I have lived sixty decades on this earth starting tomorrow; quite a milestone writing this thought in words though I don't feel a bit different except perhaps feeling that time often moves in slow motion. I swam for 30 minutes this morning and ran on the treadmill for about 40 minutes yesterday. I may be healthier than most with my physical exercises while mentally I reflect more in my actions and thoughts. I don't need to reflect more than what happened this year.
I moved to a new department last February, leaving a stressful and toxic environment that pushed me to my limits; but glad to end up in a much better place with a mature leader and colleagues who are young and energetic and full of optimism. Before the move, I was living in limbo, while a new person took over my role and I was cast aside from working on specific projects. I had feelings of anxiety and stress; of self-doubt as my self-worth was affected and experienced some trauma.
I underwent several sessions with a therapist and practiced self-reflection and re-framing my experiences while I attended several courses online to gain credits and keep my certification as a project management professional. Keeping busy, positive self-reflection, gratitude and therapy kept me sane during these months. I also traveled locally to Florida and Boston and overseas to Prague, Malmo, and Copenhagen. I also watched opera, played golf, participated in Toastmasters meetings, and ran in some 5k races.
These activities allowed me to adapt to change, avoid harmful rumination, and emerge with a healthy mental state. I worked on some new projects in my new post and in November, I took over several projects transitioned to me by another project manager who left the company. We went live last week on a significant project and will complete the annual year-end activities. I sent out an email reporting the go-live with some pride; though with the understanding that life has its ups and downs and I just had a temporary swing of the pendulum in my direction.
In this turn of events, half of my former squad was moved to another squad to improve efficiency which could be interpreted as not being effective in their former set-up. I felt vindicated that I was not the cause of the squad's problems which led to my transfer and change and the domain and platform leadership were just looking for a scapegoat to blame. The reorganization of the squad, resulting in the reduction of their scope, when I was no longer the squad lead, gave me an empty victory.
It was all for the good of the organization wherein my move triggered a change in squad leadership but was not enough to make the squad perform better instead the squad's scope was reduced and staff moved to a much better squad. I also perform better with a focused scope and with a better environment to grow and thrive in. We all went through a journey of personal discovery and change, and I did not succumb to my usual negative thoughts.
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