Facebook Memories

Yesterday evening I looked at the pictures of my friends in Facebook. There were farewell lunches for a former boss in Singapore, lunches with former colleagues in Bangkok and old pictures from college. Most pictures were with friends and former office mates in Asia. I felt sad because these events depicted in the pictures recently happened (except for the old college photos from an old friend who posted them). I felt strange because I was not in them. If I were still in the old office (which I left about 2 ½ months ago), I would probably be in most of these pictures having fun and laughing with them.

It felt that it was ages ago when I left them but in fact it was not so long ago. I guess the newness of my experience, the work, challenges and problems that I now face since I left Asia have given me the impression that it happened ages ago. The break seems to be complete and the distance traveled is really significant. Of course, in terms of geography, it really is very far and I guess this has contributed to the feeling that I have left long ago. I felt that I am a ghost, that these friends no longer knew me and that I am a stranger to them when I happen to met them again someday in the future. It’s a strange feeling to be connected by Facebook and still feel apart despite that facility of connection.

Yesterday afternoon we had lunch with our friends here and we had baked ribs, pasta salad, rice, brownies and ice cream. We had a nice discussion and ended at about 5pm. afterwards, we drove to Best Buy to buy a phone card for my wife and son. It was a nice day and we attended mass in the morning before the lunch. I guess my family is now getting assimilated into life here. Our days are busy and a lot of things are getting done. For example, we opened their bank account on Saturday morning, went to the grocery and enrolled in the education service for their coming college class via Internet. I still have to write to the Ministry of Education to send their grade results and for my kids to take the placement exams.

I guess being busy is how people adapt to a new life. One cannot stop and wait and suddenly know that he or she has arrived. It is the busyness of life doing stuff and getting things done. I realize that my kids are at a significant age that is helpful for the time of our move. They have helped a lot (moving the furniture, helping mom, preparing for college, etc.). It’s a great time for them to be here and I thank God again for giving us this opportunity. The big concern for me right now is to help my wife with her medical problem, talk more with my younger brother in Manila who seems to be stressed and trivial things like working on my driver’s license.


I sometimes wonder if I am trying to adapt too fast. Maybe I am requesting for more responsibilities here than is normally acceptable. But I guess I wanted to settle down as soon as possible and get our lives going again. To minimize the interruption to our children’s education, to my work and career as project manager and analyst and continue my hobby or goal of being a writer. I guess that is why I want to do things very fast so we could get on with life again and continue with our dreams as a family. As for work, I guess the people here would like me to settle down and learn the culture and people here before attacking the challenges at work. But work is work and one cannot help but address the challenges and problems right away that keep happening every day.

Meeting Place

People love to organize and attend meetings here. My friends warned me back in Singapore that that most of my time will be spent in meeting. Earlier I did not like meetings and prefer to work on my own, working on reports and deliverable products. But later I realize that people meet in order to make collective decisions. I think people people seldom think in a deep level here. It is via the forum of meeting that their thought processes start working. I think very few people can work effectively alone here. It's because their darker and selfish natures come to fore. But by working together, the best qualities rise up and their better natures take over.


I think it is also the feeling that one should share oneself. I think people genuinely want to know you more. To get to know you and know your ideas. By this way they can grow themselves and learn new worlds. Maybe because people do not really read here and prefer to watch television. But I am making assumptions because I just joined their library system The libraries here are great, perhaps as good as the one in Singapore. But I noticed that most of the people there are children though maybe because I went during lunch time. Maybe more adults go there on there after office. I am still exploring their resources but it seems that it is a great one considering a lot of audio visual resources in almost all of their libraries plus an online catalog. Let's see.


I think people here love to talk but talking here is a subtle art. I love to talk myself but sometime I end up blubbering nothing. Just noise coming out although I am a better writer than a speaker. I am thinking of joining the local Toastmaster and the main goal is to network, learn their local culture and way of speaking. I think the general goal of speaking with confidence has been achieved it's just the adaptation to local sensibilities is needed. While speaking during meeting, I still get excited and I tend to rush in and speak my piece without regard to the circumstances. I think I need to control myself more and provide a more relaxed and measured performance.

My boss and I are entering in a kind of holding pattern relationship. It's 2 planes circling each other, maybe before collision. But he is a nice guy. I suspect that he does not know how to assign me. I understand his position because I think he has a lot of people he would like to manage but he is eighter disorganized (in a charming sort of way) or the people who works under him eigther don't care or are not motivated enough to meet aggressive goals. So I think he is stuck trying his best to lift the project off the ground in the sort of seat of his pants methodology. But he is really much better than most of the people I used to work with back in Asia. He has been with the company for more than 20 years I think so he has the gravitas to handle projects.

As for myself, I have to be careful on how to conduct myself and prevent myself from getting burned or making a fool of myself. Again there seems to be some pressure on the office on reducing some people and I suspect that the contractors will be hit. I am not that concerned because the company has spent a lot of money getting me and my family here. So I am not worried because I think the company needs me for basically the following reasons: a lot of people are retiring soon, most people have long histories in the company but are not as productive following the new ways and, finally, a risky dependence on outside contractors. So I think there is a general lack of good people around.

My wife and younger son arrived last Monday. They missed their connecting flight but took the next flight the next day. They are recovering from jet lag and spend most of the time sleeping and waking in odd hours. I enrolled them last week in the local technical college but still need to get their grades from Singapore sent to a company that does the assessment to the US standard. My wife like the house and I am glad they are adjusting well. My younger son keenly wants to join a local soccer club and I am trying to find the best and cheaply priced ones. I also bought a new car (which is so easy to do here) the other day because my eldest son has difficulty driving a manual transmission. I bought that latest Kia (which is the cheapest car here) with automatic transmission. I am always careful in my expenses but suddenly that night I felt buying the car because I could and I needed to anyway. Possibly the key to the American way of life here.

Good Place to Work

We had a breakfast meeting last Monday out side the office in a nearby hotel. I think most of the people where expecting some bad news. But in fact it was good news. The company has been recognized as one of the best places to work in the country. So everyone was thrilled and filled with a sense of accomplishment. I rode with my friends after meeting them in the company parking lot at 8am. At the breakfast meeting, I had orange juice, pastries and coffee. I did not have a chance to finish the food because the speech started right away. I am getting to understand how people work here. It’s more sedate and mature, perhaps because most of the people have spent a lot of time in the company.

Unfortunately, I am getting a bit paranoid again during these informal meetings. I think my friend’s wife had a similar feeling as they left right away and joked that she is anti-social. But for my case it’s not a dark and gloomy feeling because everything here seems to be bright and shiny. If there is any heaven on earth I think this place qualifies for it. I can’t help but think sinister thoughts when one does not do a lot of work. The idle mind is really a devil’s workshop as a famous proverb says. I spent most of last weekend assembling the cabinets I bought last Thursday. I think I spent about 2-3 hours assembling each cabinet. But it’s a sturdy and nicely designed work. I bought the cabinets at Wal-Mart and I find that it’s a great place to buy good but reasonably priced products.

We spent most of the weekend fixing up the house. I needed to vacuum the living room and the bedroom before my wife arrives on the weekend. I hope the arrangement will suite her. I am afraid that the carpet may upset her but it’s a new house and the place is not that dirty. I am using iRobot – the automated vacuum cleaner. It works like a dream and it’s really an energy saving device. I am glad I bought it even though it cost a lot of money. It will save a lot of effort for us especially my wife. We also started to place the pictures in the walls so it will look like our old apartment. I hope this will help them adapt more easily to the new environment.

I taught my son how to drive last Saturday and he still has trouble working with the manual transmission. It will take some time before he can be comfortable with a manual gear. I wished I bought an automatic transmission car. I guess I was too fixated on the car price which made me miss this problem. I guess this is what we call a ‘non-functional’ requirement: ease of use of an automatic transmission. I think these are the major needs: a simple but nice house and a cheap but reliable automobile to be able to exist well in this country. I am hoping having these things will help my family enjoy the move here.

Rainy Afternoon

I attended 2 meetings this morning with the same project team members. The first meeting was with the immediate team members and we started at 8am up to 10am. We had another meeting right after with the whole project crew. People where calling in from France, India and the USA. I feel more relaxed and comfortable with the people here. It sometimes seems that I am above their petty concerns. But actually it is the atmosphere of acceptance and tolerance. I feel welcomed here in the meetings than I ever was in the past. So I have a sense of fulfillment than anytime before.


People here are more open and accepting of others. The way things work here is via meetings and consultations. Decision making is consensual and shared through out the team. I dare say that the way things where in Asia is more dictatorial except perhaps Japan. I am reminded of Japan with the way they work here despite the difference in culture and language. I think it is the reluctance to make a decision in a company like this. So people here enter a meeting without a pre-conceived objective in mind. There is relatively no second guessing and the people around the table are content to listen and contribute until a decision can be made.



In a sense, no one wants the responsibility of making the decision himself. So everyone comes in a meeting with an open mind and wait until a decision is made after a good measure of discussion. So the atmosphere is relaxed with give and take fluidity. It’s a strange contrast with the modern myths like the lone cowboy or the singular genius working all alone to achieve a goal. Maybe this works in other companies or situations, for example the case of George W. Bush who tried to go forward with his individuality. But it turned out to be a mess with that method.


But in a consensual situation with a lot of meeting, it is important to speak up. Sometimes I have problems trying to butt in and have my say. So I often have to raise my voice and say my piece forcefully so everyone can hear me. It’s a good exercise of expressing oneself and would be a challenge for my kids. Another problem I have is that I am always sleepy in the afternoon. I never had this problem in Asia. Maybe I use my mind more here so it’s exhausted in the afternoon. Its true that I always sleep at about midnight almost everyday and I do things a lot more here like driving, cooking and washing the dishes and fixing the house. Or maybe I use my mind in a more focused way than before. So it is getting to be a challenge to try to keep my mind awake in the afternoons. More coffee or tea?

Unpacking Stuff

Our things arrived from Singapore yesterday. The loaders came at about 9am and finished unpacking at about 2pm. (I gave a tip of $20 to each of the 3 loaders). I had to attend a meeting at the office from 9-10 am but went back home to help unpack near 12 noon. I went back to the office at about 3pm after having lunch with my son at 3 Little Pigs – a burger and fries joint. The pork sandwich was not as great as either Charlie’s or Buckeye. But it had a nice ambiance like a small time American diner. The place was near our new home and there were also a few shops and the BI LO supermarket. It was located on an idyllic neighborhood with nice fine houses with their large lawn and with wide open spaces in some areas.

Unpacking our stuff made me realize how much junk we had. The packers just went forward and packed everything in side include the junk and other unneeded stuff. There are a lot of things I no longer used like old electronic gadgets and clothes. I guess I spent too much time accumulating junk that I no longer need. Luckily most of these junk are inexpensive so I did not lose much except space and my piece of mind. But the intention was to save money and I was able to save a lot from buying furniture like sofa, dining table and bed. It felt strange to re-use this furniture from Singapore and to try to arrange and match them to new surroundings. But I think we were successful.

The house is now very messy and I think it will take a week before everything is sorted out and placed into their new locations. It is a much bigger place and the furniture seems to blend well with the surroundings. With this new address I also started to update the mailing address in the banks, association memberships like PMI and Toastmasters. I still need to update a few more address in Singapore and feels like a whole new life with the formal change in address. My son will be busy fixing the stuff from our old home and I am glad he has something else to do than to surf the Internet. He will be enrolling soon in his new school and we need to update his records as well in his new school.

We spoke with my wife last night and we gave her a tour of the house. I walked around with the laptop in front of me so the camera could take in the site. It was messy with all sorts of things scattered about but I think she was able to see the virtues of the new home. It was in the evening so she may not have seen a whole lot. I gave a similar tour to my younger son the other day and it was in the morning so I think he was able to get a better picture. When both of them get here, most of the major tasks would have been accomplished: transfer to the new house, unloading of Singapore stuff, and purchase of new car, enrollment and driving lessons of my first son done. So the adjustment to the new place should be easier for them.

My wife seems to be getting better. She visited the doctor the other day and she has been sleeping well. I am glad and I think the visit of her sister has helped her. I am arranging with the airline to give her special priority due to her illness. We requested for a wheel chair and a front row sitting in economy with more leg room. Hopefully, the airlines can help her in immigration by putting her at the start of the line so she will not be in a hurry for her next connecting flight. If she will miss the connecting flight in Washington airport, the next flight here is the next day so she may need to stay in a nearby hotel. This happened to me and my son in our trip here last April. We missed the flight and had to stay overnight for the trip the next day. I hope they would not experience the same thing. It’s 12 more days before they both arrive here.

Pancit Palabok - Asian Style

We had a good lunch with my friends today - pancit palabok, barbecue ribs, rice, cantaloupe, brownies and grapes. I baked the ribs and cut the cantaloupe into small slices myself. After lunch, we watched the movie 'The Curious Life of Benjamin Button'. I already watched the movie so I stepped out and went to the real estate office. My keys could not open the mailbox so I complained that I got the wrong key. Tracy was the one manning the store and I got to talk to her. She is a swell girl and we talked about the nearby shopping places and sports club to go to. We also talked about the schools nearby and things like vacuum and wrinkle-free clothes to cut down ironing. I liked our conversation but I had to leave to get back to my guests.



Tomorrow will be a hectic day because our things form Singapore will be delivered. I have a meeting in the morning from 9-10 am so I have to go back home and help arrange the stuff. I think I will drive back to the office at about 2 or 3 pm. My son will be here so he will be supervising the unloading until I get back. I am getting to bond more with my son and I was teaching him to drive after our friends left. He has difficulty learning how to use the manual transmission. We started our lesson yesterday and he really needs a lot of time to master manual transmission. I have a target to make him confident in driving before my wife arrives. I hope to also complete his enrollment to his new school by then.



I am starting to feel a bit anxious at work. The project manager I am assigned to seems to be playing some games. I think he is a bit uneasy about me and I have to be careful. Strangely I am not as stressed here because the people here are open and straightforward. In my old office, I felt that people where out to stab you in the back. Even your closest colleagues are speaking behind your back. At least that is my impression over there at the old office and I may be wrong. I do not have the same feeling here where every is given a chance to express himself and it's a level playing field. Back in Asia, it was more of relationships and who you know. Despite my comfort level, I still need to be careful and acclimatize myself to the local culture.



Learning and adjusting to the idiosyncrasies and personality of my boss will be the main challenge. He is actually a smart manager who is fun to be with, he exudes a charming rascally about him, with a devil may care attitude. But he is lost on the details sometimes and he forgets and this is an advantage for me. I think he has a stereotype about me, someone who will have difficult adapting to the culture and speaking the local slang language and being close to people. I think he also thinks that I will be confused on the local process. But I have submitted a lot of documents needed in the project: peer review plan and result, context diagram, business process and the request for contribution. I have also arranged meetings and worked on a few tasks for him. When I explained the work I have done so far to my hierarchical manager, she remarked that I seemed to be making progress after being here for less than 2 months.


My wife will soon be here in less than 20 days. She is still weak from all the medication she is taking. She is even too tired to talk to me. So we do not speak everyday. When she arrives, I have to schedule an appointment with a liver specialist. She needs an operation and I pray that everything will go well. I blame myself for not seeing this problem. I did not realize that the stress of moving will affect her that much. I hope we will be able to lift her spirits up when she gets here. I think the mind and feelings play a big role in one's health. My wife does not agree with me and thinks that it has no relation. I think this disconnect maybe preventing her from recovering fully. I should learn how to express myself tactfully when she get here. I think my impatience and reaction to her gives her a stressful and toxic reaction. So I should avoid stressing her out.

I think my words at work may also get me into trouble if I am not careful. I tend to talk more these days and my training at Toastmasters have helped be more aware of what I am saying. But I think I have a very low emotional intelligence and that I fail to get the signals that some people like my project manager is sending me. I realize that learning to keep quiet and to shut up maybe the wisest thing to do for the time being. I always have this urge to dominate and speak to much when I should just keep quiet and listen. I feel insulted when I am not invited to meetings and I think this is the game that the project manager is playing. But I think I can help by making the effort to explain my actions more. Sometimes I am lazy and I just don't care so I just go on and do it without being sensitive to local sentiments. So I need to improve my social and emotional intelligence here.

At Work

Yesterday I was at a loss on what to do next at work. It was the afternoon and I was dozing off and I could not concentrate. So I started writing my journal about my recent activities. It helped me focus my mind. Afterwards, I could work and I even made a drawing about the tasks that are needed to be done by a contributor in our project. I showed the graphic to my boss who seemed to like it. It’s really true that a picture is worth a thousand words and I think I was able to capture the summary of tasks to be done. My experience and studies in visual thinking is bearing fruit.

Back in Asia, during these periods of procrastination, I could login the blog site and start blogging. But security is much tighter here than in Asia so I wrote down my blog in MS Word and sent an email to myself with the document as attachment. In the evening after dinner and bath, I was able to post it to this blog site. I then added the pictures I took in Columbia. Yesterday, I was also reading about meditation and fighting stress. So I was reminded about the benefits of blogging or journal writing. It focuses the mind to a task and relieves tension. Any form of self-expression like journal writing focuses the mind and relieve stress and, now, provides a way to control and structure thoughts.

I was not able to talk to my wife last night and we waited for them to logon. My sister in law is traveling to Singapore and she should be there this evening. I guess my wife is busy preparing the place for her visit. After work I went to Lowes to order the blinds and hope to have them installed before the weekend. I also requested that someone go to my place and measure the porch at the back yard so walls can be constructed around the porch. I think it will be much cheaper than the blinds. I also went to Best Buy and bought iRobot – it’s a robot that automates vacuum cleaning. I tired it this morning and works well. I think my wife will like it.

 

I am reading Ambeth Ocampo’s lectures on Jose Rizal and it’s beyond doubt that he is the pre-eminent scholar on Rizal. He has also effectively rebutted the work of Renato Constantino – my old professor in college. I used to be in awe of Contantino’s work and, like Ocampo, I was in awe of his essay ‘Veneration without Understanding’. It was the first critical work that opened my mind. It’s one reason I took his class. His logic was impeccable and it took many years for someone like Ocampo to rebut the essay. I guess he went on a similar journey like me and it took a lot reading, reflection and analysis to deconstruct Constantino and provide a more effective argument against his thought. I am glad I did not finish Constantino’s course as I may have ended up being a conspiracy nut case.

 

I am close to finishing his book about his Rizal lectures. He has opened a new world for me especially to read the primary sources. So last night I search the Internet and found a free version of Antonio Morga’s ‘Successos delas Islas Filipinas.’ A work that Rizal annotated and reissued. The Rizal annotation is a rare book but one can get the English translation of Morga’s book free from the Internet. I am also looking for Austin Coates biography of Jose Rizal because it offers a European perspective of his life. I have read Leon Ma. Guerero’s ‘The First Filipino’ during college aside from other books on Rizal. So a new perspective is good as inspired by Ambeth Ocampo. While searching the Internet last night, I also found some interesting books to read like a book on Ferdinand Blumentritt – Jose Rizal good friend, who wrote the introduction to Rizal’s annotation of Morga’s work. 

Driving to Work

We have moved to our new house last Sunday. For the past 2 days I have been going home during lunch time. It’s a great feeling to be living in your own house. The drive back from the office is through the back roads and it’s a very pleasant drive. The road travels through rolling hills and fields with white fences in some areas like some farm lands one sees in the television series ‘Dallas’. There are large homes in the colonial design with some houses having elegant long columns in their porches. There are also stretches of forest, with tall trees on either side of the road. It feels great to drive through these lonely roads to the office early in the morning.

In some places there are small lakes amidst the rolling hills and trees and one cannot be blamed for feeling that this is some idyllic spot dropped from the heavens. For a developed country, it’s strange that one can still feel a sense of paradise amongst these pleasant green hills. The house is in a new subdivision and our lot faces an empty space where houses will be built soon. I saw the sun rise from my son’s bedroom as I prepared to leave for work. There are tall tress surrounding the subdivision at the back and the night is black. No one wanders out in the evenings and I guess everyone is asleep early so they can wake up early. It’s really a rural place but with the latest technology and science that money can buy.

I feel that my wife will like it here and I can’t wait for them to come over. Although the house seems modest by the standards here, it’s the best place we have lived so far. I hope my family will enjoy their stay here like in the past 2 places in Singapore. I hope my kids will enjoy the challenges and the novelty of living in all these different places. I am arranging for our stuff to be delivered in the weekend. The ship arrived yesterday into the port of Charleston and would take about 5-7 days to be delivered if all goes well at Customs. I also arranged to have my garbage bin delivered and begin with the sanitation service. I called a few people to have this done, even writing to the director of sanitation in the city.

I also had our windows measured so that the blinds can be installed this week. I feel bare without the blinds because people can see from the outside especially at night when the lights are on. I am sleeping on an air mattress close to the floor though my son is sleeping on a better air mattress than me. These past days we have been shopping in Wal-Mart for the things we need in the house. Yesterday I bought a waste basket, 2 shower caddy, 2 sets of bathroom hooks, 3 soup dishes, a baking pan, aluminum foil, 1 kitchen rug, 2 temporary tables, a dozen kitchen rags, a small indoor garbage bin, a cooking pot and cooking utensil among other things. I was one among the many shopping in Wal-Mart and I realized that I am really part of the rat race.

I feel slightly uneasy will all these spending. I have been frugal with all my expenses for the past 7 years. I guess Singapore is a great place to save because all the public utilities and services are subsidized by the state. But here everything needs to be paid for and the savings for the past 7 years are now being spent. I hope the sale of my flat will replenish my funds especially for the college education of my kids. I do not regret coming here and I am glad to be here despite the many expenses. But I know this will be a good experience for my kids especially adapting to the new places and learning how to drive. This will keep their mind of any stress they may feel with the new environment.

 

The people at work have been great and they have been helping me adjust. Not much pressure for the time being. So I spend most of my time reading documents, studying, writing emails and attending meetings. There are a lot of seminars being offered at work and I attend a few of them. It’s a great learning environment, far from the situation in my former jobs. I hope I can finalize the papers here for my kids so they can have a good future in case they decide to stay here for the long term. The next decade will be fun as I have more time to spend with my kids and see them grow. It’s great to be together at their age and experience new things and discover new places.

Moving to New Place

My son and I spent the past 2 days moving to our new place. We were also able to talk to my wife via the Internet and tell her about the move. We told her about what we were doing so she can get excited as well. The fridge, washer, dryer, cable and Internet connection were delivered and installed last Saturday. We also bought an LCD TV because all the transmission done now are in digital. The TV coming over from Singapore may not be HD ready. We also set up the air mattress so we have a place to sleep. I think that our stuff will arrive in a few days hopefullynext weekend so we can arrange the furniture. It was a good week and the planning came into place.

I also got the government document so every thing is all set for the 'new life'. My son was not able to pass the driver's permit last Friday but I think he will pass it after a few more tries. This is the main challenge for me: to help adapt my wife and sons to the life here. One of the main thing is get them a driver's license so they can start driving. Nothing can move here without an automobile. So they need to know how to drive well so they can drive to school, drive to shopping centers and give them some confidence in life. I hope that this will make them confident to look for work. This is one of the great things in living here; the sense of freedom and independence that the society brings.

My wife was able to sleep well after we had our first video conference last Saturday. I hope she gets better in the coming days. Her sister will be arriving in Singapore in 4 days so she will have some company in the next few weeks. My friends have been helping out, some have visited herand gave her fruits, while another sent his maid to help in the weekends. I appreciate their support because I am so far away and I cannot do anything from here. All I can do is to make phone calls and try to arrange the support from here. I even had to call my property agent and the bank where I made the loan so I can  help close the sale. I am glad that it is working so far with the sale.

I guess I am paying the price of moving here if ever there is such a penalty. I should have thought about my wife and the stress of the moving. Relocating is 3rd most stressful event according to some surveys so I should have placed more emphasis on preparing my wife. But I may just be making a big thing about it. The sad fact is that my wife needs minor surgery to cure the problem in her liver. We will schedule the operation when she gets here in 21 days. I hope everything at home will be settled when she arrives like my son's driving lesson and school application so she won't worry too much. According to the the relocation staff, it's always the trailing spouse who is affected the most.

My friends here in the office have been very helpful in helping me adjust. They gave me a lot of information like where to buy things, the places to go, how things work in the office and so on. Without them I would not have adjusted so easily. There is always someone out there willing to help people in their journeys. I guess I will be called to this mission when it is my turn to help someone adjust to the new life. Life here works in a large scale and one will be judged by the efforts and choices his makes. It's difficult but also fulfilling. I think living here is a privilege and a responsibility as well. It so much easier to accomplish things here than anywhere here else in the world.