Back to Golf

Last night I attended a Focus Group meeting at IBM. It was a PMI sponsored meeting where I get to earn 2 PDUs. It was a good session where we were divided into groups and reported on a case study of a yacht race in Australia. I like to attend meetings like these because it's a wise and good use of time to develop oneself. It is similar to the Toastmaster's experience where one does not need to spend much to learn new skills. I enjoy these meetings although sometimes I feel lazy to attend. But if it were not for these events I would be insular, drinking and having fun instead of focusing on self-improvement. I wish I discovered these events earlier in my life here in Singapore.

During the PMI session, I received an SMS message from a golf buddy inviting me to join their game on Sunday. I said yes although I haven't played for nearly a year. So this morning I went to the driving range and hit about 150 balls. I have not lost the touch although I still have some bad habits I think. I want to enroll for a 8 lesson course with a golf pro to raise me to the next level. I enjoyed my morning at the driving range, leaving the house at about 6:30 am. No one was around and I enjoyed hitting the balls alone. It was quite some time since my last practice at the Bishan golf range. In my last few golf outings, I preferred to play at Mandai because it has a 9-hole course where I could enjoy a game.

While I was hitting the balls, I had a chance to think about the recent work at the office. All the changes and the challenges have occupied my mind and prevented me from enjoying golf. In the early days of my transfer here, I often forced myself to play golf to remove my mind from focusing on work. These thoughts often stressed me even at home and I took to drink and watching movies to divert my self. So I actively pursued golf for it's enjoyment and also to combat my stress at work. I think I succeeded and I educated myself on the game. But now I reached a point where my handicap is much to high despite playing on and off for about 5 years. So I have decided to learn from a golf pro to polish my game and give me a certain amount of respect as my friend always beat me in the game.

I am also thinking of studying sailing. It will be a new adventure and I hope to be certified before I transfer to my new overseas assignment. The economy is not looking good in the coming months and sometimes I wonder if it's wise to continue to spend on things like guitar lessons or golf or sailing. I think it is an investment and a necessity to maintain my edge and keep me relevant. Otherwise, I don't think I will be able to cope with the new challenges the come at me at work. The mind and one's attitude is the only weapon one can wield in this era of globalization and outsourcing. It will drive you to learn new skills and stay relevant.

I am already having dreams about my new life. I feel strongly that it will push through unlike my previous feelings on the possible transfer to China. I had the same feeling but it was not as concrete and centered like my feelings on the new overseas assignment. Maybe it's because the first was shrouded in the shadows where one had to rely on rumours and chance remarks from the bosses. Now the news has come from people at a higher level and I had a chance to meet them by phone. So the feeling and prospects are more solid. I thank God because I feel that I am deteriorating in my work these past months and it's only by my initiative and curiosity that I keep myself interested and relevant.

Working at Home

I am reading my emails and working on a few things for work. I am using a new laptop issued to me and much better because the wireless connection works at home unlike my last one. Initially I felt that I needed to do some backup in my old laptop which I already did but felt that I needed to check each one directory and file. I am a pack rat and I still keep some old newspapers which I promised myself to read. But yesterday I threw out the box of old papers and I had a liberating feeling like when I turned over my old laptop. Life is to short to keep planning these little things for the future like reading old newspapers. Now I get everything in video and audio direct from the Internet.

Although I am on leave this week, I still need to continue working because there is a load of things to do and the year is coming to a close. I get a chance to plan better and I get to work on my own leisure pace. Yesterday morning I went roller-blading in the park and in the early evening I went swimming. Later I plan to go to the park, go to the library and attend a PMI meeting tonight. But I also need to do some work during the day. I have made some decisions to improve my daily schedule. I have been late these past many months at work which I attribute to my early morning exercises at the park. I also spend this time listening to my audio books which contribute to my lateness.

So I decided to stop my early morning walks at the park and instead switch them to the evening after dinner. So I get to work out my dinner so I can digest the food better and continue listening to the audio book. I think it will decrease my tardiness at work. I also will focus on work first thing in the morning while my mind is fresh and later do my Internet surfing and blogging in the afternoon. Bu I won't stop my morning exercise altogether as I plan to do them at least once for my roller blading. I moved my roller blading in weekdays instead of Saturday morning so I can focus on Saturdays for my writing. I started this schedule last week but could not focus on writing and instead procrastinated by surfing the Internet.

But I think I am past that because I have had my fill of what is out there. I am amazed that I could get high quality analysis in audio and video about the economy, politics, art, literature and culture so easily. So I don't need to hog my old copies of Financial Times, Economist and International Herald Tribune. Hence, I could throw out these printed papers and focus on the audio and video versions. I get to learn and absorb more but I found that I absorb better by reading instead of listening. But listening and absorbing via this medium is in fact another skill that I need to develop. It's a much faster and complete medium because it uses more senses particularly sound and sight, especially the videos.

I am completing Kipling's short stories and they're wonderful. It's very varied with stories of 2 British adventures in Central Asia, adventures of a colonel's 6 year old son in India, a match of polo in India with the ponies speaking to each other, 2 drummer's dying in a skirmish with Afghans and a story about World War I. But it's his India stories that catch the attention. While working I listen to the tape of contemporary Indian music which I bought in New Delhi. It's a good learning experience to be able to immerse yourself completely in the sights and sounds of a place and learn more about it. India was such a incredible experience for both the British and Indians.

November is Nanowrimo month where a lot of new novelist-to-be attempt to churn 50,000 pages in a month. I think that I will join in the enthusiasm of the event. My plan is to help craft the structure, plot and characters before hand. Once November begins, I will start writing out the first draft of the novel. I think Nanowrimo is a good idea and a lot of resources in the website are useful to would be novelist like me. I think at this point in time, I have diagnosed my shortcomings and areas where improvement is needed. Problem is my procrastination and my load of books and other activities to do. At least I hope to have a first draft of the novel by year end if I go forward with this schedule.

On Leave after Depavalee

I am on leave this week. Last Monday was Diwali holiday as they say in India. I took the family to a restaurant in Little India last Saturday. We ordered mutton masala, butter chicken, dhal makhanee and mix bread-naan, chapati,etc. I think they enjoyed it except my wife who thought the food was too spicy. We talked a bit about the transfer and I think my eldest son is not too keen. I think that it will eventually turn out right for everyone. I have a lot of stereotype image of high schools overseas filled with gun-toting black youths, gang fights in the school hall ways and yards. Not helped with the news on violence in the papers. I watched Micheal Moore's 'Bowling for Columbine' which is actually a scary documentary.

I wrote a mail yesterday asking about the schooling situation but got no reply yet. I know that the transfer is on and discussed in the relevant high levels. But not much information filters down to me. Response to my mail is also not fast. But I feel that the vast machinery of the company is moving forward and nothing will turn it back. So it's a done deal as my old boss would say and remarked that all will turn out right. Last night I have had dreams of working there overseas in that land of abundance. It's a whole different world and I feel that the feeling of insecurity and anxiety will be swept away once you live there. I can't help feeling that it's like coming to a home that is beyond your dreams.

A new life in full reality! I think the kids will like it once they settle in and I think it will take about 2-3 years. I can't help but feel that all will turn out well and I have been preparing myself for this opportunity all my life. It's like the confusion and restlessness of youth will now be swept away into a period of grace and empowerment. I guess it will not be a bed of roses but I think the way of life will be such as a normal boring pattern. I think my short sojourn here will have allowed me to complete my youthful yearnings. I hope to have solidified a few skills here such as public speaking, writing as a novelist (at least completing the basics), golfing, reading books and watching foreign movies.

It's a big world out there and I think I will miss the pettiness and trifling arguments that come from living in a small country. Even though I am on holiday leave, I read my mail and can't help but continue work and respond to some events that are really trivial. I am starting to get bored. Yesterday we were trying to resolve an issue in Thailand with help from the head office in Europe. It's such a trivial issue but that needs to be solved that I am continuing the technical work this morning. Last night I also attended a Toastmaster's meeting and, afterwards, our supplier from India called about another unsolved issue. So two issues yesterday that I hope to solve soon while on leave!

I am reading another of Kipling's book 'The Man Who Would Be King and other Stories.' A really great writer but someone I could not appreciate at my age maybe at a younger time but nevertheless a good book. I tried to borrow an old film of Errol Flynn on 'Kim' but could not find it in the Esplanade when I went last Sunday. So I reserved it yesterday on the internet. I also went to the art exhibit on Monday during the holiday. Not to bad exhibits with a few worthy ones. A good time spent to prepare for the meeting yesterday morning which I again attended. I have another meeting this afternoon with IBM where I will call in from home. What a life!

UnPrepared Novelist

I realized that I am an ill prepared novelist. Naive is the better word, thinking that I would be an accomplished writer by just reading books and writing in my journal. Last weekend I discovered a treasure trove of web sites on writing and realized how much I have missed. I have been busy 'reading' and getting on with my life that I seriously did not prepare myself for the writing vocation. Now I am discovering that there are a lot more things to learn about writing than just reading and writing. What a joke!

It started with the mind mapping blog entry on using mind maps to help structure a novel. It was a good suggestion which I have been doing in my attempts at a novel. But clearly it's not enough. It's a great tool but like a hammer, one should have the basic carpentry skills plus the knowledge of building a chair or a house which will make the use of the hammer worthwhile, productive and efficient. I know how to use mind maps and other tools like new novelist but not enough. I guess these tools help in the planning and organizing phase. Not really in the writing phase but in the significant area of plotting and characterization and other such techniques.

So I discovered this whole new world of writing techniques which I had not placed much attention to. I am now devouring books on writing, reading writer's blogs and even think about joining a writing course. I never realize how stupid and naive I have been. Of course, I have been busy with my life, doing projects, travelling and exploring the world. I guess this is the time where I have started to seriously look into the writer's vocation than anytime in the past. My past strategy on writing a book has been to 'wing it' plus a prayer or two plus a feeling of being lucky, that I will be blessed by some divine muse to help me complete my tasks. How wrong have I been!

But I am still driven and pursuing this quest and still continue my reading and meager writing and discovering all these new techniques has actually allowed me to realize my mistakes and identify the areas where I could improve. I guess it has allowed me to grow more and during the time where I actually need it. Reading the blogs and looking at the Nanowrimo site and viewing the videos have also been helpful by being with kindred spirits. The mass of would be writers struggling to complete a novel and be a writer. I realized that I am not alone which I knew but these discovery has allowed me to put a face and a voice and understand the reality of writing.

Last night I watched the video of 'The Last Lecture.' It's very inspiring and motivating. I would like to see the other videos on 'Time Management'. The message is clear and one should not waste time. The professor is only a few years older than me and I realize how much he has achieved. I looked at my work and realized that I have not planned and organized my novel at all. It's a mess and the reading I have had these days have motivated me and I think to the proper direction.

Conversation with Oneself

I am nearing the end of the audio book 'Kim'. I consider it one of the best books that I have read despite the racial tint due to imperialism. But that's also it's charm as it speaks of a past age long gone. I know that it's a love of books that drives me to be a writer. Also the love of writing and expression. But it's the organized process of a novelist that I lack. In fact it is something like an organized procedure that manages the creative process. It's this part where I should educate myself and gain the skill. Indeed, I lack the mental clarity and inherent organization needed so I need more external tools and methodology to succeed.

I am reading David Morell's book on being a successful novelist. I like the idea of writing by having a conversation with oneself. I am doing that already with my journal or blog but need to apply the same principle to writing a novel. According to him, having a conversation to oneself is where one can draw out the details of the plot, characterization, theme and other such details that need to be threshed out for a novel. Hence, the act of writing a novel does not necessarily translate into the writing of the novel itself.

So 'writing' a novel calls for the act of drawing out the story from oneself, to discuss with oneself the possible story and characters. This way one has the actual details already written out. This is the first phase where 'writing' can begin until the book had formed in one's mind and in the pages of the so-called 'conversation' notes. This is where tools like New Novelist come into hand. The tool allows the writer to record these notes or conversation into a form that can be referenced when the actual work begins. In fact, it can begin as well by dictating although it is silly talking to oneself so one needs to get used to it.

In fact, the creative act of writing entails this 'conversation with oneself' where the book start to take shape before the actual writing of the novel begins. I have been trying to combine both activities at once wherein the 'conversation with oneself' is done in the mind and once done, writing can begin. So the conversation with oneself should be a writing activity as well. Or a dictation. The goal is to bring out the story from oneself instead of leaving it within the mind with the constant churning of thoughts. So there is the different breakup of activities with their own specific purposes.

This is the organized structure of the creative writing process, where the writer attempts to 'write' down the structure, story, characters of the novel without beginning with the actual writing of it. Of course, different writers work differently and great writers perhaps like Hemingway can begin straight off. But I do not have such talent and I need to proceed within an organized structure using tools like New Novelist to help me create the novel. I did not realize the full significance of this tool until I started to learn more about the act of writing.

So this is the realization for me and I now have a better idea of the skills that I need to acquire to be a writer. I think the process of drawing out the story or having a written 'conversation with oneself' are all an act of expression without the actual writing of the book. I think the insight is that I am already doing this act by journal writing or blogging and that I should apply it to the act of writing a novel. Perhaps my experiences at Toastmasters have helped psychologically as it has also drawn me out of myself via public speaking. It has helped me express myself and given me confidence in expresing my ideas and thoughts.

So my love of books have given me the appreciation of the finished product. Real examples of plot, characters and story and the beauty of the written word. It is the enjoyment of the story and the learning of new things, to see new worlds and to broaden one's horizon. I guess the act of reading or writing helps develop a facility to be a writer and moving forward this goal requires the understanding of the steps I just mentioned. I guess books also drives oneself to experience the world, like grasping the existence read in books and as a fodder for the future novelist in his novels. The danger is falling into a life of indulgence which is well explained in 'Kim' by the old llama when speaking about life in general.

Thinking of the transfer

Yesterday evening I meet with my fellow officers of our speaking club over dinner. I mentioned casually that I may be transferred out next year. We started to talk about some ways to help my sons move out considering their obligations at school. It was a good meeting and we had an interesting discussion on how to improve the club. I like this type of sessions where we could discuss and talk over good food in a relaxed atmosphere. In the past, the discussions where almost always fuelled by alcohol. Last night was more relaxed where everyone was just talking freely. We talked about the financial crisis, those affected here, possible impact on local banks and, finally the fortunes of our club.

I proposed some ideas like sending out a newsletter every month and having group evaluations instead of indvidual evaluation. I like it that I could implement my ideas in the club. In fact I set up a blog site for the club last year to have a presence on the internet. Now sending a newsletter, with the blogsite as the base, will be another interesting project. These small projects allow me to exercise my skills in a different environment. I wish I had joined this club much earlier. I especially like the social networking and the fact that I could visit many clubs and meet a lot of people. It's also a challenge to learn and solve club problems. We have a problem right now in increasing membership. So these projects are planned to improve our recruitment.

Yesterday afternoon I chatted with my old boss. He has helped me get my new posting overseas. He is at our European head office and we chatted online. He enquired about the status and I sent him the mail I had sent to the overseas team after our meeting last week. He told me to wait for their response. He seems to be confident about my prospects and said that I will be OK. He emphasized that I focus on the family and not on the money. It's more the long term benefit. I agreed with him and if this deal will push through it will be good for my family as well as my future. I can't help feeling like Kim in Kipling's book where powerful benefactors are working to further your future.

I can't help feeling that transferring to my new overseas assignment seems to be so easy. I am always wary of the easy job. I always think there is something out there to ambush me. But I guess that it may be a character flaw in my part, for instance pride or recklessness or vice that could derail any project and not an external enemy. I guess for this case, it may be more my kid's circumstances and their move to a new school that will be the key challenge. So I should strive to work towards overcoming obstacles in this path. I am glad that I was given this opportunity and I pray that all will go well. I think I have prepared myself well and that I did not waste my time.

Reading Kipling's Kim is an eye or ear opener. It is only when one reads the great books that one sees the world anew again. I now realize that Kipling is the father of John le Carre and other novelist like John Buchan or even Eric Ambler. It's not in the pop agent mold of Ian Fleming. But Kipling is more than that and his books is not also about spying and 'the great game' but also about life in general. It seems like the voice of India is well represented here; the English sahib, the mystical llama, the Hindu Babu, the Afghan Pathan trader, the ruffians in the markets, the wandering sadhus and all those amazing aspects that make up the great continent of India. It's really a joy to listen to this book.

Reading Kipling's Kim

I recently borrowed an audio book on 'Kim'. It's an incredible book by a great writer who is able to capture the sights and sounds of India. Of course, he writes like an imperialist and some sections have some troubling comments on 'orientals'. But all in all it's a great book that captures a time in India that may no longer exists. I am glad to have read this book now after spending time in India myself, reading Indian novels and histories and watching Indian movies and eating Indian food. I think I would not be able to visualize Kipling's work without having this background.

I am borrowing also his other books like 'The Man Who Would be King.' No doubt he is a great writer and seems to herald a time and gestalt in the past like Mark Twain. I hope to borrow the movies on his books from the Esplanade. 'Kim' is a great book because it also speaks about the great game and the espionage network in India and Central Asia. It is a romantic book with images of adventure in far off and mysterious places. I borrowed this book after it was referred to in John Keegan's 'Intelligence in War,' another audio book I borrowed recently.

Kipling is the sort of author that people like Winston Churchill would read. I think it would be the sort of book that American neo-rightist would be reading prior to their intervention in the middle east. It supports that sort of thinking which stipulates a sort of western superiority and the righteousness of their cause. I don't think it was Kipling's intent to express these view but more of expressing the views and feelings of his age. It was also an expression of people of his class. A romantic class where I could see traces of in New Delhi, the railroads, Bombay (where Kipling was born) and the English architecture everywhere from the Gateway of India, train station, Raj Path and so on.

I thought I have lost my interest in India after the memories of my last trip about 2 years ago fades away. I have been feeding these memories by reading and watching movies on India but admit that I am getting tired. But Kipling's 'Kim' has magically brought me back into the bustle of India recalling my trips in New Delhi, Rajastan and Mumbai where I had loved to walk with the crowds, getting lost in the romance of the place. The book has triggered those memories again and I hope to borrow again some classics like the last film of Apu Trilogy by Sanyajit Ray. I think I will also borrow books like 'Far Eastern Tales' by Somerset Maugham. It's like I want to bask in the glow of the old British empire in the East in case I will leave the place soon.

I am also reading David Morell's 'The Successful Novelist'. It's good book and as I mentioned, it's only now in my present maturity that I am able to read books like these which I disdained in the past. I guess I deluded myself into thinking I am another Hemingway. I like his Morell's words in that writers will just write - it's an urge that cannot be suppressed. I guess for my part, my expression of writing is my journals and now my blog. I guess I have the urge but NOT in the appropriate avenue to be a novelist. So it's this challenge to move towards being a novelist where an entirely different set of skills need to be developed.