Sunday, February 6, 2011
Another hectic week similar to those days in Asia. The only difference is that I have clarity of mind or awareness that I did not have back then. Maybe it is because everything is above board here and one has to express himself to be understood. In certain ways one is left alone in Asia to do one’s thing and one move forward with just a blind determination to succeed. There are also a lot of distractions that one can remove the stress of the day. No such distractions here except television or internet and a few cocktails while watching movies. In Asia there is a floating world where one can lose himself and time seems to float by in a sensuous dream. No such indulgence in the Bible belt especially in the cold winter. One cannot escape the daily grind except live with it.
One notices that sleep is important here. Somehow in Asia one can go by the day even with less sleep. Somehow the floating world of indulgence can rest the mind. My morning Tai Chi serves as a way to focus due to the many diversion. In the West it is more of a way to focus the mind to prevent one from going insane. The reason is that without distractions, one cannot help but focus on the issue: write emails, discuss over the phone and so on. One does not have the opportunity to walk out during lunch time and choose the best place to eat with all the multitude of Asian choices. Here one stays in his cubicle, eating a sandwich or some snack to get by. After work one can go to the gym or directly home unlike in the East where one has many choices to indulge in.
A pilot run was scheduled this Friday which was again postponed. I was driving the charge and seem that I struck out again. The first was in Nevada and now here in home court. But I see no way forward except to gamble on a chance. It may seem reckless and I sometime doubt myself as well. I have taken a role which is not mine to take due to a vacuum. But there is no way that I could lay back and rest because it will delay the project. So following the grand tradition of charging forward with out looking, I have gone ahead leading while others try to stop me or follow my lead. Now in the dregs of near failure and disaster, I see that others are laughing behind my back wondering why the project is taking nearly 2 years to finish. But again there is movement and the weekend will cool down nerves and one can see the full picture again.
One is faced with many issues but one has to move forward, calling the help desk, raising tickets, talking to every man and his dog, writing emails and trying to get things done. One is in a blur but it is the clear thought of someone with experience. Speaking with smart people from India, programmers from Ohio, experienced office workers, talking with the top dogs to make your voice heard. Strangely I sometime miss my morning Tai chi exercises which I rarely miss while in the East. Nevertheless I do not feel stressed as before which was more a blind dread of the future. Now all seems clear and the path is open perhaps due to the logical, linear thinking of the West as compared to the Eastern thinking where all things are linked and anything can happen. In the West, there seems to be a feeling of inevitability, like things moving forward as it should.
I guess it has been a wonderful week despite the failure of the pilot. In fact one would think that issues have been found during the testing. It is better to see the problems now than when it is in production. It is the thinking mind that brings people to grief, forever churning in the dark without external diversion, where dark thoughts arise. It is only through sleep and mediation that one can avoid the fate of insanity or cognitive decline. But despite the pressure and stress I think I have crossed a milestone and risen above the fray with self control, humor and insight that one has experienced this before and one would survive by keeping one’s nerve.