Redemption

Last week our project went live after being transitioned to me just a little more than a month ago. The project was complex and entailed the participation of about 4 separate teams. The project was in good hands before being handed over but I contributed more rigor and leadership as needed. The email I sent announcing the success and the response from leadership was vindication to me after the change of roles and transition to a new department that occurred this year. Finally, I felt I had proven myself to the people who doubted me due to their incompetence and unfairness.

I cannot help but feel good after those past months of trauma and doubt about my abilities. Last week was when I proved my worth though I did not really need to since I have been doing this type of work for decades in different zones starting from Asia-Pacific. But working with people who are ignorant and just looking to assign blame can cause you grief and stress unless one has to keep proving yourself. I have learned a lot in this journey and for sure I also needed to step up and thrive given the right help and support which I did not have. But all this pain went away with last week's success.

A friend of mine often remarked on my resilience and I have done it again though I was just using my wits to survive. I kept my nose to the grindstone and kept working until an opportunity came by with the departure of the former leader who was let go to cut costs. I had always thought that giving work to contractors despite the talent within the organization was not good business sense. This was proven again with the recent changes that all businesses had to go through due to the economic situation.

It is a new world now, especially after the election where a change of the guard is needed like a breath of fresh air with new leadership. Comets have been viewed photographed and posted in our user group and comets often are a portent of great change. In my small way, I am riding this wave of redemption, to return to courtesy and respect for one's abilities instead of fault-finding and pointing blame. I will continue to excel by working hard, being diligent, and being responsible. I did check my horoscope for the coming Year of the Snake and forecast seems promising. We shall see.

Scandinavian Treat

I just returned from a 9-day trip to Sweden and Denmark; four days in Malmo and another 4 days in Denmark. A short reprieve from the grind of work recently turned over to me. I had planned this vacation many weeks before the change in personnel was announced and all the tickets and bookings were already bought. The trip just came at the right time taking advantage of the Thanksgiving holidays so the departure was not really missed although I had to work remotely, attending meetings writing emails, and posting chat comments. In fact, it was a welcome return to my life in Asia; traveling and doing projects in Thailand, Japan China, Singapore, and the Philippines.

The life of a project manager is often an itinerant life;  of working with your laptop or phone in hotels, airports, or any place you happen to be where there is a WiFi connection. I joined a remote meeting in the new Library in Malmo near the castle circled by a moat, the library had a wall of glass where one could see across the street to the park. I had a chance to walk the streets of the old town and visit museums and art galleries. Denmark was a more spectacular and beautiful place, with its waterfront, elegant shopping lanes, Christmas markets, and palaces like Christianborg.

Despite watching Nordic shows like 'Borgen', 'The Bridge', 'The Killing'  and Wallenberg detective shows, being in the actual locale was exhilarating; eating the food, watching how the locals live, and learning their culture, especially the Viking phase was illuminating. Interesting lifestyle practices like 'fika' - short snacks with coffee and pastries; or 'hygge' roughly translated as cozy living or happy way of life is a different take on how one lives and enjoys his life. Far from the hustle and bustle of American life with its college sports and car racing. However, one does see some laidback values here in the deep South.

We enjoyed several trips this year: Prague in the Czech Republic, Boston in Massachusetts, St Agustin in Florida, and now Malmo in Sweden, and Copenhagen in Denmark. These trips were done during significant changes at the workplace: moving to a new department, working with new colleagues, assigned new projects and ways of working, and now a transfer of several difficult and complex projects in the last month due to the departure of key personnel. These trips have helped me expand my viewpoints and accept new challenges with an open attitude.

I have this insatiable urge to learn everything about Scandinavia, borrowing DVDs, books, and music and searching the internet. Soon my Nordic urge will go down after I have satiated my curiosity and I will go off to another interest. But the Scandinavian and Prague trips will have made me a different person as good trips often do when one goes beyond one's familiar comfort zones. This 'new' mindset is what  I need to tackle the new projects that I am working on: migrating from obsolete software and hardware assets; into the virtual cloud and operating systems; planning for Doomsday events and ensuring continuity of services.

New Journey

Last week was the first week I actively took over several projects transitioned to me by a highly competent Indian project manager who was let go. Several contractors, knowledgeable and technically competent, were let go, and sad to see them leave as news came trickling of their departure. I worked with a few of them though I felt no emotion as I was a direct recipient of their departure; to get their load of work that will keep me busy for the next few months. The pendulum has swung and the leviathan is achieving a new equilibrium.

The work is of a technical nature that I don't usually engage in but that is the card dealt me that I have to play them. Such are the events when one must adjust to circumstances as the economy turns to a direction in which the ship must change course. A lot has happened since the election that one must prepare for the new. A fresh wind has blown in and the portent of great change was seen in several photos of comets posted on the photography channel; an extraordinary number that one can feel a great change coming.

I worry about the workload but it is a welcome change where one is again on the grindstone fighting in the arena using one wits to succeed. But I have prepared for this event for a while now; attending seminars, trying new things with my devices, and reflecting on new knowledge such as Artificial Intelligence, Co-Pilot, and new ways of working. It is as if I am atop another wave, one among many that I have ridden and survived all these years in my long career.

The amount of workload is such that it is necessary to use the latest tools to keep the mind focused; to use visual management techniques like Kanban, Microsoft tools like Teams, Planner, and To DO list as well as meditation and mindfulness, vitamin supplements, and exercise. Not only is experience the key advantage, it is also one's physical and mental health, stamina, and interpersonal skills like communication, leadership, and empathy are all important as well. 

New information keeps coming up, software glitches occur, miscommunication happens, people don't understand what's being asked, cognition problems, decision paralysis, sleepless nights, insomnia, fatigue, and exhaustion both mentally and physically; all swirl around the project work with drop-dead deadlines. Indeed, one is back in the arena with new conditions and challenges one must stay calm with a quiet mind to succeed.

Coming Back to Oblivion

Last week I had a tough meeting where my proposal was proven to be not good plus my approach to the current project may not be the right one. I pivoted and agreed to follow the proposed process, trying to show non-nonchalance and that I could swiftly change course if that was the way to go. The director that  is following up on this project seems to like my approach so I am confident that I am not in a bad path though some adjustment maybe feasible to maintain good rapport with my colleagues. My boss seems to agree with me but he defers to the young lady who is quite driven and smart and likely in the right.

During the scheduling of this meeting I tried to bring another young colleague to join but he is perpetually postponing meetings that I invite him to. I think he is either insecure of joining meetings because he has nothing to contribute, he is really busy on his project but unfortunate, not updating his calendar. At any rate, he sometimes is a pain in the ass but one should keep encouraging as he is young and much to learn and grow. He seems to be a good friend with the young lady and good to keep supporting them in in their good graces. I am not emotionally intelligent (EQ) so sometimes I miss social signals.

I also attended another party with my friends and I am getting tired of too much of these social sessions. The party was fun but getting to be tedious with guest taking turns singing karaoke, eating having conversations and having a good time. The other week was lunch and dinner at my friends house setting up a pergola and the week before was a wedding. Despite these social activities in the weekend, I go get to work on my project painting my back yard patio. We did miss a children's party today as we did not feel like attending as I had to continue painting and my wife seem not interested since it was for kids. Nevertheless, my other friends joined to show support as likely they had nothing to do.

My mind was churning with thoughts in the past week, causing some sleepless nights which I tried to address by listening to Gregorian chants or binaural beats to put me to sleep. Irrational thoughts driven by the meeting in the office where I think people are ganging up on me, feeling sorry for myself for not being better at EQ, thinking of plots and plans against me. Now with the social commitments that we neglect due to our personal projects, I feel further anxiety that our friends will cut ties as a previous conflict with another friend is again making me think that my friends are ganging up on me as well.

I wonder if the close election race, the misinformation and lies are also turning my head in these environment of divisiveness. It is as if the world is hurling forward to destruction, causing conflicts in the office and home; people siding with others to fight against another, of dealing with lies and subterfuge instead of discussing face to face in the light of day. Too much thinking is the bane of modern life; driven by pressures at home and at work that one wonders is sinking into oblivion without unwanted attention is the best remedy.

    

Coming Close

The election is approaching, and I feel anxious and concerned about the outcome. I know I should not let these external events stress me, following the mantra, one should not worry about events beyond one's control and just focus on what really affects and concerns you. I can't help it being a nerd with years of reading about US politics and elections and not that one is confronting historical events after reading books by Anne Applebaum that foretell the rise of autocracy. Then again I do overthink and let circumstances affect me without reason.

Last week was a good week with my interaction in a group chat with our division director; where I posted a comment requesting a budget after a domain manager reached out to me. I am not really the project manager as this is not really a formal project but I had to respond because I was the de facto or acting PM. Besides this is a chance for me to show what I can do after the events that transpired in the last year where my capability was being questioned by my former supervisor and platform manager. I feel that I am being seen in a new light due to my actions in the recent months.

Last week I finished a course in Gen AI for PM from the PMI organization which was very informative and useful. I believe I am the first who has attended this course and my boss encouraged me to talk about what I had learned in our weekly meeting. Encouraging comments from my colleagues gave me confidence in sharing this experience with other groups by posting about these seminars in several Team's channels in Europe and USA in this area. I got few likes on my post but it was a good gesture to inform my network that I am in my new post and learning the latest technology.

This progress plus my interaction with our division director where I focused on responding to his questions I had my usual doubts about what to say but I stated the facts and got a good response. My mind kept jumping around mainly because of my new post and last year's events but I got my confidence back. Yesterday my friends and I met to help out in putting up a pergola as well as having a great lunch and dinner after the work has been done. My former supervisor was there and I showed my mettle by talking to others and showing that I had moved forward. I am a bigger person by letting old wounds lie and just moving ahead.

Amid all these work and personal events, I am working on my patio; painting the ceiling and putting up plastic covers, covering the uneven surfaces with speaking, spraying primer, and paying the ceiling twice. I have never done this type of work so I overcame my usual doubts and just went ahead with what I thought was the right thing to do with my previous experience painting my house and my dad's house in Lods Angeles way back when I was in college. I have come a long way and if I just keep my wits with me and not succumbing to panic and overthinking, I will get through and keep his sanity.

Watching John Ford

As a latecomer to John Ford's films, one is surprised at the sophistication and technical excellence of his films; realizing later that Ford has more Academy Awards as a director than anyone. I had the impression that his films were cheesy with cliche Westerns but in fact, his oeuvre can be compared to the works of Kurosawa and Bergman. My prejudice or rather my snobbishness made me miss the richness of his movies. I had seen movie scenes of his work many times but avoided plunging in; preferring foreign directors like Fellini, Antonioni, and Kurosawa and neglecting Ford who may be the best of them all.

It was the series 'Dark Winds' about a Native American sheriff located in the immense grandeur of Monument Valley with memories fresh from my visit to the desert near Temecula in Southern California. There was a scene in the series in a hotel in the valley where Ford stayed together with his film stars when filming his movies. My interest in Native Americans increased since watching the recent movie "Killers of the Flower Moon". I visited Cherokee village in the Smoky Mountains with a close friend many years ago and the memory is still fresh with the dances and museum visit.

Going back to Ford's Westerns was a welcome change where right and wrong was clear though there were moments of complexity that gave his films a fair and realistic tinge. It felt like a return to old values when the issue was clear unlike in today's world of disinformation, lies, and confusion. So far I watched 'My Darline Clementine', 'Cheyenne Autumn', and 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' and can't wait for his other films. The performance of the old movie greats was also distinctive with nuances that I did not notice when watching these greats while growing up. 

Henry Fonda, Richard Widmark, John Wayne, and James Stewart are much better actors than I remembered them to be. Their old-time allure especially of old Hollywood brings back to my mind the books of David Niven of a Los Angeles that no longer exist. I always loved LA and my recent visit due to my niece's wedding recalled back to the old days as the reception was in an old Orchard.  I cling to the past of the old movies and books of those long-ago days.

A terrible hurricane swept through the Carolinas last week bringing power outages, lost internet, and destruction to mountain communities on a Biblical scale. I was disoriented last week after the storm, going to the office for 3 days due to no internet access at home, watching the news of the devastation in Western North Carolina, and seeing downed trees and pole lines everywhere while I took advantage of the lull amidst the storm by taking a course on AI for Project Managers; an excellent course that shows a path to the future.

In this chaotic situation brought about by the weather, I also struggle with my new circumstances being in this new department in my new role for about eight months. The noise and turmoil of the election adds to this mix that I often find myself bewildered though focusing on learning new things like AI and Power BI, while trying to fix a BI issue where I am trying out new skills. The election will be done so hopefully in a peaceful manner, while the hurricane has passed and people try to get back or rebuild their lives.

Further struggles lie ahead but a welcome respite watching Ford's old Westerns, reconnecting to old values, and moving forward with one's instincts and keeping one's wits. These old movie stars with their grace and perseverance offer a kind of hope though their kind is never to be seen before. A venerable Toastmaster also passed away a few weeks ago, someone who I had admired with his English accent and manners though he was from New Zealand as if he was from an old tie when people respected each other; an impression I had from my Grandmother who also passed away; a representative of any older and kinder time and those who remain here in this work for the moment are left to continue their example.

A Hollywood Story

The events that unfolded in the last week seemed like a Hollywood movie playing out in real-time. The protagonist is playing a role that portrays him as a child of destiny as if he was a leading man in true life.  If one did not know that he is a con man with multiple lawsuits against his companies, declared bankrupt, and now a convicted felon who is familiar with the ways of Hollywood and cinematic plotting that brings doubt to the storyline now playing out in real life. In fact, this strategy has been used many times in history; to distort the events of one's life to portray a hero in the making.

Perhaps it is a story of redemption or transformation; a near-death experience that brings enlightenment that the hero emerges ready to take the mantle of leadership and solve the world's problems. Peace in the Middle East.? However, one remains doubtful, especially with the real actors behind the scenes: a real dictator orchestrating the storyline to further his dreams of conquest; to revive the Soviet empire and wage real war to recover their former glory. It seems possible if one understands the dictator's origin as a practitioner of the black arts of spycraft.

Unfortunately, everyone goes about their daily lives watching television and watching the made-for-Hollywood movie playing on their screens. The true hero is an old man who has overcome terrible tragedies in his life until he has achieved true greatness but now old age has come to claim him as it does to all mankind. Perhaps this is the real story; of a great man overcoming his desire to remain in the fight but instead leaving the scene of battle to the next generation who are ready to engage in the struggle. Of a party still with its values intact and goals clear in sight while the other party is corrupted and lost.

This is the deeper storyline playing out if one discerns the true battle occurring behind the scenes; behind the spectacle of manufactured heroism, distorted values, and the capitulation of good people to remain in power; willing ( or perhaps unknowingly ) to become pawns in the great game that's been playing out for centuries but now with the new weapons of social media, Hollywood storylines under the shadow of a real war still being fought in European soil. Perhaps the only thing left is just to lie down in ignorance and let the darkness swallow one up.

Perhaps it is just overthinking like my week at work where my new projects were now removed for good reason; allowing me to work on new things and learn more. The constant adaptation in the workplace as one navigates the changing tide, still remaining relevant but attending courses and learning new ways of working. To go to lunch with good friends, eat good food, and talk about trivialities,  about new electric cars, vacationing in Europe, or thinking about skiing trips in the coming winter. We are all going to die anyway so why not just go with the flow.?