I fear I am going to get released soon. These thoughts come out in the morning, as I lay in bed, waking from sleep. The mind not yet in it's rational state, still emerging from dreams. The dark does not help, some light filters in from the windows, coming from the street lamp across the street. I have outlived my usefulness, my middle age made me paranoid and feeble despite my attempts to be relevant; joining public speaking clubs, learning to hunt, riding my scooter along the back roads of the countryside. All for naught.
Perhaps my transgressions have come to roost; my internet surfing at work; checking CNN, Bloomberg, BBC, Reuters, New York Times, Washington Post, Politico, FiveThirthyEight, Independent, Telegraph, Mother Jones; to be in touch of the madness gripping national politics. Perhaps this has driven my overwrought mental state, of the coming apocalypse; maybe nukes from North Korea or Russia. It's a good thing I enrolled in the company counselling package where I get to see a therapist for free for a couple of sessions. My second session is coming next week which is just in time.
I have not done bad I think; still engaged in monthly reports and getting things done. Increasing my communication during the monthly reviews and accomplishing some good stuff for the company in the previous year. All these efforts should mean something or so one would think. On balance, I think my positives should more than equal my shortcomings or at least cancel out the bad which should make me even. In the company books, I should be breaking even.
How would gauge someone career? To look back at more than 20 years of service and wonder if this journey really meant something. It has been thrilling ride; living in several countries in the world. Now is the time of reckoning; when the kind wizards would gaze at a person's life before giving judgement. But really, it is up to me on how one would react; it is the individual who decides one's fate; not some dark omniscient machine deciding the fate of man.
Perhaps my transgressions have come to roost; my internet surfing at work; checking CNN, Bloomberg, BBC, Reuters, New York Times, Washington Post, Politico, FiveThirthyEight, Independent, Telegraph, Mother Jones; to be in touch of the madness gripping national politics. Perhaps this has driven my overwrought mental state, of the coming apocalypse; maybe nukes from North Korea or Russia. It's a good thing I enrolled in the company counselling package where I get to see a therapist for free for a couple of sessions. My second session is coming next week which is just in time.
I have not done bad I think; still engaged in monthly reports and getting things done. Increasing my communication during the monthly reviews and accomplishing some good stuff for the company in the previous year. All these efforts should mean something or so one would think. On balance, I think my positives should more than equal my shortcomings or at least cancel out the bad which should make me even. In the company books, I should be breaking even.
How would gauge someone career? To look back at more than 20 years of service and wonder if this journey really meant something. It has been thrilling ride; living in several countries in the world. Now is the time of reckoning; when the kind wizards would gaze at a person's life before giving judgement. But really, it is up to me on how one would react; it is the individual who decides one's fate; not some dark omniscient machine deciding the fate of man.
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