Moving to New Place

My son and I spent the past 2 days moving to our new place. We were also able to talk to my wife via the Internet and tell her about the move. We told her about what we were doing so she can get excited as well. The fridge, washer, dryer, cable and Internet connection were delivered and installed last Saturday. We also bought an LCD TV because all the transmission done now are in digital. The TV coming over from Singapore may not be HD ready. We also set up the air mattress so we have a place to sleep. I think that our stuff will arrive in a few days hopefullynext weekend so we can arrange the furniture. It was a good week and the planning came into place.

I also got the government document so every thing is all set for the 'new life'. My son was not able to pass the driver's permit last Friday but I think he will pass it after a few more tries. This is the main challenge for me: to help adapt my wife and sons to the life here. One of the main thing is get them a driver's license so they can start driving. Nothing can move here without an automobile. So they need to know how to drive well so they can drive to school, drive to shopping centers and give them some confidence in life. I hope that this will make them confident to look for work. This is one of the great things in living here; the sense of freedom and independence that the society brings.

My wife was able to sleep well after we had our first video conference last Saturday. I hope she gets better in the coming days. Her sister will be arriving in Singapore in 4 days so she will have some company in the next few weeks. My friends have been helping out, some have visited herand gave her fruits, while another sent his maid to help in the weekends. I appreciate their support because I am so far away and I cannot do anything from here. All I can do is to make phone calls and try to arrange the support from here. I even had to call my property agent and the bank where I made the loan so I can  help close the sale. I am glad that it is working so far with the sale.

I guess I am paying the price of moving here if ever there is such a penalty. I should have thought about my wife and the stress of the moving. Relocating is 3rd most stressful event according to some surveys so I should have placed more emphasis on preparing my wife. But I may just be making a big thing about it. The sad fact is that my wife needs minor surgery to cure the problem in her liver. We will schedule the operation when she gets here in 21 days. I hope everything at home will be settled when she arrives like my son's driving lesson and school application so she won't worry too much. According to the the relocation staff, it's always the trailing spouse who is affected the most.

My friends here in the office have been very helpful in helping me adjust. They gave me a lot of information like where to buy things, the places to go, how things work in the office and so on. Without them I would not have adjusted so easily. There is always someone out there willing to help people in their journeys. I guess I will be called to this mission when it is my turn to help someone adjust to the new life. Life here works in a large scale and one will be judged by the efforts and choices his makes. It's difficult but also fulfilling. I think living here is a privilege and a responsibility as well. It so much easier to accomplish things here than anywhere here else in the world. 

Wife's Birthday

It's my wife birthday today in Singapore. In Eastern Standard Time in the USA, the date is still a few hours away. Officially it will be tomorrow. It's now a holiday here so I spent most of the morning talking to my relatives in the Philippines and my wife and son in Singapore. I used the telephone and the Internet via MSN Messenger and Skype. We were holding three way conversation between Singapore, Philippines and USA. It's amazing how technology could bring us together. Of course, it was a bit difficult because it was near midnight in Asia while it was midday noon in South Carolina.

I could not speak at length with my wife because she is still feel weak from her stay in the hospital. I called my good friend in Singapore and we agreed that it's best to have someone fly over from the Philippines to Singapore to watch over her. So I called my mom, my sister in law and brother in law and discussed the various options. It was decided that my sister in law would move forward her visit to Singapore to around the 5th of June. So it will be only about 2 weeks more before my wife will have company. I hope she has the strength to be strong until her sister arrives. Otherwise, it will be a disaster.  I think I may have to fly over there myself to keep her company.

But I organized a schedule where my son would log in MSN Messenger every morning before he goes to school and early evening once he is back and finished studying. My sister in law and brother in law (who is a doctor), myself and my son will call in and have a video phone talk with her so we can see her and try to lift her spirits. I guess it is the stress of moving, the lack of company and the self-pity that is dampening her spirits. I even think that she may be in a depression without her realizing it. My brother in law told me that it is normal for her to be weak after all the medication she has received and also as a result from recuperating from the fevers.  I guess I am overreacting again to the situation.

I am glad that the Internet could help in this situation as we were able to organize an action plan while conversing on the Internet video conference tool. It would be useful to bring us closer and help her recover faster. The most difficult thing is to have good mental health to overcome these difficulties. I guess I have to try and help in the selling of the flat from here. I have to take a lot of responsibility from here and also ask my younger son to help out. I guess these experiences will help us become closer and I appreciate that my kids are responsive and actively helping but I am afraid that I may be pushing them. I wonder what are the thoughts in my wife's mind and I need to speak to my friend to find out what had transpired last Friday.

I think it is easier for me because I can write all my feeling down so I can handle my stress. My wife keeps everything inside which may be making the situation more difficult. I am afraid that the situation may be worse unless she unburdens herself. Sometimes I think that her mind loops into negativity. Now I think that I have to be the strong optimistic type and it's a role that I have to play to keep thing together until my wife gets her strength back. This is one of the difficulties of moving that I never anticipated. I think I have to ask the company and find out how we can help her. I will arrange with our personnel to have the airlines know about her medical situation so they can take better care of her.

Memorial Day Weekend

Yesterday my son and I drove to Charlotte, North Carolina. We went to the history museum a few miles from the city of Charlotte. It was a nice museum with well preserved colonial houses at the back. But we were not able to arrive on time to take the tour. After looking at the museum exhibits, we went out back and looked at the preserved houses but could not go in. The houses where situated in hill with lots of trees and you had to walk a trail to get to it. The set-up gives a good feeling of the way of life in colonial times, about 1770's. The museums here are good, with actual re-creation of houses, videos, computer simulations, dioramas and artifacts that greatly simplify the story. It's a very effective way to help visitors understand history in about 1-2 hours.

Afterwards, we drove to the city and went to Freedom park. We drove through elegant tree-lined streets with colonial houses before finding the park. The park had a lake and we walked around the lake before going to the city center. The main street was closed off for the memorial day celebration. There where a lot of people walking around. We found a parking lot and paid $ 8 for parking. There were food stands lining both sides of the streets, beer and margarita stalls, some commercial stalls selling cable TV services, car racing tickets and other stuff. There where also play centers where kids could come and jump around. There was a band playing at the center of the street. It was a nice city and we learned that Charlotte is the 2nd largest financial center in the country.

We drove back at past 7 pm and reached our home past 9pm. We went to the grocery store to shop. It was a nice day that started with my going to the gym and exercising. I like these weekend trips to the nearby cities and going to museums to learn about the history of the place. I think the American South is a much more interesting place than any other region in the country. I plan to visit the interesting places like Charleston, Savannah, Atlanta and New Orleans. These places is right in the center of American history especially on the Civil War and the fight for racial equality. It also has episodes in the American fight for Independence as well as the clashes with the Indian nation.  So it's a great place to be in order to learn about the history of the country.

I am reading Ambeth Ocampo's history books on Andres Bonifacio and his lectures on Jose Rizal. He is a great writer in that he can capture the past and express it in a way that people can easily understand. I always like to read about Philippine history every time I go to a new place. When I went to New Delhi, India, I read the biography of Antonio Luna. Now that I am here in the US, I am re-reading about Jose Rizal. Maybe it's my way to stay grounded in that I can learn about my past while learning a new culture.  I do not like to neglect my heritage every time time I am studying a new culture. I guess it's also a time for me to catch up on my reading while I wait from my application to the local library.

I also spend some time looking at the videos in the Internet. I find Anthony Robbin's videos in You Tube inspiring. These days it's the best way to learn by looking at videos rather than buying or borrowing books. I am glad that the past months in Singapore were spent listening to audio books to keep me updated and sharpen my hearing cognition. It helps me listen more and understand that nuances in speech and culture here in the South. I always hear that people have a certain way of speaking here in the South and I agree so one has to listen closely to the conversation. This morning I watched a good movie staring Tommy Lee Jones called 'In the Electric Mist.'  It's from a book by James Lee Burke.

The movie is a story about a series of murders in Louisiana and the sheriff trying to solve the case. I think I will try to borrow more movies about the South so I can learn more about the local culture. The area is full of history and I will waste a good opportunity if I do not learn about it while here. I started thinking about a series of novels that links the people and events here in the South with the Philippine revolution. I think there are parallels in that both these places where occupied by a conquering army. Both places also had combatants fighting for there own vision of independence. In both situations, the dream ended in defeat and subjugation. But in the end, both places have risen above this tragedy and live anew. I think there is an opportunity to write a series of novels on this theme.

Difficult Time

I learned yesterday that my wife needs surgery for her liver. She has hemangioma of the liver. It not a life threatening illness though the doctor recommends the surgery which seems to be a simple operation. Earlier my wife had fever for several weeks and turned out her autoimmune system was attacking her anti-bodies. They gave her the right antibiotics and she is now fine. The doctors think that her liver illness may have triggered her autoimmune system which caused the fever. She is now feeling better and the hospital will release her next week.

I was worried as I could not help her being far away. I could not even talk to her when she was in the hospital. Now she is much better and she calls everyday in the morning. I am glad she is better now and I think when she comes over in June, her health will be better once the family is together again. I suspect the move overseas and the transport of our stuff may have stressed her. My boss said that change is always difficult and I agree as people’s health is the factors that will help them overcome the stress of change.

The closing date for my house purchase is next Tuesday. It’s actually my wife’s birthday on that date and I hope we can complete the transaction. It will be a good gift for her. Yesterday, the loan processor called me and gave me the result of the appraisal. It’s about $ 3K lower than the selling price. According to the appraiser, the property is in a declining market and the loan appraiser advised to renegotiate the selling price. I called my property agent and told her about the report. I don’t think I can bring down the price so I will move forward with the loan.

Despite the result of the report, I think it will be better to complete the sale. It fits my needs, budget and goals. Maybe I will sell it in a few years and move to a bigger house – possibly a semi-detached house. I want to have a bit of stability when my wife and younger son come over. We don’t need to look around and spend time moving again. My sons need to adjust quickly, learn to drive, enroll in their new school and adapt to the new learning environment. A permanent home will be good to provide some stability. I hope it will also help my wife have a good rest from her illness.

The schedule is a bit tight because I have to move out of my apartment by the end of the month. So I have to complete the sale, ensure water, power, phone and Internet connection, buy a fridge, washing machine and dryer. I also called the shipping company to prepare for the transfer of my stuff to my new house. So it will be busy in the coming weeks. Yesterday, I also visited the government agency. It seems that the problem has been solved and I can have my document in 2 weeks. So it was a bittersweet day -yesterday with a lot of things happening.

But it’s different here. Despite all these challenges I am not as stressed as I would have been. I seem to have more control and I can sleep better. I guess I have gone over my initial fears. Now I hope my family can adjust as well. It will take some time but I am confident that it will happen. I am encouraged by my high school friend who has moved to Canada 20 years ago. We got in touch together again after he found me in Face book. I meet my old friends now in Face book or by other means in the Internet. It’s amazing that the Internet and social networking can help old friends meet again.

Driving to Columbia

We drove to Columbia - the capital of South Carolina. It was raining on the way and it took us about an hour and a half. It was a good drive and the car performed well. We went to the Museum of Art, Finley Park and the State House. It was an enjoyable drive and we listened to the best hits of 'Tears for Fears.' My first memory of driving in the US was in California and I remembered that it was a good evening and I was thrilled being there and the radio was playing the hit 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World.' It seems like deja vu and now I am with my son as I was with my father at that time long ago.

The last 2 days of the week was very productive. The outsource agent was here for a day and a half and we spent a lot of time explaining the situation. I think everybody is now ready to begin. On Thursday we drove to the Laurens warehouse. It was my second time there so I am now familiar with the way there. This gave me confidence to drive to Columbia. The capital city is more expansive then Greenville and it has a more confident feel. The State House is magnificent and it gave the city a feeling of grandeur. Everywhere there were echoes of the Civil War and It made me appreciate the place more.

But I was not feeling great because my wife is in the hospital for check up. I feel guilty leaving her there alone with my youngest son. But it was a decision we both made. Now I feel helpless and hope she will get better right away. I did not feel like being morose all day, just sitting around in the house watching television, so I decided to drive to Columbia with my son. I think he needs to spend more time outside of the house because he is cooped up all week in his room and spends most of his time in the Internet and watching television. I know I should step-up my role and talk to him and guide him for his future.

I finished watching the movie'Pride and Glory'. It about corrupt cops and it's really about the family. There are always parallels about family and the relationships between fathers and sons. I can't escape the irony of my situation now where I am suffering from a decision I made more than twenty years ago with my father. Now I hope that my son will not regret the I decision I made to move here twenty years into the future. Can I say I had no choice? I think I have made the best decision that I could make faced with the cards in my hands. Someday I hope that these experiences will make him a better and stronger person.

I talked to my youngest son this morning and told him to take care of his mother. He is in a difficult situation and I am glad that my friends are there to keep him company. This experience will make him more responsible and I hope I can call him often so I can guide him and make him aware that he is not alone. It's difficult to have a family separated by the Pacific Ocean and facing challenges that need response in order to move forward. In this situation, one has no choice but have faith on others and to a higher reason, to God. It is what makes you sane in this world.

My boss told me that attending the meeting and absorbing all the information is like drinking from a fire hose. He is right and I am not only absorbing a lot of data but I have to respond in the appropriate fashion. Learning about the way of life here, about the culture in the office, about the work and project that needs to be done, to prepare for the family to complete it's move and to help the kids assimilate and enroll in their new school is a tall order for anyone. I think I am rushing things like I usually do and I should stop and relax and silence my mind. This will allow one to think better. But trying to do all these things in a month is really a tough job.

Visit to Laurens Warehouse

We went to the warehouse this afternoon with the outsource agent. They flew into South Carolina this morning. Two of them flew in from Cleveland, Ohio while the other flew in from Boston. We will be meeting them tomorrow and discuss the details. I think we will be moving forward faster now than before. The project has a few nuances because the application supplied by the outsource company have to interface into the new system AND the legacy system that will be replaced in a few years. So it will be tricky project to do. Most of the people in the room have met a few times already and I am the new kid in the block.

It was a good day and I attended my first team meeting. It was with my boss and the rest of the team members. My boss asked me to introduce myself and I told them about my life in the company and the projects that I used to do. I think my boss liked it and asked the other members if they could share stories about themselves in the next meetings. I think it is a good idea to create rapport in the group. I think there will be a lot of challenges in the coming months and working together will be key to making the project work. In the meeting this afternoon, there was a moment when my boss was saying something about driving the project and I am not sure if he was sending out a signal.

I did not feel excited because it is a very straightforward project. I am just getting used to the way people work here. I see that democracy is a living breathing experience and not an abstract concept. It permeates everything here in the way people work and relate to each other. My experience in Asia is more authoritarian. Here every body's opinion counts and everyone is given his time to talk and people listen and judge the merits of the argument. A decision is made after all the views are weighed in. For me it is a different way of working and I have to get used to it in order to succeed in my projects.

My wife just called and said she is seeing a specialist in the hospital. She has not been well for the past 3 weeks. The fact that we are not together is putting pressure on her as well. I think the separation is affecting her health. I hope she becomes better. She needs to sleep and take a rest but I think that moving here to this new place is affecting her in more ways than she can understand. I think she will be better when we are here together as a family. I think I am lucky with my family compared to most people; talking to one of the outsource agents in the car this afternoon for example, I found out that they have foster children because they don't have any kids.

The meeting with the government agency went well. The staff processed m application after I expressed remorse. I hope it will turn out like these for the rest of my stay. I cannot seem to enjoy myself here and be at ease with this sword hanging over my head. It's like I am a criminal and one day my secret will be exposed and I will be disgraced. Everyone in the office will loath me and shun me like the plague. Anyway that is my fear although I learned to handle these challenges in different streams so that I will not be paralyzed by my fears. There are too many things running at the same time that one can lose focus.

The Agency Call

The day started with a call from Asia about my former project. There was an issue that could not be solved. After discussing the problem via chat and phone, the issue was fixed. It made me anxious that they would call me in the early morning though actually the problem was just fixed by re-starting a server. It just needed calmness and common sense. The real issue is personnel. The person I was training for the past 2 months has left the company. It's a difficult situation over there since the transition is still ongoing. I am glad the issue was resolved and I had a chance to chat with the support lady from India. She is fun to work with and she will play a key role now that the person I trained is gone.

We had a meeting in the morning and it went well. I did not participate too much and left after the meeting. Most of the team members stayed including my boss but I felt that I did not need to stay and there was a momentary awkwardness that I think I handled well by leaving. Sometimes I think that some people think that I will take away work from them after arriving here. After the meeting, I struggled for most of the day trying to complete the document I was working on since last week. I finally was able to finish a draft by the end of the day. I spoke to my boss and told him to review the document and he was in good spirits. He apologized for not spending a lot of time with me but I understand as he has been away on vacation.

I also worked on the house loan papers. I got a call from the loan processor and she sent me some documents to sign. We reviewed it together on the phone and I signed everything. I faxed them back from their local office in the building. She is kind and vivacious lady from Illinois. It looks like the processing is moving along as expected. The appraiser will also visit the property this week and his report is the major milestone to complete the loan process. I also wrote to the tax accountant to ask her about capital gains tax. I told her that I may be able to sell my flat and she gave me some advise. It will be a welcome event if the flat gets sold because it will help in the expenses.

Finally, the government agency called me and requested I come to the office. I was dreading the call and was wishfully thinking that all is well. I guess it took them a week to investigate the situation and now they are ready to question me. I guess I will try to pretend ignorance and see what they are going to say. I will then try to explain my situation and my dire need to get the documents. I have uprooted my family and brought them over here to live and this will be the only obstacle. I guess they are within their rights to deny me and I think they will say so upfront to try to make me admit my guilt. My only hope is to pretend ignorance if they have all the facts.

I will only admit that it was a long time ago and that I have forgotten it already. Of course this explanation does not absolve me of the guilt. But I will explain that it was a long time ago and that I was a different person then and I am now a family man and deeply regret what has happened in the past. I will try to appeal to them and ask for another chance. I don't know if it will work or if it will ever get to this point. I am a different man now and I pray that their religious values will give them the compassion to give me another chance. My family and I have been preparing for the move for the past 6 months and it's sad that is will end this way if they will not give me another chance. I pray that God will give me the strength and the words to explain and persuade them while I hope the agency staff will also have the strength to forgive.