Second Life

A good friend of mine is working on a project with Second Life. He is using this platform to explain about the enterprise architecture in the company. Second Life is a good name. It refers to a change - a parallel life to one that is being lived. A funny concept that seems to imply deceit. Like having a second wife and family. The past few months have affected me that I feel disoriented. Aside from the changes, the pressure of doing projects and meeting deadlines amidst the change and uncertainty should have an impact on one's psyche. But I try to rise above my work life by having an active 'second' life.

For my part, I have responded by enrolling in a gym, exercising and drinking more. A strange combination that I try to balance. I guess it is reflective of the stress that I experience. I have also increased my book reading and borrowing of audio books as well to update myself on the world. I guess it is like I m trying to make sense of the changing world around me. Instead, I am stressing my mind more and maybe end up more bewildered. But again I have an answer to that which is to do roller-blading in the park and taking guitar lessons. Both are new experiences for me and my idea is that these new experiences will allow me to biologically grow a new mind - nuerogenesis, I believe is the word. It describes the way the mind builds new connections or synapses (?) as one learns new things.

Of course, my end desire is to move to a new career. I do not feel any desire to find work in another company, although I have prepared myself for this eventuality. I have no choice really because I need to pay the bills and raise a family. What attracts me is to strike out in a new career as a writer and maybe be a teacher or public speaker. To have a portfolio life similar to the one proposed by Charles Handy I think- the English equivalent to Peter Drucker. I am attracted to the life of the writer. I recently read about the new James Bond author - Sebastian Faulks. But time moves on and I should really strive to be one instead of imagining to be one.

My Indian friend at the office mentioned that I am always preparing. Preparing for something better but never taking the leap and utilize my preparation. Maybe he is right. I spend too much time reading, going to seminars and not doing much. The modest application of my knowledge from my learning is to invest in the stock market modestly, write in blogs, speak more clearly and participate in Toastmaster events. Is that a fruitful life? Perhaps I am experiencing a mid-life crisis. Or perhaps the events of the past few months have finally taken a toll in my mind. So I just need to take a break from my 'second' life.

New Life

My gym membership will be ending this month. I plan to continue my workout by jogging for 15 minutes every morning. I started to exercise recently with the news of the coming changes. Now that I am not affected, I think I still need to keep fit to prepare the change that will come next year or the year after. I guess we cannot be complacent even with the temporary respite. Maybe it may come even sooner.

I attended the global project meeting for my current project, participating with the other project leaders thorough out the organization. Good experience and strange that I was only able to attend these type of meeting only recently. I never had a chance before although I have participated in regional meetings. Good way to learn about the way things are going in the other countries. After the meeting which ended late (though the others in Europe and USA where in the early morning or midday), I went for a drink and ended up late.

My friend accused me of being complacent again once I got the news that I won't be retrenched. I guess he is right. I guess that is the easiest thing to do- to revert back to one routine mode of life. Unlike in the past months when we are actively exercising, learning new things and looking at job placements. But I have now resolved that I should complete my book project this year to prepare for my kid's college education. As the audio book I am listening to this week says, I should start developing multiple streams of income. I have achieved some goals with my modest investments in stocks and real estate.

Saved for the moment..

This morning my boss spoke to me and I was asked to stay. According to him, I will not be affected by the ongoing restructuring and he asked to me continue doing my work. I was not surprised because my old boss told me last Friday over dinner. So I knew before hand that I will not be affected although I have heard these rumours about myself for the past weeks. I am glad although I had already prepared myself for the worst.


According to my old boss, this decision was reached a few weeks back with a meeting of the group head from France. So somehow my old connections back at head office may have helped aside from being involved in a key master application deployment in the region. It was good information although I did not feel happy because my two colleagues are affected. A close colleague went to my desk and asked me if I was asked to go to a meeting in Wednesday where her fate will be announced. I did not feel good telling her that I will not be affected.

Today is also my wife's birthday and it's a good birthday gift to her and our family. My good friend in the office told me that I missed an opportunity and made a blunder. According to him, I will grow more as a person and possibly earn and learn more if I was forced to look for a new job. Now I will be in ,y same position for the coming years until the next set of restructuring takes place. I responded that I have been challenging myself already these past years, attending seminars, reading books joining professional clubs like Toastmaster and PMI to keep my skills current.

Anyway the past months of anxiety has stopped with the announcement this morning. I think I have some breathing space for a few months or even years. I should not be complacent and proceed with my own objective to improve myself and strive to do my projects like writing a book. I may not be lucky the next time.

Hanging On

I attended a short talk on Project Management Under Uncertainty yesterday evening. The talk was delivered by a professor from INSEAD and it was well done. Introduced some good techniques called critical chain management. It was a good way to spend the evening. I also attended a series of talks from writers during the weekend. The most significant by the author Jodi Picoult. A good series to seminars that are free and easy to attend. A good way to use one's free time.

I attended the talk last night with my friend in the office. Seems there are some rumours that a few key people are leaving. If true, this opens some doors for me if I stay on I think. But should I stay on. Sometimes it feels like this is a contest of survival of the fittest. There are so many things to do that these circumstances are not helpful. So I struggle along but the decision or options should be known soon. I seem to have lost the feeling of anxiety. Maybe it's because I have been preparing myself for some time already or maybe my subconscious has detected some sign that I will be spared.

But consciously I have prepared my mind to start looking for work soon. I think the option of getting the package and starting new seems to be a good alternative as well. Something like a rebirth. Maybe this is the best option after all even if the road will be difficult for me. I am still reluctant to decide and prefer to wait for the options to be presented to me. I can't help but think that there is some sort of insidious trap being prepared for me but maybe too much thinking in my part. I think it will be couple of weeks more before the options will be presented. Really, the talk last night was a good metaphor for our present conditions.

Catching up on Documentation

Been catching up on the work as the 2 week training had given me some backlog on the documentation front. A lot of time is spent documenting the project work that people sometimes get lost on the process rather than focusing on the product. But some would correctly argue that the quality of the product will be at risk if the process is not well followed. So there should be a balance between the the process and the work needed to complete the needed product. But after all, at the end of the day it is the product that the customer will appreciate. Documentation is just one facet of the process and should not be the end all and be all.

I also need to complete my work for the month on the enterprise PM tool that we all use to manage our project work. Entering time sheets data for man hours, estimating budgets and estimated time to complete, preparing project dash boards, re-forecasting and all such administrative work needed in project management which includes the dreaded documentation. Complicating the work is the problems that arise during operations that need your immediate attention. For instance, the server went down which affected all my projects. None of the sites where working so I had to follow-up, test if working, follow-up again and so on.

The server had problems since Monday but all applications are now up except a significant one for my current project. Coupled with that are the work that needs to be done to prepare the production environment. These are actually the challenges I like, to work with people, trouble shoot and solve problems, the work which needs constant interaction with people instead of the drudgery of administrative work. Anyway this may all end soon in the coming months. The impending retrenchment has started me dreaming about Australia. Maybe I should start planning to migrate there soon.

The One Thing to Know

While in Bangkok, I listened to audio book of Marcus Buckingham's 'The One Thing You Should Know.' A very good book that started me to reflect on the state of my life and career. Most of the insights in his book was against my beliefs. For instance, the book states that most successful people are specialist, focus on a single expertise that they like and, often, do not have a balanced lives. On the other hand, I have been developing myself more as a generalist, being an expert in a few things and having a balanced life. Now I realize from my own experience that the insights seem right, especially now that I may be outsourced out of my job.

So I think I should now follow some of the advice of the book. For instance, I plan to be an expert on Oracle by self-study and applying this new knowledge to my present project. I also have been spreading myself too thin by being an expert on a lot of things and trying to have a life of balance. But to be successful perhaps in terms of earning a lot of money, I should focus on one thing that will earn me a stable income and consider all other things that use up my time as a distraction. For example, I have allowed myself to be distracted from my goal to be a writer by trying to experience and read everything I can in the hope that I can be well-versed person. Instead, this policy has slowly distracted me until I end up without starting any project.

The book is great to be read at this point in time, perhaps, and add to my mid life crisis. One of the key insights of the book is to focus and I stop allowing myself to be distracted and be less open to all sorts of things in terms of my time. Hope it is not too late to attempt a new change. The nearly 2 weeks in Thailand was good for me like I was reliving my past life. I went to the old places like the canals, Grand Palace, weekend markets, Patpong market and Jim Thompson museum. But with a new group with me. It was like re-living an old experience in the right manner. Less guided by base instincts and desire for fun and pleasure.