Lost Weekend

Another lost weekend with my writing plans lost in the wind. But I was able to watch 4 movies in the meantime while I was attempting to do some writing. The movies were:

1- Charisma (Japanese)
2- Regarde Les hommes Tomber (French)
3- The Fugitive Kind (American)
4- 21 (American)

I also wasted time reading more books like a picture biography of Audrey Hepburn, another book on strength finder and 'How To Draw' by Betty Edwards. I also surfed the net and listened to videos and audio recordings in Financial Times, Economist, International Herald Tribune and New York Times. I finally realized yesterday evening that I am not really avoiding work or procrastinating but I need more training on writing. So it's not really a problem of planning or weak will but maybe more of a lack of skill.

So I decided to read more on writing and focus on new methods of using your right brain. The book on drawing by Betty Edwards is great in explaining why people don't develop their drawing skills because it uses a different part of the brain. An intriguing concept which was resolved in her drawing course. If only I could apply the same insight in writing. I know writing is more a left brain skill but creative writing is more a right brain skill so the challenge is to merge the 2 sides of the brain in the same creative way explained by Betty in her book. I was thinking also of using the results of the strength finder to chart a unique course for me.

At the moment, I see that I have had writing experience but more as a way to think or structure my thoughts. So it is more an act of clarification and structure and exercise. Novel writing is another skill which requires a different mind set. I think my journal writing is creative in the sense that it results in synthesizing ideas and achieving an integration of all my thoughts, ideas and external input. It requires some emotion because it results in mental clarity and freshness. On the other hand, novel writing is not really an act of emotion but require more planning and discipline and less emotion. Hence, journal writing may no longer provide me with a benefit but more of an exercise on basic writing and thinking skills.

So I borrowed a book called 'Novel Writing' which I hope will help me go to the next level. I often disdained this kind of direction but I see now that it's really the key to move forward. I also have set time in the weekend by planning to move my Saturday morning skating exercise into a week day so I can focus more on the writing tasks in the weekend. I also need to plan how I can write during week days plus the use of tools like voice recorder. I think that I will dictate my thoughts instead of writing or typing them on the computer. So I have outlined a basic routine which I need to fulfill although I have already recognized that I lack the drive to be a writer except as a hedge if I lose my job.

So I guess that I have identified the problem and I am trying now to resolve it by more learning and training. It is not really procrastination as it's being overly critical of myself. I think I should spend time to write while also allowing time for me to watch movies and surf the net. I am trying to set-up this regular routine while trying to align the results of strength finder to provide some insight on my makeup as person so as to help me be a writer. I also realize that being a novel writer does not mean that I should spend time writing in a journal or diary. But work should also be spent in planning, organizing and structuring the writing work.

I also like the thought that improvement comes incrementally. I think I can improve little by little by listening to audio books or reading topics on novel writing. I will not be able to be a writer by just reading and writing on journals. Novel writing is another skill that I need to learn and master just like public speaking. It's a good analogy because I think I have improved my public speaking skills in less than 3 years with my attendance in Toastmasters. I also realized that I have loved reading not becuase of my desire to be a writer but becuase of my talent on input, learner and intellection. This also explains why I love to write in a journal - to satisfy my intellection urge and not really to write.

So this is why I procrastinate becuase I don't really have novel writing skill and I am just forcing myself to complete a novel becuase I have overestimated my abilities as a novel writer. I can write but not in the manner needed to be a novelist. This is the skill that I lack and I have realized this at the same time removing the mystical element in writing as mentioned by Ayn Rand. The mystical element is really the result of journal writing which results from achieving clarity of thought and understanding. Not exactly what an author is looking for when writing a novel which requires more planning and organizing skills.