Writing here now in my blog means that I am dozing off or having trouble keeping awake at work. It’s about 3pm in the afternoon and the sleeping sickness is coming over me again. So I resolved to write once I feel like dozing off in the afternoon. At least I like writing so the desire to write keeps me awake. But it’s better today than the past few days because I had a more difficult time previously. Maybe it’s better because I was able to sleep early, about 10 pm last night. I guess it’s a fact of having a good night’s rest but the afternoon drowsiness is a killer. I suppose I need a nap or a really strong coffee to keep me awake. Now I realize why older people seem to drink more coffee: it’s to keep them awake.
We are having more meetings and I am receiving more work from my boss. I perceive that he wants to schedule work that he can manage by himself. Sometimes I feel bad that he is not delegating more but I guess it’s his style. He is one of the more disorganized and unstructured manager I know; more so than me. But he is good is some areas like managing work via MS Excel. Sometimes he is also good in the use of some applications which can compensate for his weaknesses. But I think it is getting to a point that some of the members are resenting the way he works. Perhaps his considerable charm is starting to wear off. In my paranoid mind, I think he is isolating me more and more.
But I understand the situation. One of the long time staff from India is affected. He has been very helpful in past projects and I am sure he has solved a lot of problem. But recent moves to cut costs have impacted him. In fact, 2 of the outsource staffs in my department have left or are leaving soon. There are jobs considered dispensable. Some of these staff even think that I am the reason being the new guy on the block. Perhaps I am also too aggressive that I turn people off and others feel that their jobs are threatened. I feel for them because they are decent and hardworking with families to support. But what can I do because it’s how top management will decide on what to do to reduce costs.
So I try to be less aggressive and keep quiet. I think I will be aggressive than Iam called for because I detect that I am turning other people off most especially my boss and the key architect. I am just applying the Asian way but it’s not appreciated here because things move at a much slower pace. I can’t help feeling that the American dream is slowly being derailed. Thomas Friedman may be correct in writing that Americans maybe losing their edge in business. I share the same view after seeing the incredible development of people in China, India, Malaysia and Singapore. So their lunch will be eaten away from under them. I think the good life and taken out the edge out of their life.
During the meeting this morning, the lead project manager did a subtle criticism of me by saying that I am working hard so I can get another feather in my cap. I don’t really know if he is alluding to me but I guess he has stereotyped me. I don’t know if I should talk back or let it pass. But I guess that is the way of life here in the South, where people tend to stereotype others so that’s why there are a lot of civil rights issues. But in fairness to them there are also a lot of kind people here. I guess I am also guilty because I am not communicative which may be affecting them. I also stereotype which is a shortcut made by the brain. I think there are a lot of cognitive shortcuts being done around here principally to absorb increasing information.