Maryland

I spent a week in the countryside of Baltimore, staying in my uncle's house for a week. in the morning I would walk around the surrounding countryside over rolling hills with the fog in the early morning and the quaint houses beside the road. It was lovely to walk in the fields or rather the road beside the fields and watch the section of the forest and the clearings with the rolling green hills. It was a welcome break from work although I still had to hold meetings, write emails and get some work done in brief periods during the day.

We would eat crabs, oysters, lobsters, shrimp and ribs, going to different restaurants or buying the food and eating it at home. Baltimore is famous for its seafood and we enjoyed this bounties of the sea. Good conversations with my uncle and aunts, reminiscing with my wife and sister-in-law the stories of their youth and watching them interact together.  They are a very close-knit clan, coming from the northern side of the country and the families of their ancestors, keeping the relations active and strong despite all the years that have gone by.

I love the sessions listening to them, of their stories and of the people they engaged in, who are long gone from this world, their brothers or sisters, their uncles are aunties, their fathers or their mothers, and their friends who travel from the islands in Asia all the way to America into the city of Baltimore, during the 1960s and 1970s amidst the turmoil of civil unrest and the crime and drugs that existed in the old Baltimore. I watched the TV series ‘The Wire’ which was set in the city with the crime and decay of the society which have long gone and the city transformed into a magnificent and vibrant community.

We visited the Inner Harbor and Fort McHenry facing the sea and seeing the canons and hearing of the battles against the English in the War of 1812. Early in the week I drove for nearly an hour and a half to the Civil War battle in Monocacy. I walked the fields of battle seeing the old houses built during those times and imagined what it must have been to have fought in this field in what would have been a great battle and possibly the fall of Washington had the Confederacy succeeded. This was an incident that I was not aware of and only discovered when I searched through google.

I will remember this time with my wife's relatives, her cousin and the old Gentleman and his brother in their old age still remaining young when they tell their stories of long ago, enjoying the good food and conversation. This is the third time I've been here to meet them and it has always been a joy. I feel sadness when we leave this place and go back home. It was a wonderful drive though stopping off to charge my ID from time to time. The electric vehicle performs magnificently in the long drive of about 12 hours with frequent stops in the charging stations where I would rest. Work would intrude and my mind would have churning thoughts and feeling anxious after the heated meetings over the phone.

I keep envisioning retirement, plotting when I could leave, estimating my pension and the money I saved, and making calculations when I could retire. But the fear of not having enough money always stops me. But really it is not about the money but finally leaving the workforce and building a new life in the remaining years of my life. I hope to spend these times traveling and going back to Baltimore for those short vacations and continuing our relationship with the fine old man, his brother and wife and hear those stories again with their laughter and joy.

Dictating a Novel

I'm leaving today for Savannah and Tybee Island to attend a wedding this weekend. This will be a welcome break for me after some reflections during the past few days working from home and being off from work last week for 3 days. I spend those days watching a Korean movie, hiking for nearly 2 hours in the nearby mountains and watching a concert in Athens, Georgia. I'm preparing myself for the common work and I'll be back in the office next week. I feel my usual anxiety for some reason with my new assignments and working in my former platform. Frankly I do not like going back here to my old group having spent most of my career in this area.

I have been doing meditation as well using a device that I recently bought called Luminosity which is a head band that flashes light with synchronized sounds to keep my attention and experience the light and sound from this device. I tried it last night and frankly it helped relieve some of my anxiety. I have tried all sorts of devices such as tDSC, PEMF and other headband devices such as MUSE along with my daily Tai Chi, plus journaling. The recent stress is due to my consuming project of completing my first novel.

I have done a lot of work and progress in my novel by translating my written journals into electronic form, learning new tools like Scrivener which I bought a long way back but have not used, and reading about the ‘Save The Cat’  beat sheets to create a first draft and using AI tools like Gemini, Claude, and Perplexity  to assist me in outlining and structuring the novel. I now have a first draft based on all this work with the assistance of AI tools. I feel slightly uneasy with all the hoopla about using AI for writing. I already tried an AI writing tool called Sudowrite and I did not like the output as it sounded artificial.

Another technique that I'm using is dictation. I've been a Toastmaster for more than 20 years and I've been blog writing for 21 years and journal writing for 43 years. I attended several writing courses plus wrote a few stories and poetry throughout my journaling years. So I'm trying dictation now for storytelling though it does not feel as easy to me as writing down using pen and paper. For my blog I have been typing my posts as well as some journal entries being typed out instead of writing by pen and paper.

Dictating a novel is an entirely different experience and one has to train his mind to adapt to dictation as compared to writing and typing. However, oral storytelling is an ancient tradition prior to the written language. The trick is to prepare for a dictation session by outlining the subject of that session using a template to outline the particular chapter to prepare the mind for dictating. I've been waking up early in the morning to work on my novel for several months now and I think I'm close to a breakthrough with all these innovation.

This is  my retirement life doing  the activity I have been dreaming about for many many years and preparing for most of my life with journaling, blogging, reading books and attending several writing courses and imagining the life of a writer.

 

DR Exercise

I am leading a disaster recovery exercise that started last week.  A whole team of people from Europe, the USA, and India came together to work on the activity, everyone contributing and doing their thing. It is a beautiful sight to see everyone working together without ego. The final exercise starts tomorrow for this phase and will be a whole-day activity. There were no issues reported during the shift, and a lot of people were impressed and praised the team's work. This is the first time I am leading this exercise and I was exhausted last week, but came to work though logged out an hour early.

I attended a task leader training for HFH after work on Tuesday and learned several new things, such as bending steel borders and headers for doorways. The training was conducted in a large warehouse where most of the hard constructions are done, such as wood frames, and delivered to the building site where the volunteers assemble the house. Only in this country, I feel, could such an endeavor work, with community and self-organizing teams selflessly working together for the community. It was the same way in the weekend exercise, where everyone came together and did honest work.

I plan to volunteer more in HFH to learn new skills, especially to help me construct a deck and fence in my backyard. Most of the people who volunteer in HFH are retirees, and some who are builders, workmen, or journey men who are in the construction industry. These are honest, simple, and hardworking men who eagerly engage in the building activities in the warehouse and on the site, working outside in the cold of winter to get a house built for a family they most likely will never meet. I grow during these types of activities, working selflessly with my hands, learning simple skills, and giving back to the community.

I attended this weeks' Toastmaster meeting and volunteered as the timekeeper. This is another organization that is simple and constructive for self-development. I hope to remain active in both Toastmasters and HFH when I retire to keep myself busy. Social interaction, camaradeire and self-improvement are good goals to keep one engaged with the community and help one keep growing into a better person. It's only in this country I feel where there is such richness in the civic duties of it's citizens.

Habitat for Humanity

Yesterday, I spent the morning installing vinyl siding in a house being built by  Habitat for Humanity. I was the cutter guy, cutting the siding with a circular saw after getting measurements from the team who hammered them into the side of the house. There was a window on our side of the house and an exhaust pipe, which required us to cut areas in the siding to accommodate these peculiarities. This work slowed us down as compared with the other team on the other side of the house, which did not have any windows. So installing the sidings did not take too much time.

I liked using the circular saw when cutting, following the wood guides set up to allow the circular saw to move in a straight line. Measuring was also fun as I had to cut the length based on these measuremenst so accuracy was important. We worked from 9:00 am to 1:15 pm in the afternoon. The day was cold at 9 degress Celcius, so we tried to work in the sun to warm ourselves. I worked with Bob, who was an experienced tradesman who worked in various roles in coisntruction including carpentry. I learned many things from him, from tying an extension cord, laying out the area in a manner that would make movements easier, not ripping into courses of or building materials.

The team that installed the siding also had one amateur and another experienced builder. The siding has to be done right, as layer upon layer fills the wall from top to bottom, and the team hammers the siding into place row by row. This is the most delicate work, according to the builders, as a mistake in the lower row discovered late would require the disassmeblng off the row back down until the incorrect row is fixed. So each row had to be measured and checked if it was level or straight using a leveling ruler.

This is the second time I participated in a Habitat for Humanity build onsite. I volunteered to be a task leader and attended one training session in December, where we learned how to use a nail gun and to measure the wood used to build a door frame. Most of the people joining these sessions are well-experienced builders, capenters and tradesmen who have been inthe industry for many years, even decades. The person I worked with said he has been a builder for over 30 years.

I liked working with them in an activity that required focus, a familiarity with tools, and to put one's attention in the task at hand, working with your hands and talking with tradesmen and telling simple stories and learning from their experience. I want to get the knowledge and skills to be able to build a deck in my backyard this spring and summer. To know what tools are needed, the type of wood to buy, and the organization needed to lead the build.

January Surprise

The country of Valenzuela was attacked and the president and his family was 'arrested' and brought to the United States for trial on drug running. It's a bold and unprecedented move that herald a new age, driven by a imperial point of view akin to the old world powers of history. One wonders if there is a plan in place or is it driven by the visions of one man. The world will find out but the action did not feel as a surprise considering the personality of the president. Unfortunately his action affect us all especially with high tariffs that may cause inflation, high medical cost, etc. that there is uncertainty that everyone will experience the consequence.

To prepare for the coming year, I mind mapped my work and personal projects and incoming actions that are needed. I looked at last year's mind map which did not look as well-thought or planned as compared to this year. The last months of 2025 felt like a blur, as if I was sleepwalking into work and just responding to whatever came up. In fact, my mind is focused on the present that yesterday's events done leave a trace. Where has all the time gone? Is this mental mode as result of my meditation finally coming to fruition or is it the aging mind that is finally catching up with my age.

The tool to fix this feeling of malaise, of an impending doom that no one can control is obviously to be optimistic and rise above one's negative thinking. I am working on a 'Shadow Journal' inspired by Carl Jung's work to surface these fears from my unconscious. Mind mapping and externalizing one's thoughts in white board also bring out and reduce the mental chatter. But the key tool is artificial intelligence where one can have all the answers that one needs and even cultivate an AI buddy where long conversation can be had with this artificial being. An interesting project that one can undertake.   

I have installed in all my devices : Pixel 10 smart phone, Apple Mac, IPad and Mini plus Ubuntu workstation all the latest AI tools: Perplexity, Comet, Gemini, Claude and Chat-GPT; in preparation to do battle with my internal demons, achieve my work and personal goals. I have been studying AI for quite some time and finally the tools and infrastructure is available. Will this whole exercise turn out to be bubble or a dream?  

I outlined my life in a spreadsheet starting from the year I was born; listing out my education, the places I lived and the events I experienced during this lifetime up until the present. The activities that I have done for many decades are: swimming, journal writing, blogging, Toastmaster and Project Management. It's been a long road and there are more years left to continue. The technology and my experience allows me to leap into greater achievement if I keep myself focused and my mind evenly tempered.

Aside from these preparations, I will ad new activities such as gaming, volunteering and new sports like racquetball, pickle ball and playing musical instruments like Ukulele. There needs to an element of play to keep the mind in good humor. Play gives space to the mind and important to grow cohesively. I am just afraid that there is too much activity that I am stressing my self out  and give myself more anxiety. The key is not to think but just to do.

9 Days in LA

Spending time in Los Angeles, particularly in the southern end in the county of Menifee and Temecula, away from the bustle of the city is a great treat. Upon arrival, a Christmas party near Pasadena with relatives exchanging gifts, playing games, catching up and horsing around is always a good start for the trip. Talking with older relatives about times past in San Juan brought back days or my youth and memories of dear relatives long gone.   

Afterwards, back to Menifee with parties with brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, friends, sons and daughters not seen for some time except in these rare get together with people flying in from Asia or nearby places like Nevada. Ample food like ‘menudo’, chicken stew, ‘sisig’, yellow rice, ‘pakbet’ vegetables, goat meat, apple pie, pumpkin pie, coke, brewed coffee and Irish crème kept the mood high and the people happy and content.

Conversation lasted for several days, in all hours, some lasting until 2 am, exchanging stories of the past, of the present, of episodes with relatives or on special occasions, reminiscing our fathers and mothers, uncles and aunties, of grandfathers and grandmothers, of legendary ancestors long gone except in our memories, alive in the corridors of our minds. Remembering the good days of our youth, of times when we were young but now talking to our sons and daughters and their fiancés or husbands or wives, sharing modern stories.

Topics shift constantly of the past, of old neighborhoods and friends, of past reunions with relatives, of scandals and back to the present with conversations on current politics, or culture (LGBT, etc.), or future anxieties with the way the government or countries gear for war or of other crises such as the deportations, or Ukraine war, of Europe arming again against possible aggression of Russia, or closer to home with China active in the South seas, or the political corruption in the Philippines.

There is never a lack of subjects to talk about, but it was more about being together, to experience and talk about life, to wonder about the mysteries of life as we share our stories and the topics in our mind, of being in communion together at this time in our lives or in this epoch or in this era. To be where we are today, after travelling from far away places, being immigrants settling in this great country, to make it here and survive health challenges or work pressures and discover ourselves again and come together in the Christmas season.

We have replaced our fathers and mothers, aunties and uncles, in this continuum of life, in the saga or our clan as we make our mark in our families story, making way for our children as they take over and move on with their lives, continuing the story of our family or clan from our origin back in Asia and into new countries and time. Perhaps we will be the subject of their stories in the future when they share their lives with their offspring.

Authentic Living

I read a recent book by Samantha Harvey called 'The Shapeless Unease', mainly about insomnia. Aside from the usual reasons, such as anxiety, she mentions external events such as Trump running for the first term in office and Brexit, where England left the EU. I had similar anxiety when Trump came to power, thinking of divisiveness and anti-immigrant sentiment. Recently getting my citizenship would have allayed these fears, but Trump was not expressing his opinion but voicing the feelings of a significant majority of the population.

The days of diversity, openness, and globalization are over; the feeling of global solidarity is fractured, and immigrants are told to go home. Where does that leave me, a recent immigrant and now citizen who has benefited from the globalization wave that swept the world, where people can go to work anywhere in a borderless world?  People are converging into their tribes, and one goes to work wondering who in this space or in this department or in this group harbors resentment of my being there; of depriving a native born white Anglo-Saxon person his rightful place.

But this is not about native rights but about skills, where one culture and background is attuned to studying and focusing and getting a degree, as compared to another culture, which does not have the same focus. Obviously, this sounds like a racial view, but this is more about respecting the culture. Europeans do not want to work as hard and prefer to enjoy life, said one podcaster, explaining why the GDP of Europe is lower than USA. Or why the Japanese or Korean, or Chinese office worker would work long hours in the office to aggressively get the work done and scale the ladder to upper management.

I grind my teeth, and it's in bad-looking shape, though I have no problem eating. Teeth grinding is caused by anxiety, as most literature on the internet would say, though my dentist had made a similar comment. I have anxiety because of existential threats in a polarized world, struggling to find myself and my role in the world. I see life more precisely or more minutely; perhaps because my meditation has finally trained my brain to be mindful of the present moment. I am no longer lost in daydreams, as there is a stillness in me. Hence, I no longer escape into distraction but face the world, trying to find an authentic life.

I am the oldest person in my department; perhaps decades older than most of my colleagues, but I still think like a dilettante instead of a seasoned veteran, which I believe is a role that I must play. But I am not an old man; people congratulate me when I tell them my age, as I don't look it. I exercise and go to the gym regularly and keep fit. I maintain my mind through reading, writing, meditation, and external agents such as tDSC devices. But my increasing mindfulness made me see that I am not exerting myself; instead, coasting along, exercising, and watching movies.

When our department sat together for lunch and shared their lives, most, if not all, said they rarely watch television, if at all. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time watching TV shows, serials, or movies; eager for the next season or chapter, while my colleagues have no clue about this way of life, preferring to focus on more real stuff like building a sauna, fixing their homes, or taking care of and walking their dogs. In other words, an active life of doing instead of a life of consuming, which is how my life has been for a while now. I am envious of that life as it seems busy and authentic.

I was in the gym this morning practicing racquetball for 30 minutes before going swimming.  You need to be focused on the ball to effectively strike it to the wall. The game requires focus. Similarly, I attended my first Habitat for Humanity, where we were trained to use tools like nail guns. I plan to be more active in this organization, which also requires focus and engagement. This is a more meaningful engagement than just joining Toastmasters. A different person is facing the coming year, looking for more meaningful activities and a desire to live an authentic life.