's due to the lack of information and the stress of my work activities as I prepare to move. I have read somewhere that moving to a new place or job is the 2nd most stressful activity in life. I now realize what that means now that I am experiencing it for the 2nd time but with my kids who are now teenagers as compared to 7 years ago.

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