Another Day Another Dollar

For people in my situation, the only remedy is to keep going to the office, to show up for work despite the emotional turmoil that may exist in the mind. The company is a monolith that does not portray it's thinking, though one would normally believe that her representatives show the will of it's management. But these are ordinary people as well, the ones that one would normally turn to and they do try to best as well. So one should take their pronouncements with as grain of salt.

Nevertheless, one should keep engaging with the people and your supervisors so one does not lose touch of reality, to see the writing in the wall. I missed this opportunity, though there was a feeling in the back of my mind but I did try to look for other roles though my workload and personal challenges distracted me from going ahead. There was a lack of will, a momentary doubt that prevented me from going to any new role, preferring the comfort of my present position.

My mistake was to think that the departure of my boss would solve everything, thinking that her move to another role was proof that her criticism of me was without basis. But despite her lower position today, her assessments would still hold weight despite my protestations. So I lingered longer  until it was too late, when management made the decision for me and pushed me to a direction that I myself was moving towards. Now I feel I am in limbo, like a dead man walking, perhaps thinking of retirement and throwing in the towel.

But this is a great place to work, and if one shows his intention to adapt to the new role, willing to go forward and learn new skills, then I think one will be allowed to remain. The main enemy is one's own mind, where inertia and disinterestedness may keep you in your own silo, allowing oneself to be bewildered by the changing workplace. A writer is sometimes a voyeur, being a witness to the tumult surrounding him, not realizing that he needs to be engaged in his role as a participant in the melee.