The weekend was terrible, I could not stop sniffing and coughing, victim of a cold, inhaling steam and camphor but to no avail, likely resulting in a worse shape. Initially I thought it was fatigue, a general tiredness, no fever, just tiredness which I had tried to resolve by drinking Red Bull; experiencing a surge of energy but lost the next day with the same general malaise. The plan is to be in Canada next week, increasing the pressure to get well, maybe the condition is stress related, with many demands on my time by multiple projects, but one soldiers along, testing the software and writing emails. Sunday was spent in bed, sleeping in the morning and afternoon, regaining a brief respite but still the runny noise the terrible cough, inhaling more steam and camphor but to no avail, rushing to complete the book ‘Game Change, that one gets to bed at midnight, again the sleep deficit, likely handicapping my recovery. One thinks that it started in Maryland, with the bad air in the room, perhaps catching a virus that came to fruit a week later, the stress and pressure aiding in the breakdown.
Foolishly I still planned to swim last weekend, thinking that exercise will help, always the optimist, like some idiot who thinks more exercise will fix any disease, aided of course by Red Bull like a commercial drug sold to keep the rat race churning forever in its own mirage. Last week I had rushed through the first season of ‘West Wing’, enjoying the ensemble acting, relevant in the Republican primary season where the candidates are bashing themselves, reading the book ‘Game Change’ at the same time, unable to stop like a true political junkie, causing the heart to palpitate, further straining the mind. Sunday was a welcome break, sleeping in bed, unable to go to church, reading the book, sleeping, eating, reading and watching a movie. There is a mess of mail and paper in the hall way, unable to clear the stack, preferring to read each correspondence like some fool, afraid that one would lose some important information, keeping the stacks of paper until one can find time in some future task free weekend.
The political season has got one excited, it’s election year after all, possibly the greatest election on earth, feeding the frenzy by watching political shows and reading political books, looking at websites like Economist, Financial Times, NPR and New York Times for the latest fix, to find out if one has missed some interesting bit, some information that would affect the economy, the stock market and all the rest of the financial world where one has invested in 401 Ks or IRA and all sorts of sophisticated instruments. Being updated with all the news is like a race to the bottom, like trying to catch a whirlwind, so one tries to change his mind, to play more Play station games, where one is engaged in some interactive activity, to start teaching kids as part of social outreach, to play tennis - basically to change one’s usual rut into a more creative mind set, being in the flow, a search for some sort of game changer that will make this possible. Perhaps that is the reason for one’s tiredness, not some physical ailment but a psychic weariness, an existential realization that one’s life needs to change, not driven by some urge to succeed in society as seen in Hollywood movies but some internal fix that’s more spiritual in nature.