Descending to the Norm

I went to the gym yesterday, exercising on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes, swimming for 15 minutes, lounging on the hot tub for 5 minutes and spending about 7 minutes in the steam room. I spent almost an hour at the sports club, arriving home near 8pm for dinner, eating too much, of spicy meat,  bell peppers and rice, watching an indie movie ‘Safety Not Guaranteed’ and falling asleep in the couch. I wanted to attend online courses at Coursera and read but I was too tired, drifting to sleep in the living room and, finally, going up to bed at 11:30 pm. It is the same routine of a colleague of mine who also works out at the gym, eating dinner, watching television, falling asleep in the couch and struggling to bed near midnight. I woke up early the next morning, rising at about 5 am, going downstairs and reading a book ‘Organize your Mind, Organize your Life’, paying my insurance bills online and writing a check to my brother. I left home for work at about 7:30 am, at my desk by 8 am, drinking coffee and catching up on work, returning a call to a colleague and attending a meeting which I had organized with participants from Mexico, India and the United States. Later today, I would attend another meeting in the afternoon, leave the office at about 5:30 pm and travel home where the whole routine would repeat itself.

Thus one descends into the usual middle class existence of eating too much; couch surfing, sleeping late and going back to work the next day. But I want to be more productive, to do tasks like writing and exploring business ventures in the Internet, but the pattern keeps repeating itself. I am also preparing to visit the Philippines, where  work is expected of me although I get to see my family and friends, especially my mom and dad, who is recovering from a stroke. It now seems that life is at a standstill until I depart for Asia where one will see the twilight of one’s parents, whose example I follow as a father, retracing all those steps in the past where all seemed sunny and carefree. There will be an accounting in all aspects: medical bills, the folly of one’s siblings, taking care of the elderly, living with dementia, disposing of real estate properties, reconciling with relatives and friends. It is like reestablishing roots in the face of family illness and decline. In the meantime, the struggle continues, barreling through the workload and challenges at the office, trying to keep healthy, sane and the dream of a better life but silently receding in the distance, when illness or tragedy can strike while one is unaware until life takes another path and the dreams fade away as a new reality takes over.

Otherwise, one delves into a trivial life: struggling to lose weight but gaining more pounds, losing interest in going to the gym, eating more and descending into sloth and slumber until the weeks go by, then the years and, finally the decades of one’s life. The plan is simple: eat less, drink tea, and be active after office, keep working on a dream that would lift you out of the rat race. I am reading a book called ‘Scarcity’ where one’s cognitive bandwidth is consumed by all the demands of media, attention to details and the onslaught of work. There is no mental capacity left for other things, so one just descends into triviality until mediocrity is the norm. Perhaps one just needs to throw it all away, to start fresh; one is tired of going through the same illusions of consuming media. A clean break is needed in order to rise above the deadening mediocrity.  But it is also a battle against age, cognitive decline, mental churning, the monkey mind, envy, anger and so on. This morning I read an article in CNN about people living beyond 100 years. The secret seems to be an optimistic attitude, an active life, eating in moderation and being engaged. There is hope yet and considering one life span, another 30 to 50 years is still possible if one is lucky and careful.

Project in Trouble

One just came from a meeting where the business project leader said the project may be in trouble if it does not go live soon. Despite the fact that we are so close to going live. Sometimes one feels all the pressure is in one’s shoulders. But the issue is not in the computer system but in other areas that have increased in costs. For instance, additional cost in the print media and the new plastic envelopes needed for the reports. Previously these costs were shouldered by the contractor. Now it’s going to be paid by us. Clearly these are not issues on the information system side but more in the business planning and estimating because these are not areas related to the software. But one cannot help but feel troubled because one is the new guy around. There is always a feeling that one does not belong yet.

Increasing one’s paranoia is the vicious comments and feedback one reads in a CNN article on Japan tragedy. The writer wrote a beautiful and inspiring piece on the calmness and civility of the Japanese people in the face of multiple disasters. The comments started to be racist with all sorts of discussions on sources of power, nations, and race and so on. One can go crazy listening to the vitriol that comes out of people. One is not surprised at the anger and back biting that one hears in the politics of this country. In fact, one can become paranoid as these words can come out of anyone. Perhaps someone who works with you or sits beside you and whom one would think does not have thoughts of bigotry and hatred. The surrounding environment is enough to make you tense.

http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/16/restoring-japan-confidence-and-its-peoples-big-dreams/

Problems at work and other experiences are a microcosm of the society at large. Reading about this heated exchange makes one wonder that the whole point of the tragedy is missed. Instead it becomes a useless debate on war crimes, racial prejudice and other historic episodes. One guesses that this is what democracy is all about. The freedom to spew garbage out of one’s mouth like saying things like the project is in trouble even if there’s no serious basis on saying these thing. I guess one should find out the context of his words. Perhaps he is saying that more testing is needed. One came out of the meeting thinking that one should shut down the project. If the context is that more testing is needed, then that would provide a better understanding of the situation. Hence, it’s more of concern that the project will fail if started early without adequate testing.

But one does not understand what is needed. The business leader should provide guidance if this option is taken. Suddenly one sees that everyone is actually protecting their ass. No one really cares except me; that‘s an old accusation one got long ago. Being a sentimental and naïve fool. I guess that was why the boss man did not like about me despite one’s good nature, modesty aside.  The person with the hero mentality. There is no place for someone with that sensibility in a cut-throat materialistic society. Perhaps the good honorable people left are the Japanese who suffer with dignity and civility despite the hardships they endure. I guess that’s the secret alluded to by Hemingway – to live with grace under pressure; living life stoically despite the inhumanity of it all.

Perhaps that’s a lesson to everyone. The tragedy forces us to live with calmness, dignity and civility despite the odds against you. Being in a troubled project is not the end of the world. One should move on and persevere despite the many challenges. Hence, accepting the torrent of stupid words from other folks is the normal challenge in a democracy. One should not lose one’s head and keep calm. This is a lesson that one never learns; often becoming reactive and shooting from the hip. It’s the Latin hot bloodedness that one inherits from the Spanish. Transcending this urge is also like getting out of the usual groove or mental habits.

The existing Japan tragedy makes one think of Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’. ‘The Road’ is a terrifying view of how a society can go to hell with every man for himself. Seeing the tragedies such as the New Orleans flooding bring out the inhumanity of man. But it does not have to end this way. The Japanese attitude and manners is the noblest solution to any tragedy.  One cannot imagine a father and his son walking in a wasteland, trying to survive and get out of the way of bad people who like to eat you. It was a dismal story that seemed to end in a good note as the orphaned child was rescued by the good guys. The father was right and mother’s useless death was a waste. She did not have faith on her fellow man. Reading the vitriolic comments from the CNN article and the careless words of the business project leader is enough to lose one’s faith. But the Japanese provide an inspiration to a world gone mad.

Secret Sessions

It’s all about what you know these days. The way things are done on the remote sites, procedures to install, technical terms to use, people to speak to and so on. It’s the main challenge in the information age. There is too much information to understand, assess and internalize. All too often it is the influx of so much data that the brain shuts down. So one goes about trying artificial means to keep up with the pace such as indulging in too much food, drink and movies. Or one resorts to escape, looking for all sorts of distraction and drink to chill out and give the mind a momentary relief.


Probably this rush for information is the main cause of stress in today’s age. Yes that is the main culprit, to keep watching CNN, MSNBC, Fox Televisions; to know about the political news, the stock market, and investor news so one is up to date in conversation with your office folks. Or likely to know where to put your money, in the right area and keep updated in recent trends or otherwise some important news (like Lehman Brothers closing) will suddenly leave you penniless. So the constant drive to be informed and be able to react accordingly to any new information.


Conversely, your office mates schedule ‘secret sessions’ which keep the majority of the department clueless on what is going on. It is a way to keep failures hidden or any insecurities or doubts away from the criticizing masses. Otherwise, the ultimate fate is being the butt of jokes by the local David Letterman or Conan O’ Brian or Jay Leno on your perceived shortcomings. Watching your failures dissected in television is the worst fate that can befall politicians today. So the ‘secret session’ continues under cover of expediency and efficiency but really knowledge is kept within the cabal.

Sometimes one does penetrate the secrecy and get to participate in the sessions. But it is guarded like being under probation while your bona fides are checked and your character examined. This is how office cliques and cabals begin, where corporate knowledge is kept hidden and not managed. So one tries to get his information fix from the mainstream press; watching television shows like CNN to keep him in the know. Oftentimes it is the cabal that loses touch, assured in their own inbred reasoning. So those not part of the inner clique gets stressed out , trying to learn more and out smart the cabal and out flank the ‘secret sessions.’