Nature Stills the Beast

Last week was the retrospective of the failed backup and recovery exercise. I was the center of the issue for almost all of the people in the call, though they were just looking for a scapegoat. The team was never really prepared, and the past session proved it. Most of my colleagues said the team is 'underwater', meaning their workload exceeded their capacity. In fact, I feel that I am underwater in that project as well, so we were all juggling too many tasks simultaneously. Indeed, it was a busy past few weeks, exacerbated by the silliness and turmoil in Washington.

The seemingly confused and incompetent government was a shield for most people in trouble, meaning if the government is not up to the job, just 'winging' then I am not in such bad shape with my own predicament. My other project is led by a brilliant young lady from Europe, but she seems to have their heritage in North Africa. She is highly capable, but she is also over her head, as she likes to do everything herself and does not delegate or work with other people. Seems like the current president thinks he is an expert in economics and trade policy.

A few weeks back, I was informed that I am eligible for early retirement, which my mind is in its overthinking mode, started imagining conspirarcies, that management sees that I am past my prime and too old to handle these difficult projects that I am leading; offering perhaps an easy way out; an off ramp so to speak. But such was not the case when I saw the list of names; prominent management people I looked up to, and I was glad to be in such distinguished company. I was starting to plan my early retirement when I shared this plan with my French friend, who was surprised that I would even think of such a thing.

Hence, my mind went back to normal, realizing the error of its ways in overthinking + a wild imagination that likes to conjure up romantic entanglements and the jealousy that it brings to innocent encounters. Such is the state of an adolescent mind that still thinks about illicit romances through shielded gazes or half smiles that don't mean anything. Meditation stills the mind, and mindfulness allows one to recognize when the brain goes into the rabbit hole, thinking of scenarios that are crazy when viewed in a more sober light.

The weekend started with a great hike in the Jones Gap, climbing up the mountain to see waterfalls, amidst the trees, and the surrounding views of the surrounding mountains. It was a tiring, nearly 5-hour hike that cleansed the mind of its silliness. Nature brings respite, especially with friends, that ends in a good dinner and conversation. Easter Sunday and the Holy Week bring back solemn memories of times past in my youth, with somber parades of piety and people carrying crosses to be nailed to fulfill fantasies of being Christ on the cross.

The next day after the hike, I looked at old pictures from 28 years ago when I went hiking with friends in the mountains of Batangas and Rizal,  camping overnight after the long trek up, swimming in waterfalls and eating and drinking, and going to the beach on the way down. Other pictures of a young family with young kids, riding horses on the trail up Taal volcano. My life in my late 20s was good, with camping trips and road trips with my wife and family, wonderful years before moving to Singapore and later to South Carolina.