Surviving the Cold

The weekend was terrible, I could not stop sniffing and coughing, victim of a cold, inhaling steam and camphor but to no avail, likely resulting in a worse shape. Initially I thought it was fatigue, a general tiredness, no fever, just tiredness which I had tried to resolve by drinking Red Bull; experiencing a surge of energy but lost the next day with the same general malaise. The plan is to be in Canada next week, increasing the pressure to get well, maybe the condition is stress related, with many demands on my time by multiple projects, but one soldiers along, testing the software and writing emails. Sunday was spent in bed, sleeping in the morning and afternoon, regaining a brief respite but still the runny noise the terrible cough, inhaling more steam and camphor but to no avail, rushing to complete the book ‘Game Change, that one gets to bed at midnight, again the sleep deficit, likely handicapping my recovery.  One thinks that it started in Maryland, with the bad air in the room, perhaps catching a virus that came to fruit a week later, the stress and pressure aiding in the breakdown.

Foolishly I still planned to swim last weekend, thinking that exercise will help, always the optimist, like some idiot who thinks more exercise will fix any disease, aided of course by Red Bull like a commercial drug sold to keep the rat race churning forever in its own mirage. Last week I had rushed through the first season of ‘West Wing’, enjoying the ensemble acting, relevant in the Republican primary season where the candidates are bashing themselves, reading the book ‘Game Change’ at the same time, unable to stop like a true political junkie, causing the heart to palpitate, further straining the mind. Sunday was a welcome break, sleeping in bed, unable to go to church, reading the book, sleeping, eating, reading and watching a movie. There is a mess of mail and paper in the hall way, unable to clear the stack, preferring to read each correspondence like some fool, afraid that one would lose some important information, keeping the stacks of paper until one can find time in some future task free weekend.

The political season has got one excited, it’s election year after all, possibly the greatest election on earth, feeding the frenzy by watching political shows and reading political books, looking at websites like Economist, Financial Times, NPR and New York Times for the latest fix, to find out if one has missed some interesting bit, some information that would affect the economy, the stock market and all the rest of the financial world where one has invested in 401 Ks or IRA and all sorts of sophisticated instruments. Being updated with all the news is like a race to the bottom, like trying to catch a whirlwind, so one tries to change his mind, to play more Play station games, where one is engaged in some interactive activity, to start teaching kids as part of social outreach, to play tennis - basically to change one’s usual rut into a more creative mind set, being in the flow, a search for some sort of game changer that will make this possible. Perhaps that is the reason for one’s tiredness, not some physical ailment but a psychic weariness, an existential realization that one’s life needs to change, not driven by some urge to succeed in society as seen in Hollywood movies but some internal fix that’s more spiritual in nature.

Mental Whirlwind

A couple of projects are waiting for takeoff, almost simultaneously in the runway, looking for the resources who will kick start the mission forward, oftentimes the same pilot driving many planes at the same time. For example, preparation for deployment in Canada, with a new system that needs to interface with my program, a different set of challenges, especially in testing; a significant milestone where all eyes is looking. At the same time, another project involving the biggest retailer in the world, another sensitive assignment with all judges focused on the team, raising blood pressure and stress levels. Unfortunately, I find myself at the center of the game, moving forward to prevent stasis, pushing issues to other parties to resolve, always in motion, feeling like a juggler with too many balls in the air, walking a tightrope like a fool, willing to risk a mistake without a safety net, strangely hoping that management will step in and save you from your recklessness.  The weather is not cooperating too, winter cold and rain making the mood dreary, feeling sick but still one pushes forward perhaps waiting for a collapse to end it all.

So one mind maps the situation, hoping to get clarity from visual tools, releasing the mind from confusion via drawings that make sense to the turmoil of thoughts, achieving some sort of clearness, realizing that it’s all about appearances, of playing a role and hiding a frantic mind, thinking that all will turn out well in the long run. The projects are a step up for me, meeting a new set of people and challenges, like a bar has been raised, working at a different level with people with a higher skill level than one usually works with, like being in the big leagues. It is a test - one thinks, a test of endurance and skill, a test of preparedness, a test to see if one can work in the big leagues, and one rushes along like ‘Sea Biscuit’ the legendary horse who sprints right out the gate, spectators wondering if he has the legs for the long run, still rushing forward, muscles rippling and hearts nearly bursting, running like it was a sprint, but the race really a marathon. Can one survive the grueling pace, is this an intentional tryout, to learn the limits of one’s endurance, one’s breaking point?

Fortunately, one thinks he is smart, an experienced multi-tasker, willing to juggle tasks with the aid of mind mapping  and the relevant experience to handle the tension; grace under pressure, exercise, tai chi and meditation via journaling, perhaps the key to keeping one’s sanity. Rudyard Kipling’s poem - an inspiration, to keep one’s head when all others are losing theirs, going home tired, perhaps slightly fatigue, drinking Red Bull or other such energy drinks, watching ‘The West Wing’  to understand the working of the White House and a team of extremely talented and passionate people, similar but to a lesser degree like the project team. Is this enough to survive, to be successful at work with conflicting or even overwhelming challenges, it’s all in the mind, working with other people to get the work done. Yesterday, one finds out that the powers that be disapproved a project member’s travel to Canada, the feeling of indignation sweeping over one, wondering if cost savings is really the reason, the team being broken into two, wondering if a different model of deployment can be used, using an outsourced company, but one soldiers along, accepting the new rules of the game.

Maryland

I just got back from Elkton, a small town in northern Maryland, close to the border of Pennsylvania, arriving by plane via the Philadelphia international airport, driving for 45 minutes in a rental car along the Delaware River, glimpsing New Jersey across the water, passing by the University of Delaware and finally arriving in Maryland, crossing 2 states before arriving at the Comfort Inn in Elkton, an old motel with a quaint 70’s interior, beside a truck depot, a gas station and a Denny’s diner.  Across the street is a liquor shop where the motel’s main guests - truck drivers, can buy liquor for their night’s stay, at least for those who prefer to sleep in a room instead of their truck cab, before driving the long haul to their destination, traversing Interstate 95 which ran near the motel, the highway that stretches from Florida in the South to Maine in the North. It was a cold week with temperatures below freezing point but with no snow, enjoying the brisk cold air walking to the car or to the office, the only time one is outside, enjoying the clear sunshine unlike in the south which had its share of rain.

 
One notices the young charming ladies in Maryland; the waitress at Denny’s diner, where we had dinner after arriving at Elkton, where I ordered chicken soup; another charming and smart waitress in Amalfi - an Italian restaurant where I ordered Salmon salad and steamed clams and the young enthusiastic clerk in the warehouse. They seemed to possess a confident, open and engaging manner towards people, a quality one does not usually encounter in young people, who prefer the automatic and ‘fake’ courtesy of shop girls when working with older folks, lacking the genuine regard that sincere communication can bring, giving the team a sort of exhilarating feeling when doing their work. This is the 5th deployment the team has done, working with all sorts of people - the young ladies in Houston cheerful though lacking in enthusiasm, the middle aged workers in Monee; all wonderful people though the Maryland natives having a more attractive quality about them.  Perhaps the victory of the Baltimore football team on the Sunday when we arrived, gave the state’s inhabitants a certain verve; or maybe the closeness of the University of Delaware gave the place a youthful feel, nevertheless there was a certain feeling of freshness which one could only detect in places like California.

The project went well, despite the usual glitches, though one felt tired instead of excitement, like one has done this work too often, perhaps boredom or burnout creeping in, or perhaps it was the winter climate or the stale air in the room, or perhaps the nearness of deployment between sites, sapping our energy; but one struggles on, rushing through airports, driving in rental cars, eating in nice restaurants, sleeping late at night, driving to the warehouses, doing your sales pitch, unboxing the equipment, setting up computers, plugging cables, testing the software, turning the switch and waiting for the labels to print.  If things don’t work out, writing emails, making phone calls, pleading for support, some tense filled minutes until the solution is found, the bug fixed, seeing the remedy in a chat window; a word or two giving salvation to the tired team. The tenseness of the affair is the reason one overeats, ordering steaks and beer (in Apple Bees or Bugaboo Creek Steak House in Delaware), one’s only chance to eat in these places, or fried oysters (in Blue Crab Grill) or clam chowder (in the Philadelphia airport) or ribs in a street corner hole in the wall, settling in your bed filled to the brim at night, waking up with acid re-flux, burning and choking in the throat, drinking water and trying to sleep.    

Next Level Writing

Last night after work I could not start a regular work method in creative writing, realizing in the early morning as I awoke from sleep, that my writing experience is not suited for creative endeavors; journal writing being a contemplation of actual life events. On the other hand,  creative endeavors is more like grasping stories from the air, working from scratch with inspiration from the ether; something that I actually don’t have experience  which makes me think that another method is required - a method more suited to creativity.  Diarist or blogger’s pen to paper experience is more like transcribing actual events, distilled with reflection and personal thoughts, unlike the creative craft of novelist or authors. Hence, journal writing is much easier to do; easier to create a daily technique because it’s simple to do; the mind working in a mode of recollection and contemplation; no aspect of divine inspiration or imagination which is direly needed by creative work. But what has been gained is a facility in general writing; more attuned to working as a scribe than an author where creativity and imagination is the prime ingredient.

This brings to mind a text book that I read long ago called ‘Writing the Natural Way’ by Gabriele Rico, where techniques like clustering and other visual tools helps one use both right and left brain in creative writing; a technique that I think would be helpful as my left brain maybe blocking my naturally creative impulse, i.e. right brain thinking. This visual ‘clustering’ technique, together with dictation, should allow me to construct a regular routine; using software like Dragon Digital Speaking to transcribe spoken words into computer text, thereby freeing me from the technical task of writing; therefore allowing one to focus on that illusive inspiration one needs in creating stories from the imagination, from the ether of divine inspiration, pouring forth words that will be corrected later when one has the time to fix the first draft. Constructing a work ethic is truly the first challenge of the novelist, something I realized in the weekend, listening to an NPR feature in the radio about a 29 year old author who is now a millionaire; who did not study in college nor took a creative writing course, but wrote draft after draft of novels until a consistent work ethic enabled her to self-publish until the inevitable success came almost like a certainty. Her books on the paranormal and vampire romances may have helped in her success too.

I guess I write to know what I am thinking about, to organize my thoughts and synthesize the day’s learning, not really a creative act but more a method to understand life; the diarist being a person of reflection and not an imaginative artist. But one hope to take advantage of the writing experience gained from contemplation and brings to another level - that of creative writing but the mental mode is different, thereby requiring a different set of cerebral gears; the equipment for creativity not really utilized in blogging. The key skill for a novelist is storytelling, not reflective reporting which is the prime skill of the diarist; more akin to essay writing with no thought on character, plot, theme, dialogue and so on which are important elements in storytelling. This is where tools like visual ‘clustering’ and dictation may be useful to jump-start the creative process; to ascribe to another level where verbal skills (honed in Toastmaster?) can help actualize the story telling skills; by placing the person in a different atmosphere, reserving the actual writing process in editing, revising and other tasks that is more ‘mechanical’; that don’t require imagination or creativity. Perhaps one day one can get rid of these ‘tricks’ or tools once one has gotten used to storytelling. 

The Team

The functional analyst was born in the Philippines, lived in Singapore for seven years, a 16 year veteran of the company, who worked in Logistics projects in Japan, Thailand, China, Malaysia, Taiwan, Korea, France, Brazil and Algeria, transferred to South Carolina 3 years ago, working in the same field that concerns warehouses and logistics, holds a Master Degree in Business, a licensed project manager and an  officer in Toastmaster, a book reading aspiring writer, the longest member of the team as the original members have either left or moved to other departments, some say a source of stability for the project, an expert in technology, not talkative though striving to be sociable, prefers to work alone, often the last person to leave a site, bringing the new members up to speed as they came into the project, working above and beyond what was expected of him, focused on the project for the three years since coming aboard, learning the American culture and working with outsource partners in India and Cleveland, Ohio, doing most of the heavy work, feeling stressed at times like carrying the whole project on his shoulders, feeling vindicated after going live in four sites.

These are the members of the project team – a transplanted Northerner from New York, a well-traveled Mormon - both young technology geeks with advanced degrees, a golf playing Southerner with a happy go lucky charm with significant working experiences in the warehouse, and a recently transplanted Asian who has done logistics projects in many countries, also a technology geek with an advanced degree,  working together to get the project running, traveling to different sites like Laurens, Reno, Houston and Chicago, facing glitches on-site, criticism from the bosses, tolerating the foot dragging attitude of the major developer, the skepticism of former project members, facing personal doubts but struggling forward, experiencing problem after problem in the first site, humiliation and grief, nasty emails from the logistics director, questioning if the problem can ever be solved, working with IBM to check the network, talking about bandwidth and major software redesign, finally hitting a solution that solves the key issue, bypassing any network bottle neck that would have stopped the roll out, getting the department leaders on-board to help overcome obstacles, successfully persevering in the end.

How did we end up together, with our different backgrounds, like ingredients in a tasty sauce, different experiences and viewpoints working together to get things done, springing into action collectively; the software not really a major product, but a small system, a side show that prints shipping labels, but a technical innovation, to perform in the cloud; a decentralized process that may entail changes in other areas, like a small rain drop that causes ripples and extends farther out the pond, a fresh wind that may prove to be a catalyst for larger things, perhaps that is what makes the project interesting, despite its meager role in the scheme of things. One recalls a key member leaving the team for a new job but the team moving on, he was the support manager, another 30 year veteran of the company, a former sergeant in the US marines, telling stories of training in the Panama jungle, well-traveled, who also worked with the Southerner in the warehouse, himself born in Alabama who moved to South Carolina decades ago; both these persons from support are middle-aged, while the other members are in their early or late forties,  the team moving like an old war horse, slow but determined with some challenging episodes.    

    
There is a ‘cowboy’ culture in the team, unlike in the East, the members are willing to crawl under tables, lift heavy equipment, ready to do the menial tasks like a ‘cowboy’, willing to ‘go at it alone’ mentality, whereas the Asian culture have managers or idea men as people who assign arduous stuff to ‘workers’, a level below senior employees, often to young people, delineating mental and physical chores to their appropriate personnel, unlike the ‘cowboy’ team who are willing to do anything, the democratic principle at work wherein everyone is equal, conscious of pulling their own weight with no distinction between leader and servant with regards to manual work, an egalitarian ideal that gives comfort, that everyone is in it for the duration, giving respect to mental work and idea men, but treating them equally just the same as a janitor, a natural tendency to be suspicious of intellectuals,  respecting only hard work and perseverance, perhaps that’s the greatness of the country; let’s roll up our sleeves and get down to business mentality, a no nonsense, practical approach to life, devoid of the French predilection to high thinking or Chinese subtle stratagems but an innocent and eager approach of the ‘cowboy’, the lonely hero in the range or part of a heroic group out to beat the bad guys.
 

Back from Chicago

I arrived at around 8 pm local time. The trip back was uneventful, leaving the office at about 1:30 pm and driving to Chicago Midway airport under dark skies, following the highway leading back to the city, seeing signs that lead to Wisconsin or Indiana, aware of the historic places nearby like Springfield where both Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama declared their run for the presidency, aware of Grant Park in downtown where Obama made his first appearance after winning the election, passing by Chicago suburbs with their large homes and the straight lines of streets with ball parks and schools, thinking that Ernest Hemingway grew up nearby, in similar surroundings, seeing the diversity where an African-American can be elected as Senator and eventually as President, recalling reading in the papers this morning of the GOP debates and their attacks, wishing to visit these historic places, maybe a little stop before going to the airport, but deciding against it, to get caught in traffic and rushing to get to the plane - a possible nightmare, some other time when the weather is better.

One makes these trips to see places, to experience new things, to discover and learn, following the Confucian principle of travel, to read and to write as a way to refinement, something I read in the book I just finished called ‘Tide Players’, but realizing that one does not have spare time during these business trips unlike in Asia, instead the value is the meals with the project team, eating excellent food for dinner or lunch, telling stories and sharing experiences, to get to know one another, to work together and solve problems in different circumstances; the joy is traveling together and working together, a communal activity and not the solitary diversion of a tourist; sneaking to visit places in one’s free time, avoiding the natural slowness of moving with a team, instead adjusting to the rhythm of the group, solving problems collectively, it’s the true value of these business trips despite the routine of hotel – office – restaurant  - hotel, a boring cycle day in day out for the few days on site, but one must not miss the real importance:  the formal intimacy of working with different sets of people and learning from them.

The business leader is a Northerner who grew up in Long Island, New York, a Jets fan, deciding to study in South Carolina, meeting his wife and settling down, preferring the Southern climate and way of life instead of the cold, frenzy and high taxes of New York, working in different industries before coming to the present company, a veteran manager of multiple projects and positions, the youngest in the group, with a weight problem before going for an operation in his stomach that would reduce his food intake, dropping from about 350 pounds to 215 pounds, his large frame still significant, his height about 6’5” , a jolly family man who develops web sites on the side, a technology expert in love with the iPhone and iPad and all things from Apple, although having an Android phone, always talking about his family; his wife is a school teacher, complaining about her low wages, his son and daughter in college, diligently writing daily reports, a new addition to the group but providing a steady hand and a commanding presence to the project, possibly the main reason why the projects is moving forward with success.

The support expert is a middle aged Southerner, having lived in the same general area all his life, never venturing far from his Southern roots, going to work straight from high school, working himself up from warehouses and in the production floor, a 30 year veteran of the company, a good ole Southern boy who loves motorcycles, plays golf and has a boat, talking of his grandchildren, satisfied with life in South Carolina, sporting a mustache and goatee, reminding one of those Confederate generals during the Civil War, a kind man who just transferred to the computer department from the factory, an expert on warehouse operations and their computer systems,  preferring regular Southern food than Asian stuff like sushi or sashimi, an owner of several ‘mill’ houses, small homes near former textile mills that workers used to live in, renting them out to folks and earning possibly a decent sideline, harking back to the old Southern land owners who were devastated by the war, a back slapping friendly man who is easy to work with a natural Southern charm that disarms the folks in the warehouse, insuring a friendly rapport with the staff, though easily disconcerted when faced with an issue, sometimes scrambling when some intricate issue is involved, lamenting that he does not have a college education, correcting him that Bill Gates and Steven Jobs did not have a college education themselves, easy to joke with, his laughter a good sign, telling multitudes of stories of his time in the warehouse.

The project leader is possibly a Mormon, grew up in Utah but lived in Egypt, Israel and all sorts of other places in the Middle East as his parents, possibly Mormon missionaries traveled the globe to preach their religion, living in different places like Colorado, Utah, Indiana and, finally, South Carolina; a licensed gardener, who has a Master Degree in Business from a local college, like the project leader a college educated professional with advance degrees, a certified project manager, an expert as well in technology, especially Android and Google products, a geek who plays online strategy games in the evening, a friendly person who also talks about his family especially his wife who he had met in his youth in the Middle East, talking about his hearing problem, being deaf in one ear until a recent operation that fixed it, a small square contraption strapped behind his ear, a hole through his skull that keeps the gadget in place, a Toastmaster whose life changed significantly when he got back his hearing, and like the project leader, experienced a new life after a major operation, a good manager though a bit laid back at times, passing work to others, but a good leader though unable to travel with the team because of budget constraints.

Last Day

Strong winds this morning, some flights delayed according to the television in the lobby, meeting the team for breakfast, telling stories of Christmas presents; the other two preparing to go to the airport while I go back to the office to check any loose ends or issues, planning to depart to Midway terminal after noon time, the flight back to South Carolina at 5 pm. Packed the bags in the early morning, surfed the Internet for news, checked out the hotel, cold wind as I walked to the car and wearing my beanie, driving down the highway, skies dark with ominous potential for rain, arriving in the office parking lot and noticing fewer cars; the pretty and smart supervisor not in her cubicle, some offices unlit, their tenants absent from work, perhaps because our project leader had gone home, the place going back to its usual rhythm of slack and relaxed tempo, glad the place has shown its true colors, hoping for a serene morning but confronted with an email from the carrier; the electronic transmission somehow failing to be sent or received, realizing that this glitch alone justified my staying back.

Booted up my computer but unable to login the network, feels like working blind if not connected to the grid, unable to do anything but check past records, providing the new account number to the warehouse staff so she could reply to the carrier; maybe the reason for the missing transmissions, waiting for the reply to see if the hypothesis is correct. Still trying to login, trying repeatedly but no luck, afraid that one would be helpless if an issue arises, knock on wood and hope not, paranoia and worry creeping in the brain, thinking about Andrew Grove’s dictum that only the paranoid survive or something like that, the former chief of Intel sounding like a drug crazed teenager, but he’s right in today’s world of frenzied work and overheated arguments; for example, another government slowdown possibly looming in the horizon, the nut cases in Washington willing to create turmoil during Christmas. Recently, one can control the frenzied thoughts, no real need to worry after all, the product of a competitive environment, now in a country of calm demeanor except for the lunacy of Washington, adjusting to a sort of strange tranquility amidst feeling of envy and materialism.

The network is congested, too many people logging in from outside the company, suddenly realizing that one can switch to another server site, changing the IP address and ‘Voila!’, login  successful, now why didn’t I think about that earlier, glad to be in the grid and ready for work, it’s 9:45 am local time. Started writing emails on the missing transmissions, the carrier not replying yet, making phone calls to the help desk to resolve another issue, thinking that Chicago was not difficult after all, working in the conference room, seeing the truckers and warehouse pickers eating their snacks in the canteen during their break, talking loudly and joking among themselves,  remembering the mental fears in weeks past regarding the roll-out, the words ‘Chicago’ like a monster lurking in the shadows, where some surprise would come out and blind side the team, but finding no monsters but kind accommodating people, sharing pizza and having pleasant conversations; software working well despite some bugs, overall a pleasant experience, wondering what the doubts where all about.

While in Chicago, while preparing to leave in a few hours, seeing not much work today, thinking how far one has gone, not only the external journey from Asia to America, but the internal journey as well, from some obscure book reading geek to Toastmasters and attending writing workshops, from journal writing to Tai Chi, to blogging; it has been a large leap with modest success, the smooth transition because of kind people; one wonders how it is with the family, how they have adjusted, with their father leading them to faraway lands and new experiences, thinking these thoughts as one basks in the success of another project; one realizes how far one’s journey when sharing stories with the team, comparing experiences and realizing you have the most to share, travelled the most and perhaps accomplished the most, wondering if all this movement was worth it, a replacement of some permanent home with firm roots, instead of a nomad lifestyle; the other team members living in their homes for nearly 20 to 30 years near the same place, while one has traversed oceans and continents, not staying for more than a decade in one place, enjoying new food, places and experiences that nowadays one feels tired of all the new things and thinking that one should settle down, glimpsing the large homes in the Chicago suburbs, perhaps one can live here in America, contentedly and see the kids grow.