Another Trip Down Memory Lane

Last week I watched a documentary on Pearl Jam.  Afterwards, I logged into my laptop and started to read some of my blog entries starting from the time before I left Singapore. How time flies. I realized that my entries are dense, full of theories and analysis about the books I read, the things that happened to me and so on.  I searched the blog for my articles on William Gibson, appreciating that I wrote good stuff in a roundabout way, natural for a blog entry without much concise thought or editing. I also looked at my entries in the months before I left and found that I posted scanned pictures of my mind maps, manual drawings written down to make sense of my projects or to organize my thoughts. I realized that my past actions in the blog did indeed have some foresight, to record my thoughts in writing as well as my visual thinking, in preparation for a new life. It was in a similar vein when I looked at my video clips the night before, the photos I took, like it was to record events and people that I would no longer see, months before my move across the ocean.

Perhaps that is the writer’s mentality, to keep recording as one makes his way in life, to be an observer so that one will write their experience in novels. There is a book that I bought in Amazon about the writer’s mentality that subscribes to this characteristic. I still have to read it. I wonder why watching Pearl Jam triggered my trip down memory lane. Perhaps it was the old songs, heard in some offhand way, because I was never a fan of Pearl Jam, preferring the sublime work of U2, the best rock band in the planet. But that’s a different genre with the other being grunge – but it was the youthfulness of the band members, songs that evoke naiveté unlike the hard reality of U2’s songs, dripping of the Irish civil war, or apartheid in South Africa that touches one to the core. Grunge music seems to be self-indulgent like it was revolving around their own reality, not conscious of the problems around them. Nevertheless, I reserved some of their CDs that I hope to hear them next week when I get their CDs from the library.

Last night I bought pork shoulder from a Mexican shop. The pork still had its skin attached. This type of meat can never be bought from an American supermarket.

Keeping Up

We installed a storm door in the entrance to the back patio. My son helped me put it up. A sticker in the door claims that it will save 40% of electricity cost. Perhaps for that immediate area but not the total electric bill. It will filter the cold or heat by adding another layer to the back door which has a glass window. I still need to add a layer of insulation to the inside of the storm door because there’s a sliver of opening that will allow the outside temperature to seep in. This weekend I plan to install an overhead fan. My wife is not keen on this type of fan but it’s popular in the South.  During the summer, I plan to open the fan and the screen door to allow air to come in instead of lowering the temperature of the central unit. Hopefully this will save electricity in the summer. In winter, I plan to wrap a blanket around the water heater to reduce heating cost. I will also place a thin layer of bubble wrap in certain windows which some say would reduce about 15% of heating cost.

I am keeping up my responsibilities at home instead of just watching movies. I had spent too much time lost in thought and the early incident this week snapped me out of it. This weekend I will put in the bicycle hooks in the store room ceiling to save space. I wanted to do that for a long time. I bought the hooks last year but did not feel up to installing it.  I have confidence now after working on the door and brought out my tools like my electric drill which I had bought in Singapore. The store room needs more space after putting all sorts of stuff like my inflatable kayak and collapsible hammock. I still have not used the hammock or the kayak or the bicycle or the trampoline or the golf accessories that I bought. I am spending too much money in an imagined future lifestyle that has not yet come to pass. To keep up with my dreams, I plan to kayak this weekend in Lake Robinson. This activity will replace my weekend skating in the park which I stopped after breaking my wrist 2 years ago in Singapore.

I still plan to run in the weekends but never had the inclination yet. I know running is the answer to keep me healthy with my constant over eating. Running will not resolve all my health concerns but it’s a start. I think this exercise will trigger more sensible. I also planned to keep up with my studies on stock and option investing but I got tied up watching movies in the evening. Obviously the issue is in my use of time. I get distracted easily and tend to focus on other activities which are not my true goal. Going to the library is like an alcoholic going to a saloon. The library is a house of temptation for me where I cannot help but borrow books, CDs, DVDs or magazines that will sap my time during the weekends or evenings after work. Hence, I can be accused of not being serious. My priorities are warped and skewed towards self-indulgence and procrastination. But I am starting to realize that I should wake-up and focus especially since my kids are completing their college in a few years.

I need to get some ideas out to engage them especially if no work is found and, therefore, no income in the early years. Our town house is a starter home and not suitable for a family with young adults with their own cars and lifestyles. I am glad to have moved forward in my plans by attending writing and investing courses and keeping myself sharp by attending Toastmaster and keeping my PMP certification. It’s sharpening the saw ala Steven Covey. In the coming landscape I think the future is based on the Google vision of free application, search advertising and the like. The structural employment problems experienced in the country will become more apparent once all the stimulus and stop gap measures are exhausted. The Google vision is the future and will encompass innovation in the technology field. I now have this idea to get the Google certification for AdWords that will give me a step up and hopefully share with my family.

These future plans require action and careful plans with realistic objectives. Investing in foreclosure properties is also an attractive investment that keeps coming to mind. All these plans are afoot, which can easily get thrown off track with one mistake or unfortunate tragedy or ‘black swan’ event.  Being realistic means being awake in the moment and I am guilty of being one of those walking deluded – living in one’s own inner world. Missing cues that would have opened up different doorways. I now realize what it means to be mindful in the Buddhist sense. Mindfulness has a different meaning and not only in the meditative state. It’s being awake in the present moment and responding to subtle signals that one does not pick up from verbal noise but other means. I think I have missed much from the subtleties of life preferring to move in a perceived superiority but losing out on down to earth realities. One needs to be truly awake.

Life Examined

Last night I spent time in Face book looking at photos of my old friends as well as old relatives. Face book allows us to keep in touch and examine the life of other people as the years go by. My brother posted old black and white pictures of our uncles, aunties, grand fathers, grand mothers, cousins, friends, mom and dad. Old photos with the lush gardens of my youth filled with luxuriant foliage but are now long gone, bright young faces looking eagerly at the camera but now old, gray and cynical. The young bucks all seemed fresh and ready to conquer the world. Almost all are now dead and buried. Among those that still survived, their old faces betray regret or perhaps a fondness of those old days of youth.  It seemed that my mother is the only one who has not lost her innocence. Or perhaps its old age dulling the mind into a former freshness.

My friends or former acquaintances in collage or high school are older and fatter. I guess I would look the same when they see my current photos. The mind still keeps the image of one’s youth that outward appearances would deny. College days are so far away that one wonders what happened along the way. I made a mind map and a sort of Gantt chart of my ‘progress’ and activities in Singapore when I moved there roughly 8 years ago. I had forgotten or rather did not keep a diagram of my life since that transfer. It’s as if my life only begun 8 years ago in Singapore when I was 38 years of age. Of course a lot had happened prior to my move like getting married, raising kids, building a house, vacations at the beach, drinking with buddies after work and so on.

But life seems to have moved at a blur perhaps because I was always busy or my mind was always occupied. I had to travel 4 hours every day to and from work for almost 10 years. Leaving home in the wee hours of the morning, bring the wife and kids to their destinations, go to work, face the daily challenges (including a union strike at the factory) have some drinks before going home, arriving late in the evening at 11 pm after making the long journey back, eating dinner, going to sleep and repeating the same cycle for 10-12 years will blur anyone’s recollection. But also memories of good weekends; of reading good books, biking and swimming, watching movies and watching the kids grow up. There where times of reflection too with journal writing and studies at school for a post graduate degree and fun reunions.

My life really started when I was 31 years old working in a new company from the ashes of the old, crushed by debt and worker’s revolts. I had a chance to travel many times all over Asia where my physical journeys matched my mental journeys; ranging wide due to my book reading and movie watching. Frequent travels to China, Japan and Thailand opened my eyes to the world that I had only experienced in my mind. Meeting new people, facing new challenges and discovering new things increased my self reflections in journals. It was a way to keep sane in the rapidly changing environment as the company was boot strapped into the modern age; tied along the vessel of a world class multinational company. It was a new world with new ways of working using computers and software.

Singapore was a paradise although a challenge at first moving the whole family over, adjusting to the new life. Work was challenging and difficult but no more 4 hours of daily traveling, or worrying about water or electricity or thefts at home or in the bus. Public transportation was excellent so no need to maintain a car. It was a relative life of ease and I spent the next 8 years trying to regain a lost decade. In quick order due to more free time: golf, mind mapping, tai-chi, French, photography, tennis, museums, public libraries, investing, blogging, project management and Toastmasters. Also more travel to new places like Taiwan, Korea, Malaysia, France, India and Algeria. Met new people, learned new things and did a lot more. There was also a lot of exercises, swimming and biking and discovering the former British colony.

Still there were more stress, challenges, failures, growing old, company politics, learning new ways to cope with alternative tricks like meditation and Tai-chi and new ways of thinking like visual think. A lot of anxiety, fear and self-doubt as the company restructured and laid off people. Then at the age of 46 moving to the new world of America and an exciting new president proclaiming change. More free time and a slower pace of life, great libraries and extraordinary places to visit like California, Washington, DC, and the American South, new things to do and with a realization that finally one feels like coming home. I was lost and now I am found and perhaps with the amazing grace that God can bestow that one’s dream of being a writer can finally be accomplished. At this stage, one does not need to accumulate superficial skills and experiences but limit triviality and focus on the important tasks.

Summing Up

Last Saturday afternoon I attended a Toastmaster meeting in Bradell Heights. I was an evaluator. I also participated in table topics. The topic was to tell a story of being heart broken. Instead I told the story of my broken arm. The audience liked my story and laughed a few times. It felt good attending this meeting. A few days back, I presented my speech at our regular club meeting. I enjoyed attending these sessions. I had some thoughts recently that I should spend more time preparing for my departure. But after these meetings I felt glad that I attended. In fact these meeting let me forget my pressure and job stress and made me feel fresh. It allowed me to focus on my speech and the positive and enriching club experience where I get to meet people and relax.

So I realize that the Toastmaster experience is not only to develop public speaking ability but a way to beat stress and relax. I think it does provide a friendly but challenging experience. Looking back today I have done about 15 evaluations, 17 prepared speeches, participated in 4-5 speech contests, attended 2 club officer training and served as a club officer for 2 years. I am quite active and I also started a blog site for my club for about a year now. So my Toastmaster experience has been quite positive after having joined nearly 3 years ago. I think it has helped me be more sociable and improved my self expression. It has been a useful supplement to my blogging because both are forms of non-stressful public expression which also gets feedback for me to improve.

I think I have become a more confident and polished speaker. I hope to also improve my thinking skills. In fact speech evaluation and table topics helps develop critical thinking. I think this experience cannot be replicated in the office due to the fast pace of work, stress and emotions of your co-employees. I also tried to improve my visual thinking skills and I have practiced them quite a lot using mind-mapping and following the work of people like Dan Roam in his book. I will post some of my drawing or visual thoughts in this blog to help me recall what I have done here in my present job. As I prepare to move, I have spent some time reflecting my my stay here. Was it time well spent? Did I learn anything new or did I acquire new skills?

Singapore is like a laboratory, where there are a lot of free facilities that allow you to grow. Excellent libraries, community centers that promote learning experiences like Toastmaster, museums and free lectures about a lot of things. I cannot express enough it's libraries which use the Internet to increase it's service. I have borrowed many audio books, lectures from Stanford university, films, books and other such stuff that will expand your horizon. I think any intelligent person can develop himself under this environment at extremely low cost. Another example, is the car cooperative where one can rent a car for a few hours. So one can have a car at your disposal without incurring a huge cost to buy one.

Yesterday which was a Sunday, we went to Serangoon Gardens for lunch. I had mutton soup, chicken and beef satay, lime juice and Durian. We have been going out nearly every Sunday to eat in famous and cheap food centers, practice driving, bond as a family and have an entirely new experience before leaving the country. In a way, it's like summing up our years spent in this wonderful place. I hope that my sons would not burn their bridges and would still come back. As I am a citizen, I am inevitably linked to the country's destiny. At dusk yesterday, I walked in Ponggol park for an hour while listening to Kiran Desai's 'The Inheritance of Loss'. The park was beautiful in a way I did not notice before. The rain had stopped and the lamps where just turning on. After walking a few rounds around the lake, I sat on the bench and looked across the waters. It was a perfect Singapore weekend.