Politics of Distraction

Much can be said of the current problems in Washington but is it the inherent nature of democracy that makes it messy since the breakdown of civil relation and bipartisanship between legislators. Long ago, veteran lawmakers reminisce about the old days in the 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s when bipartisan compromise and level headed thinking saved the day, a tradition started by Benjamin Franklin during the first meeting s of the constitutional congress. Some even recall warm friendships between members of opposing parties. This bring to mind the China model, devoid of democratic institutions wherein 2 parties battle each other for control of government with free exchange of ideas; instead managed like a conglomerate of technocrats but with the risk of corruption, innate in an unelected centralized government. But the tradeoff looks attractive day by day, just watching television, where the dramas of Washington plays out like a comedy in the cinema; the lone senator filibustering a bill but backs down and votes instead with the opposition, like a performance in a kabuki or an Indonesian shadow play where things play out at back stage while the overt players perform for the gullible public.

Sometimes it just seems like the death of common sense, an attribute that used to distinguish the New World colonies, now driven by ideologues, demagogues and inflexible principles goaded by muddy thinking. One thinks that the way forward are bipartisan entities like the Office of Budget and Management who fact check assertions and verify the truth. Instead it is a battle of inane ideas, more driven by emotion and funded by billionaires working in the background to keep their immense wealth. It is a shame that elected officials allows themselves to be led by these men in the back room who ask for pledges not to raise taxes, constricting common sense. No wonder this churning in government makes one want to pick up a weapon and start shooting anyone in sight; perhaps this is an important study, to see if the turmoil in government, played out through the media, affects the sanity of people sensitive to visual and auditory noise like political junkies checking news feeds to know what is going on to nourish their addiction.

In my case it is stress that causes distraction, to flee from the work at hand, trying to escape from responsibility that work entails, looking for an activity that can free the ego instead of solving the problem. This emotional reaction prevents one from following David Allen’s GTD principle, causing one to react to incoming emails with fear when one should just place the mail in the appropriate folder if one cannot respond within 2 minutes; organizing the reaction in a systemic way. One realizes it is emotion that derails one’s common sense, the way politicians react to seeming slights that result in gridlock, not moving forward in a calm and sensible manner. Get a grip on your mind – books would say, try journaling or deep breathing to ground one, instead of allowing one’s attention to take flight with thought bubbles; the curse of the monkey mind.  Journaling is calming, the steady rhythm of writing, a way to control the berserk electrical patterns coursing the brain into a more sensible and calm array like listening to Mozart when in turmoil; music soothing the savage mental beast. One thinks this is needed by the Washington politicians as their rivals - the Chinese politburo practice Tai Chi in their enclave within the Forbidden City in Beijing.

Weekend Flow

During the weekend I watched most of the DVDs I borrowed from the library as well as finished reading overdue books by Rummler-Brache and an excellent tome on old houses. I watched a documentary on the Khumb Mela festival in India, inspirational videos from Dr. Wayne Dyer, Paul Newman’s movie ‘Hud’, Robert Altman’s ‘The Prairie Home Companion’ and an excellent Mira Nair film, ‘The Namesake’ adapted from the book by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have read Lahiri’s previous book, ‘The Interpreter of Maladies.’ I liked her work initially to learn about India and its people. But I now read her to understand the life of immigrants adapting to their new country. A lot of spiritual truths in the weekend ranging from the exotic spiritualism of Khumb Mela to insights from Dr. Dyer and home truths from ‘The Namesake’ and ‘Hud’.


‘The Namesake’ movie portrays both India and the immigrant life in America. Lahiri is a good writer and I think she just wanted to express her daily reality but critics now talk about her vision. I am not sure if writers intentional come and have a vision before starting their work. But it’s a good work and helpful for me and my family having moved here recently. I think she is a rare Indian writer who writes with sensitivity and skill. She is authentic and refreshingly lacks the fireworks and brilliance of Salman Rushdie. The last book that remains in my mind is ‘The White Tiger’ – an original work about life in India. The book was entertaining, structured around a letter written by a Bangalore entrepreneur to a visiting Chinese premier.


‘The White Tiger’ provides a subtle comparison between India and China by telling the story of a rag to riches tale of a criminal. The book tells of an honest worker who finally kills his master and steals his money to start a business and new life in Bagalore. I wonder if such crimes still exists in China where there is less distinction between rich and poor when compared to the huge disparities in India. One wonders if the writer is proud of Indian democracy or China’s socialist experiments with capitalism. The book remains in mind although I finished reading it a long time ago. Perhaps its the performance of the reader – John Lee. The Indian Diaspora is widespread in the Americas and seemed to be centered on technical white collar jobs. The Chinese Diaspora on the other hand seemed to be centered on wealthy merchant entrepreneurs.


I think India is starting to get accepted culturally because of the outsourcing. Success of popular films like ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and ‘The Namesake’ plus the rise of Indian writers indicate this acceptance. It’s the ancient traditions, food and lifestyle that intrigue people. I guess the British colonial experience has also advanced their internationalization. But the Chinese experience is quite different as internally focused and it’s boldly embracing the new, quite like the Meiji Restoration in Japan. In my mind, China seems to provide a more collective hero tradition with Mao Tse Tung, Deng Xiopeng and Chao En Lai. A lot of terrible mistakes where made but one wonders if events like the Cultural Revolution had a subtle purpose like to eradicate ancient superstitions in an ancient land in order to boot strap their rise to superpower status.

India had a more restrained history with the great example of Mahatma Gandhi. He had reacted to the colonial powers in a uniquely Indian manner such as Satyagraha and non-violence and his example paved the way for the country’s next generation of leaders. But the colonial powers did succeed in partitioning India, creating Pakistan and Bangladesh. Can we say this historical mistake of the English eventually led to the Taliban and Osama Bin Ladin and the rise Muslim extremism of today? Fortunately, the communist under Mao prevented any partition of China although wisely settling on a peaceful coexistence with Taiwan under the Nationalist. Nevertheless, with the return of Hong Kong and Macao, I think Taiwan is not far behind in returning to the motherland.

The Heat of the Moment

About five weeks more before moving abroad. Training the new staff is proceeding as planned. A few operational issues have occurred and I am involving the new staff in resolving them. Sometimes I realize that the system is quite complex and have a difficult time explaining the problem. Keeping things simple is really a virtue. But we have to slog along and persevere in the training. Also, IBM team is now getting into the thick of things. They have successfully installed the latest patch last night after encountering problems in the last 2-3 attempts. We relied on the instructions sent by the previous staff to install the patch. Looks like an issue on the product and a full re-installation may be needed in the long term.

On the other hand, I feel a bit nervous about the pace of the relocation. The local personal was busy yesterday and suggested to meet tomorrow. Another delay that is driving me up the wall. I have a lot of questions and I wanted some answers on the transport of my stuff and was referred to another personnel. But the person did not answer me sufficiently. I also wrote to the law partner who is helping me on the move. But I still got no reply. I am expecting prompt answers due to my situation but looks like things are moving at a slow pace. Major decisions are being made and I am fretful that some last minute issue will derail everything. Strange but it actually seems that I am preparing myself for the failure of the move. It's like I actually don't want to move and I am expecting some sort of issue like a visa restriction, or a reversal of decision due to the economic crisis.

The heat of the moment is driving me nuts. I need to know the certainty of the move but I am afraid I may drive people crazy if I keep on following up. I have to get the idea in my thick skull that the move is a done deal. I am in a successful run and should prepare accordingly. I read somewhere that sometimes people don't know how to handle success. They flip flop and struggle when faced with success. Maybe this is my ultimate problem. I am comfortable succeeding and prefer the loser, the romantic martyr who struggles along. Something like T.E.Lawrence not being able to assimilate back to normal society after his success in the Arabian campaigns. Of course, I am actually lucky in a modest sense but I know that future struggles still lie ahead. My office friend advised me to relax and wait until the 20th of the month. I should have all the information by then. But what if it's too late of the worst happens? Do I still have time to react?

My mind is moving at 100 miles an hour, thinking about the move as if it's a life long dream that will finally come true. But I have to ease down the mental throttle and relax and focus on the issues at hand. I have a lot of things in my plate like trying to complete my Toastmaster advance manual. I plan to complete the remaining 4 speeches while I am here so I need to prepare for them. But I am just pushing myself foolishly. I am also rushing on the books that I need to read before I move. It's like a relentless rush to do things. It's like I am planning for my retirement when I get there. With the pace of life in the rural south, I guess it may feel like retirement as well. My family is also a bit cautiously excited and like me, cannot seem to imagine the new life. At my age, I guess this maybe the best time to move again or I will not have the strength or
courage after a few more years.

I am morbidly glad that I broke my wrist last January. The accident has slowed me down. I am more conscious of my actions and careful. If I had not slowed down, maybe I would be doing more things that will actually exhaust me more. The monkey mind in action. Anyway, I will meet the personnel staff tomorrow and I will have answers to most of my questions on the move. The delay is actually one of the main causes of my mental unease. With the slow down of my usual activities (no swimming, jogging or biking), I am in a different mode which I try to fill up with other things. In fact, I should be winding down and moving work to the support staff as I prepare for the move. In case it does fail, I can still wait for a payout soon. Otherwise, plan to move to China as the next alternative.

Fragile

Last night we visited our dear friend who recently undergone a successful heart operation. He is doing well and will go back to our home country to recuperate for a few weeks. We realize that we get more fragile as we get older. We compared our predicament as I shared stories of being in the ward awaiting for the operation of my fractured arm. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days awaiting for the swelling to go down and for a chance to go up in the operating queue. My friends laughed at my stories although it was nothing compared to his open heart surgery. My friend's mom cooked Philippine dishes like laing and pancit. We ate a lot and shared the cake that we bought as a gift. I got home at about 11:30 pm.

Yesterday morning I was in the hospital for my check-up and the doctor mentioned that he will remove a wire in my hand, placed to keep the fracture in place after a few weeks. A steel plate was added to fasten my broken bones and the wire is to keep it in place. I underestimated the extent of my injury, thinking that I could regain the strength in my arm after a few days. But I think I will only get the full strength sometime in March when the splint can be removed. Earlier this week the stitches were removed and my arm looked very raw and fragile. Going to the hospital nearly every week for change of bandages, physical therapy, x-ray inspection and consultation has given me pause to think that my injury is grave. Not a simple fall where I could just dust myself up and walk away. The bones have to fuse and heal together before I can get back my muscular strength.

My injury made me realize my mortality aside from the heart surgery of my friend. Usually I did not care about my self, preferring to roller-blade, bike and do other active sports. Most of my colleagues are amaze that I still roller blade at my age and I realize that for some people I may probably seem to be reckless.In fact I am was just careless in matters where I should have placed more attention and seriousness. At the end of the day, I should not have roller-bladed without my wrist guard. With my injury, I realize that I take a lot of things for granted and I should focus on more serious things. Even listening to audio books these days seem to be a trivial pursuit. But I guess that I enjoy these audio books when I travel to and from home and helps me spend my time wisely.

My projects are a bit delayed because of my absence and I did not factor in the delay from IBM. I spend a lot of time trying to guide them towards the correct direction. I am also spending some time to train the person from Shanghai who would be replacing me. He came on board mid-January but we only started the training this week because of the Chinese Lunar New Year. He is a young guy who got married last year and his hometown is 3 hours from Shanghai. During the Chinese New Year, he went home to visit his folks. I remembered the news report from the BBC about the millions of migrant workers who return home the the cities during the New Year and I thought about him.

I have images of my life in my new assignment, meeting my new co-workers and trying to adapt to the environment. I also wondered why the office sent the mail last week requesting that I transfer on April fools day. I noticed that I get these mails a day after our global meeting. I don't know if the event are related although my active imagination think that it is. I am glad that I can assess these mistakes of thinking after reading about cognitive function from the book 'Manage your Mind.' There is a similar exercise in the book 'The Write Type' for writers to manage their right brain's emotional excess. The exercise calls for us to think of alternative explanations to our initial beliefs. So to key is to correct wrong thoughts and I realize that I have a bunch of them based on my prejudices and may have prevented me from enjoying my life.

Chinese Interiors

Last night I could not sleep early for the 2nd straight day. I spent the evening after dinner looking at videos in the Internet. I had wanted to start writing but I could not focus my attention. Instead I allowed myself to surf and look at trivial stuff. So I wasted again a few hours looking as silly videos to avoid the necessary hard work. I am reading a new book about writing called 'The Write Stuff' which addresses exactly this type of procrastination. Good timing to have this book now that I am starting to resume my writing. I guess it's also the added stress of work plus events at the office.

I am also listening to John Updike's audio book 'The Widows of Eastwick'. He is a very good writer although he lacks that special ingredient that would make him a great writer. What I can say is that he is an American writer in the themes, subject and plot of his many books. He basically writes about the American experience and, arguably, he is the best person to read if you would like to know about the American experience. In an article in the Economist about him, the critic noted that he is the only well known white, protestant American writer who is not a Jew. Unlike other well known writers like Norman Mailer and Philip Roth. So the critic seems to imply that Updike has a truly middle American perspective.

My transfer to the new office is being proposed to be on 1st April - Aprils Fools Day. The date as raised in an email sent last Friday which I only read 4 days later. The counter proposal was on 1st June so I think some negotiations will be underway to reach a common agreed date. I guess this is giving me some stress because I need to push forward and prepare for my move. Not only me but my family as well. So I cannot help but escape all these pressures due also to my projects that I tend to just surf the Internet to relax. I am often afraid to reply to mails because of a fear in making a mistake. So my mind again loops with images of a former colleague who is now has a successful career in the new office. Again I am trying to find that trait that has made him successful so I can copy his success.

I have this idea that reading Updike will help me prepare for the new office but I think this is not necessarily successful. I have not received the offer yet and I am anxious that I will not be able to afford my new life. I guess I have this fear of earning less money than my former colleague and living a little above the poverty line with my family. My plan is to write a book so it could supplement my salary. Such a grand plan which I should have focused on the moment I moved here 7 years ago. Instead I focused on golf, reading about architecture and interior design, history, literature, Toastmaster and blogging. I will know soon know if all these preparations will help me in my new life.

I know I will be successful because of my long experience in my field. I just need to re frame it properly to fit the new circumstances. My only fear is that I have corrupted myself beyond repair, although trying to break free with a foolish innocence. In Asia, I have prided myself in being more Western than Eastern but I will be more Eastern than Western in my new job. I see more the Chinese perspective after all my reading and travels that I have turned 'native'. But that really is the root of the confusion and identify crises because I am Asian after all. Perhaps the Asian identity needs the sort of self-discovery that Barack Obama has undertaken in his book 'Memories of my Father'.

For the Philippine experience, I guess the voyage of identity began with Jose Rizal and his books. Often he is compared with Sun Yat Sen as the first Asians who have provided an articulate voice to the Asian struggle. The communist followed thru in China but somehow the road was lost in the Philippines. As for myself, the transfer to my new job has taken a life on it's own. It's like an inevitable fate moving forward with my conscious control. Like my wrist operation that proceeded despite my minds frequent mental loops, thinking it will never push through. I guess to key to success is to be yourself - down to earth and enjoy life.

At the airport at 7am

I am waiting for my flight which will be boarding soon. Last night my sister was at my home. She is here on business and will be departing tomorrow. I invited my cousin over for dinner. We had chili crabs, stingray, chicken, almond cake and chocolate Rocco cake. I had brandy before dinner and made me less sociable. I did not have enough time to talk to my guests because I was thinking about my trip. I was in a rush to complete many things before my departure.

I rushed to read my books so I can return them to the library, watched 2 DVD movies, went roller blading and swimming in the afternoon. In consequence, I was not able to go to mass because I went to the library to borrow my next set of books. So when my guests arrived I was a bit tired from all these rush of things. I realize that pressure and stress sometime come from your own self. It is this perceived idea that I keep on doing this things. Setting an imaginary goal to achieve by reading many books and watching movies and exercising. To keep me up to date.

In fact I was doing 2 things at the same time. Watching DVD movies while blogging and mind mapping. I did not provide quality time in watching the movies. Both were good movies and I did not have the proper attention. Instead it was divided to my other activities. Why did I borrow these films when I knew I would not be able to watch them with proper attention? I felt like being a glutton which is a sin in the old days. I just wanted to feel the achievement of having borrowed these notable films and being able to say I watched them even though from the periphery.

It's all internally set goals that prevent me on focusing on my true priorities. For example, my priority yesterday should have been with my sister who was here on a visit. I should have shown the proper respect and attention. To talk about how things where back home. But instead my mind was filled with many trivial thoughts and goals. This is really my problem. I seem to lose the correct perspective on things and insist on my own point of view. I should take my attention away from books and look at the real situation on hand.

In China, based on the article I read yesterday, students get elected in their school elections if they show self criticism. I think that is a good way to do self reflection. I guess blogging and talking about myself in this way helps to reflect about my problems. Self-criticism I think had it's roots in Mao's communist movement. I think it's the only way to manage a huge country by asking it's citizens to reflect on their personal flaws. To know thyself is the first step as mentioned by the Greeks and the Chinese 'Art of War'. I guess that is also the goal on why I write here. To better myself.