Everything is a Journey

A recent article in NYT talks about the use of the word 'journey' to describe any event or experience in people's lives.  No longer a word that connotes a physical trip, the word now becomes a metaphor for whatever experience or challenge occurring in one's life.  Several journeys or stories are happening in my life at the moment. I say story because the word 'journey' is really about storytelling, to depict one's challenges as a sort of voyage of salvation, redemption, or transformation. The struggle must be difficult otherwise the experience is trivial.

• Journey #1: transfer to a new department, adapt to new people and ways of working, and learn and lead a project in a new area of the company

• Journey #2: leave behind my old team without rancor, anger, revenge-seeking, or bitterness and, instead, be grateful and not disdainful of their success; be big-hearted and proud of their progress;

• Journey #3: to adapt to new tools and techniques like artificial intelligence, building a second brain, Microsoft 365 co-pilot, Google Gemini, and ChatCPT, to be outgoing and more open to people and follow new ways and not succumb to ageism being middle-aged;

• Journey #4: continue to progress in extracurricular activities that will increase my understanding and appreciation of the wider and not just consumed by work: play golf in the company league, participate in Toastmasters, watch Opera and National Theatre;
  
  
• Journey #5: continue to meditate and practice mindfulness, focus on my health by going to the gym, swimming, biking, running in 5k races, and managing my mind not to keep churning thoughts about perceived slights from friends or office politics or envy or focusing of trivial internet surfing and self-debasement plus continuing therapy and self-reflection;

• Journey #6: continue the effort to write a book and use the latest tools to be a writer, attend online lessons in writing and continue lessons on various topics to let me be a better writer have a regular routine, and foster a disciplined writing craft;

This weekend my mind was again churning with too many thoughts about work, friendships, projects, and planned hours improvements all under a cloud of paranoia, dark desires, low self-esteem, and plots and the flights of the ego; of being the center of the world and wanted time due to thoughtless abuse and shameful pleasure.

There is too much thinking, worry, daydreams, external stimuli, and ambition that meditation and mindfulness help me control, and listening to Gregorian chants and church music helps alleviate and soothe the mind. Again the solution is Just Do It following the Nike commercial because one has the experience knowledge and success being in the place that one is in today. However one must have compassion and self-love that one cannot do everything. 

Back to Work

My trip to California and Oregon was a welcome break. To revisit a different world and way of life to what one has not experienced enough; the West Coast vibe, the spectacular scenery such as the California coastlines and surrounding hills, desert landscape (Anza-Borrego Desert State Park), Oregon parks and waterfalls, Portland with it's quirky atmosphere, Willamette Valley and Silver Falls State Park. Wedding was the best I have attended, a young couple with bright, fun spirit and their visible love and affection; reception in a former Orchard under beautiful blue sky, drinking wine and meeting wonderful people.

We rented a house with a pool in Orange County near the church and reception venue, to avoid the traffic coming Menifee. The house was beside a park where I walked in the morning with other regular park goers; mostly Asian living in the neighborhood which made me feel more at home. I always loved Los Angeles having lived here in my youth; living with my father and brother working on a real estate project, going to work in a factory in City of Industry from our home in Glendale. Old memories came back to me especially of our trips along the highway, visits to Las Vegas, travelling the Pacific Coast highway from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

I have been to Los Angeles a few times since moving here nearly 15 years ago. I always have good memories of California;  of the feeling of freedom and being in the future. The wedding made me understand time is indeed moving fast plus my approaching retirement in a couple years. I wondered if my life had gone as planned. I looked tired and old in the wedding pictures; with old memories and old ways of thinking. I imagined that visiting California and Oregon would return me to my youth, to make me see the world as a young man and be imbued with new ideas and purpose. It was a fleeting feeling on the days after I returned home.

I completed one course on mindfulness and meditation and completing another. Based on evidence, the practice of meditation and mindfulness are proven ways to transform the mind. This will be the way to change not just a trip or vacation to the West Coast! I also started a new session with an experience therapist using my company benefit. My minds tries to go back to old patterns of toxic rumination and on consciously reminds one self to keep one's mind away from the gutter. My daily practice makes me aware of these thoughts and to seek a different framework of think; one filled with hope, optimism and light.

Mind + Wandering = Procrastination

Last week I was able to complete the online courses I needed to finish for the year. This was probable the most fruitful work I did all week although I did engage in several good meeting on various projects and topics. A fair amount of procrastination occurred which I tried to manage by moving to my other work space in my bed room in the afternoon coming from my son's room where I  work in the morning. I do get bored in lose focus and attention if I stay in one place and see the need to move to regain focus. Also , the sun sets in my son's room which make the place warmer.

In my son's room, my 2 monitors are set up one on top of the other in a vertical alignment while my monitors in the my bedroom are set-up on a horizontal alignment. The different alignment allows me a fresh change. Yesterday I decided to only have 2 monitors active, instead of 3   which include my laptop but this has not helped me and perhaps contribute to confusion when I try to juggle multiple screens or work spaces. So I close the cover of my lap top monitor and work in the 2 external monitors. Simplicity does help in reducing mental confusion.

I am always in my head, thinking about solutions and next steps that I end up paralyzed and not moving as fast as needed. I will start externalizing my thinking by writing in notebook or tablet or eRemarkable or in my whiteboard or post it board to bring out the ideas in my head. Doodling and bullet lists and short observations or sentences should stimulate and better facilitate the needed action. I have the bad habit of thinking that I should write out the ideas in long form, in well thought off paragraphs like in an essay which is actually the finish product - a well though of action plan. Instead scribbling or doodling is an the act of thinking and moving forward already.

I like to do mind mapping but I tend to think through first what needs to be in the map when one should just do - it without any fully formed thoughts as the act of mapping without thinking is the idea as the exercise will stimulate the needed mental activity. Same with other external tools in my smart phone or devices : to - do list, calendars, note taking. My grand plan of trying our Build a Second Brain (BASB) concept has further confused me with all the jumble of ideas and tools that can be used to achieve the goal of externalizing the mind. Hence, I end up in my head with too much churning ideas.

Amidst the jumble of these mental activities plus the thinking involved in my work projects, training and personal projects like writing a book and cleaning out my garage, my mind leaps into day dreams; thinking about plots of revenge in office politics, or future dream states such as being rich and famous after writing bestseller or living in Europe or making high grossing films or future romances or escapades. These day dreams get triggered when I am bored or when a perceived slight occurs in the office, or  when I am stressed or anxious due to perceived external threats ( losing my job) that the mind escapes into fantasy.

Hence my attempts to do more meditation, to be more mindful of my mental gyrations and to be in the moment. But meditation is not enough to succeed in my my life and work. Being a knowledge worker requires the mind to be in top shape, using the latest tools and through externalizing thinking and having good habits and a conducive workspace. This is all the more important as one grows older with the mind losing it's former youthful power but with a potential to compensate for it's age with brain  plasticity. Is this were gadgets like TCDS (electric current ) or PEMF ( magnetic waves ) help the brain keep up.?             

Inside the Bubble

Last week I wallowed in semi-self-pity and paranoia though fought back with deliberate mindfulness by not paying attention or having these thoughts without judgment to realize their silliness.  Daily meditation allows one to be in the moment but the mind ceaselessly churns out thoughts but now with less consequence and control. A meditative mind that is mindful of its thoughts needs a tool to be aware of the demands of work, the next steps of a project, reply to an email, need to schedule meetings, and whatnot. A calm mind is a solution to burnout and overwork but may not be the best mind in a busy workplace where the need for action is paramount.

However, there are great business leaders like Ray Dalio the late Steve Jobs, and other who benefits from meditation and mindfulness. The secret is to Build a Second Brain (BASB) - a tool for knowledge management that makes one efficient by having more bandwidth in the brain by moving out mental data into an external location using tools like OneNote, Notion, Obsidian, and EverNote. This is really more on managing your mind not only with meditation but in the way one thinks, and building systems like BASB and knowledge management.

The key is a strong note-taking habit and a process to distill and categorize these notes into a system can can be organized and easily retrieved when the need arises. This requires one to be less emotional which is my main challenge. Often thoughts brought out by events bring out anxiety and fear with misattributed or incorrect reasonings and misguided course of actions. Meditation allows one to control and mind and one's emotions which scales back the thinking process in a way that one is not used to if one like me is driven by thoughts, action plans, strategies, and so on.

Instead, a calm unassuming mind that is temperate removes the constant churning of thoughts and actions and externalizes them into outside systems of knowledge - a second brain that allows one to be active in the moment but content that another tool is behind one's well-being. Otherwise, one remains inside the bubble forever driven by a monkey mind without the benefit of mental rigor and calm deliberation. Get out of the bubble which is not only achieved by meditation and BASB but also by journaling and practicing CBT or cognitive behavior therapy.

Sprint Demo

Our squad had its sprint demo today with squad members presenting their accomplishments. The day started slightly disorganized as the team scrambled to complete the presentation. One slide was missed and the team rushed to add the missing slide a few minutes before the sprint started. The demo went well with certain members presenting their accomplishments. After the demo, we had a retrospective to review what worked and did not and what needed improvement.

The session was brutally honest as more areas needed to be improved compared to what went well. It was a call for changes and I did my part by scheduling weekly sessions with each squad member. A humbling experience for me but I had the reckoning coming. The honesty of the session was good as everyone had a chance to speak out and clear the air. The next step is clearly to perform and make improvements. This is the kind of situation that I like due to the challenges.

In the afternoon, I had my frequent feedback session where we cleared the air with my domain manager. There were past episodes of tension and my boss had a chance to express her concerns while I had an opportunity to apologize, More work was piled on me but that is what I wanted anyway since the model I wanted to do was not approved. Such is the game that I find myself in with challenges from the squad and from my boss.

The productivity videos and books that I am reading are just in time for such a quandary. I do not feel any stress and took these challenges in stride. These are the circumstances of any manager facing tough times at work and one needs to keep his wits and weather the storm.  The work day ended on a good note with the last meeting of the day where I explained the plan for the deployment of a project I was leading as project manager. The business team supports my view.

There is a lot of talk about mental health these days as people cope with inflation, return to work, covid ( some people in the office still wear masks) personal challenges, and work demands. The threat of nuclear war in the horizon with the war between Ukraine and Russia. Is this milieu causing people to complain more? Can this situation be attributed to external factors rather than immediate work stress? People have their own perception of reality ( see Vladimir Putin) that the world is a mess.