A deep sense of tiredness came over me this morning, after a weekend where I set up curtains, packed away the Christmas decorations, attended a remote meeting and brought my son to his university, driving nearly 2 hours from home. Coming back, we went to Wal-Mart and purchased a bathroom towel rack that slings over the door, bathroom rugs and towels, bed covers and some other things. Since putting up the curtains, which brought some elegance to the rooms, it made us plan to buy more curtains for the other windows, planning a trip to Ikea, where prices are reasonable, in the next weekend. Earlier I had looked online at the houses of some colleagues and realized that my home is really a starter home, smaller and much cheaper than my other acquaintances, which made me question again my decision to buy at the low-end. But it was a conscious decision, considering my income and following the principles in the book ‘The Millionaire Next Door’ that I am back to my senses and should thank God that I had escaped the ‘money pit’ of having a large house. I am always striving to make my surroundings new, at least in rearranging the furniture, putting up curtains of other such cheap innovation, just to strike a sense of newness as I am bored easily.
I have decided to snooze more after monitoring my sleep habits for several weeks, realizing that I sleep less because of my desire to go to the gym in the morning, so I skip an hour or so, just to be early at both the gym and work. It is a losing proposition because I am stressed more and sleep is more important than exercise. Hence, I will not exercise in the morning but strive to go to work at least 7:30 am and get to the gym after work, after seeing that the swimming pool is open Friday afternoons (when I usually swim) when previously there were classes which forced me to go swim in the early morning, triggering my desire to exercise in the early hours rather than after work. There is too much going on in my mind by trying to be everything; ruminating about exercise, a larger home, more experiences in Toastmaster and work, while trying to be helpful to my recovering friend, and trying to control another relative who has gone berserk or even crazy by exposing personal family problems in the Internet. But I cannot care for everybody; the mind stopped from spontaneous action, forced to doubt one’s initiative when faced with multiple concerns. For example, I am always reflecting on my dwelling, thinking that it affects my self-esteem, of not buying a flashy car or SUV, of getting the satisfactions of having the latest technology, of the trappings of material wealth even if it results in no savings or investments.
It’s like playing multi-level chess: to be responsive at work, trying to be relevant and productive by doing all the right moves (being PMP certified, etc.), developing skills like communication and leadership, investing in the stock market and real estate, trying to be a writer, developing social skills in Toastmaster, being physically fit and up to date in the latest technology, all at a cheap price. All these while helping close relatives with their medical problems, physical or mental, and keeping up to date with the latest movies and books in an attempt to be relevant and ‘in the know’. A fruitless game, resulting in mental and physical exhaustion, losing focus on what is truly important, playing the wrong sport, by keeping up with the Joneses; stupidly pursuing a meaningful life by running the race of materialism, right smack into consumerism, away from the spiritual values one needs to be sane. I used to walk in the park every weekend, to have nature relax the fevered mind but recent events and the stress at work plus winter have prevents one to relax, but instead jump into the merry go round of life. It is also the burden of too many things occurring at the same time that’s exhausting but writing one’s thoughts does provide the needed relief.