Old Friend

Yesterday I connected with a colleague who worked in China who knew an old friend of mine who died last March. We reminisced in the chat as we remotely remembered his brilliance and untiring devotion to his craft, he was a true legend and an expert in his field who unfortunately was a heavy smoker. He had a stroke and died after a few days. The outpouring of grief and remembrance was evident on his Facebook page. I was shocked when I heard the news disbelieving he was dead because of his outsized personality and larger than life to many people in Thailand,  China, Philippines, India and other places where he set up the logistics network. 

He never faltered in his career and everyone knew his contribution to the company. In retrospect, I am reading the book 'The Greatest Trade Ever'  about the big short on the housing market that made a small group of contrarian very wealthy. These people were thought to be over the hill, in the twilight of their career , personalities that did not fit the prevailing ethos of the current workplace they were in. Instead, believing in their own genius and went on toward their lonely path, eventually to greatness.

I am not like my my old friend, instead similarly to those people in the big short who listend to the beat of their own distant drums. I am an outsider who is never comfortable as squad lead, who did not like to be in the spotlight of being a leader. I think  I did have my moments but I always felt awkward. Looking back at my notes, I did mention that I prefer to act alone as a project manager rather than a scrum master.In fact I did apply for the post of project manager but due to a screw up (in my point of view) was shifted into this position which I just waltzed into, thinking my current skills will see me through.

It did not help that I was not given the training so  I did the best I could and the stupid management team clueless as well went to the clumsy attempts to try to improve me or convince me to go to another post. In the end, like a good soldier, I moved to the the post that I had originally applied for, accepting the responsibility or blame that my immediate management did not have the courage or decency to accept the judgement of being in the chain of command. I feel like one of those characters in the book looking for their place in the sun. 

I miss my old friend with the certainity of his convictions and the courage of his beliefs to move ahead to get things done no mattter the consequences. So I lurk in the shadows improving my mind through meditation, to keep my wits and sanity as I transition into this role, attending remote seminars on project management, learning new skils in building a second brain, reflecting and working on new projects as I try to get unstuck. In fact, it is not as bad as I make it seem as I have many supporters and friends and the company is kind. It is not a bad world afterall. 

Inside the Bubble

Last week I wallowed in semi-self-pity and paranoia though fought back with deliberate mindfulness by not paying attention or having these thoughts without judgment to realize their silliness.  Daily meditation allows one to be in the moment but the mind ceaselessly churns out thoughts but now with less consequence and control. A meditative mind that is mindful of its thoughts needs a tool to be aware of the demands of work, the next steps of a project, reply to an email, need to schedule meetings, and whatnot. A calm mind is a solution to burnout and overwork but may not be the best mind in a busy workplace where the need for action is paramount.

However, there are great business leaders like Ray Dalio the late Steve Jobs, and other who benefits from meditation and mindfulness. The secret is to Build a Second Brain (BASB) - a tool for knowledge management that makes one efficient by having more bandwidth in the brain by moving out mental data into an external location using tools like OneNote, Notion, Obsidian, and EverNote. This is really more on managing your mind not only with meditation but in the way one thinks, and building systems like BASB and knowledge management.

The key is a strong note-taking habit and a process to distill and categorize these notes into a system can can be organized and easily retrieved when the need arises. This requires one to be less emotional which is my main challenge. Often thoughts brought out by events bring out anxiety and fear with misattributed or incorrect reasonings and misguided course of actions. Meditation allows one to control and mind and one's emotions which scales back the thinking process in a way that one is not used to if one like me is driven by thoughts, action plans, strategies, and so on.

Instead, a calm unassuming mind that is temperate removes the constant churning of thoughts and actions and externalizes them into outside systems of knowledge - a second brain that allows one to be active in the moment but content that another tool is behind one's well-being. Otherwise, one remains inside the bubble forever driven by a monkey mind without the benefit of mental rigor and calm deliberation. Get out of the bubble which is not only achieved by meditation and BASB but also by journaling and practicing CBT or cognitive behavior therapy.

Rush to Learn

I am in a mad rush to complete several courses in Linked In. The month-free trial period will be ending on the 31st of July. After the trial period, my credit card will be charged close to $ 300. I am cramming on all the courses on Artificial Intelligence and general productivity subjects. Afterward, I plan to continue my AI learning in the company-sponsored Udemy account. I also have been listing to podcast on investing in stocks that will benefit from the current rush to AI.

Some commentary point to a bubble with AI tools way into the future to significantly improve work and life but companies like Microsoft are already raising subscription prices on the use of their tools. Who would have thought that MS would take the lead with their investment in Open.AI and Chat GPT. Google and Meta are close behind having made significant early investments in the field. Google may lead eventually with their significant early investment and embed it into the toolset.

The promise of AI in improving one's life has significant potential. Writers who have strong fundamentals in storytelling can benefit from the use of LLM - Large Language Models that simulate understanding the generated output like written stories. Most people call this aspect generative AI which is the prevalent manifestation of AI and not the omniscient behemoth in movies like Mission Impossible. Linking AI to actual tasks and concrete actions (controlling machines or nuclear missiles) will cause significant danger as compared to the current manifestation via chatbot.

The current potential is more on increasing one's productivity, to add or augment one's skills. I plan to learn AI tools for novel writing and perhaps responding to emails and making reports in the office. My recent discovery of my slight ADHD condition is the other area that I am studying. I entered a course on Building a Second Brain (BASB) is the other game-changer for me. This will help me organize my life in a way that I have never had the ability to do. Recognizing the problem of ADHD was the first major step.

My early intuitive urge in writing journals and blogging helped me manage my ADHD without my knowing it. Having an active lifestyle of exercising, swimming, biking, and hiking kept my mind sharp. My second intuitive urge to learn meditation and Tai Chi, do therapy, and practice Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) was also helpful. Now including AI and BASB are the next wave of tools that will help me in a second career. TCDS and magnetic headband tools plus learning to juggle and play a musical instrument will play a part as well.

Too much AI = Hallucination

I am taking several courses in LinkedIn on topics like artificial intelligence, creating lists and other productivity lessons. I also enrolled in 2 courses in Udemy on Chat GPT and Google Bard that I have not completed.  I also enrolled in Tiago Forte's Building a Second Brain as well as several courses on writing in  Domestika.com. I am cramming due to the recent change in my role from squad lead back to Project Manager. I guess also to prepare for my life after work ; just to keep me busy and continue earning money.

As struggle to achieve my goal to be a writer, a thought came to my mind is that writing is just a hobby to me, not a real pursuit as I keep procrastinating. There is always attempts on self-sabotage by cramming to learn the latest trends such as AI and what not. Yesterday I watched the latest Tom Cruise Mission Impossible movie as well well as Ben Affleck's move 'Air' about Nike's pursuit of Michael Jordan. Both movies are highly recommended and I felt I needed to watch - actually the fear of missing out (FOMO).

In the midst of of all these mental procrastination and missed attention, I face several challenges at work especially on the project INDU which I thought I had a handle to but turns out the problem has not been solved. Complicating maters is my move to the new role plus stress, anxiety and loss of face that brings me. Projects are ongoing, customers are angry, criticisms abound from co-workers, bosses and management team who I feel are screaming for my blood.

But that is being dramatic as management really want to help out and not look for the scapegoat to sack. My boss is a different matter: striking alliance with business teams in her usual slick and cute manner; conniving behind my back possibly because she thinks I am a threat or insecure or just a cold-blooded operator who will strike down anyone who gets in her way. Thank the lord that I have been meditating every morning plus getting exercise to help relieve stress.     

I do acknowledge that I struggle in my role as team leader (though I blame my management for not preparing me for the role but also for general incompetence). A recent survey have rated the team at a low level which is testimony to the common feeling that not all is right. I have so many ideas that I cannot keep track and lose sight of other goals at work and other personal projects like clearing out my garage.

The strategy is to keep calm and focus on the moment, use science like getting enough exercise and sleep and use gratitude journals and blogging to keep the mind sane as well as use TCDS devices to zap my brain and compensate for any effects of my slight ADHD syndrome. But I have changed as well, to recognize my emotional states at time and the inappropriate ways of communicating and relating to my squad members as friends instead of being ruthless and cold-blooded to get things done. 

  

Meditation Blues

Meditation and mindfulness exercises help a certain type of individual except for those who are prone to rumination and overthinking. Although the act does try to increase one's awareness of thought bubbles, after meditation the mind does go back to its circular thinking patterns if one does not consciously focus or recognize the mind has settled back into its usual process like a hand into a glove. One does brings attention to this predicament and tries to get out of the hole again.

Rumination swerves quickly to anxiety and worry that the next act is procrastination and distraction. Mediation does make one conscious of the thought bubbles but the result seems to be more procrastination; avoiding the work that one needs to do. This is another dilemma that compounds one's mental balance with the internet lurking in the background with its incessant feed and TikTok videos. One would think that meditation will make one more conscious of addictions but the inevitable effect is succumbing to distraction again.

This week was eventful with the supervisor away for another week due to covid though formally back to work though keeping a low profile. The movie star business leader is off making good progress with our help though our team was also busy completing the sprint demo and sprint planning for the next cycle of work. My mind dreads both the supervisor for her seeming feeling of superiority and the business needs leader's youthful drive to slay inefficiencies where ever he finds them. Both contribute to a slight tinge of worry which my mind always ruminates on.

In the meantime, I struggle in my own wheelhouse with my own thoughts of inadequacy and shortcomings. After each sprint is a retrospective where the squad gives their feedback on what went well, what did not, and what needs improvement.  As a squad leader, one needs to have a thick skin and roll with the punches, and avoid ruminating that one is inadequate. One soldier along with some victories such as the CSD meetings which one has initiated to try new tools.

But the onslaught of work, new information, and request keep coming into one's mental space. Active attempts to increase one's capacity via additional monitors, better work area, new techniques like building a better brain, and yes, meditation, tai chi, and exercise do continue. Sometimes it feels like a constant battle; to keep abreast of things and stay relevant and lead despite one rumination that all are against him with the silence of the supervisor which is either a lack of leadership that one is setting me up to fail. Or the onslaught of the business side who forever moves ahead for business efficiency; showing the squad's shortcomings and lack of initiative.

The answer is grace under pressure, to move like water instead of being an immovable mountain. Hence, back to meditation and mindfulness.  To be flexible and to continue increasing one's skills. Introspection and mind dump via journaling to express and re-frame one's experience is also important. Last week was another busy week in which we successfully completed our sprint, started a new one, and kept with the numerous meetings, chats, and email replies despite lack of sleep and lurking anxiety and procrastination.

Leaving the Tunnel

Crossed a major milestone this week with the completion of several PRTs or problem reports in test. A hotshot young business leader helped pushed the team over the finish line with 2 weeks left before the end of the month. Daily meetings back to back with teams in India, France, and USA with management well represented. Initially I said that daily meetings are not required considering the many daily meetings already scheduled and the stress it would cause. I was wrong considering the success of the team before Thanksgiving holidays.

Nevertheless, some squad members experienced stress with body aches and flu symptoms, lack of sleep, emotional stress with one team member sobbing over the phone. A few resources are relatively new , young and fresh from college and I spent a few one on one meetings to get them over perceived slights. There were some complaints from the business which I tried to smooth over to keep these fragile souls to keep moving to the next day's challenge. All have proven to be resilient and capable.

Frankly, I have reached my own limit, losing interest and control; allowing the young hot shot to lead after I spent many months leading my squad. In fact, the deadline was an artificial goal since the whole project is delayed for 6 months with go live moved to mid 2023. The world wide project team has also seen good members leave the project due to unnecessary stress. I think these artificial goals is an attempt by the global leader to compensate for the delay.

Under this backdrop of stress, I lead several small projects with their own inidividual challenges. The squad is undergoing it's own growing pains and adjustment as our new members merge into the squad. I have 10 members that I lead into a cohesive team. My co leader (in the business) and I underwent a retrospective with our Agile coach to exchange ideas and plan the next steps. It is a period of soul searching and humbleness in my part.

The situation is really not as bad as it seems and I have started some intiatives such as leading dedicated work groups to solve certain problems. I have a role to play that is not flashy and showy as I would think. I see the boredom and humdrum days ahead and I try different tools to make the work interesting. Nevertheless, there are major challenges with the overflow of problems and information that new tehcniques like building a better brain will help. There is light at the end of the tunnel after all.   

Tool Shed

For the past several weeks, the question of what tool to use takes too much mental time. One Note is becoming the de facto tool for note-taking; though sometimes it is also used as a to-do list. MS To Do is the primary tool for this scenario but the confusion between taking notes and creating a to-do list freezes thoughts into limbo. A distinction should be quickly made so the planning can happen. Another confusion is when the planning merges into an action. Perhaps this is the distinction that needs to be managed when the tendency to act and get lost in the rabbit hole instead of stepping back and planning future action.

The GTD method advises that if the action takes less than 2 minutes, then it has to be done at that moment. This is where I lose track as the action bleeds into other areas that I get into a trap of taking on other related work. Perhaps it is the all-or-nothing thinking that my therapist always warns me about; being a perfectionist I have to get all related stuff done as well. The second problem is that I don't 'refine'  my notes or review the tasks that I set aside in my to-do list; just work through the course of events that I eventually get to those tasks by happenstance.

This is where I get lost in scenarios that I need to be on top of; which I neglect until events or other people come to remind me or the situation gets out of hand. The refinement of notes and review of tasks need to be a cold-blooded effort whereas my mind goes into panic mode, imagining all sorts of situations that may come about. Hence, the procrastination happens as I remain in the tool shed diddling with all sorts of tools and their features. As one article states, procrastination is a challenge in managing emotions.

One tries to overcome such shortcomings by being an expert in the toolset rather than in oneself. I watch several YouTube videos on One Note and productivity that I am getting to be adept at these tools. For the emotional part, meditation, Tai Chi and Yoga may do the trick. A system needs to be fashioned that one is inching forward via trial and error. From a theory perspective, books like 'The Organized Mind' and 'Atomic Habits' provide some ideas such as externalizing ideas outward and doing one small thing at a time.

On the Road To My 2nd Brain

The dreaded mistake of spending more time on the tools rather than on the process has plagued me. For trying out which is the best electric drill, buy a few models and try each one instead of using the tool to create. I get caught up in the intricacies of planning and nothing gets done. I have gone so far as to structure my folders and create respective categories but I struggle in creating good notes and fumbling with my to-do list and calendar.

The first mistake in handling my email which is my Waterloo.I persist in keeping the email in the inbox instead of acting: create a calendar entry, add to the to-do list, and transfer it to an active folder or archive. I do well in transferring to the folder and flagging the note though I did not act upon it; as if the act of flagging has done the job. Instead, I let the email languish in my inbox.

I am confused about mixing email and notes; thinking that the email is a captured note and one should just flag it or move it to a One Note folder. It is not a note but a message that one should deal with, or nothing could come out of it and there should be action. I still keep the action in my mind instead of moving it somewhere like a to-do list or a calendar entry to move the process to the next stage. I lack the skill to review or come back to the list of to-do items or flagged emails.

The next mistake is failing to capture fleeting notes and placing them into a folder. I am not comfortable in dashing out a few short sentences and prefer long-flowing entries like in my journal. In fact, I should be reflecting in the same manner as in my journal entry both with a more concise and brief description. Instead, I linger on. Hence, I am still in the Capture mode and have not succeeded in the next steps: Organize, Distill and Express.

I also get mixed up in my tool set on whether notes are TO DO tasks or an entry in Microsoft One Note for my work or  Google Keep Notes for my personal work. Moving to the next phase or Organizing and Distilling requires a different mindset than note-taking. I get all mixed up in the scheme of work as I also need to use other tools like JIRA and EasyPPM and Microsoft Teams. These are systems that help execute a project but are not really used to build a second brain. 

Aside from the tools for knowledge management, Microsoft  Teams is a powerful tool set including Sharepoint and Planner that can help organize work. The rich toolset will bewilder you because they refer to different aspects of the project and daily work though some tools such as One Note can serve both BASB or project work. Into this mess is the everyday stress and excitement that the work brings into the mix.     

 

Building a Second Brain

In my new role, I often feel overwhelmed and bewildered. There is no one helping me as my French colleague would say, perceptively concerned about my mental health. There is a challenge in my current cognitive ability and discovering new tools such as BASB is a God send. A tool in the burgeoning field of knowledge management. I am using all the new tricks that I can find on Youtube to keep above the water.

I hit the motherlode of new self-help books: Atomic Habits, The Organized Mind, Building a Second Brain, and The Extended Mind plus the several Youtube creators out there is fuel enough to educate the uninitiated like me. In fact, I have been building a second brain without my conscious knowledge by using tools like EverNote, Dropbox, and MS OneNote. However, I lacked the Aritoteliean rigor of categorization, which would have helped in simple things like organizing my file system. Or even my garage.

Instead, I get stuck in the software tools. I downloaded Obsidian, then Notion but never got to use them, preferring the suite of tools I already use; for work Microsoft suite of Outlook, To Do, Teams, and OneNote. For personal use, I look to the Google suite of Gmail, Keep Notes, Gmail, Tasks, and Drive. Despite having used these tools for a while now, I am unable to smoothly incorporate them into my workflow.

Last week, I tried interstitial journaling, creating a new notebook in OneNote where I make daily entries. The idea is to be mindful of my working day and to control my emotion. Procrastination is really about managing one's emotions and journaling is a way to be aware of what I feel during the day. This technique shows some promise in calming my emotions and controlling my thoughts. I do not have the time to write long journal entries like these on a daily basis as I used to do in the past.

Listening to Tiago Forte, in the process of BASB, one must become a producer or creator instead of being a consumer. I am a glutton for consuming media which reflects my overall attitude with one look at my cluttered garage. I am in the midst of clearing this mess up which takes a lot of mental energy because of the awareness of my sickness of consumption; whether media or physical things. In fact, it is a mental disease that has corrupted me with mindless material accumulation.

Externalizing the mind, liberates one from rumination and too much thinking, by creating an external brain that one must bring order and clarity, to be organized and productive. This is the goal that one must achieve instead of diddling with the various software tools out there. Again the mind gets stuck with all the thoughts that swirly around with the possibilities of what one can do with these various software tools.