Active Weekend

I just finished my last year’s evaluation and so far it is positive, a welcome relief considering my anxiety of not shaping up, bewildered at times on what to do next. But it looks easy come to think of it; life is not really as bad a one would think, with fears affecting one’s actions when it should not be; one just needs to show up. I also met my customers in our monthly meeting this morning, going through my presentation with ease though still not as comfortable as I would like to be, realizing that I have all the tools I need; one should stay grounded and grasp the spiraling mind and wrestle the monkey back to earth. Sometimes one is too paranoid or afraid of what other people might think that one swirls into doubt and worry but it is really a friendly world when one is sincere. The week is turning out well, after a Wednesday club meeting with Toastmaster and after going over my to-do list for the week. But the weekend will be busy as I need to attend (remotely) an area governor’s meeting, install curtains and go to the gym which I have neglected to do this week. I also have a lot of books and magazines to read and videos to watch.

Yesterday I looked through my modest investment and Roth IRA, using the latest tools from my broker and realized that I have not done too bad although a very modest amount, beating the S&P in two of the past four years including the cumulative total, thinking that one has some talent and not random as some writers like Nassim Taleb would argue. In fact it’s been a busy four years since one arrived, acting like a crazed carpetbagger, eager to exploit the situation once on the ground, investing modestly in real estate and stocks, taking advantages of low interest rates and the depressed property market, a result of the 2008 – 09 financial turmoil. One was reading books and attending seminars like a madman, trying to get up to speed by improving one’s financial literacy in the USA and make use of the limited period inside a rare window of opportunity. With Bernanke leaving and plans to taper off the Fed’s quantitative easing, the window is closing and one wished one had more capital to invest. Nevertheless, it was a modest achievement, to exploit what one has with the cards dealt, adapting to the situation like a guerilla, a philosophy that works in the office as well.

For some reason, I saw my life flash before me as I lay in bed, unable to sleep because of my early meeting at 8:15 am, needing to come to the office by 7 am to prepare my presentation. I have gone far from my early life, both in physical miles and the projects and skills that I have accumulated, realizing that I have tread a long diverse road; the past 4 years another varied experience, finally ending up as the maintenance support manager with a track record as support and functional analyst and, now, project manager, diving deep into the local milieu of working with customers and solving problems. The past year has been an eye opener especially since my friend’s heart attack, working closely with him to help, learning in a rush about medical insurance and bankruptcy; similar to arriving here four years ago, up and running, engaged in difficult supply chain and logistics projects upon hitting the ground, getting my feet dirty so to speak. One also realizes his limitations, biting off more than one can chew by being area governor while accepting a new role at work, faced with unrelenting stress and demands on time and effort, learning that to-do list, focus and small steps matters most, not the flashy ground breaking large assignment that brilliant people aspire too.

I guess I like where I am today, realizing that one should not be complacent, striving to stretch more and expand, arriving at a pleasant destination after years of movement. It is not an easy place; one still needs to be on his toes, expanding beyond one’s comfort zones, realizing that perhaps it is the end game, where one has the elements in place to play out the last chapter. The young man is gone, together with his childish dreams and romantic notions, replaced by an aging fellow, no long nimble, with creaking bones and unwelcome heft, still mentally alert with a young heart, but body and mind realizing that the youthful vigor is in its last legs. What to do but adjust the machinery to its current capacity, perhaps allowing one to strike where one is strong; tactics and mental strategy, words and subtle actions while conceding the ground on one’s physical capacity, playing smart by supplementing one’s ability with vitamins and technology, keeping current and playing to strengths. But others are aging too; the world still belongs to the wise and crafty, not the young and agile, therefore it is the tortoise that eventually wins the race and not the rabbit.

4th of July 2013

I planned to work on my patio in my back garden but it started to rain. I hoped to rent a compactor to level the ground that I had dug up so I can place the tiles but the skies turned dark; but I was hoping that the skies would clear but the rain started to fall in  the early morning. Since working on this project, I started to have doubts after the physical realization that I am no longer young, spending hours during the weekend and a hour or so everyday after work, digging the earth to clear a 12 by 10 square meter area. Now that I have done it now comes the hard work of leveling the ground. It also took awhile to buy the materials: 120 tiles (12 by 10 inches) , 20 sand bags and other stuff needed to complete the project like mallet, back hoe, stakes, black matting to cover the earth, shovel, digger, wheel barrow and sand cement. It took several trips to Lowes to buy everything, often after work or after our Saturday hike, a period that took at least 2 months until I assembled all the needed materials. Then I started to dig, wondering why I started this project in the first place, underestimating the labor and effort required.

The story of my life: to start projects with an optimistic naivete, wondering if I did the right thing or if I overestimated my ability to complete the work, all the more alarming considering the manual labor required, especially since one is no longer young. It became a common theme in the recent weeks as I dug my garden, putting in the hours and working under the sun. Similarly, I am working on my new role, meeting more people, doing more work and wondering why I got to this position without more planning. I now go to work early at least before 8 am, often times at 7:30 am, leaving the house at 6:30 am or earlier to be at the gym. I wanted to exercise early in the morning so I could go home early to work on the garden, or work on my book or just watch movies. I was wasting too much time exercising after work, often a bit late if I needed to complete some tasks in the office, finding for parking in the gym, small talk with my friends and so on.Exercising in the morning allowed me to remove all those distractions, exercise and be at work early. Oil man Getty  advised that one should wake up early and start work early to get rich. Wise advice.

I could now wake up early after using the CPAP machine, after the machine assisted sleeping made me more refreshed with a restful night’s sleep unlike before where my slumber was disrupted by sleep apnea. So it seemed to come together: CPAP + restful sleep + early gym workouts + going to work early + increased work in my new role. This routine made me use my time wisely and more efficiently; less effort and wasted gas. Hence, a good night sleep is the key of the whole new me, a streamlined work - life experience. I would not have moved into thess multiple roles without the amazing machine assisted sleep device. A few weeks back I attended a Toastmaster training in Columbia, for area governor, a new role that I am also starting in July, where I need to visit other clubs, make reports and organize speech contests and leadership seminars. I reflected on all the new demands on my time, the new roles I have to play and many things I need to do: planning, organizing, meeting and doing the needed tasks. I would not have embarked on all these new adventures without all the learning + small changes done in my life to make it more efficient and productive.

I upped my game so to speak, where one needs to go out of oneself and engage with the surroundings, missing the introspective and solitary work of the analyst into the more extroverted role of manager. I needed a new vision of myself which now seems easy after all those meeting in Toastmaster and my experience at work; almost 18 years in the company, gaining all the technical skills to excel at work. For instance, I needed to do work in UNIX servers which I never have done before, working mostly in c computers, but seamlessly succeeding in UNIX because the technical skills gained in the past help adapt into new operating systems. This project is completing soon but getting too much of my time especially as I transition into my new role where I have to prove myself all over again. Its an all new world, new details and perceptions opening up that one did not notice before, where one gains new perspectives with new assignments. I guess it all started when I transferred to my new house last year; getting to know the neighborhood and adapting to new life patterns.

But digging into the earth as I worked my garden, feeling my physical limitations emerge and the loss of youth, I began to doubt whether all these new challenges are wise. The answer is yes. Once must change to grow despite the stress and pressure and one should adapt to the new challenges, it is not the new external circumstances but the change once must do internally in order to succeed. New opportunities are best experienced by the prepared mind, as someone said. The prepared mind plus the machine assisted sleeping and the vitamin supplements (ginkgo biloba, Valerian and st. John’s wort) + morning exercise are the external improvements that mean nothing without the internal changes. I re-borrowed the book ‘Extreme Productivity’ where I hope to learn new tricks. Yesterday was one difficult day where I had to complete many tasks: re-forecast my projects in the system, test the latest patch, present the accomplishments in a monthly meeting, attend other meetings with agitated colleagues, prepare reports and write emails with stiff deadlines due to the holiday. I wanted to relax today by continuing work on my garden but I need to login to check some emails and do some work.

Becoming a Writer

In Ray Bradbury’s book on writing, he mentioned the work ‘Becoming a Writer’ in the very last page, praising the lessons as helping him in his journey. The premise of this work is that one needs a ‘personality change’ to become a writer and those lessons on adapting one’s personality is the key, not just technical knowledge of craft. This premise conforms to my own view that being a writer is a holistic journey that involves not only the learning of techniques or accumulation of writing experiences but also the whole development of a person.  This means traveling, reading, experiencing life and possibly things like learning meditation and cultivating public speaking skills in clubs like Toastmaster. The goal is to perfect one’s voice which will reflect on the writer’s point of view in the stories he is writing. Hence, being a writer does not mean a solitary journey of introspective writing but a holistic endeavor that covers the full development of the person.

I have not read the book yet, not having the time to squeeze into my busy schedule. But the premise was intriguing enough for me to purchase the book in Amazon, where it is billed as a ‘classic bestseller’. My weeks are filled with writing and reading assignments, participating in the writing classes and critiquing the work of my classmates. It is an online version of the Toastmaster experience, where a group of people help each other via constructive feedback. The group activity is especially useful as one learns the background and work of others in the class, helping one assess his current ability by comparing it with the rest of the other students or would be authors, who are mostly adults, retirees, and a few young people and office employees looking for another career or pursuing a child hood dream. An interesting mix that is similar to Toastmasters where one develops his public speaking skills within a club environment.

This is my second class in the online course which is not cheap but more thorough than the previous workshops I have attended last year. The main benefits are the reading assignments, sharing and critiquing of work plus the feedback from experienced teachers who are also established authors. One is exposed to humility as one reads the work of others and receives useful criticism that one should take as a constructive feedback. For example, a short story I wrote in my first fiction class was praised after extensive editing, but my teacher in my second class, advised me to start all over again. The students from my second class are more exact and seemed at a more experienced level than my first class. I feel like stepping into a higher stage with more exacting people. After this class, I will take a break and reflect on my experience. I plan to read the book ‘Becoming a Writer’ after this course.

Currently, I am reading Orhan Pamuk’s ‘The Naïve and Sentimental Writer’, which is based on a series of lectures in Harvard. The book introduced a concept derived from a celebrated essay by the German writer Schiller. Writers and readers are categorized as either naive or sentimental and Pamuk’s describes the difference between the two. I fall into the naive category and the learning of craft has led me towards the sentimental or reflective category. These months feel like a revolution to me, after thinking that one has already learned all he can that one finds that he must throw away all his knowledge and start afresh. A young French man I worked with back in Asia preferred to work with young people, remarking about the old saying that an old dog cannot learn new tricks. Therein lies the challenge, that one’s past training and experiences would help one move to an entirely different field of battle, ready to work with new weapons and skills.

Project Work

Yesterday I attended our monthly Toastmaster meeting. For the first time, I felt relaxed and confident. Usually in public settings, one’s has normal feelings of insecurity and awkwardness. But now I felt I was among friends who accept me for what I am. But it was also because one has found himself more since coming to a distant locale. I know who I am and it is usually in a foreign place that one discovers who he is. One understands the differences in one’s culture and upbringing when compared to the local born. For instance, I have purchased more books by Philippine authors since my days in college. It’s also the Toastmaster experience where one needs to have an image of one self to be able to communicate sincerely. I guess I have reached that stage in having formed a self-image adapted to local circumstances.

It is not that one has to form a ‘mask’ in order to face others. But one should seek a compromise that would fit the ‘stereotype’ that local born folks have of someone from Asia. At the end of the day, it’s an open culture with a mix of heritage although more of the European one. So ones need to assert his identity but not to the extent that it would prevent assimilation. It is seeking this compromise of retaining one’s identity while accepting the local perception of one’s culture that one avoids the chest-thumping chauvinism present in most immigrant experiences. It is this journey and eventual acceptance that is the subject of most migrant movies or of moving to a new neighborhood or school and so on. In most cases, it is not only a voyage for work but also of self-actualization.

In my vocation, I get to do what I usually do in the past but with different actors in a new culture. It’s intimidating because one needs a level of self-confidence beyond one’s usual capacity. But that is self-doubt because the job is not new except for the people and place. Instead of working with software developers in the Philippines or India, one is now working with developers from Cleveland, Ohio. The culture and pace of work plus the sensibilities are a lot different. The culture of working in the South is also a whole different encounter. It’s more delightful and relaxed as compared to the hectic and delirious pace of Asia. But it’s the same project based work with the same methodology and milestones. One is just applying the same principles that have helped me in the past: using visual techniques, consistent follow-up and attention to details.

The key anywhere in the world is interpersonal skills. In my case, it’s getting close to the folks but with the risk of losing sight of the big picture. So using visual techniques is a way to see the big picture as attention to details forces one to focus on the trees (not the forest). Visual techniques are especially good when working with remote teams spread out all over the country or the globe. I feel that it’s coming together and the Toastmaster experience has helped me in my new job by helping me think on my feet and speaking in front of people. It’s as if all the threads of my past experiences are coming together in a tapestry that is me; evolving to meet the current environment and achieving a sort of transformation. Writing workshops may be the final step in helping round out one’s experience and understanding. Being a writer is not only about one’s skills but also one’s growth as a person in his milieu.

Writing like Speaking

Last night I continued reading Nick Daws CD writing course. There where some interesting ideas. I think that I will not enroll in a formal writing course because there are a lot of low cost alternatives like this one. Beside there’s already a lot of free materials available in the Internet. I am astounded by the wealth of information out there. It’s getting to be a ‘silent’ and ethereal tower of Babel with all sorts of people writing and giving there 5 cents worth. One should distinguish the writings of quality from those that are just writing to earn a buck. In the latter, one could just say just about anything and reading these blogs wastes your time and confuses your mind.


Anyway the writing course had an interesting advice which is to write like you speak. From this perspective, Toastmaster is helping me be a better writer. I think this experience is helpful in structuring my thoughts and arranging them into a conversational manner. Clarity and structure and organization are important as well when making a speech. In fact I often write speech that does not ‘speak’ well when I make the speech. I come across as too formal. So I try to make it more informal. I guess that’s also my problem when I write. My thoughts often come tumbling out in a torrent that I appear disorganized and confused. Or it comes out as too formal that it’s boring and dead.


Achieving a balance between both extremes may not be the solution as well. The challenge is really to be authentic. The Toastmaster experience especially here in this country provides this opportunity. People speak from the heart and go directly to the essence. So it will help me to go directly to the point when writing or when expressing myself. I noticed this already when I write e-mails. I need to self-edit myself to get understood. Hence, speaking from the heart will also help one’s writing skills because one gets to develop his authentic ‘voice’. So writing like speaking becomes a reality.


So writing becomes a journey of self improvement. To be a good writer requires one to be a highly developed person in thoughts and in speech. For my specific situation, it requires slowing down my thought process and focusing on the flow of thoughts. I sometimes miss the flow of conversation with the folks here. I find that I am often slow in catching up or that folks here are slow witted. So it’s like our minds move back and forth until an understanding is reached. I guess that’s what it means to have a singular and original mind in a nation of individuals. Being understood requires a synchronicity of minds.

Listening to Jimmy Carter speak in his books reveals that he is a unique and singular person. So is Bill Clinton. I think people from the South retain their individuality that speaks of their authenticity. They just seem to be more humane and real. I think I learn more about the south by reading Jimmy Carter. Bill Clinton has that core but he is more sophisticated and I think he is worldly and seems like an Easterner. I guess it’s symbolic that he moved to New York from Arkansas. But both persons are good examples of people who write like they speak. I think they have found themselves that they are able to write. I am not sure if I have found myself yet to be able to write like I speak. I guess I have to speak properly first before I can write properly.

I think I started to write better before I could speak. But it became a technical task and lacked the authenticity that a voyage of discovery would reveal. One could be more worldly and experienced without achieving the unique voice that one should achieve. Internally the result is an internal tower of Babel with words becoming just words without meaning. The result is a lot of verbiage which rhymes with garbage.

The solution is to rise above the garbage, de-clutter and simplify. The result will be less thoughts and mental confusion. Strange that meditation now looks like a way to be a better writer as well. In summary, meditate, find your voice, de-clutter and simplify your life to be a good writer. Once equilibrium is reached that person has reached a state of development that is blissful in the Zen meditation point of reference.

First Speech

Yesterday I did my first speech here in the USA at the Toastmaster meeting at my company. It was a good session and it was a different challenge from my previous experiences. The meeting was held in the auditorium which could easily sit 150-200 people and I had to stand in front of the large room without any props. In the past meetings in the Singapore were usually held in cozy rooms that could fit about 25-30 people and I used to stand behind a podium which allowed me to glance at my notes from time to time. I don’t have this buffer anymore and you have to stand right in front of everybody. So it was intimidating and I felt a bit naked and unprotected. But I realized early that one has to be open and sincere to establish rapport and be accepted here.


One sees the difference between the speeches here as compared to Asia. The speeches in Singapore where often grand and presumptuous but the goal was to achieve a certain professional feel though the attempt often falls short. Perhaps because English is not the first native language of these speakers and once one learns English, the temptation is to flaunt and grand stand. The first language often depends on one’s heritage like Chinese, Malay, Indonesian or Filipino. English is more the second language. During one’s daily life, one would shift from one language to another depending on the circumstances and the person spoken to. So making a speech in English is a significant effort so the result is often embellishments although there are quite good speakers who achieve a good balance.

On the other hand, English here is the first language so there is less temptation to embellish the speech. The meetings here are business like because it is held during lunch time at the company premises. Meetings are held 3 times a month so the goal is to do as many projects as possible. Speeches here are very down-to-earth with emphasis on sincerity and everyday occurrences. There are less abstract concepts being talked about so there maybe a tendency towards boring speeches. My challenge is to gain this ‘native fluency’ with English and to stick to every day matters. I don’t have the stature or gravitas to bluster my way like the great speakers here like Bill Clinton or Barack Obama.


My speech was about Toastmaster and how it has helped me in my career. I also spoke about my life in the company and how Toastmaster made me a better person to adapt to changes brought about by outsourcing. I got a good review and I think most people liked my speech judging from their smiles and faces. There are fewer members here as compared to the clubs in Singapore. But it is a diverse group and there was a good speech about walking yesterday which I liked. I realized that people here are poetic and there is a natural rhythm and cadence to their speech. I guess it is the normal American way of speaking which foreign speakers like me admire. I guess my main challenge is how to speak without notes, use my body effectively and without props and tailor my speech with the appropriate emphasis and focus on everyday matters though with an Asian flavor.

In the weekend, I will attend the Fall Conference of my local Toastmaster district. I understand it will be the first time it will be held here in the Upstate at Spartanburg. The Fall Conference is usually held at Columbia, the state capital. It will be a good experience for me to see the speakers here perform as compared to Singapore. I mentioned in my speech yesterday that attending Toastmaster club meeting helps newcomers like me acclimatize, adapt and learn the local culture. It’s a good chance to network and meet new people. It’s the major reason for me to continue with my Toastmaster experience aside from improving my speaking abilities. It gives a good picture of local Americana.

Understanding My Speaking Experience

I was thinking about the real gain from my Toastmaster experience. At the end of the day, I don't think I will be an accomplished speaker or be a professional speaker by occupation. For the short to medium term, I think the experience will help in my daily interaction at work: in meetings, discussions and interpersonal interactions. I don't think I will have an opportunity to speak in a public venue. The experience will be more on being vocal, expressive and
articulate during these interactions.

But I think the major skill that needs to be supplemented with speaking skills is negotiation. Negotiation is a good fit for public speaking because it involves communication and a certain confidence to achieve a certain goal. Reading the book 'Nixon and Mao' by Margaret Macmillan talks about the negotiation that took place between the US and China. It's a good book that tells the behind the scenes story of the summit that changed the relationship between these two countries. It's a good tale about the intricacies of negotiation, back door deals, drama and tension that led to the breakthrough.

By nature I do not speak much and think too much which affect my natural speaking capacity. But at times I am able to relax and can communicate well. Networking during the meetings were actual practice though maybe a bit superficial. But I had a lot of opportunities as well in the project management meetings. I think this should all help in negotiation when needed. I think meetings with discussions are really subtle forms of negotiations. I think negotiation is important in that it's a way to assert yourself.

My main problem is that I take things personally. Whenever there is a conflict or rejection of my ideas, I feel bad and I freeze. I have problems going over these moments of conflicts that I am ineffective in negotiation and any form of discussion. I think I should be able to accept disagreements and not take it personally. I need to rise above the meeting and try to find out the issue involved. Understanding the issue is the key to be able to find a way to overcome the roadblock. The key is to understand that you do not represent your views and disagreement is not personal.

I also need to prepare more when I speak whether in a meeting, public engagement or presentation. My tendency is to 'wing it' in a 'seat of my pants' style. I now know that it does not
work. Perhaps in a one to one session I am more successful in expressing myself. But I made the mistake when I think I can do the same in a public environment. This is what happened to
me during the PMI symposium and other moments in Toastmaster when I serve as the Toastmaster of the evening. Without preparation, I fail and freeze sometimes and unsuccessfully 'wing it'. Oftentimes I have no patience to prepare which cause my downfall.

During meetings, I fail when my ideas are rejected that I cannot get over it. I am lost just waiting to be slaughtered.During these sessions, I should relax and discern the issues involved. My tendency is to be defensive and to take the rejection as a disagreement of my idea (not my person). The trick is to look at my idea like it were an object, to look at it from all sides, find out the flaws, criticize it without feeling and discard it if not useful. It's being dispassionate and being able to bounce back and keep on fighting and exchanging ideas without fear of being rejected. It's the only way to learn.

I guess the speech evaluations is a good way to accept criticism and bounce back. My own inclination is not give a severe criticism to the speaker. I guess it reflects my own tendency to not receive criticism well. But again I should not take it personally. What is being criticized is not me but my public speaking skills and perhaps my preparation. This is another good thing about Toastmaster experience which I should recognize. So the improvement that is needed are in thinking skills or speaking skills or negotiation skills. Not really in improving one's personality. Otherwise you will keep blaming yourself and not really improve.

The Last Toastmaster Meeting

Actually I attended my second to the last club meeting last night. I hope to the attend the meeting next month. I did my 2nd advance project speech and it went well. There were a lot of people who attended and a few new members and repeat guests. I did not spend a lot of time in preparing my speech but it turned out well. I felt confident the moment I stepped up to the podium. It's like my anxiety disappeared. Finally after experiencing public speaking for nearly 3 years, I feel that I have turned a corner. I still felt some initial trepidation as I waited my turn but it all disappeared when I started my speech.

I felt exhilarated after the meeting and I was glad I attended. I plan to finish my advance manual but I still have 3 more speeches to do. I have about 3 weeks left before I leave. Hopefully I can find a club who is willing to let me do my speech at short notice. As a last resort, I hope to do 2 speeches in my last club meeting. I am getting busy these days with Toastmaster, hoping to maximize the experience so I can benefit when I arrive overseas. I will be an evaluator tomorrow and I also plan to participate in the division speech contest at the end of the month. I am going with a bang so to speak.

My fellow members were a bit sad of my leaving. My friend's wife said that it was depressing if he announced the news. I will miss them because they are a fun group. I did not bring a camera to get pictures but I think I have quite a few in the blog site. It's only now that I feel the pain of departing and leaving friends. The other day, I had dinner with my old friend in Chinatown. I hope I can have dinner with him every week until I leave. Together with my close friend at the office, it will be sad day leaving them. But changes happening in the office forces everyone to adapt. I fear that the office will soon disappear in a few years. Hopefully, it will turn out for the best for all.

Last Wednesday was a good day for my future posting. I got news about the offer and the approval of the visa. It was all so positive despite my anxieties. I was foolishly thinking of so many demons that none appeared. I was working myself into a frenzy with my silly ideas. Happily, it all turned out well and I am just stupidly worrying. I keep seeing demons in every corner. The good news plus my successful speech at the club meeting was a wonderful milestone for me this week. It's at these moments where one feels at one with the world.

So next week I hope to get the visa package where we need to go to the local embassy and have our passports stamped. This will clear the way for the move. Afterwards, I hope to finalize the flat rental and arrange for the transfer of my stuff. The training and preparation for my project will soon be winding down. My replacement is doing well as well as the support staff despite all the problems we currently face. Luckily, things are getting done and the deadlines allow us to re-focus and complete the needed tasks. The support in headquarters are positively helping us. I think my departure will be seamless. Of course there will be a lot of problems but I think the team will be ready to face them.

TM Meeting Last Night

Last night I presented my advance speech on conversation. I think it went very well despite feeling uneasy prior to the meeting. My preparations was enough for me to speak well though I did not prepare as much as my past speeches. I guess it's a measure of my improvement in public speaking. During the speech project there was a short role play session and my friend, the club president kindly helped me. During the role play, I thought that I was not doing well because I was not presenting a speech but reacting to another person. Despite some awkward moments, I think the session ended well.

We experimented with a new change from previous practice by trying a group evaluation instead of a single evaluator. I think the experiment went well with every one contributing positively. Two guests attended last night with one from my home country. He lives close by from the community center and I think he was convinced in joining the club. The whole audience gave their feedback on my speech project as part of the group evaluation exercise. They mostly appreciated the handouts. I had precisely prepared the handouts instead of bringing my computer for a visual presentation. My new lap top was just to heavy and I decided that having handouts is a good takeaway for the club members.

I think this is the new strategy that we would like to promote. To have the club experience be a learning one with news letters, group evaluations, blog site and sharing hand outs so our members could learn more from the club. Our club president shared this aspect during his opening and closing speech last night. We had a good meeting and I felt that the members and guests had learned a few things from the meeting last night. From the prepared speeches and group evaluations and sharing of feedback. I think that we now have a better chance in solving our membership problem with these innovations.

I reflected on my Toastmaster experience this morning when I archived my speech and club programme in my folder. I keep the club programs, speeches and project manuals in one large binder. I have been a member for 2.5 years and I have participated in all it's activities. In fact, I have plunged headlong into all its activities: by doing about 20 prepared speeches, 11 evaluations, a handful of table topics, worked as club officer for 1.5 years as VPE and VPM, participated in 4 speech contests, 2 club officer trainings and visited other clubs. I really appreciate the experience and wished I could have joined earlier in my life.

I think this experience plus my blogging have been good for me. It has helped me become more whole and allow me to open myself to others. This is the starting point for building supportive relationships which I never focused on in the past. Building these open and supportive relationships is important if one wants to succeed in one's artistic endeavors (as explained in the book I am reading). I guess it's the missing link in my progress as a writer.

The first step I guess is to open yourself to people. Blogging and public speaking allow you to settle one's internal urges for solitude. I think it also helps to resolve one's neurotic obsessions or tendencies that arise with insularity and aloofness. This feeling of being a 'lone wolf' is not good in the long run. The 'lone creative genius' is in fact a social creature unlike those depicted in movies. At least, there is always someone supporting him in his artistic struggles.

Reason to Smile

I evaluated a speech last night at a Toastmaster club meeting near my home. The club had a good attendance and the facilities where old but distinguished a(s compared to my club which was recently built). It had an old world feel as the community center is at least 20-15 years old. There were attendees from India, Philippines, Indonesia, Europe and USA. The speeches were good especially from a DTM who was a past governor who gave a special speech on discipline. I felt a bit intimidated as the group seem to be distinguished.

So to bolster my courage I wrote done the clubs where I gave a speech evaluation. I counted about 8 clubs outside my home club. It gave me confidence because I did more than 8 evaluations if I count those that I did in my home club. I did my evaluation quite fast and there where moments where I could not find the right words. I had a lot of pause fillers as well. But I managed to give a good and relevant speech as I found a way to gently criticize an otherwise, near perfect speech. It was done by a genial and appealing person who writes a blog called 'Reasons for a Smile'. His speech was entertaining and had a good lesson on solving disagreements. The objective was to use body gestures which he did well.

I also met 2 ladies from my home country. Both are young teachers and have recently moved here. The club president encouraged them to join as they work together at the same school. I left after the program though I was invited for coffee. I needed to work on my speech for our club meeting on Thursday. I did not have a chance to write but I was able to read the articles I downloaded on the subject of conversing with ease. I like going to the club last night and it allowed me to see a different perspective. I think I can learn a lot by visiting clubs instead of just sticking with my own. I get to practice my evaluation skills more often.

I am finishing the book 'Standing on the Water's Edge.' An interesting book due to the psychological insights it provides to writers. I hope I can apply the guides in my struggles. I also finished reading a book about Queen Isabela. An amazing story where one could see that life is really more exciting that fiction. I am also reading a picture book on the castles of Great Britain. It helps me visualize the scenes from the book. Queen Isabella is one of those history books that I love to read with historical drama and adventure. I am now listening to an audio book called 'Empire' by an accomplished Oxford historian.

Initial Meeting is Done

The meeting with the overseas team went well. It started an hour earlier and I anticipated that they would make a mistake in the local time. So I got up an hour early and sat beside the phone and read through the notes I prepared the evening before. I followed the lessons I learned from the recent seminar on negotiations. So I prepared a one page summary on the areas I wanted to focus on, the items I wanted to highlight to them and the questions I wanted to ask.

So I was prepared when the call came and I went through the list. I wanted to stay on the message as they say and speak on the notes. I was afraid that I would go off-tangent from the subject at hand. The overseas team were very friendly and I like the way they handled the meeting. I think I was able to show the appropriate attitude but there where times when I did not know how to react. During this awkward moments, I just laughed and said that it was too early in the morning for me. Implying that I was a bit slow because I just woke up.

But it was a good first meeting and I feel happy about the results. I shared this knowledge with a few people at work like the Asian regional boss, project office head and department accountant. I could not help but feel that it's a done deal. I mentioned that I will be ready by the first or second quarter of next year. I am surprised at my confidence and I often feel insecure of these situations where a good outcome is expected but I always expect the worse. Perhaps there is really a good ending in the story. But it will be the best ending that anyone could ever hope for.

The people I talked today about this pending transfer where all very positive and were happy about me. It was actually the first time I felt such good will and hope. There were episodes when I had similar good fortune but expressions of good wishes from others where taken with a grain of salt. Now it seemed that the stars are finally aligned in my favor. But still I can't help but feel that someone will throw a wrench into the works. There is always some one waiting in the wings ready to make life miserable to other people.

I guess it's the cynic in me. Yesterday eveing after work I went to the Toastmaster meeting and I had a feeling that something will not turn out right. I was a bit late but I found the club and joined the meeting. It was a good session and I participated in table topics and speech evaluation. I did not win any awards though I felt I had a chance. But this club had a larger number of distinguished speakers unlike the club I belong in. It was a good evening and I think it prepared me for the meeting the next morning with the overseas team.

Weekend Triumph

Last Saturday, I evaluated a speech in the morning and participated in a Humorous Speech Contest in the afternoon. I got a ribbon as best table topic speaker in the morning and 2nd runner-up trophy in the afternoon contest. In the past, I would downplay these 'awards' because I felt that it was more like being the best amongst beginners. But I realize that I have set my standards too high and that I am really my worst critic. Looking back at my Toastmaster experience so far, I have received 4 ribbons for best prepared speech, 1 ribbon for best evaluator and a 2nd runner-up trophy in an evaluator contest. Not bad for the amount of time I have spent though I have done about 15 speech projects so far.

But is public speaking my strength? Strength is described as near perfect performance, achieved consistently. So I guess it's just a complementary talent to an underlying strength, perhaps to my learner or ideation (where one needs to think about topics for speeches) strengths. But the real value I think the programme has given me is to lose my shyness and self-centeredness. The experience is not really on public speaking but more on self confidence. It has provided me with episodes of self-analysis and doubt but it has given me focus and challenged my sense of purpose. To just do it and have the determination and resolve to do a speech. It achieves what Woody Allen used to say wherein to succeed, you just need to show up.

So the benefit of a Toastmaster's programme is really subtle. The demand from you is not only to improve your public speaking skills but also to remove self-doubt and timidness. So I dare say that it improves one's character. I must say that I have found myself in the Toastmaster's experience and I am only starting to enjoy the visits to other clubs and all the avenues of learning. Some of my friends wonder why I waste my time here and if I really need this experience. I guess I have no problems communicating on an intimate and personal level and I am good at this situation but I lack the public experience. I think it has a very subtle effect and I think it has made me a better person and writer.

(Note: I have place some photos of my last trip to Thailand where I attended an excellent puppet show.)

Road to China

The next phase of the project roll-out is China. Now that the first pilot project in Thailand has gone live, work is now beginning for the next factory located in the northeastern part of China. I have been to this factory many times in the past and it will be good to return again. I actually love this place with it's Manchurian history of the Manchus and the Japanese invasion. I also like the cold and the winter scapes and especially visiting the old Manchu palace in winter with the snow covering the imperial palaces is a refreshing and rare sight. I also love visiting the burial grounds temples and large parks and lakes. But sometimes the cold is very difficult as well with the cold wind burning your cheeks and seeping into your bones. I remember the park near my hotel with the huge statue of Mao and the large number of bikes moving silently in the early morning as their riders went to work. It was actually this large north eastern city that has given me my most concrete impression of China.

Last night I attend a short workshop on trading. It was a good course and complimented my recent attendance of an investment fair a few weeks back. I am thinking of buying a CD library which has about 24 CDs for a home study course on trading. The cost is discounted but still amounting to about SGD $ 1000.00. I wonder if I am wasting my time in this area and should focus instead on my writing. This can be a distraction but also another stream of income if I am successful. But I read somewhere that people successful in trading comprise only about 5% of the total population especially for forex trading. The same low success rate goes for options, CFDs and warrants. But one interesting choice may be the so-called e-minis which is actually futures of the S&P 500 index or Russell index. So the question is should I invest in the library or focus on my goal. I guess I am hedging my bets by having another option in case I fail in my primary goal.

I am also thinking about improving my sports game. Golf is too expensive and sometime I think I waste my time in the greens. But I have spent so much time trying to be good at it but I have not improved my game despite the time I spent. So I am thinking of getting an instructor. In the past, I pursued this course because it helped me handle my stress by keeping me focused on my golf swing. I have kept my cost down by spending most of my time in the driving range instead of the greens. It was more a satisfaction of an urge to follow my father's lead and learn a new sport. But now I felt I have not achieved much and should get an instructor. At least, I could boast of having a respectable game and handicap instead of being a very poor player. Now I feel that time is running out and I should try to accomplish a lot more until age creeps up.

I will be presenting to the new CIO tomorrow who is in Asia. It will be a short presentation and will cover the project we have just deployed in Thailand and soon deploy in China. I will keep it short and precise and hope to give a favorable impression. CIO may help me in the campaign to transfer me overseas to the new job. I hope I can do a good job. I have had many presentations in the past and I don't feel any particular pressure. The experience and training I have had in Toastmasters and presentations to the boss man should be helpful.

March Review

Seems that the offer from the outsource was a bit high and negotiations have begun to bring down the quote to a more reasonable level. So the project may be a bit delayed. But some news of the proposal have filtered out. Particularly that some support centers maybe created in Thailand, China and the Philippines. So will be good if we will get an offer to move to one of these places. An interesting item is that aside from being paid a separation package, an incentive maybe offered to work for the outsourcer. It seems to be a good deal if topped up with a transfer - on expatriate terms - to one of these countries.

I have been going to the gym these past weeks and I finds it has made me more optimistic and less susceptible to stress and anxiety considering the outsourcing experiment. I was in Manila last week meeting with my developers so I did not exercise. But travelling by public transportation for about 2 hours every day is enough exercise especially for the nerves. I treated the developers with lunch as the project successfully has gone live. This week and the coming ones will the first ones where the Thailand users will be using the new package. So far it has been going well although the batch process is taking some time to complete. I have activated the process yesterday morning but the calculation is still ongoing as of this writing. But my spirits is good and expect no problem.

I attended a 2 day training course starting last Monday about assertiveness and conflict management. An interesting course but not intellectually stimulating. I found myself getting bored a few times but it was enjoyable. We had good sessions role-playing and having games. Met a few interesting people with the course facilitated by a lady from Portugal. The seminar was in the main shopping district in a mall that I particularly like because of the art and curio shops filled with religious items particularly Buddha figures from Tibet, contemporary paintings from China, old Mao statues from the cultural revolution, exotic Chinese lamps and furniture. It also has a good bookshop whith excellent books on Asia. An interesting place to walk around during lunch time. I went to the gym after the seminar.

Last night I attended my monthly Toastmaster meeting. I did my Advance Project 4. I have been a member for nearly 2 years and I enjoy it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment aside from keeping me fresh. I hope to finish a few more project before moving to my new job or place. Although it is still too early, I feel that change is coming. Of course it is and I will be a fool if I think that I would not be affected that somehow I will be spared the ax but it is really wishful thinking. So that is why I feel that I should attend all the trainings that I can and increase my experiences to prepare myself for the new.