Preparing for Minor Surgery

Rumors again abound in the office today. It seems that the ax is really about to fall on the rest of
the folks here. The economic crises has made the outsourcing and restructuring move more urgent and drastic. So there are no more sacred cows and looks like most of the high staff will be moved out. I think that the company will offer them to transfer to another country but most people would not like to leave. I thank GOD that I am fortunate to move overseas. I talked with my new bosses last night and thank them again and again. I felt that I did not talk to much but I think I did better than I normally think. It's just the circumstance which made the meeting seem awkward. Most of the staff here seemed to be on the edge. I pray that all them will end up well.

I realize that the pace of life in my new assignment will be quite slow. It will not be as exciting as here in a modern city. But it may finally offer me a chance to write. I realize that it will be a change in my paradigm. I think that I have a chance for a 'new me' - to reinvent myself in a manner of my choosing in order to fulfill my dreams. This is the great opportunity that lies open to me. I really cannot wait to leave and I am counting the days. I wonder if Toastmaster has really prepared me. I think that the change is subtle but I need to be on my toes in the new office. To try and catch the nuances and subtleties at the office. To be more vocal and outspoken and assertive in a positive way. I have been driving myself too much that my nerves are on the edge. So the best way for a change is a deep rest.

I thought about my reaction during the speech contest last Saturday. It was like I was awake during the speech. Usually I just blindly rush through the speech in an exercise of intuitive movement. But my mind was still and empty and I could see the faces of the audience. My mind was suddenly still and I was suddenly aware of the enormity of the situation. So maybe that's the reason why my knees started to shake. I was alive to the moment and I faced the audience with just my bare presence and a rough idea of the speech in my mind. Perhaps that's the reason why I seem to have connected to the audience, my situation was authentic which brought fear to me because I felt exposed and alone. Now I realize that making a speech demands courage and that one must be sure of himself like curling up in a ball so that one cannot be hit by doubt and anxiety. I feel I now understand the true reality of public speaking.

But then again I exaggerate. For the truly gifted and natural speakers, I guess all this musing will not come to mind. It's just that I am forcing myself to be a public speaker that all these doubts start to surface. I guess the key is just to saunter up the stage and be insouciant. Something I still need to develop but not be great in. Just a skill to supplement my work. Tomorrow is April fools day and I have an operation to remove the K-wire in my wrist. I will be at the hospital at 12pm noontime for a 15 minute operation according to the doctor. But I will be under general anesthesia. I hope to be back at the office though our secretary advised that I should rest at home. But I feel I need to be back after my operation to continue training the support team in China and India. Such a sad state that I am in to be working this way like a donkey.

Joining Speech Contests

Last Saturday I participated in the division international speech and table topics contest. I did not have a lot of time to prepare my speech. The first speaker was very young about 21 years old and he was good. I think I was a bit intimidated and I felt the pressure because he was very well prepared. I was the second speaker and my knees where shaking badly that I kicked the podium. But I did not falter and I was able to recover. The audience laughed at my jokes and I think I was able to connect with them. But I felt that I will never be a great public speaker.I still felt uncomfortable but I just managed to plunge along. I completed the speech and felt that my speech was appreciated for it's content and humor. I thought that the other speakers where well prepared but their topic and manner were not audience friendly so there was limited connection except for a few moments.

The next event was table topics and I was the last contestant. I felt more comfortable and I stood in front of the audience away from the podium. I added some humour and the audience laughed at my jokes. I think I am more the spontaneous type of speaker although I need to prepare a written speech so I won't get lost. I guess I need to strike a balance from being an off-the-cuff speaker to someone who prepares well in advance, who practices the moves and memorizes the speech. But I think I am getting better despite being tense and uncomfortable. The next day on Sunday, I was a speech evaluator and I felt confident. My speech was short but I felt more organized and logical. I realized I should not rush and say the things I want to say but find the place where I can place these remarks in the proper sequence for better logic, organization and effect.

Strangely I did not feel refreshed after the speeches I gave. Maybe I felt that I did not get my usual satisfaction. After being in Toastmaster for nearly 3 years I still lack the confidence which the other good speakers have. But actually talking with the other contestants, I found that they are members for 15 to 20 years. So I still have a long way to go. My expectation is very high. I guess I do not have a lot of time to prepare my speeches and I am usually cramming my activities. But it was a good weekend because I visited the Peranakan museum to see the Buddhist sculptures from Shandong-China, had my tonometry examination, applied for international drivers permit and attended Toastmaster. Last Sunday afternoon, we visited the church of st.Mary of the Angels. A modern church that has achieved a lot of awards. After the mass, we had ajisen ramen noodles in Hougang mall.

Last weekend I also watched 'Slumdog Millionaire'. It's a great movie and deserves the best picture award. I liked it very much. I still have a lot of things to watch and time is running out. There is still too many things to do and I have a load of work to complete. Two weeks left to go before my departure. Walking in the park during the weekend for my exercise, I felt different like the sensations of a person who will never see the place again, like seeing it for the first time.The lake, the trees and people walking about. When I went to the Toastmaster on Sunday morning, I walked to Kovan food center and I wondered who are all these people. I felt that I was detached and alienated. It's like I did not belong. It was like the world was moving along and I was no longer an active participant but a traveller. I guess it's a feeling you get before you leave to settle in another place.

Two Weeks Left

We got the passports yesterday with the stamped visa. The shipping company has surveyed the flat and provided the quote. We are waiting for the second company to complete the survey and sent their quote as well. Once both quotations are received, we can choose one and settle the deal. My wife was also able to find an agent who seems pleasant and professional to work with.
All the permits and documents to rent out my flat has been done. I have also filed my income tax following our personnel's advise to talk to the internal revenue about my departure. I still don't know what to do on whether to close my bank account here afraid that the government will freeze it. Sometimes one thinks that he is committing a crime in his paranoia. I guess I have to leave some money in case I need to make some payments locally. But generally we are all set for the move despite these loose ends.

The other day we had a meeting with the big boss of the region. We had an issue which will prevent my project from going live as scheduled. It looks like I will leave here without completing major milestones. I feel bad but I have a replacement anyway who will take over. Some of my colleagues already tell me to go on leave and prepare for my departure but I feel that I should do more. I won't be taking any leave until a day before I depart. It was a difficult meeting with myself getting the brunt of the punishment. I guess I should let go because it is no longer my battle. My boss is kind enough to take this and and is pushing my replacement to take more responsibility. I was afraid that he would be discouraged after the meeting and resign because he was absent yesterday. But he actually lost his ATM card and he came back the next day. He is a nice guy, quite young and sharp compared to me. These days I am just too distracted with a lot of things in my mind.

Yesterday I went to see my doctor who scheduled my operation on April 1 to remove the wire in my wrist. It's a minor surgery that will take about 15 minutes but I will still need general anesthesia. I think I have to return to work after my operation. After this surgery I can take off my splint. I hope I can get back my strength so I can start exercising. I miss swimming and
hope there is a pool in the apartment that they will assign me. I have a toastmaster contest tomorrow and I prepared my speech the other day about my journey these past years, being anxious due the organization changes and outsourcing, my Toastmaster experience, my accident and my coming relocation. I guess it is a summing up of my recent struggles and hopefully, salvation. There is truly some redemption after experiencing some pain and suffering. I thank God that this opportunity was given to me. I have to thank the former global boss who placed me in this position.

This afternoon I met with the Thailand team to present the changes on the tool we just deployed in production. There is still some open gaps but we needed to deploy it to production right away for go live. But go live is now delayed and the new contributor is not yet ready or confident to take over. But my time is running out. I have roughly 2 weeks left. There are still a few open items and I can't help but feel uncomfortable despite having a team in place. There is so many things I still want to do not only in work but also here in Singapore. For instance, visit the Church of St.Mary of the Angels, go to the new Changi walk to see the channel along Palau Ubin, walk the park connectors that link the parks in Telok Blangah, visit Kranji swamps and the new pubs at the power station near Vivo city. But I guess I won't be able to do these things.

I got a new audio book about the meeting between Mao and Nixon (13 CDs), Success Stories (5 CDs). I also borrowed some videos from Stanford university about personal networking and decision making. I hope I can borrow the remaining audio book by Murakami that I haven't read yet. I still borrowed more videos from Stanford university so I can be updated on the latest trends in business. I am cramming all this knowledge down in my remaining weeks. I hope I am not stressing myself too much by doing a lot in my final days here. I have written to the overseas team to update them on my transfer status. I hope all will be well as I think I have to hit the ground running. My computer will be set and my new assignment all ready to take me once I get there. I had a chat with my French colleague on my move and he gave me some advice. He is glad of my move and said that I will enjoy it there. He is one of the nicest guys around.

Visa at Last

We just got the visa approval this morning. We went to the embassy early today and waited in the 7:45 am queue. I had to go to the office first to get some papers that may be needed in the interview. I arrived at the office at about 6:30am and was afraid that the alarm was still on. But it was not and I was able to print the documents. It turned out that they were not needed. But I felt I had to get them just in case. Yesterday before I left for home I thought about bringing them with me which are actually my payslips. But I thought they weren't needed until I got home and read the instruction again from the lawyer. So I got fearful and felt that I would need them. Better safe than sorry.

I met my family at the embassy waiting area at about 7:50am. We were ushered in, our phones taken, went into the interview room, had our photos taken, submitted the application, sat down and waited, got called and interviewed and got out at about 9:40am. The visa will be stamped into our passport and returned to us this Thursday, 26th March. My wife will be getting the passports as I will be in Changi hospital for my check-up. Hopefully I can get my operation soon before I leave next month. Finally things are falling into place disproving all my previous anxieties and fears. I was tense and fearful these past weeks but I now feel better now that the visas have been approved.

Last Saturday, I went for my annual medical examination. At my age, I have more tests to do and hope the results are out soon. I don't think there will be much improvement on my cholesterol though I still try to exercise. My blood pressure was up but I told the doctor that I was stressed and not getting good sleep these past weeks. But now I should take things easy and prepare for the last days of the my stay. My wife and kids looked a bit bored while waiting for our turn at the embassy but I think their spirits went up during the interview and when we were informed that the visa will be ready by Thursday. As we stepped out of the embassy, our local personnel called to tell me that they are arranging my final pay. It was raining very hard so we called a taxi. I dropped them in the nearby train station near my son's school and I was brought back to the office.

The remaining major task is to rent out our place, prepare for the shipment of our stuff and complete the turnover. I have a few personal goals during the remaining time which is to do the area speech contest on Saturday and complete the remaining 3 prepared speech for my advance project manual. I am also rushing to read about writing the natural way, Kiran Desai's 'The Inheritance of Loss,' books on Japanese Prints and other art books. I also reserved a book on the meeting between Mao and Nixon and one of Robert Kiyosaki's book on successful investing. I hope I can rush more things to read before I leave because I don't think I can get the same quality library as here.

Last Sunday, I rented a car and brought my family to Joo Chiat. We had the famous Katong laksa, Ota and dessert of ice shaving with syrup and fruits. We walked around the area looking at the old houses. When I got back to the parking area there was a ticket in the wind shield. I have to pay S$ 30.00 for the ticket. I forgot to buy a parking booklet. We enjoy these Sunday trips to eat at popular and cheap food centers. I think it helps my family adjust to the coming move. At least I get to practice my driving to prepare for my relocation. I hope my kids would not burn their bridges here because it's a nice place to retire here as well.

I placed some drawings I made using visual thinking techniques discussed in Dan Roam's book. It helps me think better together with mind mapping. I am also reading 'Writing the Natural Way' which speaks about 'clustering' another visual tool which in this case, to help people to write. The drawing I did is to try to express my desire to be organized. It's one of the ideas in the book I just read called 'Why Am I Disorganized? I think being better organized (by using ideas from Getting Things Done,etc.) and visual thinking are the best tools to learn in today's distracting world. If anything, my learning and experience in these areas is enough to say that I have hopefully spent my time well here.

Summing Up

Last Saturday afternoon I attended a Toastmaster meeting in Bradell Heights. I was an evaluator. I also participated in table topics. The topic was to tell a story of being heart broken. Instead I told the story of my broken arm. The audience liked my story and laughed a few times. It felt good attending this meeting. A few days back, I presented my speech at our regular club meeting. I enjoyed attending these sessions. I had some thoughts recently that I should spend more time preparing for my departure. But after these meetings I felt glad that I attended. In fact these meeting let me forget my pressure and job stress and made me feel fresh. It allowed me to focus on my speech and the positive and enriching club experience where I get to meet people and relax.

So I realize that the Toastmaster experience is not only to develop public speaking ability but a way to beat stress and relax. I think it does provide a friendly but challenging experience. Looking back today I have done about 15 evaluations, 17 prepared speeches, participated in 4-5 speech contests, attended 2 club officer training and served as a club officer for 2 years. I am quite active and I also started a blog site for my club for about a year now. So my Toastmaster experience has been quite positive after having joined nearly 3 years ago. I think it has helped me be more sociable and improved my self expression. It has been a useful supplement to my blogging because both are forms of non-stressful public expression which also gets feedback for me to improve.

I think I have become a more confident and polished speaker. I hope to also improve my thinking skills. In fact speech evaluation and table topics helps develop critical thinking. I think this experience cannot be replicated in the office due to the fast pace of work, stress and emotions of your co-employees. I also tried to improve my visual thinking skills and I have practiced them quite a lot using mind-mapping and following the work of people like Dan Roam in his book. I will post some of my drawing or visual thoughts in this blog to help me recall what I have done here in my present job. As I prepare to move, I have spent some time reflecting my my stay here. Was it time well spent? Did I learn anything new or did I acquire new skills?

Singapore is like a laboratory, where there are a lot of free facilities that allow you to grow. Excellent libraries, community centers that promote learning experiences like Toastmaster, museums and free lectures about a lot of things. I cannot express enough it's libraries which use the Internet to increase it's service. I have borrowed many audio books, lectures from Stanford university, films, books and other such stuff that will expand your horizon. I think any intelligent person can develop himself under this environment at extremely low cost. Another example, is the car cooperative where one can rent a car for a few hours. So one can have a car at your disposal without incurring a huge cost to buy one.

Yesterday which was a Sunday, we went to Serangoon Gardens for lunch. I had mutton soup, chicken and beef satay, lime juice and Durian. We have been going out nearly every Sunday to eat in famous and cheap food centers, practice driving, bond as a family and have an entirely new experience before leaving the country. In a way, it's like summing up our years spent in this wonderful place. I hope that my sons would not burn their bridges and would still come back. As I am a citizen, I am inevitably linked to the country's destiny. At dusk yesterday, I walked in Ponggol park for an hour while listening to Kiran Desai's 'The Inheritance of Loss'. The park was beautiful in a way I did not notice before. The rain had stopped and the lamps where just turning on. After walking a few rounds around the lake, I sat on the bench and looked across the waters. It was a perfect Singapore weekend.

The Last Toastmaster Meeting

Actually I attended my second to the last club meeting last night. I hope to the attend the meeting next month. I did my 2nd advance project speech and it went well. There were a lot of people who attended and a few new members and repeat guests. I did not spend a lot of time in preparing my speech but it turned out well. I felt confident the moment I stepped up to the podium. It's like my anxiety disappeared. Finally after experiencing public speaking for nearly 3 years, I feel that I have turned a corner. I still felt some initial trepidation as I waited my turn but it all disappeared when I started my speech.

I felt exhilarated after the meeting and I was glad I attended. I plan to finish my advance manual but I still have 3 more speeches to do. I have about 3 weeks left before I leave. Hopefully I can find a club who is willing to let me do my speech at short notice. As a last resort, I hope to do 2 speeches in my last club meeting. I am getting busy these days with Toastmaster, hoping to maximize the experience so I can benefit when I arrive overseas. I will be an evaluator tomorrow and I also plan to participate in the division speech contest at the end of the month. I am going with a bang so to speak.

My fellow members were a bit sad of my leaving. My friend's wife said that it was depressing if he announced the news. I will miss them because they are a fun group. I did not bring a camera to get pictures but I think I have quite a few in the blog site. It's only now that I feel the pain of departing and leaving friends. The other day, I had dinner with my old friend in Chinatown. I hope I can have dinner with him every week until I leave. Together with my close friend at the office, it will be sad day leaving them. But changes happening in the office forces everyone to adapt. I fear that the office will soon disappear in a few years. Hopefully, it will turn out for the best for all.

Last Wednesday was a good day for my future posting. I got news about the offer and the approval of the visa. It was all so positive despite my anxieties. I was foolishly thinking of so many demons that none appeared. I was working myself into a frenzy with my silly ideas. Happily, it all turned out well and I am just stupidly worrying. I keep seeing demons in every corner. The good news plus my successful speech at the club meeting was a wonderful milestone for me this week. It's at these moments where one feels at one with the world.

So next week I hope to get the visa package where we need to go to the local embassy and have our passports stamped. This will clear the way for the move. Afterwards, I hope to finalize the flat rental and arrange for the transfer of my stuff. The training and preparation for my project will soon be winding down. My replacement is doing well as well as the support staff despite all the problems we currently face. Luckily, things are getting done and the deadlines allow us to re-focus and complete the needed tasks. The support in headquarters are positively helping us. I think my departure will be seamless. Of course there will be a lot of problems but I think the team will be ready to face them.

The Heat of the Moment

About five weeks more before moving abroad. Training the new staff is proceeding as planned. A few operational issues have occurred and I am involving the new staff in resolving them. Sometimes I realize that the system is quite complex and have a difficult time explaining the problem. Keeping things simple is really a virtue. But we have to slog along and persevere in the training. Also, IBM team is now getting into the thick of things. They have successfully installed the latest patch last night after encountering problems in the last 2-3 attempts. We relied on the instructions sent by the previous staff to install the patch. Looks like an issue on the product and a full re-installation may be needed in the long term.

On the other hand, I feel a bit nervous about the pace of the relocation. The local personal was busy yesterday and suggested to meet tomorrow. Another delay that is driving me up the wall. I have a lot of questions and I wanted some answers on the transport of my stuff and was referred to another personnel. But the person did not answer me sufficiently. I also wrote to the law partner who is helping me on the move. But I still got no reply. I am expecting prompt answers due to my situation but looks like things are moving at a slow pace. Major decisions are being made and I am fretful that some last minute issue will derail everything. Strange but it actually seems that I am preparing myself for the failure of the move. It's like I actually don't want to move and I am expecting some sort of issue like a visa restriction, or a reversal of decision due to the economic crisis.

The heat of the moment is driving me nuts. I need to know the certainty of the move but I am afraid I may drive people crazy if I keep on following up. I have to get the idea in my thick skull that the move is a done deal. I am in a successful run and should prepare accordingly. I read somewhere that sometimes people don't know how to handle success. They flip flop and struggle when faced with success. Maybe this is my ultimate problem. I am comfortable succeeding and prefer the loser, the romantic martyr who struggles along. Something like T.E.Lawrence not being able to assimilate back to normal society after his success in the Arabian campaigns. Of course, I am actually lucky in a modest sense but I know that future struggles still lie ahead. My office friend advised me to relax and wait until the 20th of the month. I should have all the information by then. But what if it's too late of the worst happens? Do I still have time to react?

My mind is moving at 100 miles an hour, thinking about the move as if it's a life long dream that will finally come true. But I have to ease down the mental throttle and relax and focus on the issues at hand. I have a lot of things in my plate like trying to complete my Toastmaster advance manual. I plan to complete the remaining 4 speeches while I am here so I need to prepare for them. But I am just pushing myself foolishly. I am also rushing on the books that I need to read before I move. It's like a relentless rush to do things. It's like I am planning for my retirement when I get there. With the pace of life in the rural south, I guess it may feel like retirement as well. My family is also a bit cautiously excited and like me, cannot seem to imagine the new life. At my age, I guess this maybe the best time to move again or I will not have the strength or
courage after a few more years.

I am morbidly glad that I broke my wrist last January. The accident has slowed me down. I am more conscious of my actions and careful. If I had not slowed down, maybe I would be doing more things that will actually exhaust me more. The monkey mind in action. Anyway, I will meet the personnel staff tomorrow and I will have answers to most of my questions on the move. The delay is actually one of the main causes of my mental unease. With the slow down of my usual activities (no swimming, jogging or biking), I am in a different mode which I try to fill up with other things. In fact, I should be winding down and moving work to the support staff as I prepare for the move. In case it does fail, I can still wait for a payout soon. Otherwise, plan to move to China as the next alternative.

Renting Out

Today I went to see the law office at lunch time to work on the power of attorney (poa). I granted poa to my friend who would be renting the flat. I was thinking about selling it but I am reluctant to do so as we may return. I don't want to burn all my bridges when I move. The real estate assessor will also go to my flat tomorrow to assess the value in case I plan to sell it. I paid quite a lot to get these things done. S$ 200 for the poa and S$ 190 for real estate valuation. I hope I could get that back from the one month miscellaneous expense the company would be giving me for the move. After I get the approved poa, I still have to apply for sub-letting. It's a good thing that most government transactions can be done online in the Internet.

We had lunch yesterday at Jerry's in Jalan Kayu. We had toasted mushroom, pulled pork and barbecued ribs. Afterwards we had dessert of banana roti and ice cream roti. The famous roti prata place will close until the end of March for renovations. I thought that I would use these Sunday lunches as a way to have family discussions on the transfer. But it looks like the kids have settled to the idea of moving and not much opposition than I expected. I guess the high emotions have settled and a realistic view has been reached. I can't help but feel that I need more attention from the overseas office for the move. Sometime I feel that I am working on the move alone but such hand holding is not appropriate since I really should be the one driving the transfer.

I called my brother last night and spoke about my relocation. He seems very paranoid especially recently since there seems to be some new regulations in getting a driver's license. But I think his imagination is getting the better of him and he is like me in seeing the economic crises as a harbinger of dire tidings to our personal fortunes. I guess that is the fate if one does not follow the rules. So I need to make sure that my kid's future is not affected in case they decide to come back. My cousin also called last night and said he will be here at the end of April. But I told him that I will be away already at my new assignment by then. So he plans to get a room in the city beside the river. His son - my nephew, has a soccer match here and they plan to visit for 2 days here. It's a pity I won't be seeing them.

I am listening to Larry McMurthy's work 'Books' about his experiences as a book seller. It's an interesting work because it tells about the antiquarian book trade in the US as well as some insights on writing. A short interesting work that is highly entertaining. I watched an excellent movie 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.' It's a wonderful story, nicely done with good images of New Orleans. It's a strange work originally by F.Scott Fitzgerald. Last Saturday morning, I attended an Exco meeting of my Toastmaster club. I get to mention that I am moving next month, something that I often have difficulty doing, like it's still something that I do not accept. Or maybe something that I don't think will happen. But it's like events are just moving along with out my control and I am just a participant in my life. Just like Benjamin Button. But I felt that the movie and Mcmurthy's work have familiarized me on some aspects of Americana
that will help me later on.

Maybe that is what makes people great or achieve great things. To allow events to sweep them along, but playing the role assigned to them, excelling in a tactical way until one can master the events to control their destiny. I think finally I will be able to write there because of the slower pace of life. There is too much temptation here that I am hopelessly distracted. But I have prepared myself by reading and attending things like Toastmaster but I think I have reached a stage where I could just live and be. It's a tall order with too much expectations. I borrowed a book called 'Writing the Natural Way' and I think it's a good book to end my reading on the craft of writing here. I have already spent too much time learning and exploring and now comes the time to do. I also find that I have lost some interest in reading and I am glad that I could borrow audio books where I can just listen to books instead of reading them.

Another Short Wait

I was supposed to meet the local personnel staff to go over the draft conditions on my transfer. Unfortunately he is on medical leave so I have to wait a few more days before I find out the details. Maybe I should have suggested that he send the letter by mail. I was thinking of replying to his earlier mail about meeting today and suggesting that he send the letter by e-mail and maybe ask again about the visa timing. The overseas staff is in copy of the mail so I can alert her indirectly. But I am tired of playing this game and I hope that the conditions are good for me. I guess I can be patient and wait because I am fortunate to have this assignment.

We had lunch again at our usual Thai restaurant near the office. I had chicken curry. Our dear friend came over from his office. We talked about his son who he recently adopted. The last we met together as a group, we were talking about recovering from heart surgery. From such serious topic, we move a month later with a more joyful topic - raising a baby. It was fun and a sudden shift of subject. He is an amazing person to adopt a child with his challenging circumstances. But it seems to be a rebirth away from the concern and gloom. He also talked about the situation in his company. They will be laying off about 40% of their staff in the region. Things are getting to be drastic.

Yesterday I wrote that things seem to be turning a corner. But just last night Citibank shares have plunged to below $ 1.00. What a tragedy for the once largest bank in the world. How the mighty have fallen swiftly. This morning despite such gloomy news, Obama announced a sweeping health care reform by the end of the year. He held a summit with both parties and declared a bipartisan effort to undertake reform. What a strong position to take despite the crisis. The guy has got guts to take on such an enormous challenge. But actually he has a chance because both houses of congress is dominated by Democrats. He seems to project focus and drive despite the enormous economic crisis.

Things are a mess with the outsource team but we have achieved a certain rapport. I can call the staff in Shenzen and discuss the project despite his very poor English. I get to practice my patience a lot these days especially during the daily training session with my team. The lady in India has a difficult time sometimes in the topic because of the complex planning process in the factory. But I think I explained well and I hope that I can simplify the topic to increase their understanding. Communication is very important these days when working with off site, virtual teams spread out the world.

I received an email the other day of my former colleague who is now based in the overseas office I will be transferring to. He offered to pick me at the airport. It was a nice gesture and I am glad he initiated the move. I was told to contact him to get some information on the place but I hesitated while waiting for the final details.I did not like to preempt the conversation until the deal is firmly done. Listening to the doom and gloom, factory layoffs and protectionism, one can't help but have some doubts. I guess it's an instinctive reaction for me to prevent myself from being disappointed. I guess I grew to be a cynic in college when I lost my first girlfriend. I wonder if my cynicism started way back then with this event. Who knows.

Some News

I have received news from our personnel the other day. Just when I was fretting that there must be something wrong, I received an email a few hours later. There really is some hope in the world. Or perhaps it is some form of synchronicity or global consciousness where those people concerned can pick up my thoughts. But really the schedule is getting tight and I will be leaving in about 4 weeks if everything goes according to plan. I wonder why the overseas staff is not replying but more of the local staff. I guess it's as it should be but I again placed some sinister reasons behind this situation. I will meet the local personnel tomorrow and I think most of my concerns or questions will be addressed.

The training is going well I think and the staff is responding positively. But now it's the IBM team who have problems. They now have difficulty doing the tasks and our project is delayed. I think it would be good to delay the go live to allow the other staff to pick up and learn. I also suspect that the China team in the factory also needs more time to understand fully the application. The factories are undertaking some shutdowns to adapt to the slowdown in demand so their attention maybe wavering. The economic situation seems to be worsening. But I am heartened by the recent visit of Gordon Brown to the US. Amongst all the world leaders, I think he has the best chance and credibility of proposing new solutions being the Britain's chancellor of the Exchequer. He has proposed good solutions to help the British financial crisis. He is probably the best hope in saving the world.

In the end, I think Gordon Brown will be remembered for his actions on the financial crisis. He has been warning every body of this crisis for many years now as well as a clear headed analysis and proposals to solve the problem. I hope people will listen to him. I think what is also significant is the focus and stimulus programs of the US and China. I think these moves will greatly help prevent a true catastrophe. I hope these moves will serve as a beacon of hope. Despite the doom and gloom, I think I detect a sliver of hope. I think a bottom has been reached and despite possible announcements of bank and state failures, a process seems to be in place that is absorbing these failures. The system is truly resilient.

I am finishing Greenspan's 'The Age of Turbulence'. He is way of the mark in some sections after looking at the recent financial disasters. He truly lost the road in the later years though one wonders if the Federal Reserve have any powers to curb greed. But one thing is clear, the free market does not work without some regulation from government. There should be a global regulatory framework and people like Gordon Brown and George Soros have a few ideas on how this should be done. Last night, I listened to professor Robert Shiller who wrote the book 'Irrational Exuberance'. From his works and like minded people, the theory of free market equilibrium will likely be replaced by behavioral finance or how people misunderstand risk when making investment decisions.

After investing actively for the past years, I look at my portfolio and I think it's not so bad. Before the crisis, I regret that I have been too diversified if one follows Warren Buffet's view point. But my diversification may have cushioned me from loses as I focused on defensive stocks. Now I get to practice theory and see the result. As Soros says, the stock market is like a laboratory where one can test theories. Though my portfolio as below water, I am still OK and hope to learn more. I plan to listen to Robert Shiller's Yale course available in the Internet to the public. This is one thing that I hope to have achieved here which is to increase my financial literacy and experience that hopefully I can use in the future.

To Much Things To Do

I have gotten a reply from my sons' school on the steps to accomplish before moving to my assignment overseas. He has to withdraw from the school as a leave of absence is only granted for medical reasons. I also wrote to the manpower board regarding my kid's military service. I hope to get a reply soon. By using email and the Internet, I am getting things done quite fast. I wonder why I did not think of these things a few months ago. I have also called a few people to get their opinion on the things to prepare for the move.

The training plan seems to be moving along well with the new support staff in Shanghai and Hyderabad. I re-discovered my joy in teaching and training. I used to do a lot of these tasks early in my career. Recently I posted a video I made of this project in YouTube to relive the memories. The application we developed and deployed in Asia Pacific was a lot easier then. But the application we are supporting now is much more complex and we did not have a part in it's development. So training the new staff is also a way for me to know the application better. I also get to relive my past project which was a lot of fun while visiting these places.

I get to use the modern tool like phone conference and same time meetings to coordinate with them. It's much easier to work with virtual teams by using these tools. I enjoy explaining complex stuff and I hope I am able to educate the team during the training. All these are happening in the midst of all the other work I need to do to prepare for my transfer. I am glad that the Internet has a lot of information available. It does help me in finding the information I need and contact other people.

It's really feels like I am winding up all the learning I have had while here in Singapore. My 7 years here plus my work in Manila for 6 years have given me a wealth of experience I hope to apply in my new assignment. I have worked on the supply chain domain for quite some time that I know it's concepts and process. Working on projects have also made me know about the tasks as well as work with different sorts of people. Working with the boss man and other difficult persons have also given me a new perspective in work. I think my experiences in Toastmaster has helped me gain the proper perspective in working and communicating with them.

Yesterday I met with the boss man with the quality manager and we presented the proposed support model. It's probably our last meeting before I leave. I sat there with less anxiety than before. It was a good learning but difficult experience working with him. Together with my Toastmaster experience, visual thinking tools will help me succeed in my next assignment. Visual thinking is the wave of the future and mind mapping techniques coupled with Dan Roam's book is a good foundation to build on. During times of stress, I get to use all these techniques to solve problems and get on with life.

No News Yet

I guess I am a nervous fellow. I have not received any news from my new office for the past 2 weeks. So I am starting to get worried that maybe something has gone wrong. So I am filled with a lot of thoughts and anxiety. Nevertheless, I am proceeding with the plan that I will be moving by April. I am preparing for the rental of my flat, asking my son to apply for leave of absence and generally closing out my affairs here. It feels a bit strange that I am proceeding with this major move without a written offer from my new office. I guess the philosophy is that the transfer does not entail an approval of the offered salary and benefits on my part. I guess its viewed as an opportunity.

In these periods of useless anxiety, my mind starts playing tricks on me and contributes to my nervous state. Of course I have a right to be nervous because it will not only affect me but my children's future as well. So I have to make sure that the decision to move is the right one. But I guess this is water under the bridge at this point in time. The decision to move has been expressed so one has to plan for the transfer. But there is so many things to do that I am often transfixed into indecision. For instance, I need an operation to remove the k-wire in my hand and I know have 2 choice: a.) go for an efficient but expensive operation tomorrow by another surgeon, or b.) go for low-cost surgery at the end of the month by my original doctor but with less efficiency due to long queues in the government hospital.

My mind is filled with indecision because essentially I like living here. It is a nice place to live and leaving here, especially for my kids require them to burn their bridges. so this brings up my concern on their future. I know that their life will be different when we move because the life style there is not as modern as here. But I think that the change will be for the best as will be less distracting to them unlike here living in a city. I am listening to Phil McGraw's 'Life Strategies' and the first rule to that one should try to get it. I mean to get the true essence of the situation. Regarding my move, I guess I don't get it because the move is a real certainty and I should start planning for my new life.

Hence, worrying is a useless activity. The delay maybe due to many reasons: a.) that's how they work over there, b.) they are still deciding on my role and benefits, c.) they are waiting for the result of my visa application, d.) some political issue has come up which prevents my move, or e.) the local office is not helping in the move. I guess the last 2 reasons is the cause of my distress. But really it is more the unknown especially my expenses because I have to take care of my kid's coming university education. Our plan is to have them go to community college first for 2 years and finally going to a university for the remaining 2 years. Thinking about the expenses and coming challenge is also giving me this anxiety.

But maybe I just don't really get it as explained in 'Life Strategies'. Moving is a done deal and a privilege for my family. so I should not be having an attitude of doom and gloom (brought about also by the economic crisis) but look forward to a fun life. I should set the example to my family by appearing cheerful because I have been infecting them with worries as well. I guess it's due to the lack of information and the stress of my work activities as I prepare to move. I have read somewhere that moving to a new place or job is the 2nd most stressful activity in life. I now realize what that means now that I am experiencing it for the 2nd time but with my kids who are now teenagers as compared to 7 years ago.