Weekend Triumph

Last Saturday, I evaluated a speech in the morning and participated in a Humorous Speech Contest in the afternoon. I got a ribbon as best table topic speaker in the morning and 2nd runner-up trophy in the afternoon contest. In the past, I would downplay these 'awards' because I felt that it was more like being the best amongst beginners. But I realize that I have set my standards too high and that I am really my worst critic. Looking back at my Toastmaster experience so far, I have received 4 ribbons for best prepared speech, 1 ribbon for best evaluator and a 2nd runner-up trophy in an evaluator contest. Not bad for the amount of time I have spent though I have done about 15 speech projects so far.

But is public speaking my strength? Strength is described as near perfect performance, achieved consistently. So I guess it's just a complementary talent to an underlying strength, perhaps to my learner or ideation (where one needs to think about topics for speeches) strengths. But the real value I think the programme has given me is to lose my shyness and self-centeredness. The experience is not really on public speaking but more on self confidence. It has provided me with episodes of self-analysis and doubt but it has given me focus and challenged my sense of purpose. To just do it and have the determination and resolve to do a speech. It achieves what Woody Allen used to say wherein to succeed, you just need to show up.

So the benefit of a Toastmaster's programme is really subtle. The demand from you is not only to improve your public speaking skills but also to remove self-doubt and timidness. So I dare say that it improves one's character. I must say that I have found myself in the Toastmaster's experience and I am only starting to enjoy the visits to other clubs and all the avenues of learning. Some of my friends wonder why I waste my time here and if I really need this experience. I guess I have no problems communicating on an intimate and personal level and I am good at this situation but I lack the public experience. I think it has a very subtle effect and I think it has made me a better person and writer.

(Note: I have place some photos of my last trip to Thailand where I attended an excellent puppet show.)

Working Listlessly

I spoke with my colleague during lunch about feeling lazy and bored at work. He is also feeling the same way. Usually I just surf the net and only work when deadlines are near. For the past few days we attended trainings in the morning and afternoon with outsource companies. We also receive receive mails from project office to complete some forms. Not to the mention the usual queries from our customers on the status of our projects. Of course, the current situation where we're not sure of our future is making the whole thing worse.

So I feel I should go on holiday and relax instead of wasting my time in the office trolling the Internet. But I have learned a lot of new things by surfing. It's the only place where I can focus my attention. I cannot seem to focus on any other thing. In fact, it's also affecting the folks at the project office as well. I was supposed to have a meeting this morning with one of them but he postponed to next Monday. He is in Shanghai now and sees we're all trying to do more things at the same time. Like Obama when he said that McCain should learn how to multi-task though I think McCain is just trying to avoid a debate.

I reviewed the last few decades of my life to assess if I have spent my time correctly. I think the activities that have made me a better person are as follows:

- teens
college, girl friend, fraternity, journal writing and barkada
- 20's
completing my MBA, getting married, raising kids and building my house
- 30's
doing projects, travelling all over Asia, learning about project management and www
- 40's
living abroad, blogging, PMP certification, Toastmaster and public speaking

These are the major activities that I seem to put more value at my present age. Looking back, I think that it's really a normal life although I think I started early with my family life. I always feel I should so some review of my life after every few years before embarking on a new change. I think I will be working out of Asia soon and I am waiting for a job offer. I think now is the time to listen to an audio book I bought in my last trip home about life strategies.

In a recent review of Orhan Pamuk's book 'The White Castle', the reviewer compared the East and the West. The East according to the reviewer is more spontaneous and fluid with less time for introspection. The West on the other hand, spend to much time on analysis and introspection. I wonder if the reverse is true. If writing in a blog is about self-reflection, am I more Western than Eastern?

Cool Hunting

I am reading a book called 'CoolHunting'. It's more about social networking and how to spot trends and find the next cool thing like the IPod or IPhone. It is similar to Malcolm Gladwell's ideas in his book 'The Tipping Point'. But 'CoolHunting' is more on visually showing social networks in Internet sites like Face Book. It also recreates networks visually from emails and phone calls. For example, using emails from Enron executives to determine who was involved in fraud by checking clusters in the visual web.

It is an intriguing method which may be useful in looking for terrorist for example as I read somewhere that Internet and email figure prominently in their operations. What I like about the book is their ideas on networking and their ability to visually present the web of connections. It is an interesting book though a bit academic in some parts. But it explains the phenomenom of social networks and alliances in the Internet. I have tried to mind map the social network in my office in order to see clearly the 'political' relationships of the people I work with. It is a good way to understand the politics to help oneself maneuver into the correct path.

I think understanding political relationships and the stakeholders in a project can only be described visually using tools like mind mapping and concept charts. It is useful to survey the landscape of relationships within the office so one can be adept in the politics of the stakeholders. It can help one prepare strategies or tactics to overcome any mischief due to these relationships. So I think it is a good book as it emphasises on the visual aspect of describing these interactions. I always like reading about politics and history, to understand the relationships between great people and now we have an objective method to describe it visually.

Last night I participated in a speech evaluation in another Toastmaster club. I will evaluate another speech on Saturday morning and participate in a speech contest in the afternoon. My topic for the contest in 'Being Outsourced'. I won my club's contest earlier this month and I am now the representative for the district area contest. It is a good outlet to express my anxiety.

I got a call from my old boss during the meeting last night and I was not able to speak to him. It seems my posting to another country is taking shape. I feel I am in the verge of a new adventure. I usually have this feeling after every 5-7 years when I feel tired of my present state and I start reminiscing and analysing the previous years. I have been doing so in the past months, taking strength-finder tests and looking back at my experience. I hope it has prepared me for the coming challenges after doing this self-analysis.

Back from China

Last week I was in Liaoning province in Northeastern China. This part of China is called Dongbei. I was in the old industrial capital with a lot of history. The old name is Mukden and I visited the home of an old warlord near the imperial palace. The home of the young marshall and his equally well-known warlord father who was killed by the Japanese officers of the Kwangtung army of Manchuria. During my week-long stay, I listened to Napoleon Hill's classic book 'Think and Grow Rich.' It seemed to be a fitting book to read while looking at the old architecture of the city which seemed close to art-deco style although there were a lot of modern building as well.

Hill's book speak of old virtues which hark back to an earlier time as he speaks of his meetings with Andrew Carnegie and Henry Ford. So it was fitting to listen to this timeless classic while running in a treadmill in the hotel's gym while looking across the street at the old building. I believe some of these building were built during the time Hill's book was written. The factory also was of an old design which seemed at odds with the newer modern parts of the city. I listened to the audio book while exercising in the morning. The meetings went well where I tried to send out summaries of the day's meeting to keep the team engaged.

I also met old friends who I worked with in the past. I also saw an old colleague and we had dinner on our last night. We went to a disco where I had a first hand glimpse of the future of China. The disco was filled with very young people who were enjoying themselves. It was filled also with people from other countries and their exuberance and freedom seemed to be at odds with the totalitarian regime and dire surroundings of some city parts. But the city seems to be rising again as the old state-owned industrial companies were sold to foreign companies like my own. So there has been a sort of rebirth with new investments coming in the old industrial centers.

It was an interesting week where we had a lot of meeting with the local project team. In the last day we also attended a phone conference with people from Thailand, Singapore and Shanghai, China. I also met frequently by phone with our software consultant from France. It was a good week with a lot of challenges. In the evening, I sometimes walk around the streets around the hotel looking for the old places where we used to go. A phrase echoed in my mind as I walked around: you return to the place where you came from and discover the place anew. Funny phrase as I always like this city and it seemed to represent China more than the other cities I have been.

A Whole New Mind

We had a meeting today with the boss man. It went well for my part but a little difficult for the finance guy. Nothing out of the ordinary from him with his usual staff lectures. But he was kind to me and I delivered a good presentation. I felt a bit tired because I slept late last night finishing my speech. I am participating in a humorous contest speech this week and I just finished my speech last night. I typed the speech and recorded myself afterwards. I listened to my finished speech and feel more confident than in the past. It will be more challenging this week because I will be without notes. I slept at about half past midnight and woke early because I needed to be at the office before 9pm. So now I feel tired because of the pace.

I listened to an audio CD on NLP and learned some new tools. Such as associating or disassociating myself to my past memories so I could 're-code' my memory in a different and more positive light. I like that idea of 're-coding' memory like it has a chance of changing my future. It is more like my experiments in 'cognitive restructuring'. It is a tool to change perceptions and improve the thinking process. I started to read Edward de Bono again and saw a few of his books in the library. I finished the NLP audio book yesterday and borrowed a new one-Robert Kaplan's 'Imperial Grunts.' It looks like a good book on the American military.

I have stepped up the pace of my activities - exercising more, reading more, doing things more like I will not be doing these usual things anymore in the near future. But I feel full like my mind is already beyond it's peak. But I think it is because I have achieved my goals set 5 year ago and I have nothing else to do. It's like I now could go forward to the next level but my past indulgence or bias or mis-conception are still holding me back. Or even the lack of confidence maybe preventing me into becoming a better person. It's like mind cannot go beyond it's usual pattern of wrong thoughts. So that is why I am studying things like NLP or strength finder to guide me out of my present blocks. I think now is the time to set new targets at a higher level or maybe a change of scenery is needed to keep me fresh.

I read a book recently called 'A Whole New Mind.' I think it's a good starting point to help me improve. It's funny because other books like M.Buckingham states that you are already all you can be and it's just a matter of focusing on your strengths. So I guess this is another challenge for me and all I need is to change my perception and accept myself the way I am. Books like 'A Whole New Mind' help in acquiring new skills and knowledge just like NLP and speech training. These are just new skills and my talents have been the same all along. So I could just focus on my talents and, thereby, develop my true strengths more. I think the best way is to stop thinking about myself and talk more about current events and things that affect me. This way I will stop the churning of my mind and avoid being focused on myself.

Transformation

The project in China crossed X1 yesterday. There was some discussion on the the solution architecture. But my preferred direction was chosen. Good news for the sensible and reasonable people in the team. I had sent a reply on the subject a few days back after a heated teleconference. It took me a day to write my mail and I spent re-reading the mail and achieved a good response from the business process head in HQ. I don't know why I re-read it many times, maybe because it took me some time to complete it, with constant re-writing to get the message across. I wanted to avoid wordiness and keep it brief while trying to explain my preference with some notes on the relevant technical details. I am glad that the message was received well. I felt tired the day after as if I had struggled a lot more than actual.

The struggle I think was in finding my voice. I needed to find out what I wanted to say instead of just sending out a mail just to express a comment. So I felt my stand was more on the common sense approach to reach a reasonable outcome for all. I think that's my voice or message that I wanted to say and I think that I could speak from experience now that I have been here for quite some time. I think that is the strength that I can exploit. Following the IBM transformation I heard from Gerstner's book, I need to have a strategy as well in these times. Combining the result from the strengths finder's exercise, I have a possible course of action. So what is my strategy?

Firstly, since the technical aspects of my work will be outsourced and my strengths in input, strategy,etc., it would seem that my greatest prospects remain as project manager or coordinator. I think to remain in a technical field such as programmer or system support may not have a long term future. Staying in the middle ground, where I can understand the needs of the business and understand the technical details and perhaps chart a strategy to implement is my real strength. So it combines the role of functional and systems analyst as well as project manager and strategist. So I should learn to manage my weakness in formal planning and follow-up using all those templates and forms. I hate doing things following structured procedures because it feels restrictive and because I think I am more intuitive and creative.

Secondly, I think other careers are not feasible for me yet. Although my strengths can be parlayed into other areas not necessarily in information technology. Perhaps as a journalist or writer. Perhaps as a subject matter expert in supply chain for both upstream and downstream. So my flirtation on being a trader or writer may not be full-time endeavors until I achieve some concrete accomplishments such as completing a book or doing actual trading. So more effort in these areas until more confidence can be achieved. Continuing with my public speaking efforts in Toastmasters I guess is something I can still continue but more as a supplemental or complimentary skill. I don't think I can be a great communicator though perhaps an above average or, at least, a competent one.

I think I now have a fair idea of my strengths and weaknesses and I should strive and capitalize more on my strengths. I will need to re-read Buckingham and learn how to manage weaknesses. As the year comes to an end, I have delivered some projects and I am starting to regain a measure of confidence after experiencing the early problems. I have also learned about a few option about my future from my boss this week. All options offered to me do not have a future in the present office. For the medium term I expect some changes with a final offer soon. It may look like a transfer abroad or transfer to the outsource company. Clearly change is around the corner for me.

Outsourcing History

I just finished listening to Louis Gerstner's audio book 'Who Say's Elephant's Can't Dance?'- about the restructuring of IBM. Amazing story about the change of IBM's business model from selling hardware into a full fledged service company and integrator. The decision was very significant and perhaps precipitated or accelerated the outsourcing trend. Today, my company is outsourcing it's technical and infrastructure work to IBM. My colleagues who are affected will soon move to IBM or may decide to leave after receiving a severance package. I think this is the direct consequence of Gerstner's decision to transform IBM and it's impact on companies like my own.

Of course, the trend may have already started with the outsourcing trend towards Indian companies by companies like GE. As seen in our other outsourcing project, the application support will be transferred not to IBM but to an Indian company. Most of these companies do not have the deep experience of IBM with regards to technical hardware. Nevertheless, IBM transformation may have accelerated this process and made the outsourcing trend into a reality. Hence, hardware and network support are usually outsourced to IBM (which may in turn out source to their subsidiaries in Philippines or India) and application development and support to Indian and Philippine outsource companies.

Listening to Gerstner's book gave me an insight on the forces that led to that decision and the history behind it. Other strands I can also relate to such as the success and history of the IBM system 36. In fact we used to have an old System 36 until it was decommissioned a few years ago and we migrated the application to the newer AS 400 series. But the application remained the same (which is actually the boss man's system) and remained the same with a lot of customization for about 15 years. Only now are we going to replace the system with the help of outsource companies. It's amazing that Gerstner foresaw these trends and adapted or shaped it and where I now have a first hand view on the implication of that decision on my life and career.

So now I am faced with a transformation of my own. I now have to managed the transition of my applications towards these outsource companies. New skills are needed to manage and work and animate the relationship between outsource companies and internal customers. It is a different world now and slowly the internal work will be moved out. There is now a challenge for people like me. If I wish to maintain my current skills, then my future may lie on working with outsource companies. Otherwise, I need to change my work towards a more business orientation to remain in the company. In fact, I feel that I have less interest on the technical side of things these days but more on the management side.

During these days of change, I see that my true strength is more as a business and functional analyst. My SF traits of Learner, Input and Ideation allows me to adapt and absorb new business processes and, thereby, propose new solutions to existing problems. My modest success in project management is that due perhaps to my skill as a business analyst and strategic decision making that allowed me to prosper. But I really do not have the full-blown skills in project managements because I lack thoroughness, planning and neglect to follow-through. These are the weakness that I need to manage. I think I need to make some sort of strategic transformation based on my strengths to remain in the game just like IBM.

Planning for X1

This week is the kick-off meeting for the steering committee. On Thursday, the China project is expected to cross the so-called X1 milestone. Afterwards, the project team can proceed to solution development. I plan to travel to the northeastern plant to kick-off and meet the local team. I hope it will go well. The phone conference meeting yesterday with the head office team and the Thailand business owner did not go well. It was a bit aggressive and tiresome. I guess I should get used to this kind of situation. No sense of working in harmony as one gets involved with people on a higher level. The teeth and knives come out and often seems to be a free-for-all brawl.

The other upstream project that I am working is on now has some troubles. I getting tired of receiving the issues from the users. We had given them enough time for testing a few months back and it is only now that we are getting feedback. It is very sad and sometimes I feel that I should leave. It is difficult because the support team is not turning over their work to the new outsource company. Their development servers have been shut down already and they will try to work on their local computers. So it will take some time before we can reply to them in detail. I sometime think that I should forget my troubles in the office when I leave for home and I am getting to be good at this trick.

We met this morning with the project office staff as well as my new boss. I liked the meeting because I was able to express my self. This is my main challenge to find my voice which is the 8th Habit of Steven Covey. I feel that I should have contributed more in the discussion yesterday. But I have some time to offer my thoughts. So I think I should try to offer my comments via e-mail but in a more politically acceptable manner. I did not have this problem in the past and used to rely more on my own reasonable arguments. But as one grows older one realizes that my voice is only one point of view and that I should learn to accept other's point of view. It is not really about accepting other's views but more on working on a plan of action or work towards another plan against my inner wishes.