Writing Life

Down the Wire

2012-02-02T09:47:00.001+08:00

The plan is to leave for Canada next week, to roll out the program in the Hamilton warehouse, with testing completed for most of the components except for the major piece, awaiting word from the supplier that all has been installed, but unfortunately in the dark about the situation. It’s like a game of ‘chicken’, who will blink first and swerve away from the collision, a test of bravery, all the chips in the partner and the only recourse is to wait. I visited the doctor this morning, initially an appointment for blood tests but postponed since I did not meet a prior condition, to stop taking medication and see if any change in my blood pressure, instead asking a prescription for colds and cough, unable to shake the virus for nearly a week, trying to beat the illness by inhaling steam but the sickness beating me instead. It’s down the wire again with 4 days left before departure, feeling sick and pressured, but willing to go along, confident that things are all right, having faith in one another’s competence is the key to less stress.

I just completed a noon meeting with the officers of our local club, the meeting seemed to go on well, but afterwards an email sent to all officeholders about a nasty situation involving money and donations, a sad thing to see, airing out dirty laundry to the public; one does not need this trivial problem. It’s the way of the West perhaps, to talk and air out grievances; it’s the democratic way unlike in the East where people tend to follow authority, unwilling to challenge conventions and follow the trend; but it’s really all talk, too much noise in the air. Last night despite my tired condition, I went and attended a lecture about the Southern writer Ben Robinson, the seminar room filled with old people, listening to a young and pretty lecturer reading her notes at the podium, showing slides in the wall about the young writer who died in a plane crash near Lisbon in the height of World War II. It was an interesting talk, learning about Southern culture, the Piedmont Upstate and the Low Countries, the rivalries and the prejudices, the old folks reminiscing of an earlier age long gone, still think about the civil war or the War Between the States.

Nowadays, one cannot wait to go home and watch ‘The West Wing’, a well-made drama modeled after the Clinton Presidency, a television series on its way to greatness but disgustingly made irrelevant due to the travails of its real life hero, caught in a sex scandal and nearly impeached, the image of Camelot forever lost, giving way to the arrogance of the next administration and recently to the election of a charismatic but inexperienced leader. It could have been a good and rare time, but man’s flaws always there to bring him down, perhaps the present one is hubris while the older one was sexual addiction, masked awkwardly by some psychological disease, one must not challenge the gods or will be struck down. Again one has borrowed too much materials in the library, one is really not a writer just a dilettante, trying to keep up with the latest fad, unable to focus, always absorbed in books. Perhaps that is the best temperament for one, to be a teacher or scholar, away from the turmoil of life. Next week will be interesting if all the pieces come together.

Surviving the Cold

2012-01-31T07:46:00.002+08:00

The weekend was terrible, I could not stop sniffing and coughing, victim of a cold, inhaling steam and camphor but to no avail, likely resulting in a worse shape. Initially I thought it was fatigue, a general tiredness, no fever, just tiredness which I had tried to resolve by drinking Red Bull; experiencing a surge of energy but lost the next day with the same general malaise. The plan is to be in Canada next week, increasing the pressure to get well, maybe the condition is stress related, with many demands on my time by multiple projects, but one soldiers along, testing the software and writing emails. Sunday was spent in bed, sleeping in the morning and afternoon, regaining a brief respite but still the runny noise the terrible cough, inhaling more steam and camphor but to no avail, rushing to complete the book ‘Game Change, that one gets to bed at midnight, again the sleep deficit, likely handicapping my recovery. One thinks that it started in Maryland, with the bad air in the room, perhaps catching a virus that came to fruit a week later, the stress and pressure aiding in the breakdown.

Foolishly I still planned to swim last weekend, thinking that exercise will help, always the optimist, like some idiot who thinks more exercise will fix any disease, aided of course by Red Bull like a commercial drug sold to keep the rat race churning forever in its own mirage. Last week I had rushed through the first season of ‘West Wing’, enjoying the ensemble acting, relevant in the Republican primary season where the candidates are bashing themselves, reading the book ‘Game Change’ at the same time, unable to stop like a true political junkie, causing the heart to palpitate, further straining the mind. Sunday was a welcome break, sleeping in bed, unable to go to church, reading the book, sleeping, eating, reading and watching a movie. There is a mess of mail and paper in the hall way, unable to clear the stack, preferring to read each correspondence like some fool, afraid that one would lose some important information, keeping the stacks of paper until one can find time in some future task free weekend.

The political season has got one excited, it’s election year after all, possibly the greatest election on earth, feeding the frenzy by watching political shows and reading political books, looking at websites like Economist, Financial Times, NPR and New York Times for the latest fix, to find out if one has missed some interesting bit, some information that would affect the economy, the stock market and all the rest of the financial world where one has invested in 401 Ks or IRA and all sorts of sophisticated instruments. Being updated with all the news is like a race to the bottom, like trying to catch a whirlwind, so one tries to change his mind, to play more Play station games, where one is engaged in some interactive activity, to start teaching kids as part of social outreach, to play tennis - basically to change one’s usual rut into a more creative mind set, being in the flow, a search for some sort of game changer that will make this possible. Perhaps that is the reason for one’s tiredness, not some physical ailment but a psychic weariness, an existential realization that one’s life needs to change, not driven by some urge to succeed in society as seen in Hollywood movies but some internal fix that’s more spiritual in nature.

Mental Whirlwind

2012-01-29T09:55:00.000+08:00

A couple of projects are waiting for takeoff, almost simultaneously in the runway, looking for the resources who will kick start the mission forward, oftentimes the same pilot driving many planes at the same time. For example, preparation for deployment in Canada, with a new system that needs to interface with my program, a different set of challenges, especially in testing; a significant milestone where all eyes is looking. At the same time, another project involving the biggest retailer in the world, another sensitive assignment with all judges focused on the team, raising blood pressure and stress levels. Unfortunately, I find myself at the center of the game, moving forward to prevent stasis, pushing issues to other parties to resolve, always in motion, feeling like a juggler with too many balls in the air, walking a tightrope like a fool, willing to risk a mistake without a safety net, strangely hoping that management will step in and save you from your recklessness. The weather is not cooperating too, winter cold and rain making the mood dreary, feeling sick but still one pushes forward perhaps waiting for a collapse to end it all.

So one mind maps the situation, hoping to get clarity from visual tools, releasing the mind from confusion via drawings that make sense to the turmoil of thoughts, achieving some sort of clearness, realizing that it’s all about appearances, of playing a role and hiding a frantic mind, thinking that all will turn out well in the long run. The projects are a step up for me, meeting a new set of people and challenges, like a bar has been raised, working at a different level with people with a higher skill level than one usually works with, like being in the big leagues. It is a test - one thinks, a test of endurance and skill, a test of preparedness, a test to see if one can work in the big leagues, and one rushes along like ‘Sea Biscuit’ the legendary horse who sprints right out the gate, spectators wondering if he has the legs for the long run, still rushing forward, muscles rippling and hearts nearly bursting, running like it was a sprint, but the race really a marathon. Can one survive the grueling pace, is this an intentional tryout, to learn the limits of one’s endurance, one’s breaking point?

Fortunately, one thinks he is smart, an experienced multi-tasker, willing to juggle tasks with the aid of mind mapping and the relevant experience to handle the tension; grace under pressure, exercise, tai chi and meditation via journaling, perhaps the key to keeping one’s sanity. Rudyard Kipling’s poem - an inspiration, to keep one’s head when all others are losing theirs, going home tired, perhaps slightly fatigue, drinking Red Bull or other such energy drinks, watching ‘The West Wing’ to understand the working of the White House and a team of extremely talented and passionate people, similar but to a lesser degree like the project team. Is this enough to survive, to be successful at work with conflicting or even overwhelming challenges, it’s all in the mind, working with other people to get the work done. Yesterday, one finds out that the powers that be disapproved a project member’s travel to Canada, the feeling of indignation sweeping over one, wondering if cost savings is really the reason, the team being broken into two, wondering if a different model of deployment can be used, using an outsourced company, but one soldiers along, accepting the new rules of the game.

Maryland

2012-01-22T10:42:00.000+08:00

I just got back from Elkton, a small town in northern Maryland, close to the border of Pennsylvania, arriving by plane via the Philadelphia international airport, driving for 45 minutes in a rental car along the Delaware River, glimpsing New Jersey across the water, passing by the University of Delaware and finally arriving in Maryland, crossing 2 states before arriving at the Comfort Inn in Elkton, an old motel with a quaint 70’s interior, beside a truck depot, a gas station and a Denny’s diner. Across the street is a liquor shop where the motel’s main guests - truck drivers, can buy liquor for their night’s stay, at least for those who prefer to sleep in a room instead of their truck cab, before driving the long haul to their destination, traversing Interstate 95 which ran near the motel, the highway that stretches from Florida in the South to Maine in the North. It was a cold week with temperatures below freezing point but with no snow, enjoying the brisk cold air walking to the car or to the office, the only time one is outside, enjoying the clear sunshine unlike in the south which had its share of rain.

One notices the young charming ladies in Maryland; the waitress at Denny’s diner, where we had dinner after arriving at Elkton, where I ordered chicken soup; another charming and smart waitress in Amalfi - an Italian restaurant where I ordered Salmon salad and steamed clams and the young enthusiastic clerk in the warehouse. They seemed to possess a confident, open and engaging manner towards people, a quality one does not usually encounter in young people, who prefer the automatic and ‘fake’ courtesy of shop girls when working with older folks, lacking the genuine regard that sincere communication can bring, giving the team a sort of exhilarating feeling when doing their work. This is the 5th deployment the team has done, working with all sorts of people - the young ladies in Houston cheerful though lacking in enthusiasm, the middle aged workers in Monee; all wonderful people though the Maryland natives having a more attractive quality about them. Perhaps the victory of the Baltimore football team on the Sunday when we arrived, gave the state’s inhabitants a certain verve; or maybe the closeness of the University of Delaware gave the place a youthful feel, nevertheless there was a certain feeling of freshness which one could only detect in places like California.

The project went well, despite the usual glitches, though one felt tired instead of excitement, like one has done this work too often, perhaps boredom or burnout creeping in, or perhaps it was the winter climate or the stale air in the room, or perhaps the nearness of deployment between sites, sapping our energy; but one struggles on, rushing through airports, driving in rental cars, eating in nice restaurants, sleeping late at night, driving to the warehouses, doing your sales pitch, unboxing the equipment, setting up computers, plugging cables, testing the software, turning the switch and waiting for the labels to print. If things don’t work out, writing emails, making phone calls, pleading for support, some tense filled minutes until the solution is found, the bug fixed, seeing the remedy in a chat window; a word or two giving salvation to the tired team. The tenseness of the affair is the reason one overeats, ordering steaks and beer (in Apple Bees or Bugaboo Creek Steak House in Delaware), one’s only chance to eat in these places, or fried oysters (in Blue Crab Grill) or clam chowder (in the Philadelphia airport) or ribs in a street corner hole in the wall, settling in your bed filled to the brim at night, waking up with acid re-flux, burning and choking in the throat, drinking water and trying to sleep.

Next Level Writing

2012-01-11T09:50:00.000+08:00

Last night after work I could not start a regular work method in creative writing, realizing in the early morning as I awoke from sleep, that my writing experience is not suited for creative endeavors; journal writing being a contemplation of actual life events. On the other hand, creative endeavors is more like grasping stories from the air, working from scratch with inspiration from the ether; something that I actually don’t have experience which makes me think that another method is required - a method more suited to creativity. Diarist or blogger’s pen to paper experience is more like transcribing actual events, distilled with reflection and personal thoughts, unlike the creative craft of novelist or authors. Hence, journal writing is much easier to do; easier to create a daily technique because it’s simple to do; the mind working in a mode of recollection and contemplation; no aspect of divine inspiration or imagination which is direly needed by creative work. But what has been gained is a facility in general writing; more attuned to working as a scribe than an author where creativity and imagination is the prime ingredient.

This brings to mind a text book that I read long ago called ‘Writing the Natural Way’ by Gabriele Rico, where techniques like clustering and other visual tools helps one use both right and left brain in creative writing; a technique that I think would be helpful as my left brain maybe blocking my naturally creative impulse, i.e. right brain thinking. This visual ‘clustering’ technique, together with dictation, should allow me to construct a regular routine; using software like Dragon Digital Speaking to transcribe spoken words into computer text, thereby freeing me from the technical task of writing; therefore allowing one to focus on that illusive inspiration one needs in creating stories from the imagination, from the ether of divine inspiration, pouring forth words that will be corrected later when one has the time to fix the first draft. Constructing a work ethic is truly the first challenge of the novelist, something I realized in the weekend, listening to an NPR feature in the radio about a 29 year old author who is now a millionaire; who did not study in college nor took a creative writing course, but wrote draft after draft of novels until a consistent work ethic enabled her to self-publish until the inevitable success came almost like a certainty. Her books on the paranormal and vampire romances may have helped in her success too.

I guess I write to know what I am thinking about, to organize my thoughts and synthesize the day’s learning, not really a creative act but more a method to understand life; the diarist being a person of reflection and not an imaginative artist. But one hope to take advantage of the writing experience gained from contemplation and brings to another level - that of creative writing but the mental mode is different, thereby requiring a different set of cerebral gears; the equipment for creativity not really utilized in blogging. The key skill for a novelist is storytelling, not reflective reporting which is the prime skill of the diarist; more akin to essay writing with no thought on character, plot, theme, dialogue and so on which are important elements in storytelling. This is where tools like visual ‘clustering’ and dictation may be useful to jump-start the creative process; to ascribe to another level where verbal skills (honed in Toastmaster?) can help actualize the story telling skills; by placing the person in a different atmosphere, reserving the actual writing process in editing, revising and other tasks that is more ‘mechanical’; that don’t require imagination or creativity. Perhaps one day one can get rid of these ‘tricks’ or tools once one has gotten used to storytelling.

The Team

2011-12-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

The functional analyst was born in the Philippines, lived in Singapore for seven years, a 16 year veteran of the company, who worked in Logistics projects in Japan, Thailand, China, Malaysia, Taiwan, Korea, France, Brazil and Algeria, transferred to South Carolina 3 years ago, working in the same field that concerns warehouses and logistics, holds a Master Degree in Business, a licensed project manager and an officer in Toastmaster, a book reading aspiring writer, the longest member of the team as the original members have either left or moved to other departments, some say a source of stability for the project, an expert in technology, not talkative though striving to be sociable, prefers to work alone, often the last person to leave a site, bringing the new members up to speed as they came into the project, working above and beyond what was expected of him, focused on the project for the three years since coming aboard, learning the American culture and working with outsource partners in India and Cleveland, Ohio, doing most of the heavy work, feeling stressed at times like carrying the whole project on his shoulders, feeling vindicated after going live in four sites.

These are the members of the project team – a transplanted Northerner from New York, a well-traveled Mormon - both young technology geeks with advanced degrees, a golf playing Southerner with a happy go lucky charm with significant working experiences in the warehouse, and a recently transplanted Asian who has done logistics projects in many countries, also a technology geek with an advanced degree, working together to get the project running, traveling to different sites like Laurens, Reno, Houston and Chicago, facing glitches on-site, criticism from the bosses, tolerating the foot dragging attitude of the major developer, the skepticism of former project members, facing personal doubts but struggling forward, experiencing problem after problem in the first site, humiliation and grief, nasty emails from the logistics director, questioning if the problem can ever be solved, working with IBM to check the network, talking about bandwidth and major software redesign, finally hitting a solution that solves the key issue, bypassing any network bottle neck that would have stopped the roll out, getting the department leaders on-board to help overcome obstacles, successfully persevering in the end.

How did we end up together, with our different backgrounds, like ingredients in a tasty sauce, different experiences and viewpoints working together to get things done, springing into action collectively; the software not really a major product, but a small system, a side show that prints shipping labels, but a technical innovation, to perform in the cloud; a decentralized process that may entail changes in other areas, like a small rain drop that causes ripples and extends farther out the pond, a fresh wind that may prove to be a catalyst for larger things, perhaps that is what makes the project interesting, despite its meager role in the scheme of things. One recalls a key member leaving the team for a new job but the team moving on, he was the support manager, another 30 year veteran of the company, a former sergeant in the US marines, telling stories of training in the Panama jungle, well-traveled, who also worked with the Southerner in the warehouse, himself born in Alabama who moved to South Carolina decades ago; both these persons from support are middle-aged, while the other members are in their early or late forties, the team moving like an old war horse, slow but determined with some challenging episodes.

There is a ‘cowboy’ culture in the team, unlike in the East, the members are willing to crawl under tables, lift heavy equipment, ready to do the menial tasks like a ‘cowboy’, willing to ‘go at it alone’ mentality, whereas the Asian culture have managers or idea men as people who assign arduous stuff to ‘workers’, a level below senior employees, often to young people, delineating mental and physical chores to their appropriate personnel, unlike the ‘cowboy’ team who are willing to do anything, the democratic principle at work wherein everyone is equal, conscious of pulling their own weight with no distinction between leader and servant with regards to manual work, an egalitarian ideal that gives comfort, that everyone is in it for the duration, giving respect to mental work and idea men, but treating them equally just the same as a janitor, a natural tendency to be suspicious of intellectuals, respecting only hard work and perseverance, perhaps that’s the greatness of the country; let’s roll up our sleeves and get down to business mentality, a no nonsense, practical approach to life, devoid of the French predilection to high thinking or Chinese subtle stratagems but an innocent and eager approach of the ‘cowboy’, the lonely hero in the range or part of a heroic group out to beat the bad guys.

Back from Chicago

2011-12-17T08:07:00.000+08:00

I arrived at around 8 pm local time. The trip back was uneventful, leaving the office at about 1:30 pm and driving to Chicago Midway airport under dark skies, following the highway leading back to the city, seeing signs that lead to Wisconsin or Indiana, aware of the historic places nearby like Springfield where both Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama declared their run for the presidency, aware of Grant Park in downtown where Obama made his first appearance after winning the election, passing by Chicago suburbs with their large homes and the straight lines of streets with ball parks and schools, thinking that Ernest Hemingway grew up nearby, in similar surroundings, seeing the diversity where an African-American can be elected as Senator and eventually as President, recalling reading in the papers this morning of the GOP debates and their attacks, wishing to visit these historic places, maybe a little stop before going to the airport, but deciding against it, to get caught in traffic and rushing to get to the plane - a possible nightmare, some other time when the weather is better.

One makes these trips to see places, to experience new things, to discover and learn, following the Confucian principle of travel, to read and to write as a way to refinement, something I read in the book I just finished called ‘Tide Players’, but realizing that one does not have spare time during these business trips unlike in Asia, instead the value is the meals with the project team, eating excellent food for dinner or lunch, telling stories and sharing experiences, to get to know one another, to work together and solve problems in different circumstances; the joy is traveling together and working together, a communal activity and not the solitary diversion of a tourist; sneaking to visit places in one’s free time, avoiding the natural slowness of moving with a team, instead adjusting to the rhythm of the group, solving problems collectively, it’s the true value of these business trips despite the routine of hotel – office – restaurant - hotel, a boring cycle day in day out for the few days on site, but one must not miss the real importance: the formal intimacy of working with different sets of people and learning from them.

The business leader is a Northerner who grew up in Long Island, New York, a Jets fan, deciding to study in South Carolina, meeting his wife and settling down, preferring the Southern climate and way of life instead of the cold, frenzy and high taxes of New York, working in different industries before coming to the present company, a veteran manager of multiple projects and positions, the youngest in the group, with a weight problem before going for an operation in his stomach that would reduce his food intake, dropping from about 350 pounds to 215 pounds, his large frame still significant, his height about 6’5” , a jolly family man who develops web sites on the side, a technology expert in love with the iPhone and iPad and all things from Apple, although having an Android phone, always talking about his family; his wife is a school teacher, complaining about her low wages, his son and daughter in college, diligently writing daily reports, a new addition to the group but providing a steady hand and a commanding presence to the project, possibly the main reason why the projects is moving forward with success.

The support expert is a middle aged Southerner, having lived in the same general area all his life, never venturing far from his Southern roots, going to work straight from high school, working himself up from warehouses and in the production floor, a 30 year veteran of the company, a good ole Southern boy who loves motorcycles, plays golf and has a boat, talking of his grandchildren, satisfied with life in South Carolina, sporting a mustache and goatee, reminding one of those Confederate generals during the Civil War, a kind man who just transferred to the computer department from the factory, an expert on warehouse operations and their computer systems, preferring regular Southern food than Asian stuff like sushi or sashimi, an owner of several ‘mill’ houses, small homes near former textile mills that workers used to live in, renting them out to folks and earning possibly a decent sideline, harking back to the old Southern land owners who were devastated by the war, a back slapping friendly man who is easy to work with a natural Southern charm that disarms the folks in the warehouse, insuring a friendly rapport with the staff, though easily disconcerted when faced with an issue, sometimes scrambling when some intricate issue is involved, lamenting that he does not have a college education, correcting him that Bill Gates and Steven Jobs did not have a college education themselves, easy to joke with, his laughter a good sign, telling multitudes of stories of his time in the warehouse.

The project leader is possibly a Mormon, grew up in Utah but lived in Egypt, Israel and all sorts of other places in the Middle East as his parents, possibly Mormon missionaries traveled the globe to preach their religion, living in different places like Colorado, Utah, Indiana and, finally, South Carolina; a licensed gardener, who has a Master Degree in Business from a local college, like the project leader a college educated professional with advance degrees, a certified project manager, an expert as well in technology, especially Android and Google products, a geek who plays online strategy games in the evening, a friendly person who also talks about his family especially his wife who he had met in his youth in the Middle East, talking about his hearing problem, being deaf in one ear until a recent operation that fixed it, a small square contraption strapped behind his ear, a hole through his skull that keeps the gadget in place, a Toastmaster whose life changed significantly when he got back his hearing, and like the project leader, experienced a new life after a major operation, a good manager though a bit laid back at times, passing work to others, but a good leader though unable to travel with the team because of budget constraints.

Last Day

2011-12-16T01:21:00.001+08:00

Strong winds this morning, some flights delayed according to the television in the lobby, meeting the team for breakfast, telling stories of Christmas presents; the other two preparing to go to the airport while I go back to the office to check any loose ends or issues, planning to depart to Midway terminal after noon time, the flight back to South Carolina at 5 pm. Packed the bags in the early morning, surfed the Internet for news, checked out the hotel, cold wind as I walked to the car and wearing my beanie, driving down the highway, skies dark with ominous potential for rain, arriving in the office parking lot and noticing fewer cars; the pretty and smart supervisor not in her cubicle, some offices unlit, their tenants absent from work, perhaps because our project leader had gone home, the place going back to its usual rhythm of slack and relaxed tempo, glad the place has shown its true colors, hoping for a serene morning but confronted with an email from the carrier; the electronic transmission somehow failing to be sent or received, realizing that this glitch alone justified my staying back.

Booted up my computer but unable to login the network, feels like working blind if not connected to the grid, unable to do anything but check past records, providing the new account number to the warehouse staff so she could reply to the carrier; maybe the reason for the missing transmissions, waiting for the reply to see if the hypothesis is correct. Still trying to login, trying repeatedly but no luck, afraid that one would be helpless if an issue arises, knock on wood and hope not, paranoia and worry creeping in the brain, thinking about Andrew Grove’s dictum that only the paranoid survive or something like that, the former chief of Intel sounding like a drug crazed teenager, but he’s right in today’s world of frenzied work and overheated arguments; for example, another government slowdown possibly looming in the horizon, the nut cases in Washington willing to create turmoil during Christmas. Recently, one can control the frenzied thoughts, no real need to worry after all, the product of a competitive environment, now in a country of calm demeanor except for the lunacy of Washington, adjusting to a sort of strange tranquility amidst feeling of envy and materialism.

The network is congested, too many people logging in from outside the company, suddenly realizing that one can switch to another server site, changing the IP address and ‘Voila!’, login successful, now why didn’t I think about that earlier, glad to be in the grid and ready for work, it’s 9:45 am local time. Started writing emails on the missing transmissions, the carrier not replying yet, making phone calls to the help desk to resolve another issue, thinking that Chicago was not difficult after all, working in the conference room, seeing the truckers and warehouse pickers eating their snacks in the canteen during their break, talking loudly and joking among themselves, remembering the mental fears in weeks past regarding the roll-out, the words ‘Chicago’ like a monster lurking in the shadows, where some surprise would come out and blind side the team, but finding no monsters but kind accommodating people, sharing pizza and having pleasant conversations; software working well despite some bugs, overall a pleasant experience, wondering what the doubts where all about.

While in Chicago, while preparing to leave in a few hours, seeing not much work today, thinking how far one has gone, not only the external journey from Asia to America, but the internal journey as well, from some obscure book reading geek to Toastmasters and attending writing workshops, from journal writing to Tai Chi, to blogging; it has been a large leap with modest success, the smooth transition because of kind people; one wonders how it is with the family, how they have adjusted, with their father leading them to faraway lands and new experiences, thinking these thoughts as one basks in the success of another project; one realizes how far one’s journey when sharing stories with the team, comparing experiences and realizing you have the most to share, travelled the most and perhaps accomplished the most, wondering if all this movement was worth it, a replacement of some permanent home with firm roots, instead of a nomad lifestyle; the other team members living in their homes for nearly 20 to 30 years near the same place, while one has traversed oceans and continents, not staying for more than a decade in one place, enjoying new food, places and experiences that nowadays one feels tired of all the new things and thinking that one should settle down, glimpsing the large homes in the Chicago suburbs, perhaps one can live here in America, contentedly and see the kids grow.

Live in Chicago

2011-12-15T20:02:00.000+08:00

The final major piece was tested successfully today, software purring like a well-oiled machine, drawing grateful sighs from the team, a major milestone achieved; all is well in the world after all, God listening to the pleas of a tired and bruised team. Leaving tomorrow, relieved the project has gone well, going home in victory (like those soldiers from Iraq announced today by the president), after all those months of hardships and humiliation, as one struggled to fix all those bugs, emerging months later with a better program, a mature team, ready to conquer the other sites. Seven months later, four sites are converted with about five more warehouses scheduled next year, now a seemingly ordinary task, after the ease of the last two deployment, overcoming major bumps and challenges from different folks, management with limited viewpoints, unaware of the challenges tackled on the ground, clever in their remarks; arm chair experts while the soldier in the front face the actual problems and pressure, finally making the point that the project succeeds if everyone do their part, realizing that the fault lies in their feeble attention in the early years.

This morning the work area of the staff was re-organized, old equipment removed and the new one brought in, teaching the staff on the final feature, going over the other features again, the staff satisfied, that it wasn’t really difficult, reducing work for everyone, some slight glitches still to be fixed like missing labels and reports; the project leader writing great updates to bosses at head office, strangely no remarks of encouragement or congratulations, perhaps realizing that earlier criticisms where foolish and dead wrong, silence a reward that means acceptance. The local staff eager and intelligent, ready to adapt to the change, enthusiastic and hardworking, unlike the staff in the other warehouses, finally meeting folks focused on the job, grateful that they understood the nuances of the software, confident that the project will go well, feeling like an undefeated army inexorably marching on, bringing progress and newness to obscure places, appreciating the new warehouse boss, erudite and experienced, thanking the team and showing off the changes in the warehouse since he came, a game of give and take.

Lunch in the ‘Iron Skillet’, a truck stop beside a gas station, a section of the restaurant reserved for drivers only, kind old lady serving us, lunch is a meal of sirloin tips with pepper and onions and rice and chicken noodle soup, the meat soft and cooked well, a great lunch served in iron skillets, avoiding the buffet and watching the truck drivers come in, some fat, some with long hair, some bald with beard, watching the trucks drive by, some stop to fill their tanks with gas, old couples coming in, ordering the usual, finishing with a full stomach; an early lunch so the team could work during the staff’s lunch hour, clearing her desk and de-commissioning old printers, watching her work and pleased with the changes, the warehouse management coming to us to shake our hands, realizing that it’s the last day of two of our team who will leave in the morning while I will remain for a few hours to make sure things are fine, our team leader writing the last report, a job well done, leaving early under the rain, the sky dark as evening comes early in Chicago at about 4:30 pm in the afternoon.

From the warehouse we went to Best Buy to look at the new Kindle Fire, walked through the store looking at all those sleek gadgets, row and rows of modern gizmos, no trace of envy in the body wondering what’s it all for?, going for dinner at Apple Bees, dinner of sirloin steak, chocolate fudge for dessert and Heineken beer, going back to the Hampton Inn and discovering a free dinner of tacos, light beer and wine, an event sponsored by the Inn every Wednesday, going back to the room and meeting the team at the lobby, enjoying 2 bottles of light beer while we talked about the company, the old workers that we met, experiences in the warehouse and factories, sharing stories of long ago, good episodes with good bosses and bad bosses, talking about the turnaround in perception of the project, remarking that a lot of the officers in the company are from the military, graduates from West Point, Annapolis and the Air Force Academy, the father of one of the team members a West Point graduate too; himself avoiding military school and settling in the South having been born in Long Island New York. At dinner he shared his story about an operation that save his life while at lunch I shared my experience with the worker’s union back in the Philippine factory about 10 years ago, long memories that one can still tap to learn the lessons of experience, a good foundation in the project today, meeting and working with different people in the warehouse.

So Far so Good

2011-12-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

The past 2 days have been great but tiring. On the first day we toured the warehouse, seeing tasks never seen before like loading 60 foot agricultural tires in a flatbed truck, expertly put into place by an ace with a forklift, reminding one of flipping pancakes; afterwards setting up computers and printers, checking cables in the back of tables, under the furniture and delving in the spaghetti like mess in the computer room; finally all the equipment was ready and a test successful y conducted to prepare for the next day’s go live. Lunch was pepperoni pizza and diet coke; the team deciding to stay in the office instead of going out to lunch, finding a glitch in the software and alerting the suppliers; all other test looking good and the supplier promising to have the glitch fixed by tomorrow. We left late from the warehouse, completing emails and performing the final preparation, fixing the tables in an orderly manner and telling the local staff that we will be in the office early the next day in time for the go live, excited again to be in the eve of another warehouse roll-out.

We had dinner at a ‘hole in the wall’ restaurant called ‘Dusties’ which featured a buffet of pork knuckles cooked in oil, chicken in various forms; fried, spicy chicken and pork, sausage and sauerkraut, rice and beans, slices of pepper, olives, onions and Heineken beer. It was not a great dinner but we were tired, an interesting restaurant nevertheless with booths and tables, pictures of old artists in walls paneled with wood, mostly African American singers of the 60’s to 70’s, tunes of Rhythm and Blues wafting in place; pork knuckles is a rare treat after all, a dish available in Asia but rare in America, plunging into a second serving but giving up when feeling dizzy, a condition that arises when one eats too much fat. We went back to Hampton Inn; I had tea, drank vitamins and some medication, went to Sports authority with a colleague so he could buy gym clothes, got back to the Inn, exercised for 40 minutes, alternating the routine with the cross-trainer and the stationary bike, the food digesting with the physical effort, back to the room, taking a shower and trying to write but falling asleep by 11pm.

Woke early the next day, read yesterday’s paper, tried to write but no time, ate breakfast of hardboiled egg, ham, potatoes and scrambled eggs, yogurt, orange juice, chocolate and green tea. The morning at the office went well, software working great, met remotely with the suppliers and team leader, reported an issue again, lunch of chicken tenders; warehouse staff happy with the way it works, continue to set up the laser printer, the day ending, wrote emails and make phone calls, performing the day end procedure, everything looks good except the reports don’t print. Going home early, having dinner at an elegant restaurant called ‘Barneys’, entree of rack of lamb with mint sauce, rice pilaf and Heineken beer, back at the Inn by 7:30 pm, working out at the gym an hour later for 40 minutes, chatting with colleague about work and office challenges, so far so good in Chicago, some remaining issues, hoping the supplier fixes the issue by tomorrow would make the perfect roll-out. Still a major feature will be used tomorrow that will determine if the exercise is a success. So far the windy city has been kind to the team and luck likely will continue.

We spent some time in the warehouse floor the past 2 days, learning about automatic light switches to save energy, pallets and other packing debris cleared from the floor; good housekeeping to increase the space for product, different ways to load into trucks, inspecting the computers and printers on the floor, planning to de-commission several equipment once we’re done, learning about the operations in the past 2 days than in a career in Logistics, glad that one is working with professionals, experts who know their stuff and done a lot of projects, sharing stories during dinner, of the ways the product is stolen, about the mischief done in the warehouse and the trucking companies, talking about the latest technology, scanning barcodes and using radio frequency identification or RFID, about stolen goods hidden in the truck driver’s cab, about accidents in forklifts, about the warehouse being staffed with crazy people who take drugs and drink a lot, about outsourcing and the loss of good people to third party logistics providers, companies willing to take these people (some are crazy) after being outsourced, cutting costs and freezing wages, talking about changes in the industry and how one adapts and make everything work out right, being in the midst of another change and glad to have participated in some way, a voyage of many countries and warehouses that one realizes that he is an expert, too.

Chicago

2011-12-13T12:11:00.000+08:00

We arrived at Chicago- Midway airport at about 4 pm Central Time on Sunday. The weather was great, some traces of snow, but a clear sky with the temperature in the 30’s. We rented 2 cars because the other members would leave early this coming Thursday, leaving me behind for a few hours so the systems has support, instead of having us together on the air at the same time and unable to address any problems if it arises; a good precaution to Murphy’s law. We drove for about 45 minutes to Monee, a small town south of Chicago, going through neighborhoods with extremely large houses, the Chicago suburbs seen beyond the highway, the road littered with diners, strip malls and car lots; the street busy with dusk commuters, perhaps hurrying home to see the football game between the Denver Broncos and the Chicago bears. I followed the team the another car, driving through side roads, avoiding the main highway, the night coming fast until we were travelling away from the city with large patches of dark seemingly empty land, a lot of large houses in expensive looking neighborhoods, along empty parks, reaching the town near a strip mall, finally finding the Hampton Inn, set behind the mall with lots of places to eat.

After checking in, we shared a car and drove to Apple bees; the restaurant was crowded, the football game in full swing, people watching the restaurant’s many television screen, the patrons cheering the local team who were ahead. I ordered Cajun steak and shrimps, cooked medium well and Heineken beer, talking about football, suddenly load cheers then disappointment, the Denver Broncos evened the score and the game went into overtime, an amazing turn of events in the last minutes of the match, a testament to the ability of Denver’s quarterback Tim Tebow. I had read about Tebow a day earlier, a player who seemed gifted from all reports but shrouded in some controversy; an unorthodox player said my friend, with an ability to deliver, playing his own game against the wishes of the team’s coaching staff, always a good story – the lone brilliant protagonist, following his own gut and leading the team. In overtime, the Denver Broncos beat Chicago, the crowd in the restaurant leaving dejected, amazed at the reversal of fortune; I finished my excellent dinner, more knowledgeable about American football, driving back to the hotel and watching television for most of the night.

I finished reading the chapter in the book ‘Tide Players’ by Jianying Zha, watching a show on China from CNBC, what a coincidence, both discussing slightly similar themes, Tiananmen square, modern China and so on, the book focusing on the Chinese players while the television show on America’s challenges ahead. Both dwelled on the seeming disinterest of the Chinese youth on political events, forgetting the disaster of Tiananmen Square, preferring to live prosperous lives and avoid challenging the government, happily becoming consumers, allowing the Communist government to lead the country towards becoming the greatest economy on earth. Coincidentally, 60 minutes was interviewing Barack Obama, the president eloquently talking about his plans, while earlier I read account of the Republican party, a new front runner in the game, confirmed after the recent debates, a few weeks before the Iowa primary, politics coming into limelight as the presidential election looms in the months ahead.

‘Tide Players’ is an excellent book, about ‘the movers and shakers of a rising China’, portraits of entrepreneurs and intellectuals; it seemed to me that this representative section are more insightful and sensible than their American counterparts, soon I recall the CNBC segment which showed the youths of China looking for work and trying out new things, while the youth of America is shown lining up in Best Buy in the early morning, waiting in the cold for the opening of Black Friday sale, to rush in and buy the latest gizmos on discount, a surprising contrast to different societies, both giants in the East and West. Interestingly, I have just finished reading George Orwell’s ‘Down and Out in Paris and London’, thinking that the stories of poverty that portray the lower depths that the modern countries try to avoid, China lifting 400 million people out of poverty and into the middle class, while America struggles to maintain theirs, Orwell’s book a frightening (but entertaining reminder) of the consequence of inequality and the life of squalor if a society does not take care of its own. Travelling down the Chicago suburbs, looking at the immense houses outlined in the descending dusk, one wonders how many of those houses are in foreclosure, or watching the people in the street, wondering who is unemployed, thanking God of one’s momentary fortune, realizing that the coming debate in the role of government will be the deciding factor in the coming elections.

Things Happen

2011-12-11T00:57:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was another one of those days when everyone attributes a system bug to my project. It’s not the first time it happens so I end up scrambling to get things back on track and prove it isn’t me causing the issue; immediate response being the secret of damage control, a method honed to perfection by the Clinton team when faced with ‘bimbo’ problems, still an effective tactic in every day blame game politics at work. Unfortunately, one is also deploying a software, perhaps not testing as much as required before the roll out, especially with the care free attitude of the supplier, the bane of successful project management, instead playing a game of chicken to see who blinks first, wondering if someone is not getting paid, thereby causing the foot dragging of the programmer. Next week the plan is to go live in Chicago, travel arrangement already made and tickets booked, the team all ready to go but still a few issues remain and the program not yet installed in the main server. What a mess, one wonders how this situation can still happen after the many obstacles overcome in the past, one thinks that some rapport has been established but chastened with the current state of affairs.

Feeling responsible is a mistake that must be corrected; otherwise one succumbs to pressure, a victim of the hero mindset; the skill to develop is the facility to answer back to one’s own team members, a factual and witty reply used like a sword to get things done or refuse a task, waving the weapon to suppliers, bosses, fellow workers and all those who would challenge you and try to load all the burden on your shoulders. I guess that is what people try to do when one’s in charge, the example of the current president a sad picture, one wonders if that’s democracy in action but one sees it everywhere, possibly the lizard brain trying to survive and the helpless martyr dying on the cross if he accepts the burden. Another interesting article in Vanity Fair is the story of Harvard professor Elizabeth Warren, the advocate for consumer protection from financial malfeasance, a victim of all sort of bad press despite her noble goal of helping the middle class, a cautionary tale of how one can be blamed of all sorts of things even if the allegations are untrue, money and profit being the core motive for destroying other people’s reputation.

Vanity Fair is getting to be a great magazine where one can get insider news on politics and finance, like a gossip rag for the elite, powerful and discreet, stories about movers and shakers, stories already available in the dry magazines of Fortune or Forbes but lacking the human perspective provided by engaging writers like Michael Lewis, someone who may be reluctant to write in dry finance magazines, focusing instead in a sort of pop culture tale of the rich and famous. The story on Elizabeth Warren is interesting, a crusader confronting banking executives on their irresponsible behavior in the crisis, replying to her that ‘things happen’, similar to the idiotic remark of former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on the Iraq chaos after the invasion who said ‘stuff happens’. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to reform Wall Street in the same manner as withdrawing troops from Iraq, so courageous people like Elizabeth Warren or even Arnold the former California governor gets hammered, harsh stories and criticism flying like mud, tarnishing reputations like it was so easy to do like nothing, divisiveness in politics like it exist today, people hoping someday to be saved from gridlock.

The clock is ticking, the day slowly coming to an end, waiting for the supplier’s reply, wondering if the trip next week will push through, the supplier confident that the issue will be fixed, hopeful words spoken in a noon meeting but still no reply, one thinks about the guilt, now why did I not test this feature sooner?, preparing my alibi, weapons at ready, formulating the argument that the supplier is delivering a faulty product, pushing the testing to the customer. It feels like the world is coming apart, the center will not hold, one feels burned out, wondering why I had agreed on the schedule next week when one could have pushed out to next year, no one to blame but oneself, ‘hell - stuff happens’, you say, following Rummy’s alibi, a glib pronouncement when trying to absolve yourself. There is just too much to do, attention spread out to different areas, fixing issues, writing emails, creating tickets, losing touch and dropping the ball. It’s not your problem man, you would say, just move on and have fun, laughing like the president despite the vitriol directed at him, head and shoulders above the contenders, opponents like pygmies with their small minds. It’s your decision they would say and there you go accepting that responsibility.

The call finally happens but still not conclusive, issues not fixed, another call scheduled later at 5pm, one foolishly volunteers to remain and continue testing, determined to push forward, is that a dumb thing to do or what?, let’s wait out the game and see who breaks first, you wonder but really it’s been delayed too long and there’s no choice but to move ahead or another month goes by, things get delayed and you find yourself in the middle of next year. Soon the next call comes and by God things have improved, all the problems solved except for one small matter, nothing to worry about, ready to test again, continuing to work for a few more hours, shutting your computer, restarting and find your email broken, still marching on, testing all the possible scenarios, calling the help desk to have them fix your email, still not working and resolving to use the web-based one, continuing testing and the confidence coming back, yes it’s working right. The team will be going to Chicago after all, amidst the cold and possible snow, facing sure bumps in the road but ready for the game, the supplier keen on helping out too, proud to have fixed all the issue in hair – raising time, they are the best that can ever be, my God proud of them to keep at it and solving the problem. We shall see what we shall see next week in the windy city. Yes, yes, yes!

Financial Mess

2011-12-09T10:40:00.000+08:00

Michael Lewis is always an interesting writer, a noticeable result of his intriguing background, having studied in the London School of Economics, worked for Solomon Brothers, an undergraduate degree in art history, some years spent in the art world, giving him a certain perspective that is both intellectually rigorous but with a touch of frivolity. His string of books on the financial crisis plus other works on baseball economics, football drama, his early days in the bonds market at Solomon, gives him the chops to write about finance and economics. He is no academic who writes dry tomes but goes straight to the jugular, making him a cross between an investigative hack and a daft professor, a playful vein with the light philosophical bent of the everyday man. His regular columns in Vanity Fair is one reason I like the magazine, his articles shrewdly a draft of future books to come, making him an appealing writer to readers with a level of education that can appreciate the finer points of finance or economics, but not pandering to the academic side but to the area that would stimulate the most attention without losing sight of his goal.

His recent article was on the looming crisis in states and municipalities, focusing on California as THE place in dire straits with the potential to bankrupt the whole country, with towns and cities declaring insolvency such as the town of Vallejo near San Francisco. He starts his article with an interview with the former California governor, the action star Arnold Schwarzenegger - now that’s a brilliant start, describing how a movie actor has tried to reform the state but failing to lead either the citizens or the Republican or Democratic politicians, achieving only minor victories during his term. His article starts with an early morning bike ride with Arnold along the roads near Venice beach where the former muscle man started as a brick layer before his eventual stardom in body building, movies and politics, ending up as governor in one of the greatest states of the union, right smack into a financial crisis for the ages, a story that describes the symptoms affecting the whole country; declining revenues with the poor economy, unfunded pension and health care benefits, obscenely rising salaries, a militant citizenry who expects a lot of service without paying for it, all resulting in a nightmare scenario that will still play out in the future.

What a brilliant start, the bike ride with Arnold, the warning from a respected financial analyst Meredith Whitney, interviews with the mayors of San Jose and the manager of Vallejo, plus a fire chief and a professor at a university . According to the professor, the financial mess is a cultural problem, Americans have no way to respond moderately in an age of abundance, the seeds of collapse seen in the success of their modern society, resulting in obesity and debt, wherein the a map of the country displaying the highest incidence of obesity are also the places with the highest foreclosures and bankruptcies, attributing the financial problem to a psychological problem, the modern mind still following the lizard brain, a fear of scarcity despite the wealth, gorging in food because of the fear the food will disappear (perhaps eaten by some predator in the cave man age). It’s a brilliant analysis that provide a psychological basis for the economic problem, something that most citizenry do not ascribe to, with tea party movement calling for lesser government, or the occupy Wall Street movements assailing big banks, not realizing that the enemy is within ourselves, not the government or the big corporations, these entities just living out the desires of their misguided employees.

This brings me back to my predicament, the insatiable curiosity that leaves out any productive endeavor, forever distracted by multiple desires, perhaps a reflection of the culture, influenced by that insatiable lust for knowledge, but in fact driven by fear, fear of missing something, of being ignorant, of lacking the skills to be a good worker, forever striving until nothing is really achieved. Is this the influence of modern culture? , being a consumer of media but in fact a willing victim to its materialism, unable to focus but to keep consuming, whether it is food resulting in obesity, or media resulting in anxiety or a bent toward procrastination; the true sin being an unquenchable urge to consume until one becomes bloated in mind and body. The professor in the article relates a true story of a pheasant he observed during a stay at Blenheim Palace, a bird that lived in a well-nourished field, which ate itself into obesity that he could no longer fly and disappeared one day because a fox ate him, unable to take to the air naturally as in the past, a victim of his own gluttony. Perhaps that is the fate of the modern writer who is unable to write, forever procrastinating as he tries to be better, reading more books, watching movies all in a conscious attempt to learn more and feed his creativity, but instead lost in a merry go round of distraction.

From this perspective, the solution seems to be straight forward and simple, to live a moderate life of austerity and humility, avoiding unnecessary distraction, consuming only that which is necessary for survival, a philosophical way of life that will restore sanity. Such a plain solution, the key to living for the ages, answering the problems of the financial mess of bankruptcy and foreclosure, of procrastination and unending consumption, but something actually difficult to do because most people do not internalize the fix, but blame an outside force like the government, the banks, Wall Street. Of course there’s a grain of truth as these organizations are made of flawed men, their failures becoming the failure of the whole entity until the way of doing things becomes a culture, influencing a whole country until everyone want to become like America. One wonders if that’s the true dream, the Arab spring as a way to achieve this so-called dream, perhaps that’s one lesson being learned but recent elections have brought victory to the Islamist and one wonders if a back lash is coming, perhaps a return to conservative lifestyles that fundamentalist groups in the both the East and West seem to want but with the skewed results of extremism.

Curiosity as Addiction

2011-12-07T09:12:00.000+08:00

The reason one goes about distracting himself with fruitless diversions is to satisfy one’s curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat goes the famous saying, as curiosity lead one to discover new worlds and new ideas and new experiences, inevitably resulting in new desires and cravings, more shopping and the spending of money, satisfying the urge to consummate one’s desires and achieve new levels of delight, all of which starts with curiosity. The story of Adam and Eve is really about satisfying one’s curiosity, to eat the forbidden fruit and see what happens next instead of leaving things alone, resulting in their banishment from Eden and their eventual epic procreation that resulted in the human race. Hence, curiosity is the original sin, resulting with banishment into the reality of normal existence, away from paradise and the loss of innocence as represented by Eden. Some literature depict the forbidden fruit as eating from the tree of knowledge, to quench one’s thirst for information and satisfy that urge to know more and more, unaware that one eventually becomes jaded and cynical with the education gained, ‘did that, done that’ as people say, until the next level is indulgence, excess and corruption.

Perhaps an example is Orson Welles or Marlon Brando, young geniuses or pioneers who have gone beyond the normal limits of talent in their respective fields, going to new horizons with their original visions, craving new experiences to fuel their creativity and achieving greatness but, in later years, becoming overweight and world-weary, a former shell of themselves, exhausted and corrupted in their excess, their innocence long gone, that rare quality that gave their work uniqueness and power. Perhaps another example is Ernest Hemingway, another genius with his literary works, hunting, fishing, travelling and having a good time in a way or manner that is inspiring, continuing well into his advanced years until the pace of his life was no longer sustainable, descending into madness (or, as some said, a momentary lucidity) to commit suicide. Maintaining innocence is perhaps the goal, to be like a child and discover life anew every day, a fresh perspective that keep one alive and vital, not jaded or cynical, not eating the forbidden fruit, not consuming from the tree of knowledge is perhaps the true secret.

Don’t be too smart is a good adage, perhaps concentrating only in a few skills instead of throwing the net wide, to be a hedgehog instead of a fox (or is that the other way around?), to focus and limit one’s wide reading or search for more experiences or skills, maybe the threshold has been reached that the urge for the new is no longer an innocent urge but a cynical striving for more and more like gluttony, unable to stop eating or stop stuffing things into one’s mouth, the innocence of a child’s curiosity already lost and replaced with debauchery and depravity. Eastern despots well known for their wantonness, their harem of women, unlike the puritans of the Western world but with hedonistic rulers as well with their many mistresses, these decadent European kings, excess now spread in the new world with the obscene wealth, vice and abundance of modern times, where obesity and bankruptcy is the norm. Curiosity is an addiction that needs to be controlled; an urge that translates into a love of food, wine, book reading, travel and search for new experiences, spending money and feeling satiated after the momentary lust is quenched.

I guess the urge starts with a quest for an education, to learn and be a productive member of society; soon it translates into arrogance and greed, to be the smartest man in the room by knowing lots of stuff, or to keep up with the Joneses, to spend more, travel more and experience more and tell your friends about it and spread the green monster of envy, in a race for social supremacy and wealth; the corrupting element when one tries to share experiences with your acquaintances, turning one’s quest for education into an immoral act of insatiability, acquisitiveness and materialism. One needs to pull back after one has satisfied the basic need to be productive, to lead a moderate life with the realization that one can never learn more and be the smartest man on the planet, erudition becoming a bragging right to show off. Curtailing this addiction is more difficult to stop than alcoholism or drug addiction or gambling because it comes in the guise of progress, or a positive sign of consumerism instead of materialism, that one has lost the true goal of curiosity, to learn enough to earn a decent living, therefore one does not need to eat the forbidden fruit and go down the road to wasteful indulgence. Japanese artist remain ascetic I think, not succumbing to over indulgence or overeating but working long hours and achieving more, perhaps people like Toshiro Mifune, Akira Kurosawa and Haroyuki Murakami or Western artists like Ingmar Bergman or Woody Allen or Clint Eastwood who are productive well into their twilight years.

Perhaps age determines when one has had enough, or one’s present circumstances, when one needs to curtail his craving, avoid going to the libraries where one is addicted to books, after all what more can one learn if it is at the expense of productive endeavors; being productive is really the key to life and one must strike a balance between productivity and satisfying one’s endless curiosity. This is a worthwhile resolution for the New Year, to be aware of the compulsion of the mind, the obsession for knowledge at the expense of living a moderate life, to stop feasting on the forbidden fruit and smell the roses, to concentrate on constructive activities to fill one’s days. Now what does one read? Finance and investment books to increase one’s investment skills, computer books to increase one’s programming and technical skills, how to write books to become a writer plus general history, literature, travel, biographical books to deepen one’s reading to use in the future as a writer. Why does one watch movies? To fill the well of a writer’s reservoir for reference in his later works, to expand one’s horizon, also to use as backdrop in some future assignment. Have you satisfied your curiosity or achieved your objective in reading and watching goals? I think the answer is yes.

Regaining Oneself

2011-12-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

As with most people, I realized this weekend that I wasn't doing what I needed to do to make my life more meaningful. Instead one is consciously being sidetracked from one’s true goal, a goal that makes one magically driven in life, like writing a book or being outdoors or making more sincere connections to one’s family, but instead one is watching movies, reading numerous books and what not. The weeks, months and years go by with missed opportunities; one does not realize one is lost, driving forward with another agenda that does not meet one true dreams or passions, instead just moving along with the rat race, mistaken in thinking that one is progressing to a better place, but just accepting new information and new realities while missing the boat. Tragically one realizes this mistake watching good movies like ‘Cedar Rapids’, making one think that watching movies is a worthwhile activity when one stumbles into a gem of cinema that transforms the viewer. Maybe cinema doesn’t waste one’s time, but like reading a book, good cinema can open one’s eyes.

Last week, one was given a chance to think about one’s career path, the future that one would like down the road, meeting a career planner, someone one has never had the privilege of meeting before, where one’s dreams are drawn as if one’s fate is in the hands of this specialist before you, wondering if one can indeed reach out and grasp the arc of your destiny and bend it towards the correct direction. Perhaps one’s life can be charted like one of those 5-year plans that countries in the developing world make, striving to undertake the tasks that would make one a better person, being on a path that will not only bring fame and fortune but enlightenment, serenity, freedom and better health, striving to make plans that will deliver the dream in some future time. But the road one has already traveled has been long, maybe it’s time to relax and smell the roses as someone said in my past; does one really need more challenges or new career plans, to work in distant lands, or just stay put and be part of your children’s life as they grow and go to college, starting their lives and one can only pray that you can be part of this new journey and contribute to its success. It is not the destination that matters but the journey, one had said.

What were the missed connections? A lost love, a different place or career, a new lover, quality time with family and friends, a different destiny that was missed; how did one ignore these cues, by not paying attention but maybe the current path is the right one? How does one know? Perhaps it is a feeling of emptiness, a realization that one is better off somewhere else, a remembrance of excellent food eaten in the past, visions of a twilight, the sun setting on an Asian landscape, perhaps the lost time in one’s youth, of a place long gone, of seeing old friends in Facebook, wondering how they have changed, not realizing that one has aged too, wondering where all the time has gone, thinking how one has spent his moments, time flying past like a whirlwind while one is engaged in trivia, reading books, watching movies, lost in the Internet, attending Toastmaster meetings; indeed submerging into different lands and places, the result of consuming media that alternate realities seem possible. The ability to imagine a different place in one’s mind, to see the insidious politics of Washington, the exotic lands of Iran, India and the Middle East, the culture of Japan, Thailand and China, ruminating that one can be there, done that like a global tourist.

Awakening one day and thinking what am I doing here, living in the American south, driving to work in lonely back roads, the Appalachian mountains and hills in the far horizon, the quiet neighborhoods, the dying light of dusk and the sunrise in early mornings, the light reaching the silent houses, the rural landscapes without the teeming multitudes of major cities, wondering who am I, why am I here; existential questions that suddenly comes after meeting the career professional, poised and ready to deliver you to the next great thing. In the evening of that meeting, one attended a Toastmaster assembly, the second gathering of the day, as the first one with one’s own club, listening to speeches, seeing people and speaking, working hard on the project that will go live next week in Chicago, Illinois. Perhaps it’s the trigger of one’s sudden yearning, experiencing the thrill and pressure of work, the chance to travel and work at another warehouse again, thinking of the stress and work that requires one to be here right now. One wonders if the pressure and stress is worth it, of the many hours spent toiling without vacation, fixing problems during weekends, alone during times of trouble, wracking one’s brain to identify the solution.

After all has been said and done with thoughts swirling about at night, of sleeping late due to the many diversions, of trying to achieve dreams in the midst of a full workload, unable to cut down on distraction and indulgence, wondering if all these new things are worth it, but instead dreaming of the wonderful days of tropical splendor and serenity with one’s friends. It’s time to move again you think, to discover new places and meet new people, discovering yourself even more and learn about the true value of time, maybe running away is the answer or travelling back where you came from and go full circle, perhaps that is the answer to reclaiming that which one has lost in one’s youth or travels, to reclaim the past (or is it innocence?). But old friends live here too, spread out the continent, in California or Canada or Chicago, maybe visiting old friends will return one to his roots and rediscover value, when one was sure about himself in his youth, without the doubt and uncertainty of today, without the bewildering array of choices that bring you to paths unknown with the hope of finding yourself but instead lost in a maze of broken mirrors and uncertainty. Perhaps heading to Chicago next week will clear one’s mind, followed thankfully, by a needed vacation in California.

Saved by Beauty

2011-11-29T10:03:00.000+08:00

I finished reading a remarkable book about Iran, written by an Anglo-American poet, a devotee of Rumi - the Islamic mystic, the author writes with the sensitivities of a first class travel writer, with the appropriate background on politics and history, alive to the ironies encountered in his travels while delving in the strange and exotic events, reminding one of writers like Rory Stewart and those upper class Englishmen who roam the world and write elegant accounts of their adventures. I supplemented my reading by looking at YouTube videos about the places the writer visited like Tehran, Isfahan, Nishpur, Yadz and Qom, and watching events attended by the writer like whirling dervishes, muharram and other solemn Islamic singing and dancing events that commemorate the martyrdom of the Shiite leader, bringing one towards a deeper understanding of Iran and the greater Islamic world. Learning by multimedia leaves one with images in the mind, the book’s words lost with the visual reality, as if one has done the travels himself, seeing the actual scenes instead of visualizing from the pages of the book, less imagination is needed by the mind.

I had visited Islamic sites in India like Fatepur Sikri, the great deserted city in the plains that ran out of water, near the city of Agra, built by a Mogul emperor, descendants of rulers from the Middle East, following the Persian architectural principles with their gardens and water pools, precise in their geometric lines, also recalling the immense courtyard of the Jama Masjid in Old Delhi as well as the majestic columns and platforms in the Red forts of Agra and Delhi and the other ancient forts scattered in the city with their architectural lines claiming lineage from Persian roots. The wide open boulevards of the city of Isfahan, the Imam square, the bridge across the river, the bazaar, one clearly sees the majestic history of the ancient city, one gets the same feeling in the gardens and lakes of Beijing, symbols of an imperial past long lost in time. I saw these places first hand in Beijing and Delhi but glimpsed Iran from videos in the Internet, accompanied by words from a book, delving into the inner life of Persian poets and the modern day politics of Islam.

Iranians, who the author met in his travels, talk about Iran before the Islamic conquest, citing writers like Ferdowsi – the author of the Persian epic ‘Shanameh’, or more enlightened Islamic thinkers like Hafez, Omar Khayyam and Rumi the mystic, as the true image of Iran and not the severe Ayatollahs that rule today, writers one has read in the books of the Turkish writer Orhan Pamuk in his great books ‘My Name is Red’ and ‘Snow’, writing also that the Sufi mystical tradition is the only bulwark preventing Pakistan from succumbing into a fundamentalist Islamic state like Iran, showing another face that one has deemed lost in the wars of the Middle East, a face of elegance, beauty, tolerance and enlightenment. The writer had difficulties leaving Iran, accused of being a Western spy, notably after visiting places like Kurdistan and meeting artists and other well-known people like directors and painters, some notable critics of the regime, indeed working like a spy under the guise of being a poet, now that’s a novelty, meeting with the English ambassador, having dinner in his elegant residence, with echoes of their own imperial past, the colonial masters of continents now sovereign, Britannia no longer ruling the waves.

The writer has a strange pedigree, an English poet who worked on newspapers like ‘The Guardian’ and BBC, writing popular books on poetry, accepting American citizenships and living in the San Francisco Bay Area, travelling the world especially the Middle East with his avowed love of Rumi, going to America to help the Obama campaign in Ohio, returning to see the inauguration and feeling the anticipation for change, finally travelling to Iran to visit the fabled city of Isfahan to see the blue tiles covering the domes of ancient mosques, an image seen in a dream. The thesis of his book is that the harsh fundamentalism of Islam will be saved by the beauty of Iran’s past, perhaps a separation of church and state, as in the secular countries of Turkey and Egypt, countries with a rich ancient history, alluding to the role of Sufism in preventing Pakistan fall into fundamentalism, an insight by the writer William Dalrymple, hoping for change in the same vein as the election of the new American president. A year or so later, the Arab spring erupts with the fall of the entrenched leaders in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia and Yemen, with increasing protests in Syria, Bahrain and Iran, the killing of Bin Laden in Pakistan and the coming pullout of foreign troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, times are a’ changing baby as someone said, the openness heralded by news services like Al Jazeera based in Qatar.

Initially one was skeptical about the book, thinking it was some mushy romantic trip back to ancient Persia, but strangely has aspects of fine travel writing and insights into politics and religion, lacking in fact the usual poetic sensibilities despite frequent quotes from mystical poets, instead a raw insight into modern day Iran, but perhaps the YouTube videos were the real gems, placing value on a trivial book. The book was the highlight of the thanksgiving weekend, filled with great movies like Kurosawa’s ‘Kagemusha’, viewed with audio commentary, providing an unknown detail into Japanese history, refreshing the mind like a tonic, amidst tasks like smoking a turkey, injected beforehand with a spicy marinade, shopping on ‘Black Friday’, purchasing furniture at a discount with free shipping, delving into picture books and magazines, one’s thoughts flying again while keeping the mind lubricated with the usual drinks, going to the gym to swim and run, missing sleep by sleeping late, aware that the deficit will hit you one day but who cares, lost in the subject of the moment, unfocused and missing real goals, perhaps like the book’s title, hoping to be saved by beauty.

Thanksgiving Weekend

2011-11-26T21:29:00.001+08:00

My mind is a bit mushy this week, a bit disoriented from the Houston trip the week before, perhaps tired from addressing the challenges faced on site, finally recognizing the many trials overcome in the preceding weeks, when a disaster occurred in the first week of the month, potentially fatal to the project but nonetheless allowed to continue, the mind finally catching up to the abuse received by the psyche. One soldiers on, working on documents and deliverables, submitting papers for review last Monday, to get another project to the next milestone, doing the same thing weeks earlier before the Houston trip, solving issues and writing papers, all thoughts swirling in a common mental mass, achieving most objectives without floundering, perhaps a tribute to exercise or meditation or self-reflection or cocktails, surviving with episodes of bewilderment, attending meetings and engaging in conversation without serious thought, stringing fleeting ideas to make the dialogue sensible, just succeeding until the end of the day when one thankfully goes home.

The Houston trip was supposed to be a week of rest, a routine installation and training, but not everything goes according to plan, bringing loads of stuff to read - newspapers, magazines, audio book, but having no time to really read them, with distractions from television and the Internet, one planned to just lie in bed and passively watch TV in the motel room, instead trying to catch up on one’s reading, a self-inflicted mental punishment, coupled with the problems in deployment, thankfully relieved with a good lunch and dinner, thankfully with Samuel Adams beer. One just moves along, surviving the days and weeks with its constant pressures, seeking relief in abuse, the mind drawn to thoughts of buying a bigger house or writing a book and doing all sorts of things, unintentionally placing a burden on oneself, until the body and mind says enough is enough, so moments of mental confusion come, ‘now what do I have to do now’, signs of a senior moment or the coming onslaught of Alzheimer, wishing the cocktail hour is coming soon.

Thankfully its Thanksgiving week with 2 days of no work coupled with the weekend, having 4 days total of vacation, plans to kick back and relax, watch movies and cook turkey, having some liquid refreshments to ease the mind, go to the gym to run and swim, sleep more and try different things, perhaps it’s the right time after all to have done the Houston trip with the anticipation of the Thanksgiving holiday, a welcome respite to rest one’s mental wounds, to recover one’s equilibrium and prepare for the next test. Soon one realizes that one’s trials are self-inflicted, the mind needs to be silenced, the spirit and will settled to a serene level, with the goal to reach one’s true calling, instead of being distracted to deferring avenues, the mind like a sick machine or unthinking animal, just working to satisfy one’s base urges, a strange affliction to constantly read, see and experience new things, the mind filling up with stimuli. The strategy then is to let the thoughts fly by, without allowing to land and settle on the mind, instead moving like water as the brainwaves becomes like the wind, only important facts settling in.

Visual thinking is a learning strategy, a technique that allowed one to leap forward in understanding new concepts, nowadays no longer used as the process seem to be ingrained, one doesn’t dwell in ideas but do the required act instead – be a man of action. Visual tools were previously used to fix mental fatigue, now much needed but unexploited, perhaps due to the onslaught of more stimuli. Rest and recreation, taking stock of the situation, using visual thinking tools seem to be beneficial during periods of reflection, perhaps the answer to the current feeling of malaise. What is the source of this feeling? One feels that one has crossed a threshold with the Houston trip, a realization that the product works well when the team has adequately prepared, but bringing up questions of the team’s ability or maturity, explained by the change in project personnel, but one thinks the previous shortcomings is due to one’s poor performance, unconsciously accepting blame, thereby bringing stress to oneself. But it is a team effort after all, despite the central or significant role that one plays, one must not accept full blame in times of failure, glad that more people have stepped-up, reliving the pressure with more skin in the game, but is it enough to condone past blunders?, where one is in the firing line, one thinks that one is not responsible but the overall boss of the project.

Perhaps that’s the relevance of Thanksgiving – to thank the boss and the powers that be, that one still has his job, perhaps narrowly avoiding being fired, thankful that all things worked well despite many constraints, living another day and accepting one’s shortcomings. Thankful one has survived the day’s trials, fighting one‘s mental demons, surviving the weeks and eventually the months and the finally the years. I guess the early pilgrims experienced more hardships, crossing the ocean and starting from scratch, surviving Indian raids and Old World prejudice and superstitions. One’s circumstance seem trivial when compared to the trials of the past, despite the seeming rush to deployment, the constant delays, the fear of having the project stopped, of not living to expectations, the disappointments of one’s fellow members, striving to be good but only managing a mediocre performance. Hence, thankful of living a normal life without the imagined disasters that never come, living to fight another day, hopefully more wiser than before, with less baggage and less illusions.

Houston

2011-11-19T22:51:00.001+08:00

We landed in the George Bush International airport on Sunday evening. We had about an hour layover in the Atlanta airport before leaving for Houston, watching the football game between the New York Giants and the San Francisco 79ers, sitting near the terminal door and watching the screen while I bought my dinner of chicken tenders and French fries from Nathan, nearly missing the plane if not for the nearness of the food stand, my colleague busily trying to call but I missed his calls, walking back to the gate with my food and preparing to board the plane, eating my dinner in-flight to Texas. We landed in moderate climate, I removed my sweater, walking in the immense modern airport, reminding me of the new airport in Bangkok, with its similar high ceilings and stark monolith walls, looking for the car rental, eventually discovering that it was in another building, stood out in the curb to ride the shuttle bus, eventually finding the garage and choosing a Nissan SUV. We drove in large wide spaced highways, reminding me of Los Angeles, seeing the tall towers of the city in the distance, going Southbound to our motel, far from the city but closer to the warehouse in a town called Humble, Texas.

The first day at the warehouse was taxing. The day spent fixing the issues reported last week, first checking the cable and the computer that could not connect to the network, having phone conferences with IBM to check the firewall, having arguments on the source of the problem, finally finding an erroneous IP address, eating crow and apologizing to IBM, successfully solving the problem (though the cable had to be replaced). Lunch was Texas style grilled sausage and chicken breast with Scampi rice in a popular restaurant called ‘Saltgrass Steakhouse’, reminding me of a place called the Texas Road House, with Elk heads and other animal heads or bones nailed on the dark wood walls, Texas flags and old faded black and white photos, the interior dark with limited light coming in the windows giving an ambiance of an old saloon or hunting lodge. Back in the office, work continued, sudden program changes needed to be done when we realized the dock id was needed, e-mails and frantic calls were made to prepare the data, do more tests and finally going home early so one is ready for the go live the next day. Dinner was at Papas’s Seafood, where I had oysters and catfish, enjoying the ambiance of the restaurant, again with dark wood walls, high ceilings, overhead fans, lots of plants and pictures with a sea scape motif.

The next day was a bit of a disaster. The first test did not work so did the second one, missing a key item that was found during a discussion at lunch in a nearby steakhouse, realizing that important data needed to be transferred to the new system, making phone calls to get that information and sending to the support team in India and finally, re-scheduling the go live to the next morning. Despite the fix, it did not go well, the support team lax in their work, frantic phone calls again, support staff scrambling to fix the problem, causing delay on the local work, finally identifying the problem, a temporary fix put in place, and work continued. The rest of the day went well but disaster struck in the evening shift, the same problem again, necessitating another call to support, having it fixed and sending the troubled message back down, finally working and giving all a sense of relief. We had a quick lunch at Wendy’s and late dinner at Chili’s where I ordered ribs. We felt the problem has been licked after that eventful day, hoping for a smoother day tomorrow, ready to extend for a few more days if needed in case the application blows up again, returning back to the Hampton Inn where I had planned to exercise, instead sinking in bed and falling asleep.

The last day in the warehouse went well, everything worked fine except for a minor glitch in the carrier report, the project team feeling pleased like a fog of doubt has just lifted and everything was fine again, and it was a fine sunny day unlike yesterday’s dark clouds and sporadic rain, as if the sun had brought out the good luck, and everyone happy with the performance of the software, printing labels with large quantities as if head office was doing a test, that we had a great lunch after ensuring all was fine, eating again at Salt Grass where I ordered steak and scampi rice. Last minute calls to fix the final glitches and all was done so we went home early, going to Hooters for dinner where I ordered oysters and boneless chicken wings and Samuel Adams beer. I finally got to exercise, doing 40 minutes in the stationary bike, packing my stuff and watching television, waking the next day at around 5:30 am, checking my computer, listening to the audio book - Scott McClellan’s ‘What Went Wrong’ about the Bush presidency, checking the sites and making phone calls to ensure all was well, attending a remote town hall meeting, doing 40 minutes in the tread mill, having breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs, yogurt and a banana, packing and finally leaving for the airport.

The people in the Houston warehouse were fine young ladies, asking intelligent questions during the training, responding to the new printer and learning the new ways, the episode telling me that Texas is a fine place with eager young people, living in a sprawling city with large interstate highways, quaint suburban homes spread out the city, reminding me of Los Angeles and compared to the exclusive large homes in the East, the Western lands seem to be more egalitarian, with impressions of dynamism glimpsing the skyscrapers of downtown with NASA and oil companies adding modernity to a city along the coast, the trees reminding me of the Florida swampland and the pan handle of Mississippi. But the place seem to lack buzz unlike the cities of California but one can detect the faint scent of great wealth, existing for only a few, unlike Los Angeles or the other places in California that seem to say everyone has a chance to get rich. The flight home was uneventful, although the warehouse at home was calling me, about a small issue but I could not call them, my phone having died, trying desperately to call by VOIP using my computer but failing, so I just read my book by Howard Marks and had McRib sandwich from McDonalds. I enjoyed the flight home, getting the window seat, glimpsing the terrain below as the plane made its way home, passing the states of Alabama, Georgia and, finally South Carolina, the plane descending in the early evening with the city lights spread out in the dark land.

The Most Important Thing

2011-11-13T09:57:00.001+08:00

An investment book highly praised by Warren Buffet is not the usual finance book by people like Burton Malkiel or Jeremy Siegel , renown university professors who moonlight as investment gurus. Instead the book is written by a veteran investor- Howard Marks and lacks the academic flourish noticeable in books by professors. Aside from the usual focus on fundamentals, Marks zeroes in on value investing which Buffet is a well-known practitioner. His chapters on risk are strangely common sense but strike to the heart of the matter. Risk is basically losing your money – nothing more, nothing less. Risk is reflected in the price – the higher the price, the higher the risk. He focuses on investor psychology – the single most important aspect of value investing. Investor psychology is seen in bubbles, whether foolishly chasing the upside or in low price stock that the market has unreasonable discounted. The book is able to synthesize the various ideas of other great books by offering a realistic viewpoint for value investors. One can say the author is biased but a welcome one for someone who has been reading all sorts of financial guides.

Clearly, the market is inefficient not only because of asymmetrical information (‘insider knowledge’) but because of investor psychology, the market is a beauty contest as famously remarked by Keynes, indicating that stock fundamentals and especially technical investing is hogwash. Market sentiment is not guided by coolly efficient and rational investors but speculators who underestimate risk and are influenced by mania and emotions. It’s misguided mob throwing away money, not at all like the organized facade alluded to in television shows and advertising by brokers or investment banks. Even financial advisers may not have a clue on what they are doing, a silly pretense in trying to be a professional expert on some esoteric discipline, but just people trying their best not to lose money while sharks come in to get all the bling. People like Buffet and George Soros are the few who really know what they are doing and it’s not really an incredible skill but discipline, not being swayed by emotion and mob psychology.

The book alludes to investment success as an attitude, a certain predisposition that provides a ‘second-level thinking’ that synthesizes information from business, economics and finance, plus a conservative mentality that is not swayed by emotion and market hysteria. The key is an insightful understanding of the relationship between price and value plus a realistic assessment of the risk. Looking back to my first huge loss investing in currency, particularly on the Japanese Yen in the late 1990’s during the time Robert Rubin was treasury secretary, I was foolish. My bet was right but the execution was a mess, basically a misunderstanding between my broker and my intended plan. I was a fool who did not realize the risk despite the huge amount being invested, disregarding of my own exit plan, blinded by greed and a fear of losing money, all contributing to a disastrous loss acerbated by sweet talk of my currency broker. This sober experience, right after earning money on an early bet on Philippine banks that earned me enough to pay for my post-graduate degree, spurring me on to the reckless currency investment, thinking that I was different and smart when in fact I was just lucky, lead me to bite the bullet and borrow money from my grandmother in exchange for my stock certificates.

My failure led me to read more, eventually discovering Benjamin Graham’s books and Warren Buffet. The journey continued with Burton Malkiel and his ‘Random Walk down Wall Street’, Jeremy Siegel, Robert Kiyosaki, efficient market theory, diversification, stock allocation, George Soros and finally ending with Howard Marks ‘The Most Important thing’ – a paean to value investing, coming full circle back to Graham and Buffet. Along the way, I have gained modest experience by investing in the Philippine, Singapore and US stock market, in common stocks, ETFs, index funds, country funds and so on. But all this experience is more about technicalities, answering the ‘How’ question, but the bigger question is on the philosophical idea, guidance on the psychology and behavior of a good investor, answering the ‘Why’ question. The new field of behavioral economics looks into this area, something that Graham and Buffet have been talking about for decades, now an academic pillar where one’s behavior (like in all other things) is the key to success. Kiyosaki also focuses on the philosophy and not really on the technical part, not talking about the specifics of investing, but to re-orient the focus on cash flow and not traditional ‘assets’ like a large house.

Being a contrarian is celebrated, to go against the crowd and sticking with your guns, even if it means obscurity and meager results, as long as risk is managed and one is not influenced by greed. This is the supreme lesson of Marks’ book which makes it an intriguing work from a veteran investor, being contrarian is OK while providing insights on stock cycles, risk and investment behavior. Perhaps this is the book that should end one’s study of investment – the philosophy thing is done so one follows Henry Ford’s advice to read only instruction manuals, in a specific sense, how to invest in currency or options or technical trading just to learn ‘How’ or study stocks so one is ready when the funds are available. The book transcends the financial realm into a general guide towards general living, not to aspire to live like the Joneses, but towards a more Puritan and conservative lifestyle, back in the days when one is not a ‘smart aleck’, trying to be the best and brightest, but being self-controlled, ascetic and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Nowadays that is being contrarian.

Existential Moment

2011-11-08T11:25:00.001+08:00

It’s been a week since the disappointing incident at the warehouse. Last Tuesday, the warehouse could not ship the products until 2 pm in the afternoon, barely missing the FedEx trucks going to their usual routes, raising blood pressures all around, support staff scrambling everywhere like headless chickens trying to solve the software glitch, my mind in particular chasing at windmills like Don Quixote but not finding any alternative but to helplessly wait until the issue is fixed. Strangely, I felt alienated in the moment, unable to really panic, but going through the motions of trying to find a solution, not really caring despite the implication of the glitch to the big bosses and their perception of the product, but one did not really care, living in a sort of existential moment, perhaps burned out after having reached an exhaustion plateau where any sort of problem is separate from one’s reality like watching a television show, without considering the implications to one’s future or career. A post-mortem was done and it turns out that a crucial piece of the software was not tested. I found myself in the hot seat but did not really care.

After the post mortem meeting and the perceived fallout, I spent a sleepless night trying to think and see what could have been done differently, turning many scenarios in mind, thoughts churning like a runaway train, rising up the next day with a conviction to strike back. The result was an email, a reply to the post-mortem notes, a meager attempt in trying to save face and point the finger to the managers instead of accepting the responsibility exclusively in one’s shoulders, passing the buck to the big boys, attempting to show one’s brilliant analysis derived from a restive night, but ending in silence, perhaps some embarrassed moments to the other members who read the mail. But one has to move on, attending meetings with the other members, discussing the next move, not mentioning the email at all, trying to function normally instead of raising a ruckus which is what I felt I had to do, to rage like a King of England as portrayed by Peter O’ Toole, but one just eases down slowly in a whimper, agreeing to live a life of mediocrity and quiet normalcy.

Nevertheless, one realizes that it’s a danger to one’s career, this insouciant behavior of not caring; the products were shipped out after all, as one reasons it was a negligible delay despite considerable overtime work, so why the big hoopla, stuff happens as Rumsfeld said on the Iraq fiasco, resulting in more deaths, lost billions and collateral damage, and compared to late shipments its really nothing but the concerns of old men trying to seem relevant in a new age where change is constant. ‘ A revolution is not a dinner party,’ Mao said, so one should keep things in perspective, although this is nowhere near a revolution but a small change in the software, but perhaps a significant variation to the old timers who were using the old software for more than 10 years. But the challenge is mine, too. It’s moving down the wire; walking a tightrope, not in the problems of the software application but in one’s mental state; perhaps solving too many production problems has taken its toll, trying to bury the stress with alcohol and movies and indulgence to porn violence like ‘The Walking Dead with body parts exploding in blood and gore.

One does exercise to handle the stress, sticking to the new mantra of achieving 150 minutes of activity every week, adding an hour and a half of yoga during the weekend, and capping off the day with Bloody Mary, vodka martini, whiskey on the rocks or red wine, eating pork rinds, olives and peppers as an appetizer while drinking the lovely cocktails, reading articles in one’s tablet and watching French videos. This is modern life, handling stress with exercise, alcohol and high technology; a potent mix that keeps mental energies at a seemingly tip toe shape, but away from the peace and serenity which is the true salvation, gulping down vitamins and medicines to keep the body running, relying on chemical substances to lubricate the whole mind body equilibrium; vodka for stress, melatonin for sleep, fish oil for cholesterol and mental acuity, books and movies for mental cognition and exercise to keep fit. But the mind must stop or lose the relevance and spiritual saneness that is the real nirvana, not a mind numbing existence seduced by the high life, sophisticated equipment and constant stimulation.

My son is going to college next year, looking for a place to stay, although the university is only 2 hours away, a seminal change, the arc of one’s life ready to achieve a trajectory, a harbinger of new beginnings as my other son also goes his own way. The arguments and the stress, the dis-agreements and the endless discussions will go away and only the memories will remain, maybe not as melodramatic as I make it sound, like words from a sentimental old fool, but a doorway to another life as well, with another house perhaps in a major city, where prospects for employment are better and where one must achieve the destiny he thinks still exists in the future; this is the only event that excites me, not the travails at the office, where one tries to make himself understood, trying to understand the others in return; the idiosyncrasies, the hidden agendas, the small thinking and small mind sets of the project members, all scrambling to find meaning in their lives. But life goes on and one cherishes the small moments with their children, moving forward in their own lives while one tries to make sense of the new realities. Life is the true revolution.

Reconstruction

2011-10-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

Listening to the lecture ‘Building Sentences’ is like learning to write from scratch, bringing insight to areas I had never thought about, challenging long held assumptions and turning them inside out, relentlessly, challenging what one has learned so far, I sit and wonder if it’s too late to be a writer. The lecture series are sold over the Internet, mostly to retirees with nothing to do but watch television, but the lectures are well-crafted with good lecturers, a good way to make the middle class a truly educated class. The retirees or baby boomers are the largest market today, fueling untold products and services, especially television marketing, bringing enlightenment to the new coach potatoes with nothing left to do. So people find themselves benefiting, who would think that marketing good lectures to the general public except to mature audiences like retires with time on their hands. I am a baby boomer myself; narrowly joining the segment although one can still claim to be a member of the next generation, living in a sort of twilight zone between different age groups.

The lecture are quite long but I think the length is good to explain all the concepts without confusing the listeners, but oftentimes I fall asleep and had to replay the lecture, lost in the verbiage and thoughts flying past my head, the erudite professor tireless in his lectures, thinking that one should read the course guide to supplement the lecture or be lost in technical jargon. This type of lecture can only be possible as a DVD, where examples are explained clearly in visual language, where diagrams and writing samples effortlessly shown with digital efficiency, where otherwise writing on a blackboard would break the learning momentum. Reading and watching these DVDs and other such documentaries need synthesis and practice, helping one navigate everyday challenges, for example, one can improve one’s investment education and easily go in the market and purchase shares like any reckless investor in Wall Street or like an astute one like Warren Buffet. It is par for the course for most people here, but a slight challenge from someone who just moved 2 and half years ago without direct experience of the American way of life.

One was living in a sort of pseudo American culture back in Asia, enjoying Hollywood movies and music, emulating the lifestyle of ‘democracy’ and ‘freedom’ within the confines of an Eastern culture, often misguided, deluded by excess and indulgence, the personal id forever looking for gratification. But coming here felt like a homecoming, but after years of being blinded by cinematic illusions, one realizes that he is different, not part of the Anglo-Saxon ethos depicted onscreen, a distorted Asian identity looking for wholeness. So one reads and absorbs all sorts of stimuli, trying to blend in, transition seemingly seamless, a beneficiary of Western education after all, one has come home intellectually, the mind making connections to an imagined world. Living in foreign countries forces one to find himself, or be lost in a drive to assimilation, ramping up the input of sensations and thoughts as one tries to intermingle in a new milieu. Perhaps it is a mental reconstruction, finally inhabiting an imagined world, a fantasy really, suddenly faced with red-neck southern charm.

Listening to all these lectures are good like learning new tricks such as using cumulative sentences, so more tools and techniques can be pulled out of the bag when the need arises, the journeyman writer with his bag of tricks, similar to Hemingway’s boast of knowing some tricks like a boxing repertoire when facing an opponent, bobbing and weaving, finally striking a blow. The techniques seem artificial but a lot of writers use them, as shown in the many examples in the lectures, the tips become an essential armament in the writer’s kit, useful to deploy when the rhythm demands. But is it too late to learn? One does not teach an old dog new tricks, as the saying goes, but the feeling is exhilarating as something new is learned, possibly the highlight of my learning this year, in a year full of new discoveries and experiences. Perhaps the challenge is one of synthesis, as the mind is already filled to the brim, challenging one’s sanity with too much information, the brain constantly churning, resulting in sleepless nights, a remedy for meditation or alcohol depending on one’s inclination.

This explains the sudden charm of Japan, when suddenly one needs to watch Japanese movies and learn more about Kurosawa or Mifune, perhaps trying to recapture one’s Asianess, looking at the most developed Eastern nation for answers, thinking that the first dramatic struggle of an Asian nation shall provide a guide to one’s sanity. Thailand offers another example, a seductive mix of guile, without the bloodshed experienced by more martial neighbors, enticing the Westerners with drugs and women and entangling foreigners with their exotic embrace. Revolution, reconstruction and reform was the answer for countries like Japan, China and Indonesia while others like Malaysia, Singapore and the Philippines sought to help from their former oppressors, experiments that sometimes resulted in severe problems such as the Philippines where an entrenched oligopoly increased its grip. But despite the militarism, Japan moves with grace and dignity, flowing amidst ruins from nuclear, napalm and natural disasters, providing a guiding example to their Eastern neighbors.

Onward Project

2011-10-25T09:45:00.000+08:00

A patch was installed last week, removing a tiresome problem in the warehouse, unblocking the largest obstacle in the project’s path and paving the way for a further roll out to two other sites, giving everyone a fine sense of achievement before the year’s end. At least that’s the plan, an optimistic way forward for all concerned, giving members a sense of triumph after the success of the patch, like giving hope to battered troops after the long battles with program bugs. The decision also loads me with more work as the game has commenced again, racing one’s hearts in anticipation of the travel and work ahead, giving ideas that one can delve into other entertaining options, providing hope to travel plans that one can share. The decision focuses one’s mind again, recently drifting from subject to subject, searching for some inspiration, bored or tired of the lingering attention that is diverted by other projects added-on without sense or reason.

Texas and Illinois are the new states to install following South Carolina and Nevada, with new challenges coming from contractors, hungry to take work from the company so new invoices can be sent, sucking talent out from internal folks like a deadly embrace that may prove fatal in the long run. Office politics rears its ugly head again, one is not up to the challenge where one needs to make his voice heard, sadly one is just bored, forever seeking illicit pleasure from episodes of distraction and procrastination, looking for some solace in the Internet or exotic subjects like samurai in the Edo period, sinking into mediocrity and irrelevance. The key problem is focus, as one’s attention is perpetually distracted or looking at trivialities like television shows and surfing the Internet. So one wonders where the time has gone as the weekend or the weekdays slips away, lost forever as one’s journey is diverted to another area. It’s a problem faced by everyone.

I missed a local writing course that started last September. I should have paid more attention to the local organization’s website instead of feeling wonderful after the attending the July workshop in Spartanburg. This year, the significant training I had so far was the creative writing course in Greer, the 3 day workshop in Spartanburg and watching the 24 lectures on the DVD on crafting a sentence. I also listened to a number of DVD audio books about writing. But I could have attended another reasonable writing course nearby if I had paid attention. I still have to complete the DVD course and plan to participate in the coming ‘Nanowrimo’ annual writing project in November. Before the year’s end, I hope I can contribute some stories to minor online magazines as well as attend the local library’s sharing sessions each month. The immediate goal is to complete a first draft and get into the thick of things. I tried to limit the DVDs and books and magazines that I borrow to free up some time for this work.

I just finished reading ‘Moneyball’ - a 2003 book by Michael Lewis. He is getting into his stride after writing some financially themed books like ‘The Big Short’ and ‘Liar’s Poker.’ To me, ‘Moneyball’ is probably his best work by exposing the use of economic and statistical analysis in baseball. In most of his books, he starts out by trying to find what makes certain people special – people who have a special gift that results in great wealth or a breakthrough or innovation in a certain field – the bond trader in Solomon brothers, the contrarian investor shorting subprime mortgages, the Silicon Valley wizard working on the next new thing and the baseball manager hiring Harvard geeks to apply mathematics in baseball. He is an intriguing writer who zeroes on the essential ingredient of the story or person, bringing forth a broader understanding of economics and finance. Strangely, he has an Arts History degree from Princeton and an Economics degree from the London School of Economics (same school as George Soros). Possibly this explains his discerning and unique viewpoint.

My views on the current financial situation is finally getting some clarity, time spent reading all sorts of books from diverse writers, watching MSNBC, discussing the situation with numerous people, monitoring the results of my investment, have paid off. Some friends came over last Saturday and we started to discuss housing prices. This led to some heated debate but something clicked in my mind. Everything started to make sense. There are too many talking heads and pundits giving their own view of things. Suddenly the environment became clear. I realized that housing prices will continue to go down (despite the low interest rates) because of the high unemployment and anemic growth of the US economy. The country is undergoing massive structural changes that can only sort out in decades unless radical reforms are made in the education system and direction of the economy. It will take another 10-20 years before housing prices go up. The looming precedent is Japan who experienced 2 decades of weak growth. It is new world as Obama declared in this inaugural address.

The new economy has not gained traction or is not wide enough to benefit the majority. Disaffected folks either join the conservative Tea Party (bankrolled by oil billionaires) or join the liberal ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement (true grassroots or influenced by the administration). Only a country like America can find a way but the challenges are huge and new. Gordon Brown’s recent book talks about the current crises as the first challenge of globalization. It’s an interesting book but it’s now clear that a new world is emerging. The new economy of mobile devices, self-publishing, social media, environment friendly – alternate energy world, local connectivity and Internet entrepreneurship is a realm open to only a few. This domain is accessible to visionaries who have gained immense wealth and thereby increased the gap between the rich and poor. The new economy is experienced by tech savvy consumers (who are the majority) who think they have entered a new sphere but only a new consumer experience funded by declining real income. The consumer needs to cross over as a new economy producer.

For example, Henry Ford ushered in the industrial age by pricing his car at a level that his employees can afford. His ‘employees’ are an example of the ordinary factory worker or blue collar employee. Today’s high tech consumers enjoy the fruits of technology but do not have the everyday skills needed to support sophisticated technology. The intellectual capacity that is needed to synthesize new ideas and trends (pattern recognition) is missing. In other words, the transition from the blue collar worker to the knowledge worker has not been achieved in a wider scale unlike in emerging countries like India. Hence, structural changes are needed to make the shift to the new economy by improving the education system. The old solution of immigration may no longer be possible. Without this transition, the economy will remain moribund with high unemployment. The housing market (or foreign wars) will no longer be the growth engine but some new industry that needs to engage the majority the same way previous blue collar work in the factory or workplace was achieved.

The Emperor and the Wolf

2011-10-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

I continued reading Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune’s biography last night, rushing through the pages of the dense 600 + book, flicking the sheets with delight, wondering why no one has ever written a biography of these 2 cinema legends before, possibly because they are both Asian artists with no one in the West willing to devote time to their achievements until now, so intrigued I read their story and felt like discovering a lost secret. The output and range of Kurosawa is monumental, the only other director I can think of is Ingmar Bergman (but Bergman still pales in comparison), where Kurosawa completed so many good pictures that it staggers the mind to think that one could achieved so much, wondering if people can believe that such productivity is possible from a single man, much less someone from an Asian country foolishly deemed a copycat of Western culture. Kurosawa is a giant when compared with any director, physically imposing himself standing more than 6 feet in height, delving in so many aspects of film making as story or script writer, director and producer, putting to shame any other auteur with his prodigious and brilliant output.

Great directors have showered praise on Kurosawa, legends from both East and West like Robert Altman, Ingmar Bergman, Federico Fellini, Roman Polanski, Bernardo Bertolucci, Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese, George Lucas, John Milius, Satyajit Ray, Takeshi Kitano, John Woo and Zhang Yimou, acknowledging the seminal influence of the Japanese sensei in their own work, like being in the midst of a master craftsman who exists in a higher plane, strangely not appreciated in his native Japan or in the general western public except for cinema buffs or lovers of Japanese cinema. Kurosawa comes from samurai ancestors, the warrior spirit instilling his no nonsense work ethic, pushing him to heights and productivity without thoughts of fame, following the Zen principles of simplicity and naturalness, rising from the destruction of war with his bold vision. Perhaps it’s the feeling of re-birth after the death and destruction that enveloped his country that spurred his martial spirits, continuing the innovative push to modern times by his ancient land, following the bushido spirit in an attack of cinematic seduction to conquer the world, not relying on the tactics of an imperial army.

Japan has conquered the world with soft power, rushing forth with their cool electronic gadgets and gas saving automobiles, with the innovations in their manga comics, cinematic originality and Edo paintings filled with geishas and samurai, satisfying the world’s palates with exotic cuisines like sushi, tempura and sushi, a complete world that developed independently of the West. One wonders why Kurosawa is not as famous as he should be with all his achievements, lost somehow from every day discourse unlike known legends like Spielberg, Eastwood or Coppola. Perhaps it’s the naturalness of his talent that people mistakenly believe he had copied most of his work, ignorantly unaware of the ancient culture and originality of Japanese culture. Kurosawa completed about 30 films where 8 films are considered masterpieces based on Francis Ford Coppola’s point of view, an achievement hard to find from any film director, where most can claim to only 1 or 2 masterpieces. His ideas have filtered through his many admirers until his innovations become common place, where the everyday moviegoer does not realize the pervasive influence of Kurosawa, such is the tragedy of the situation.

Kurosawa has won many awards like his actor friend Toshiro Mifune, having collaborated in about 16 films together, a significant portion of which are great films if not masterpieces. Mifune is the quintessential Japanese actor, portraying timeless Japanese characters, from the ‘ronin’ samurai, yakuza gangster, military leader, rickshaw man, industrialist, policeman, ‘shogun’ and so on, completing an estimated 170 films that his output is insanely prodigious. There is no other actor that can claim to have worked on great films as well as acted in so many others in either leading man roles or supporting roles or cameos, embodying an ideal of a nation in his portrayals. From any standard, Mifune is a giant, perhaps the other actor that can claim a similar distinction maybe the Italian actor Marcello Mastroianni but he does not come close to Mifune’s productivity. One wonders how these Japanese giants can achieve so much that it seems superhuman, working without regard for rest and relaxation, working well into their late 70’s like Mifune or 80’s like Kurosawa. Both from middle class families, embodying the Japanese work ethic, living up to the principles of Zen, perhaps trying to erase the shame of their country’s militarism. One thinks that their ilk is gone forever, replaced by hedonistic voyeurs, living the Hollywood life of indulgence and decadence, wasting the potential of their creative genius, forever driven by monetary gain, Orson Welles or Marlon Brando come to mind.

Assembling Words

2011-10-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

One had an epiphany last night while trying to sleep. After watching the latest season of ‘Walking Dead’ and indulging in Internet surfing, I finally got to bed at around 12 midnight but tossed and turned until 1 am where I believe I dozed off, and finally waking at around 6 am. During the period when trying to sleep, a thought comes to mind: one does have writing talent based on feedback from other participants in the writer’s workshop last August. I don’t know how the thought just sprung up from the darkness of the night but thinking back on the workshop moments, there is a facility of words and imaginative ability to create a piece of work during the classroom exercises. There are signs of creative writing ability that can be called to fore when needed. Earlier in the day, I had listened to E.L. Doctorow’s book of essays ‘Creationists’. Perhaps this had triggered the flow of thoughts about writing. Doctorow had excellent essays on Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, John Dos Passos, Mark Twain, Herman Melville and other individuals not in the writing field like Albert Einstein and the Marx Brothers.

From this thought, that if one does have writing talent, then the challenge is not a lack of training or education but of will power. In a deeper perspective, it is the internal realization that one is a writer. As the first writing workshop facilitator told us, ‘you all are writers because you are here in this course.’ He told us to say, ’I am a writer’ to give the confidence to acknowledge what we are. It is this lack of confidence that is holding one back, not the lack of training courses or creative writing classes that one still needs to attend. It is also the procrastination that the mind indulges that prevents work. During the weekend, I brought the car for maintenance which took half a day, went swimming at the gym, and visited the fall food festival in downtown. I also continued reading the excellent biography of Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune called ‘The Emperor and the Wolf’ – a 600 + page book. I also dashed through a number of documentary DVDs (on Marc Chagall, cooking, travelling Russia by river, health tips), borrowed an adventure movie called ‘Hanna’, listened to Doctorow’s ‘Creationists’, and Michael Lewis’ book ‘Money Ball.’ Earlier in the week, I had finished Philip Roth’s ‘The Dying Animal.’

Again it was a ‘high input’ week where one needed to absorb lots of information while trying to enjoy one’s time. The fall food festival was a good event where I listened to Tift Merritt - a young blond girl in a green dress wearing cowboy boots. She had a good voice like those sultry country singers. She played the guitar and keyboards. It was a nice day with lots of people walking around, good food and music. It is probably one of the best festivals that one could attend in the South. These are all distractions of course. If one was a serious writer, one would not go to the gym to swim, go to the fall festival or continue reading a book on the great Japanese filmmaker – even if he is the best film director who has ever lived. Instead, a serious writer would have sat down and tried to write. Instead, one goes on watching television or movies or listening to audio books while one drinks Bloody Mary cocktails or wine, fall asleep in the couch and live a life of indulgent mediocrity. Strangely, in a country where there is too much freedom and diversions, one wonders about living a meaningful life. There is no such free time in developing countries where one just uses his time to survive and get things going. The reverse is true in developed countries especially with minimal commute time.

I plan to complete the DVD writing course on building good sentences. The course is letting me think differently by scrambling my brain in a way that I never thought possible. Writing sentences always came easily especially in journal writing or at work. But the course has ‘deconstructed’ a seemingly natural ability by dissecting the writing of sentences. This is probably the best lesson I would ever get compared to the other courses I have or the books that I have read on the art and craft of a writer. The thought process of writing – has been on a macro level while the course on building sentences is at a micro-level which is the basic building block of a creative work – the sentence. Building sentences is the starting block – the experience is like teaching a moderately experienced carpenter how to hammer a nail. It is going back to the basics. This will remove any doubt because it feels like starting from scratch, by deconstructing the basic task of writing a sentence into a process so it can be repeated again and again.

Being a writer entails being awake. One is in slumber too long, reading too many books and blogging instead of getting actual writing experience. Craiglist has lots of opportunities for freelance writers. But instead of getting excited and trying it one still procrastinates or diverts oneself to reading more books and watching DVDs. It’s a question of confidence – perhaps one is thinking that by reading and watching more, i.e. getting more information, is the answer to gaining confidence. But one realizes that it’s a change of mindset, one that uses more energy and drive, being at play while being serious and focused. It’s different from the self-reflective nature of blogging or journal writing. Writing exercises help bring out this skill and which one has shown promise during the workshops attended. Hence, one has proven one can ride the bike, now one needs to make the journey instead of thinking about it. The feedback loop is more prevalent in this mode, being aware of the market need is the determinant of success unlike blogging or journal writing where a mute audience (or none at all) don’t provide feedback in a manner that is constructive to a creative writer.

Strangely, one possesses a certain confidence, content to fritter away the time in frivolous activities, in drinking alcohol and indulgent wasteful tasks like surfing the internet. After all, one can only focus on writing after one’s regular job. So it’s a second job and the question is: is one ready to devote one’s spare time at another job instead of relaxing after one’s day job. The answer is organization and planning. It’s going back to the principles of ‘getting things done’ by planning the next immediate task. One did not have an idea on the writer’s craft so this was a difficult activity in the past. But one has attended workshops, read books on writing and learned more about the craft – so planning the next task is now possible. It is applying the lessons learned that will do the trick. Writing becomes a project, a process that needs to move forward step by step, instead of a task of divine inspiration.

Building Sentences

2011-10-16T05:37:00.000+08:00

I am watching (or attending?) a lecture from the Great Courses called ’The Writer’s Craft – Building Great Sentences.’ It is a DVD of a university lecture from a professor who teaches in an Ohio college. Apparently the professor is well known. He dissects the craft of creating sentences with clinical precision. The act of writing is less like an inspired divine act but a mechanical and unemotional task. It feels like the life of an animated and joyful creature is snuffed out of existence. But it is a necessary but ruthless education that is required of any modern writer. Experience is not a good teacher as one tries to imbibe the nuances of writing by reading. A self-taught writer follows his instincts by trying to grasp the musical flow the come out of the written work, a sort of learning from osmosis by listening or reading the words from the mouth of masters. Attending the lecture is like watching a ruthless pounding by a professional boxer. One wonders if one can survive the seminar with the previous sense of magic and wonder that one gets from ‘pure’ writing.

The lecture is long about 34 lectures at 30 minutes each. I have been trying to complete this course in the past 6-8 months. But I always have something to do like watching movies or reading books. If I do get to watch the lectures, I fall asleep. One could not imagine that the act of writing could be taught in such a deadening manner. But don’t get me wrong. The professor is brilliant and enthusiastic and I have no doubt that he is a good teacher. But his treatment of the subject matter is like shining a bright light in an area that is best left in shadows. It is like Junichiro Tanizaki’s essay on Japan’s rush into the modern age during the Meiji reconstruction. Ancient and mystical Japan is lost forever when one brings the bright lights into the ancient villages and traditions that these old structures have to be destroyed to make way for the new. This is the same way for religion. I noticed that the old Catholic churches are steeped in darkness with light coming from the ancient stained glass windows that inhabit the walls of Gothic and Romantic churches in France. One feels in awe of the priest saying mass in the darkness of the immense chambers. The Latin chants and incantation contribute to the mystical feeling.

Today’s churches, at least those built without consideration of the mystical experience, are installed with immense chandeliers, thinking that the new pageantry would bring grandeur and awe. But the ancient tradition of religion is lost as a bulwark against devils and demons with mystical ceremonies like exorcisms relegated to the dead past. But that is exactly the point. Like ancient Japan and the Catholic Church, there is no choice but to move forward in progress, throwing all those superstitious nonsense away in place of scientific reasoning. Of course religion means faith with no cold logic around despite claims from erudite Jesuits. Religion declines everywhere and organized religion may soon become an instrument of charity, without the mysticism of the past. It may become one of those impressive multinational organizations straddling the globe like the Bill Gates foundation or the Carter Center or Clinton Global Initiative, where people with noble passions try to improve the world. It’s the road that ancient Japan has taken to emerge into the world stage.

It is the same for writing. There are no longer ‘true’ poets around – those strange mystical creatures who embody divine inspiration and who follow a different drummer. Those poets like Yeats or Dylan Thomas or Lord Byron whose very words are enough to enthrall those who listen. Perhaps in a way, Hemingway still belongs to these group of individuals gifted with a divine touch. But like the ancient romances of old, these enchanted beings are now swept away with the onrush of technology and bright lights. So a modern writer attends creative writing courses or lectures like the ‘Building Great Sentences’, working with computers, tape recorders and voice recognition software. Professional writers, who use sophisticated writing tools that advice on plot and character and theme, check their spelling and grammar with built in thesaurus and dictionaries. One need not need experience the poet’s angst or the dalliance with alcohol and other mystical chemicals like mushrooms or nicotine but research the subject via the internet. It is a disorienting experience that one feels as the old ramparts are swept away that one is left struggling to grasp a toe hold that will keep one steady in a moving stream. The answer is to remain childlike and maintain a sense of wonder in the new world. Perhaps that is the role of ‘magical’ technology like the iPad – to maintain a sense of magic in modern life.

Meaningful Life

2011-10-13T07:37:00.000+08:00

‘The Dying Animal’ by Philip Roth reminds me of Yasunuri Kawabata’s ‘The House of Sleeping Beauties’ and Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s ‘Memories of my Melancholy Whores.’ The story is about an aging Lothario or womanizer who has an affair with a much younger woman. The protagonist of Roth’s tale is a professor who has affairs with his students. It’s interesting that the American tale concerns a teacher who has access to single women in his every day work. Marquez’s protagonist is a journalist who frequents whore houses; similar to Kawabata’ hero although there is less fornication. The American tradition allows for illicit relationship in the workplace unlike the South American and Japanese version where the hero has to resort to frequenting houses of ill repute. Roth is the more graphic writer as Marquez resorts to flowery language while Kawabata is known for his minimalism. These works are honest explorations on the tragedy of an aging Don Juan. Interestingly, the tale is set in an age before Viagra which throws away any physical decline due to aging.

The openness of a May-December romance is intriguing in Western culture as the alpha male is often the hero. Other cultures are not as permissive perhaps, as one prefers to purchase a service like buying a candy, although the story results in attachment and love which is the tragedy. The American tale is more mercenary where one just allows one’s desires to be fulfilled. The object is the satisfaction of one’s urge despite the consequence to family and mores. Furtive romances are less messy especially if there is a fee involved. In most cultures that are not wealthy, the ‘purchase’ of a mistress is an easier option. The Western tradition is a meeting of equals where one pursues the relationship because of honest desire. Roth’s story describes the hero’s loss of his young lover who he does not pursue because of the realization of his declining vitality. The outcome may have changed if the setting is more recent with Viagra and Cialis ready to buttress any fledging desires.

Age and death is the theme behind these works. The recent death of icon Steve Jobs underscores this theme. His story is the ultimate success story with its twist and turns and eventual victory of Apple although ending with Steve’s death. Much has been written of Job’s impact on technology and multiple industries. It’s incredible that he could have achieved so much before he died – possibly he had an inkling of his fate so his drive and ambition led him to attain multiple achievements before his inevitable end. It is a tragic but heroic story. It was a meaningful life to have changed so much despite its short span. The advanced age of the hero in Roth’s book portray a wasted life of frivolity and indulgence. Job’s life is an unrelenting journey of struggle, defeat and eventual victory. There is no triviality in the billions the Apple Company has earned and the change that technology has given to the lives of the Apple devotees. The impact to multiple billion dollar companies by one man is an amazing story.

Mortality focuses one to examine his life. The viewpoint of aging Lotharios are self-indulgent unlike that of a technology wizard. Perhaps Jobs has given all that he can and the world is a different place for it. One wonders what a meaningful life is. One has spent too many hours reading books or watching movies that one has lost his goal. It’s an indulgent life without the striving for noble goals. The key is focus or rather a clear decision not to do tasks that do not contribute to one’s main goal. Technology wizards have a clear unrelenting focus that results in their eventual victory. All else is meaningless while the mediocre continue with their petty obsessions and desultory lives. The modern heroes are these computer billionaires who live in Silicon Valley or Seattle. People who have devoted their lives to create a technological product that gains them fame and fortune. It is no longer the self-indulgent every day man living a life filled with normal day angst, sin and mediocrity. Perhaps he is spending too much or buying things in credit. So at least he buys toys to play with that keep his self-esteem alive.

Starting Work

2011-10-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

Last weekend I hope would be the last that I would spend watching multiple DVDs or catching up on my reading frenzy. These activities are not bad in itself but it distracts me on achieving my avowed goals. When I am close to having something done or when I have firmed up my resolve, my mind never fails in looking for a new distraction. I wanted to start work on activities that I want to achieve but instead get laid up on a mindless rush to finish watching the DVDs or read the magazine or books that I borrowed from the library. The weekend becomes a mad dash to finish all these watching films or reading all these stuff so I can return them on time and not pay the overdue fees. The only thing that I got done in one of my goals was to do an hour of yoga. The amusing thing is that the yoga exercises came from a DVD I borrowed from the library which is about a week overdue. At least I found a yoga practice that is easy to do, something that I have been searching for quite some time.

What is the object of the frenzy? I guess it is the urge to satisfy one’s curiosity and be updated with the latest thing. One does not like to be behind the times. I realized that most of things I do serve to satisfy a goal like increasing one’s financial literacy and so on. But I think I have crossed the threshold and achieve a certain expertise. For instance, I have started purchasing stock using a Merrill Lynch account under a ROTH-IRA. Last Friday I purchased shares of GE and Bank of America after seeing the dividend that GE paid so far and after reading a recent Fortune article on the new Bank of America CEO. I guess I have gone beyond the novice level after reading so many books on investment and finance. The last book I read was by Robert Kiyosaki. But I did not finish reading the manuals I got from the Rich Dad, Poor Dad course I took about stock investing a few months ago. There are good sections on technical investing and options. One could easily read the manuals and become an expert instead of diving into the latest books from the libraries.

The question is: how can one still be updated and still keep to one’s stated goals? I have decided that the books that I want to ‘read’ will be only those where I could borrow an audio book. So I can spend my ‘reading time’ during the time I am driving. Listening to news and books is the best way for me to keep updated while keeping my weekend free. One great service is the New York Times podcast that I could get free from the Sony Dash and which I listen to during the weekend. NYT podcasts have great sections on technology, politics and business. NYT also has a daily news show like NPR that I listen to while having breakfast. There are also great applications in my Android device where one can get NYT, USA Today, Le Monde, Economist and Guardian among other news services. So getting the information from audio services and push technology like Android apps would help save time. Limiting one’s cinema treats are also important to cut time but by one’s age one has had his fill of art house features that one can focus only on the really good films.

I watched some interesting features in the weekend mainly the Taiwanese classic file ‘Yiyi’ – an excellent drama filmed in Taipei and Tokyo including coastal scenes possibly in Izu peninsula. I also watched a number of films: ‘Heimat’ a German mini-series and the old classic ‘Shogun’. ‘Yiyi’ introduced me to a new character – the Japanese wise man, not your usual mountain mystic but a worldly and wise computer game developer - a technologist in the modern sense. The Japanese wise man is like the first Asian who crossed the threshold towards being an equal to the West but who contracted the sins of Western colonialism that resulted in death and disaster with nuclear bombs dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The Japanese have been there and done that - from being a ruthless military ruler, to defeat and the first recipients of both napalm and nuclear weapons. Now Japan is also the country that is experiencing a long drawn out recovery - trying to rise out of a recession by fiscal spending. It’s a situation now faced by Western nations like the USA after the economic and financial crisis of 2009 and 2010. The Japanese is the wise man of Asia - being a modern country long before the so-called emerging countries came about with experiences that even Western nations don’t have.

‘Shogun’ is a good story about the western contact with Japan in the early 1600. The series depict the clashes between the Portuguese, Spanish and English as these countries fight for domination of Asia. I thought initially that it was a ‘cheesy’ Hollywood knock-off but now I find it to be an excellent series despite the seemingly cheap and dated sets. It stars Japanese legend Toshiro Mifune which was the main reason I borrowed the DVDs. Hopefully these are the last DVDs that I will be borrowing in bulk. I also borrowed a book on Mifune and Akira Kurosawa which I hope to be the last large book I will borrow since there is no audio book available. One still has a fascination with Japanese culture. Yesterday, I watched both ‘Yiyi’ (which looks like a Japanese film production) and, afterwards, ‘Shogun’ while drinking a couple of Bloody Mary’s before I had dinner of Japanese chicken curry, miso soup and sake. It was an interesting weekend of DVDs and a visit to nearby Spartanburg to watch the Festival of Nations on Saturday. I had lunch of goat curry with rice and beans from the Jamaican stand, sausage and sauerkraut from the German stand and enjoyed a show of belly dancing.

Switching Medication

2011-09-28T06:59:00.000+08:00

Taking medication for blood pressure causes one to make frequent trips to the bathroom. Previously one has taken the pills before bedtime as advised by the good doctor. But result in poor sleep due to the nocturnal travels required by Mother Nature. The reason for taking the pills at night is the side effect of headaches and disorientation. So sleeping it off seemed to be the best option when compared to drinking the pills in the morning at the risk of impairing one’s drive to the office or destabilizing one performance in the office. Nevertheless, one has chosen to switch the timing and take the medication in the morning. Anything that preserves one’s sleep is the better path. Losing sleep has far more worse consequences when compared to enduring slight morning headaches and disorientation. Of course, one should be able to tolerate the side effects during the normal course of the day. Hence, one feels a little giddy these days possibly due to the disorienting effect plus the slight head ache felt at the front of the head.

Taking the medication is the inevitable result of aging. One has to exercise more especially in terms of maintaining one’s muscle mass and flexibility. One has chosen Yoga for flexibility and going to the gym for the rest of the reasons. Kundalini yoga offers an easy way to maintain flexibility and claims to improve one’s intuition and cognition. Keeping one’s cognition in old age is a primary challenge. The first to go is one’s youthful tendency to multi-task. But as one ages, this results in confusion and forgetfulness. One is not as smart or as mentally agile anymore. This situation is all the more complicated by one’s natural curiosity that results in unending stimulus and mental churning. Hence, the need to slow down and focus on one subject is not only a good way to achieve one’s goal but also necessitated by age. One also tries to stave off mental decline by exercising more, exploring new experiences and do techniques like playing a musical instrument. But my recent move two years ago to a new country and work place has stretched my ability to adapt to new circumstances.

Moving to a new environment is always stressful. I had crossed a continent to get to where I am right now. I guess it has taken a toll more on my wife as I seemed to have weathered the change. But one feels one’s age especially with the different climate. Winter is never good to the old or to those near middle age. There is also too many new things to learn that stresses one’s ability to adapt. Add the pressure and stress of one’s work and the challenge is significant if one is not physically and mentally fit. One exercises more by going to the gym three times a week. Blogging and journal writing has also increased. But there is still something missing and needed to delay the aging process. One believes that yoga can provide some of the diminishing vitality and responsiveness. Daily Tai Chi Qi Gong practice in the morning is good in keeping one sane but does not have flexibility exercises. Playing games in the Sony PS3 will also help in preventing cognitive decline by keeping one engaged. But one does not have quality time since one overloads the weekend with too many DVDs to watch and books and magazines to read.

Admittedly one has more leisure time and living space plus more exciting places to see, new experiences and new people to meet. The mind is engaged but still distracted. Worthless activities need to be curtailed not only to meet one’s goals but for mental serenity as well. Now what should one focus on? What are the activities that one considers worthwhile to pursue? One assumes that one should spend time in activity rather that passive entertainment like reading books or watching movies. For instance, novel writing, fishing, hiking, golf, Toastmaster, travel to nearby places, increasing communication to friends, relatives and immediate family. Maintenance activities would be playing PS3 games, learning Spanish, yoga and learning new coding skills. The tradeoff will be lesser reading and watching movies. The hopeful result is an awakened mind instead of one that is constantly engrossed on a new idea, latest trend or art house film. Being in the ‘NOW’ as Eckhart Tolle has challenged people will be the key.

I found an inspirational book called ‘The War of Art’ by Steven Pressfield. I learned about this book from an interview with visual specialist Sunni Brown who I was reading about in a CNN interview. She made a visual summary which I had found inspirational. I plan to buy the book from Amazon – Kindle version. Basically, the book describes the professionalism that artists need to develop in order to get things done. I think it is the type of book that I have been looking for. But it now feels that I have been reading too much and ending up in blind alleys. Maybe this would be different. The author made a follow-up book called ‘Do the Work’ that was warmly praised by Robert Kiyosaki. So it’s interesting that his works – written by a well-known author to address creative writing challenges also inspires visual artists and finance entrepreneurs. But one still feels that one had read or learned too much useless things that have no practical value. As the Chinese say, knowledge that is not used is useless knowledge.

There is temptation in libraries and sites like ‘The Great Courses’ that offer all sort of lectures in their website. There is an abundance of information that is available for everybody. But on a personal perspective, information is not free because one pays with his time and attention. Information also takes its toll in one’s mental serenity and equilibrium, sometimes resulting in stress. Hence, one must reduce information received at a quantified level perhaps 10 kilobytes per day, for instance. The approach is similar to reducing weight by keeping to a certain amount of calories or the 10,000 steps per day to keep fit. Information is quantified, measured and, thereby regulated to keep the mind and body healthy. Now that’s an interesting thought.

Necessary Knowledge

2011-09-27T09:44:00.000+08:00

During the weekend and most of last week, I watched 4 DVDs about the end of World War II. Particularly, the last campaigns in Europe that ended with the destruction of Berlin and the suicide of Hitler. My fascination with the last world war started with Erik Larsen’s excellent book ‘In the Garden of Beasts’ and Ken Burns’ documentary ‘The War.’ I learned new things from these works that I wanted to increase my knowledge of the war – particularly the remaining days of the Nazi regime, the Battle of the Bulge, and the Pacific war especially the liberation of Manila. My knowledge of these subjects is from Hollywood movies so it was a revelation to see actual documentary photos and news reels of the period. I learned new stuff from the DVDs like the geopolitical strategy of the Nazis who were influenced by strategists like Karl Haushofer who proposed the Axis alliance with Japan and Italy. Haushofer was a Major General as well as a strategic thinker and professor who widely visited the Orient - visiting Japan, Korea and China. After the war, it was reported that he committed seppuku or Japanese ritual suicide.

Learning about the world war and the various strategies were a good supplement to my study of the American Civil War. I watched an excellent DVD a few weeks back about the life of Robert E. Lee where I learned things like the early years of his generalship before he was appointed commander of the Army of Northern Virginia and overlord of the overall Confederate armed forces. This was to supplement the lectures I attended in Furman University recently about the Civil War and the subsequent civil rights struggle in the Deep South. I thought I needed to know about these subjects to deepen my understanding of my new country. One realizes that America is a war state despite its peaceful inclinations. There is always a parade in some small town in the country that honors veterans of the wars especially recent ones like Korea, Vietnam, Kuwait, Iraq and Afghanistan. It is a country that became a world power because of war when other world powers were destroying themselves in their own major struggles. The English General Kitchener is reported to have said to the German strategist Karl Haushofer that America will be the next world power if they are not stopped.

Rudolf Hess, a student of Haushofer escaped to Scotland in 1941 supposedly to prevent war between Germany and England. The object was to strike an alliance so the combined powers could fight Bolshevism in Russia, Communism in China and perhaps make America a colony of Germany. But Churchill proposed the alternate and, subsequently, victorious plan to side with America and, thereby, assure its rise as a great power. (Philip Roth wrote a book about an alternate history ‘The Plot against America’.) It is interesting to read about how a society can be corrupted by evil; like Nazi Germany and perhaps antebellum South with slavery. It takes a great endeavor to cleanse the ills of a corrupt society. The great example is Churchill and Roosevelt in World War II and Lincoln in the Civil War. Learning about these alternative histories, one could say that not everything is as it seems. One wonders about the alternative realities or strategic theories that brought forth 9/11, the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, the Arab spring and the fall of governments in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt and possibly soon Yemen and Bahrain. Interestingly, the UN General Assembly met this week where the Palestinian PM Abbas raised a petition to declare a Palestinian state. The subsequent speech of Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu sounded like old cold war rhetoric that did not account for new realities.

There is a schism in the conservative right where allies like Pakistan are now being accused of attacking the US embassy in Kabul using the Taliban network (from orders of the American right wing?). None other than Admiral Mullen of the US armed forces is making the accusation. Allies like Israel are now considered a strategic liability with its continued construction of settlements in the Palestinian territories. It all seems related if one considers geopolitical strategies. I borrowed Ellie Wiesal’s book ‘Night’ about his experiences in the Nazi concentration camp. I hope this would end my studies of the world wars which takes too much of my time. I felt that I should spend time learning about this stuff because it was necessary knowledge for me. But necessary for what? I had thought it was something like research for a writer but in fact may be delaying me. Unquenchable curiosity is draining time from practical activities. Intellectuals (elitists?) are not appreciated here – the American hero is the underdog, not an intellectual but someone who is hard working, using his common sense and follows the rules. Intellectuals seem like arrogant people like Al Gore and don’t win elections. This may explain Obama’s recent difficulties as compared to Clinton who had similar problems but did not talk down to people (‘Bubba’ as term of endearment).

My quest is not really to get ‘necessary knowledge’ but a waste of time that distracts one from actual work. One does not need this knowledge to be successful. Satisfying one’s curiosity is like indulging in a vice like drinking alcohol or eating too much. For example, I did not have to read the “Gnostic Gospels” but it’s a good read for serious Christians. One needs to focus on practical knowledge as espoused by Henry Ford. Perhaps that is why I also watched DVDs on Yoga (Kundalini and Ashtanga) and Spanish cooking. I think Kundalina Yoga is a good fit for me and will keep me centered, quiet the churning mind and keep me fit. My continued readings of Eckhart Tolle should help me, too. Meanwhile, learning Spanish cooking is like returning to my roots and I hope to cook more dishes to help in the weekend. I am also thinking of learning Spanish with the free library resource to help my career in the future. Therefore, one should make a distinction on knowledge (is it necessary?) to save one’s time. I remain a disciple of Steven Covey with his ‘sharpen the saw’ technique. One should focus on developing one’s whole person: social, intellectual, spiritual, physical and emotional. Or work, family, relatives, friends and church. The idea is to grow holistically as a person which explains wide reading.

On the subject of personal development, our Toastmaster club had an induction ceremony last Friday. We invited 2 other clubs in our area. It turned out to be fun and I was emcee of the event. We had excellent speakers and I tried to keep things going while cracking a few jokes. I think I was able to elicit some laughter but I think I could have done better by practicing and preparing a repertoire. I find that I am an instinctive speaker with flashes of humor during the occasion rather than someone who prepares for the event. This is actual experience that one can learn from. I read Robert Kiyosaki’s latest book ‘Unfair Advantage’ and there is a section that says one learns more if one practices experientially. One only retains 10% of the knowledge a week later when one reads a book as compared to about 70% when one actually practices it. That’s experiential learning which goes to show that one learns about wine by drinking rather than reading about wine. The same goes for public speaking, writing and yoga. The challenge is reducing temptation (stop going to the library?) by keeping the mind focused.

DRT Week

2011-09-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

Last week was disaster recovery test week. A company wide exercise that involved all the systems in the company. It was treated like a high severity event and all our partners like IBM were fully focused on the exercise. It was fitting that it was conducted during the week of the anniversary of September 11 and handled with extreme seriousness. I had some doubts that our system would survive a rapid recovery drill but somehow it did. I did not really care because we had our share of disasters during that week as well. The problems started on Monday but continued all the way to the end of the week. Somehow we were able to solve these production issues and still manage to conduct our disaster recovery testing successfully. What a week! I said to my colleagues that we were in a midst of a real production disaster during the testing week. We did not need a simulated exercise to prove that we could survive a disaster.

It was an intense time where we had to intervene and help the remote warehouses. It was the same old story. But this time we had an inkling of what could have happened. A patch was installed on the previous Thursday evening and the warehouse folks reported a change the next day. It all started that Friday and carried over the weekend where the Nevada team could not work by themselves. So the problems proceeded into the disaster week when the rapid recovery exercise was moving into full swing. A near catastrophe occurred on Wednesday when we were helping the two warehouses at the same time. Usually we had one warehouse working fine but this time the load came from both the warehouses. As was like a mad man – shifting attention from one warehouse to another to get the work done. A few mistakes which I thought was serious but shrugged off by the business when I explained the fiasco. I had lost focused when it seemed that everyone was calling me or going to my cubicle for a chat or to follow-up one thing or the other.

Somehow I managed to survive that Wednesday. The next day we went through some test scenarios but there was some problem with the test computer. So we did not do much testing. I had missed my date going to the gym on Wednesday night as well as Thursday. Friday came as a shock as the database disk space was full. This caused problems in both the warehouses again. The problem was solved after diagnosing the problem, and chatting with the relevant support staff in India. Getting to the right person at the right time is the secret to effectiveness. The problem was resolved in less than an hour and got the first warehouse going. But there were just too many meetings that occurred that day and I had to participate remotely. Trying to engage one during the meeting in the morning was difficult because of the support calls and I had to drop from the call after the Nevada team called me.

I went to lunch with the person beside my cubicle and I had a generous helping of Chinese fried rice. Afterward we went to Wal-Mart to look at the fishing rods. We are planning a fishing trip before winter comes.

Making Sushi

2011-09-13T08:34:00.000+08:00

This weekend I achieved a milestone. We made California Maki rolls and had sashimi at home. It was a dream of mine, to be able to make Japanese food like sushi. It was simple, just a lot of preparation. Earlier it had seemed to be complex task that required specialized training but turned out that only a lot of things needed to be considered. It turned out to be much simpler once one delves into the details. I did not realize it was so easy. It goes to show that not everything is thought to be difficult if one puts his mind to it. We sliced avocado, crab sticks, mango and cucumber to place in the rolls. Cooking the sushi rice correctly was the main challenge. But it could be cooked in a simple rice cooker. It was all about buying the correct grain and the rice mixture. It was all readily available in the Japanese store. Buying frozen sashimi was the next hurdle which was also available in the store.

To gain expertise, one just needed to watch YouTube videos and all is set. I guess one is prepared only when the right time or place is reached. It was enjoyable to make the Japanese rolls and we all pitched in. We had the rice mat needed to make the rolls, ingredients including the roe placed on top. The food looked perfect and one now has the confidence to make all sorts of variation: eels, fish sushi, smoked salmon and all sorts of food. The sushi is like a platform where one can make anything. The ‘nori’ or seaweed wrap is the perfect tool to wrap the rice and any ingredient you would like to put. Once one gets his mind into the technical details, then the execution was easy. A few problems in the first rolls but easy afterward when one is used to making it. I guess it all started when one ventured to make the Thai dishes and once the threshold is breached anything can be done.

It was Japanese weekend, watching Kurosawa’s classic film ‘Red Beard’ possibly Toshiro Mifune’s best role. I also finished Ken Burn’s excellent documentary ‘The War’ which portrays the Pacific war in detail. I especially enjoyed the section on the Philippines including the Bataan death march, the incarceration of American citizens in Santo Tomas University and the liberation of Manila. I also was fascinated with the incarceration of Americans of Japanese extractions in prison camps. It was an eye opener especially the story of Hawaiian senator Dan Inoiye and his experiences in the war as a soldier. He was awarded the Medal of Honor many years later after the war. It was also the first time I understood the progression of the Pacific War. In Tokyo, I had visited both the Yasakuni Shrine (for the Japanese war dead) and the Japanese War museum beside the shrine and only appreciated the Japanese struggle after watching Burn’s film.

Ken Burns is a great documentarian and I have always loved his films. I hope to watch his film on the Civil War again now that I am actually here in the American south and attended a battle reenactment. I had watched his film when I was in Singapore and read E.L.Doctorow’s novel ‘The March’ about General Sherman’s march to the sea campaign in Georgia and the Carolinas. I have been watching my fill of DVD again this weekend and rushed through a few audio CDs last week. There is an emptiness that one feels and one realizes that these activities no longer excite me. It is only an intellectual enjoyment when one could live a real life by cooking and making sushi. Perhaps cooking will be my salvation as one gets away from the incessant addiction towards stimulation. There is just too much in one’s mind.

Reno Nightmare

2011-09-11T04:36:00.001+08:00

Yesterday’s problems continued into the early evening when the Reno office called. Yes, the contagion hit Nevada, too. But it was not as bad as I thought. In fact it was a self-inflicted wound as the user locked themselves out of their account by signing in with a wrong password too many times. But the damage was done. The call came in while I was driving home and from the time it took me to reach home, set up my computer and called the help desk to check and unlock the Reno account, was just too long for the users to wait. By the time I got everything ready and called the Reno office, the users had reversed their work and created a new transaction. Possibly about 30 to 45 minutes have elapsed from the first instance that they could not log in. It was not a good day as they wasted a lot of time due to the network delay that hit all the users. Nevertheless, the Reno folks could do their work despite the irritation unlike the other warehouse near head office where nothing could be done without our intervention.

The big honcho in Reno made his usual love letters – thinly disguised contempt in email reports to the gods here in head office. But it was courteous as one sees there is no turning back to the old system. I read thru one of his mail yesterday evening and preferred to read the other one the next day. I knew what it contained which was the day’s misadventure. It was a good thing I prepared my usual cocktail of orange juice and vodka while I worked on the Reno problem. It was a combination of technical and interpersonal skills that saved the day. Musing over the remains of the day, I called my friend - the support staff but he did not have time to chat. He was having supper and one guesses that the day troubles had tired him out. After the episode with Reno, I had supper myself while watching a DVD. I finished an Italian classic film by Roberto Rossellini called ‘General Del Rovere’ and a Russian film called ‘Nostalghia’ made by the acclaimed director of ‘Stalker’ – I film I liked due to the visual artistry that evoked surreal scenes of a nuclear incident.

But I did not pay too much attention on these films which were actually boring despite their reputation in art house circles. I was surfing the internet, updating my blog while watching the movies. In a previous life, I would have enjoyed these ‘art’ films but now seems a waste of time. I still enjoy Japanese films especially the classic samurai films but anything contemporary will do. I particularly liked the Japanese contemporary comedy ‘Shall We Dance?’ which I watched last weekend. These films are the remaining link to my life in Asia. Food is another memory. I plan to make sushi this weekend having bought the ingredients the other day. Last weekend was Thai salad and Japanese sake (but made in California). The sake was quite good, close to the real taste. The film ‘Nostalghia’ was about a Russian poet exiled in Italy. The poet could not get the Russian country side out of his mind. Similarly, I have begun to think of my past life, my trips to Thailand and Japan and my life in Singapore, eating good food and watching classic movies. Now only the classic movies remain, easily borrowed from the public libraries.

Now the Asian food is all gone but one can still try to make them but without the authenticity, taste and variety of the Singapore food stalls, without it’s sounds, smell, people and general atmosphere; the rain, heat and humid evenings of the tropics. Today I tried to search for old friends in the company Intranet, to find out what has happened to them. Some have remained in Singapore while others have scattered the earth. Some have moved to India, Dubai, Philippines and Australia. One does not realize the loss immediately, only during times of alienation and solitude. My recent project and subsequent problems have kept me busy and focused on the issues. But despite being able to solve the problems, there is an emptiness that one feels as one cannot share the exhilaration of the challenge with a fellow Asian. One must keep busy in order to survive the loss. I guess it is the same thing that my family feels being jointly uprooted from the past.

There is still free time, a lot of it when compared to Asia. But one fills the time with books, movies, magazines, travel and new experiences. But now is the time to be still and centered so one can finally write. There is always the urge to fill up the space when it’s free; when the best solution is to be comfortable in that space. Space meaning silence, inactivity and solitude. But it is not emptiness as the thought of emptiness is man-made. Being comfortable in emptiness will result in creativity and freedom. Perhaps that’s the environment needed by the mind to write and be creative. Mental churning stops and silence reigns. But the mind is addicted, to activity and stimulation, so one succumbs to insomnia, intoxication, self-abuse and mindless activities in the guise of enjoyment. It’s a trap that one can only escape by recognizing the addiction. Strangely, it’s a strength recognized by books as having an open mind, free to accept unlimited input and stimulation. But awareness is a start and maybe combined with activities like Yoga and meditation. Now that’s a plan.

Merry Go Round

2011-09-09T10:03:00.000+08:00

The bugs came out again today. Similar to the episode in mid-August, no one seems to know what happened. It came like a soft rumbling in the ground, like a coming earthquake. Luckily the scale did not tip over. The first inkling came at dawn when the support staff called me at home as I was getting ready for work. My mobile phone rang at about 7:30 am when I was dressing. Earlier, he received a call from the warehouse at 6:30 am and tried the usual next steps to get it running but the program just didn’t work. So he called me an hour later after his futile attempts. I did not check my laptop right away, thinking I had time to have a quick breakfast and drive to work. My plan was to have everything fixed by 8:30 am; not too bad a delay for the warehouse. But as I got to my desk at 8 am, it looked like something had changed. It was acting strangely. We were in for a wild ride today.

We got to work checking everything in the server, logging into systems and making phone calls to the warehouse. The support staff walked over to my desk as we fiddled with the keyboards, looking at the computer screens for any sign of a logical solution. But it was a mystery. The system was hanging in the warehouse, stalled by some invisible barrier that we could not find. It seemed like some malevolent virus was stalking the network, mischievously delaying the packets of data whizzing by, creating havoc at the warehouse. We just could not find what was wrong. We tried the usual steps again which the staff had done earlier. It seemed to have stopped working but suddenly it started to work, sending down the reports from head office down the wire to the warehouse. We had beaten the bug. Or so we thought. We called the warehouse and asked them to try again. But the fellas got the same erroneous response. The program was not working at their end.

So the rest of the day was spent helping the fellas remotely, printing their reports and doing the other stuff that they normally do. Otherwise, work would stop and the product will not be delivered to our loyal customers. So we continued helping throughout the day, and the fellas did not show any irritation except for that sweet old lady, a grandmother actually, who displayed a brief flicker of contempt like a flash of a steel blade sinking into your flesh. A problem ticket was created in the help desk so the root cause could be found and fixed. But like a bumbling idiot, we watched the ticket make its way around the globe, first to the warehouse support staff in Bangalore, India. After chatting with him, he went to check their application, found nothing wrong and transferred the ticket to IBM. But not before alerting his boss here in South Carolina, so we got into a short group chat to make sure it was not caused by their application. So the ticket made its way towards a different group of folks.

Soon the hardware folks were chatting me up on the problem. A person I worked with in past based also in India. So we exchanged screen captures, information on the problem, possible avenues to check and so on. But it was an exchange of polite accusation, trying to point the blame towards each other with civilized courtesy. But we would not budge, sticking to our logical constructs in our minds until another path was found to divert the problem to the application team in Cleveland, Ohio. So sent these folks an email with screen captures of the server errors. So far no reply yet as of this moment. Soon a head honcho from IBM called me, a nice guy actually, with a good reputation and respected by the department. It looked like the wire was not upgraded as planned and the bandwidth was not increased. I was skeptical since I suspected something was adjusted in the back end and were not told. Some confidential security measures were applied to prevent any virus or malware attacks and affecting our program. But it’s my old paranoia, my suspicion that there is some secret conspiracy happening behind my back.

In the meantime, we were still getting phone calls from the warehouse as they tried to get on with their work. A problem came up at the end of the day and I had to get assistance from another Indian colleague beside my cubicle. I walked over to him and explained the problem and he worked on fixing it. Meanwhile, no word from the folks in Nevada. They seemed to have no problem working with their program. It a strange world indeed when two parties are using the same program but only one party having problems. One assumes it is the size of the transactions. But that is the nature of the ‘cloud’ where problems strike in the ether and one does not know where the glitch is. The merry go round with continue tomorrow if the problem is not fixed. But the head honcho said that the bandwidth will increase tonight. We shall see. I had planned to go to the gym tonight but just felt tired. The merry go around is getting to me too. After a while, the folks in Ohio replied to my email and found no problem at their end. The problem ticket remains open in the ether with no ownership.

Letter Writing

2011-09-07T09:33:00.001+08:00

David McCullough’s new book ‘The Greater Journey’ has received mostly good notices in recent months. I have not read the book but I have read some of his previous ones particularly the abridged version of ‘Truman’ and ‘Path between the Seas’ about the Panama canal. I also enjoyed the HBO miniseries ‘John Adams’ which is based on his Pulitzer Prize winning book. I also enjoyed the film about Harry Truman starring Gary Sinise which was also based on his award winning work. Research for his recent novel is based on letters of the main characters on their experiences in Paris. In a Time magazine interview, David McCullough laments the decline of letter writing in recent years and marveled at the way people wrote letters in the past. To write is to think. He said letter writing is a good way to refine your thoughts – a way of thinking out loud and expressing them to the letter’s recipients. He doubts today’s emails or blogging can provide the traditional benefits of letter writing as practiced in the past.

From one’s perspective, writing a blog can clarify one’s thoughts which a diary or journal could do as well. But writing to another human being is a different form of expression – something that requires one to be circumspect and real. After all it’s not a debate or a rant (maybe sometimes) or an intellectual treatise (perhaps) but a story about one’s present circumstances. How is one doing at work or how the wife and kids are doing and stories of one’s new life situation. I guess that is the difference when comparing the different types of writing. A blogger or journal writer would have the means of refining their thought process so the thinking experience exists. But the authenticity of expression is lost as intimate communication is not the goal of blogging or journal writing. There is no other person that one is communicating to; only a general public or one’s inner conscience.

Being a true writer in the form of a novelist requires a transition. One wonders whether the past experience was a boon on thinking or writing. I guess it’s both - writing is an expression in written (pen to paper) language. Speaking is another form of expression where one verbalizes the thinking process when one declares one’s thoughts. Those folks who have practiced their thinking via writing may have difficulties speaking as his mind is too fast for his mouth. His verbal skills cannot catch up with the thinking mind. But speaking is closer to letter writing because there is a recipient of one’s verbal message. So one should keep his diction and style at a level understood by the listener. The difference is being conscious of an audience and their capacity to understand. Indeed, listening to oneself speak or listening to audio books is a different learning experience than reading. The spoken word is processed differently by the mind.

Reading is more a visual process as compared to listening which is an auditory process. Recently, I have been listening to Philip Roth’s ‘Everyman’. I know he is a great writer because his stories remain in my mind like a popular song. His voice is clear and simple with an elegant dexterity. He is a better writer than John Updike because of his simplicity of voice. He does not write with the ascetic style of recent Cormac McCarthy or Don Delillo but with the understated verbosity of Saul Bellow; more concise without the elegant flourish of Updike or even Thomas Pynchon. The story and authentic voice remain and one is not lost in elegant phrasing. Listening to books is a much easier way to ‘read’ but lacks the intensity and focus of actual reading. Ideally one should visually read major works and keep the listening to the lesser works. But unfortunately one does not have time. To illustrate the problem, I also listen to audio books in investment and finance but miss the technical details.

Important investment advice (or non-fiction works) may be lost if one relies on listening. One must take notes, perhaps doodling or visual note taking to remember the important details. Just like attending class or a lecture. But audio books may be right for general literature. But is it enough to be a writer? One must read books to be a good writer; can this requirement be met by listening to audio books? Similarly, writing in whatever form is also important; but logging many hours in blogs or journal writing enough? Is public speaking helping in the process of creative writing? For example, like making speeches in Toastmaster. One hopes these activities are not shortcuts but truly help achieve the goal of being a writer. In fact, one achieves a level of comfort and confidence in expressing oneself. There is an ease of communication and expression. Hence, the only remaining task is learning the craft of creative writing.

Last year I attended 4 one hour sessions on creative writing. But much has been achieved this year. I attended a 2 month course on novel writing (a 2 hour class once a week) based on a text book by the NYC Writer’s Workshop. I attended a 2 day writer’s workshop over a weekend at a nearby college. I attended some literary talks like the recent one sponsored by the local library with author Sue Monk Kidd. I watched videos in YouTube and other sites with writers speaking about writing. I worked on my short story and completed some writing exercises which got some critiques in the workshops. Most importantly, I networked and talked with fellow writers or would be authors on getting their work published. One has a good sense of creative writing after attending these events. For the remainder of the year, I plan to attend the local Scribbler’s session in the library and join the SC writer’s workshop where one can share and get constructive criticism of one’s work. I will also participate in the NANOWRIMO novel writing event in November.

Hence, one continues blogging, listening to audio books (or actually reading one), watching videos on writing, watching DVDs, participating in Toastmasters, writing and evaluating speeches, attending speech contests and workshops. All the while, making a living, working on one’s career and projects, going to the gym, settling to new circumstances and establishing a semblance of family life. For instance, this weekend was Labor Day. I spent the long 3 day weekend at home, eating, going to the gym, watching DVDs (Akira Kurosawa, Federico Fellini, Robert Redford and Ken Burns) listening to music CDs and reading a Civil War picture book. I wanted to go to Robinson Lake but it rained. I wanted to call my brother and parents back home but was lazy. I also promised to write a letter to my mom but have not done so. Instead, I listened to an investment book called ‘The Great Reflation’ and Roth’s ‘Everyman’ and thought about the protagonist’s lament on old age, loss of family, loss of friends and his youthful vigor. I also made Thai Mango salad and Thai Cucumber salad and thought about past visits to exotic Thailand.

Perception Fiasco

2011-09-05T11:06:00.000+08:00

After going live in Reno, a number of issues have cropped up. The problems were due to the environment and not the program installed. Someone in a back office mistakenly pulled a plug or a switch was not working or someone tripped over a cable. The week after going live was a nightmare with the support team struggling to get the warehouses running again. All hands on deck as people scrambled to get the problem fixed, calling the warehouses and doing the job for them in their cubicles at head office. With the wonders of technology, the needed reports and labels flowed to the warehouses from distant offices; a task these folks could do themselves before the event. But a day or two after the incident, things started to go back to normal. It was a disaster that could have turned worse if not for the efforts of the support team. It was a hair rising couple of days. But the damage was done even after the glitch was fixed. A perception of a fiasco in people’s minds.

The big boys did not think highly of the whole thing. It was a mess looking at the way the users in Reno were complaining. The program was unstable and not working correctly. But there were a lot of issues that involved other systems, the network and the server. But it all came into the application just installed. So the director in his great wisdom suspended the roll-out to other sites until all issues are fixed. Every small problem catalogued and reported even if trivial. Written down in e-mail reports, simple incidents are raised into staggering proportions. The warehouse head was not around in Reno when the program was installed. He came a week after from a business trip; just when the team left and when all these glitches occurred. So he started to write daily reports of these incidents – broken printer ribbons, program cannot connect to server, system delays and page errors and so on. It looked like a big mess from the perception of the director.

But keeping things in perspective, products were shipped without a single day suffering a shut down. There were some delays but products were loaded into trucks and driven out to feeder warehouses, into railroad trains, loaded into trucks again and finally delivered to the customer. The program held and system did not collapse. It was working despite the many problems. But once the incidents died down, it was looking good despite daily reports from Reno reporting trivial issues. But one should not take these reports lightly as the director is monitoring the exchange of emails. One should be respectful and consider the other’s point of view. One’s ally is time as it rushes forward without delay, until one is adapted to the new change and accepts the altered conditions as the new normal. From a larger view, it’s a move towards the ‘cloud’ as formerly decentralized programs are moved to the ether. Cloud computing making its presence felt in distant warehouse at the edge of great cities.

Yesterday was a good day when the report from the warehouse was positive only to come back again in today’s mail with some minor glitches. It is the nature of the ‘cloud’ that one cannot battle. But one is glad that issues have subsided. It’s like the ebb and flow of a wave where one approaches the shore and eventually the water recedes back and one walks into dry sand. The issues have died down although there are still some nagging problems which our friends from the great IBM are trying to fix. It is the network that is the problem, the highways and feeder roads of cyberspace. The veins of the ‘cloud’ - an ethereal entity that no one sees; the new God in the internet age. The main challenge is to allow the users’ to wrap their heads around the new concept (or religion). It’s the new normal in life with ceaselessly onrushing work and new projects coming on stream. Amidst these weeks of stress and bewildering issues (which IBM seems to fix in the background), one starts a new project, attends several project meetings and joins a 2-day seminar on business analysis. One goes to the gym, swims and exercises and attends baseball games. Life goes on and one must try to seek normalcy as soon as possible; to go through the motions of a regular life even if the mind is swirling with thoughts.

One keeps active, reading books, participating in Toastmaster meetings, talking to new people and attending speech contests. An old friend visited again from Canada and had friends over for dinner for three days. The dinners are always great with good conversation, jokes and laughter, looking at photographs in the Internet, listening to music, reminiscing about the past and having a fun time. One does not dwell on work but moves on. I had stopped bringing my laptop home but did so again since going live in Reno. Reno is three hours behind us (Pacific Time) so any problems that come up during their day close would be reported in Eastern Time at about 6 or 7 pm. One must be ready at all times – so one brings his laptop using a back pack to avoid the shoulder stress of a normal computer bag.

Finally, this weekend is Labor Day and one must try to use the holiday to re-charge. Perhaps a hike in the hills or kayaking in a lake or maybe a visit to a mountain town somewhere in the Appalachians. Baseball season has ended so one must look for the next diversion. A lot of DVDs borrowed from main library will keep one busy. Classic Japanese films on samurais and ninja’s and modern salary men learning to dance, Fellini’s ‘Amacord’, Ken Burns ‘The War’, a Middle East war film ‘Marooned in Iraq’ and the last film of a great Russian director. Numerous books to read - one about Google, the Civil War (a picture book), a book about life hacking, a cook book on Southern dishes, numerous magazines like Fortune, Business week, Time and Wired. Plus listening to Philip Roth’s excellent ‘Everyman’ in the car’s CD player. A great writer that remind one of both Saul Bellow (for his Jewishness) and John Updike (for his suburban tales reeking of sex). No wonder that one cannot write. Being a writer requires a serenity of mind with no external stimulation that result in mental churning.

Friday Mishap

2011-08-17T10:39:00.002+08:00

Leaving Reno on Friday was fraught with mishaps. At the last minute, as I was about to leave the warehouse, I got a call from our software supplier in Ohio. He could not login the server and work on the remaining issue we reported the other day. It was about 10 am Pacific Time and my flight home was 12:30 noon time and I still had to go back to the hotel to complete my packing, check out, return the rental car and check in the airport. I did not think I could squeeze in the time needed to resolve the server issue in 2 1/2 hours and still meet my flight back. So I left the warehouse thinking or wistfully hopping it was a minor problem, possibly a connection glitch in the Ohio supplier because the warehouse had just printed a few reports earlier in the morning plus the other warehouse back home had not reported any issue. So I drove back to the hotel amidst a bright sunny day, going down the highway with the beautiful bare brown mountains in the horizon as I made my way along the valley. Classic rock music was playing in the radio.

As I parked my car in the parking lot and walked into the hotel lobby, my phone rang. It was the staff from the warehouse back home. He reported a printing problem so I knew it was a real crisis that will affect all users. I went up my room, packed my things which were not in my bag yet, logged in the network and called my colleague who was the support manager who had left Reno the previous day. I also called the project manager and told him about the problem and asked him if he wanted me to stay for the day and resolve the issue. He said that it was not needed and advised me to catch the flight back. The support manager gave me the same advice after I gave him the run down on the issue. Apparently the server had gone down but needed to be re-booted. So I called the helpdesk 1-800 number, reported the issue, wrote an email with the problem ticket number and sent the mail to the project team. Afterwards, I packed up, left the room and checked out from the hotel.

I got lost going to the airport, turning left on a road near the hotel instead of turning right further ahead. I was lost in Reno without a GPS but found a map in the car to guide me. It was about 11:30 am. Eventually I found my way back to the airport, returned the rental car and rushed inside the airport. I could not find the ticketing counter and thought I could make it to the terminal but I was told to go back and formally check in. I found the ticketing counter and finally checked in after some calls were made to get the system working again as the gate had closed. It was 12:00 noon. I raced back to the security counter, went to the departure gate and just made it into the plane. As I walked to the entranceway of the gate, my phone rang but I did not answer as I made my way to the plane entrance and into my seat. It was the support manager but I could not talk to him being inside the plane and ready for takeoff. I sat back in my chair and continued to read Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now.’

In a former life, I would be fraught with anxiety, feeling wrongly that I am personally responsible for fixing the issue and would be fired if I did not work on it until fixed. But it is a different atmosphere here where everyone pitches in to help or take responsibility. In Asia it’s the same, where everyone tries to help too. In fact technical support is much better in Asia. But in the States, everyone is willing to take responsibility even if the technical skills are not as great. Eventually the problem gets resolved which is a testimony to the organizing abilities and take charge attitude over here. So I settled down on my seat and read Tolle – dispelling from my mind the doubts and fears that rise up. Tolle is the best teacher to read during these circumstances as he teaches us to control our mind - the key to peace and serenity. The flight from Reno to Houston took 3 hours and 30 minutes. When the plane landed in Houston, I covered a lot of Tolle but still had a third of the book to read. I called the support manager who was in the midst of a call with the warehouse, trying to resolve the issue. It seems the server was re-booted and the services re-started but there were some remaining problems. But it looked like things where improving and when my phone battery died after a few minutes of conversation, I was not as anxious as before even though the problem was still being fixed.

In Houston airport, I tried a place called Texas barbecue. I had ribs, pork sausage, and sweet potato and Texas beer. The ribs were not good – a warning that the airport is not the best place to sample the region’s dish. The George Bush airport in Houston is a large modern place – perhaps like the new Bangkok airport but without the exotic Asian frills. It’s a good symbol of the large enterprising spirit of Texas – it’s a feeling I derived looking at this monolithic place with modern trains linking the terminals. It’s a much newer airport than Dulles in Washington and LAX in Los Angeles but larger than John Wayne airport in Orange County and Chicago Midway airport. I finally got back home at around 12 midnight local time but still had not finished Tolle. The flight from Houston took about 2 hours and 30 minutes. I had been on the plane for a total of 6 hours. The next day I got a text message from Google voice that said the problem has been resolved but there was some minor issue still to be fixed. I spent the weekend catching up on the movies I wanted to see and the finishing Tolle’s book.

Monday was another nightmare as the problem started all over again. The sites could not login so I had to process their transactions myself. Not a big job but highly stressful considering all the phone calls I needed to take. I missed one important meeting and needed to be re-scheduled. It was a struggle up until the end of the day when most of the major glitches were resolved. Reno warehouse could log in but the one here close by – the biggest in our business - still continues to have problems. The problem continued to the next day where we had to support both warehouses now and again. I attended a few meetings to report on the issues but had plans afoot to fix them. Hair raising days considering the good times we had at Reno last week. Good times always are a precursor to something bad as some superstitious folks would say. Reflecting on Tolle, one should focus only on the present moment – the NOW. One can do that by being watchful of one’s mind. I had tried to do so during crisis time and I seem to be progressing towards transcending my 'personal life situation'.

Last Day in Reno

2011-08-13T22:42:00.001+08:00

Yesterday we went back to the hotel early, arriving in my room at about 4 pm. I watched television, packed my bags and went to the gym where I used the cross-training machine for 35 minutes and the stationary bike for 10 minutes. I watched the news which was all about the roller coaster swings in the stock markets after S&P foolishly downgraded American debt to AA+. It was a stupid decision made during a time when the economy was recovering. The Iowa debate for the GOP candidates was also underway where each candidate gave good answers although some of the candidates’ answers on the economy were not very enlightened. One gets afraid when seemingly intelligent people in power try to get their views implemented when they know nothing of the intricacies of economics. For example, see Winston Churchill who brought England back into the gold standard when he was Chancellor of the Exchequer. The result was disastrous and England hastily left the gold standard after the fiasco.

I cringe when new congressmen who win in their first election challenge professionals like Ben Bernanke or Alan Greenspan in the past regime. The nerve that these politicians can challenge the thinking or policies of men who have spent their lives trying to understand the intricacies of economics and implemented policies which probably saved the world economy during the financial crisis of 2008. One just needs to look at Churchill, a formidable thinker and politician who nearly drove England to dire economic straits with his well-intentioned ideas on the economy. Economic policy makers are like military leaders who are expert in their field of knowledge. Following the analogy, a politician does not make a good general in the battle field or an economist planning policy in the Federal Reserve. It is hilarious on the talk about the debt ceiling which is more an operational necessity to keep the government running and combine it with strategic plans like balance budget amendment. The result is chaos and as Bernanke said – the debt ceiling is not the right instrument to control spending. It was not the time or the place or the forum to have that discussion. Hence, the S&P downgrade and the stock market turmoil.

After working out in the gym yesterday, we went to the swimming pool to cool down. There was a strong wind which chilled my teammate. So we left the pool after 10 or 15 minutes although it was enough to refresh us. We no longer felt tired or haggard after the slow day in the office. I went back to my room, dressed and met my teammate at the lobby bar were we had cocktails of rum and coke. We were feeling good after the swim and the drink. I wanted to try the all you can eat sushi buffet but my friend wanted to try the other buffet with continental food and a drink all you can wine bar. So we settled on the other buffet and I had 2 glasses of excellent wine while I ate chicken wings cooked in different ways, prawns, mushrooms in vinegar, sausage and sauerkraut, pepper in vinegar, pilaf rice and dessert of fruits and strawberry cake. I was a bit tipsy when we walked out to the parking lot again to look at the cars. My team mate is a car aficionado and he looked at the models closely. I took a video of the scene as my camera had run of battery power.

I enjoyed looking at the cars and the people who frequented the convention as well as the car owners. Most if not all where middle aged old couples who seemed to have found their passion in vintage cars. Some of the car plates I saw came from California, Oregon, Nevada, Colorado and elsewhere all converging into the desert for this yearly convention. I have seen many parades or cultural events since coming here in the states but this is the first time I have seen an event of this scale where the people where passionate about something and gave me a glimpse of the American spirit. The people here love their cars and are willing to spend large amount to keep it in perfect condition. As an example, as saw 2 middle age men driving around in a rare 1952 red Jaguar sports car. Some of the cars are being sold at least $ 32 thousand dollars as the sticker price while others are sold in auction. The hood of these cars opened so any prospective buyers can inspect the gleaming engines in pristine condition awaiting a new owner. The people were walking around talking excitedly and feeling good about themselves and the event.

We went back to the hotel at about 9 pm. I was scheduled to test at 11 pm so I decided to stay in the room and take a nap. But I received a call from IBM at about 10 pm and told the test was called off. I had trouble getting back to sleep. I struggled in different positions, trying to find one that would be good for my breathing as the air in the room was dry causing my throat and air passages to be dry, too. Somehow I managed to doze off and sleep a bit, waking up at about 5:15 am when the alarm went off. I called my team mate just to confirm he was able to get to the hotel and he was just boarding the plane. I had breakfast and left to go to the office and arrived at 7:25 am. I wrote emails and check the transactions here and the other site back home. I will go back to the hotel at about 10 am, check out, return the rental car and check in my flight. It’s a pity I am leaving soon during the midst of August nights but I think I have gotten my fill of Reno. It was party time here and fun to see the bars filled with people having fun, dancing, drinking, fooling around. It was a grand slice of American life.

I had a chance to drive here in Reno and it felt like driving in Los Angeles. The wide open spaces, the valleys surrounded by desert like landscapes, the bare brown mountains and the long freeways. I read somewhere that Reno has the happiest inhabitants of all states in the union. It may be right with its closeness to Lake Tahoe and the Sierra Nevada range plus low taxes and legalized gambling and prostitution. The pleasant weather and the high altitude and the low density of the population would make it an ideal place combining both the charm of a small town and the excitement of a city. There is a certain feeling of remoteness and independence here in the locals that are fashioned from the harshness of the land. It is unlike the remoteness and independence of the people of the American south which has a hint of arrogance and superiority. My teammate who left this morning is a good example of the American redneck although in the good sense of the word - the back slapping, good old boy friendliness but intolerant of certain city ordinance, calling authority figure ‘butt-heads’. The southern hillbilly will never be at home in the western states it seems.

August Nights

2011-08-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

This week is hot August nights in Reno, Nevada. It is the biggest event of the year according to the locals. The main attractions are the old, vintage and classic cars assembled in front of the hotel and then paraded down the main street in down town Reno. Almost all the cars are lovingly restored with great paint jobs and high end engines although some cars keep their parts genuine. It is the biggest car convention I have ever seen. It’s pure luck that the assembly of cars was right in front of our hotel. A live band played classic rock and pop songs. Most of the people who went to the convention seemed to be in their fifties or sixties although there were sprinkling of young people here and there. The weather was just right, a bit nippy despite being in the desert. I learned that Reno is about 4500 feet above sea level which explains the cool temperature despite being in a near-desert landscape of surrounding brown, tree less and majestic mountains.

The first day we arrived, on Sunday, we hit a few balls in the hotels’ driving range, played bowling, bought toothpaste in Wall-mart and had an excellent dinner of roasted duck. The next day on Monday, we went to work, set up the computers, did some tests, and processed the first batch of transactions. There were problems but were fixed as the day went on. Go live was officially the next day. For lunch, we drove to ‘Border Town’ a small restaurant cum casino near the Nevada - California border. After work, we drove to Lake Tahoe with our other colleagues who arrived that afternoon. We had dinner in a lovely restaurant beside Lake Tahoe called Garwood located in the California side. I had a salad topped with trout. We drove back to Reno through the Sierra Nevada Mountains surrounding the lake and back into Reno along the highway that followed the Truckee River that flowed into Reno city and towards Pyramid Lake. I was exhausted when I got to my room as I woke up early and went to the gym and exercised for 30 minutes in the early morning.

On Tuesday, the new system went live although there were problems in the label printer. It took a while to fix but it got going to complete the work. We had to go back to the hotel at noon and pay our bill as our company had authorized payment for that day only. Earlier our credit cards were declined as the hotel was registered as a casino not a hotel in the computer system. So after resolving that snafu, we ate lunch at the hotel restaurant. I had pork fried rice which I also had on Sunday along with wanton soup. We returned to the office and continued the work. There was another glitch at the end of the day were the interface could not be uploaded. So we called the Indian support team at head office to fix the bug. The problem was soon fixed and we drove back to the hotel were we had cocktails during happy hour at the lobby bar ($1 per drink) and we had whisky and coke and rum and coke. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant where I had pork spaghetti. Afterwards, we walked out in the company parking lot where the car convention was taking place. We took pictures of the vintage cars in pristine condition.

On Wednesday, most of the major issues were fixed. The business leader wrote a status report and sent out an email calling the roll-out a success. We struggled a bit in getting the second printer to run and managed to fix the problem near the end of the day. There is a remaining problem in the carrier report and forwarded the issue to our contractors in Ohio. We had lunch again in ‘Border Town’ where I ate beef liver in onions with mashed potatoes. The day ended in high spirits and the team went to down town. We visited the known hotel casinos Silver Lake, Circus Circus and El Dorado. We walked along the main street and took pictures of the famous arch sign ‘Reno – the Biggest Little City in the World’ and took more pictures in the bridge beside the Truckee River where a group of teenagers were riding their skateboards. We walked back to the Silver Lake hotel and had dinner where I had a miserable dish of Hot and Sour soup and Hong Kong fried noodles. After dinner, we went out in the street again and watched the parade of cars where an emcee entertained us with jokes. It was the most impressive parade of vintage cars I have ever seen.

We went back to the hotel and after depositing my things in my room, I went back down again with my camera to see the cars assembled in the hotel’s massive parking lot. I took more pictures and watched the band playing in a stage at a corner of the lot. There were a lot of people walking about, dancing and listening to the music. I returned to the hotel and I saw my office colleagues drinking coffee in the hotel lobby bar. I joined them and had butter pecan ice cream and later a martini as we watched the couples dancing in front of the live band and the people walking about the casino lobby. We exchanges jokes and stories while we watched the dancing forms and the beautiful girls. My two colleagues were old friends for nearly 30 years in the company. It was fun to watch them exchange old stories and reminiscence of long lost friends. I went to my room at about 10 pm and went to sleep immediately after a shower. I brought a lot of thing to read and an audio book to listen too but I was too tired.

This morning our two other colleagues flew back home while my team mate remained for the day. We will both leave the next day but my flight is at noon while his is early morning. We had breakfast at the usual cafe, where I had 2 eggs, sausage, hash brown and toast. We drove to work feeling a bit tired after the last 4 days of activity. It was a slow day today, I wrote emails, sent meeting invites discussed relevant subjects with users and tested the remaining business cases. My boss called me to ask how things were in the project. I gave a quick report and discussed the coming requirements. I had lunch of cheeseburger and garlic fries and came back to the office. It was an excellent day with the sun shine out in the blue sky and the brown hills surrounding the horizon. The office lay in a valley near the main highway and the scenery was spectacular as I gazed out the window of the office. We still have not decided what to do in the evening although we would go back to the hotel to take a rest.

Air Conversion

2011-08-09T08:34:00.001+08:00

Whenever I travel to a distant place due to work, I always have this morbid feeling that I will perish in an air crash. Ever since 9/11 this thought has risen to the surface, something that I always tried to keep below consciousness. It is an irrational fear that strikes though fleeting that I can effectively control. The days before the travel are spent trying to keep things in order but I never do explain my affairs to my loved ones in case a tragedy does happen. I used to travel frequently although not in a world class way that some real travelers do. But there was a time when I did travel at least once a month. Depending on the project, there are times when the travel is frequent and times when it is sparse. But I did enjoy those air flights especially during the early year when smoking was allowed in flight and the liquor was free. I had always indulged in wine and brandy during flights on Thai Airways, Singapore Airlines, and JAL.

Since then, austerity and cost cutting have reduced the alcohol while health reasons took away the tobacco. Travel has also been minimized with the latest trend in conference calls and video meetings. But still one cannot take away travel as face to face interactions are always important in projects. So one still travels although one has lost that old thrill of discovering new cities and exploring new cultures and adventures. The excitement has gone away with the free booze and smoking in flights. Now one has a jaded feeling despite living in a new city or country. The only place that still inspires the feeling of romance is the Middle East, Central Asia and remote Tibet and certain places in China and perhaps the historical places of India. But now one must be content with the American cities that one is faced though an experience previously enjoyed vicariously in Hollywood movies and reading books. It is like discovering an old place that one has seen in the screen or re-created in one’s imagination.

Travelling in this trip had given me that feeling that something extraordinary would happen to me. I had attributed this feeling to my infrequent dread riding in airplanes and the possibility of a plane crash. But midway in the flight the old fear faded away despite the person sitting next to me was watching a movie about a plane crash that decimated a town’s football team who were on their way to a school game. The movie is a tale of how the town rose up from that tragedy and thereby healed itself of the loss of the young men in the
crash. But I had brushed away any feeling of dread and read Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’. As his words crept into my consciousness I knew then that I would experience some sort of conversion up in the sky as I watched the terrain below the plane at about 2100 feet above sea level. I glimpsed the Grand Canyon and the mountains of Utah as the plane made its way to Nevada. I realized that I had to reconstruct myself if I wanted to achieve my goals.

Tolle’s teaching is really not new. It’s something that one would usually read in the Buddhist texts or the teaching of J. Krishnamurthi or the ‘Bhagavad Gita’. But his teachings are expressed in today’s words and context which makes it easier to understand. He is a very intelligent teacher who started out as a distinguished student in Oxford who transcended his earlier academic studies into the realm of spiritual truth. His teaching is actually a story of his own quest and how he had broken through the illusions of daily life similar to the stories of Buddha before he became an enlightened one. ‘The Power of Now’ is simply to focus on the present moment and be alive to all the possibilities of that moment which can only be achieved by silencing the mind. The mind is the culprit that drives us to our follies. Something that I have struggled with all my life. His teaching is to be ‘mindful’ following the mindfulness meditation that spiritual teacher and now mainstream doctors are recommending to manage stress and pain. To live in the now by gently stopping the mind from thinking or just watching the mind flit from thought to thought without judgment and realizing the folly.

Travelling to a distant city, living in a hotel alone and eating good food is the ultimate fantasy or illusion. One can either indulge himself with all the temptation that it brings which is what one normally does in these circumstances. Or does one control one’s thoughts and live in the now without allowing the mind to wander and dream all those silly adventures. Reading Tolle was like one’s conscience speaking wise truths before the plane touched down into one of the states that rewards indulgence and excess. Perhaps it is fitting that one experiences some sort of spiritual transformation in this place of gambling, legal prostitution and other distractions readily available. But the transformation is profound because focusing on the 'NOW' frees up ‘space’ as one’s mind is no longer filled with thoughts, fears and anxieties. Instead one has the opportunity to cultivate one’s authentic presence.

These trips have always been something like a transformative experience for me. Initially it was the discovery of the new that drove me despite its bent towards indulgence and wistful fantasies. But after many years of travel, one does not change much. It is the inner journey as Tolle said that makes the difference. One must understand the limitation of the outward journey while one must undertake self-discovery as the true aim. Heady stuff especially reading these words up in the clouds with the thoughts of dying in a crash close at hand. It’s enough to convert perhaps the most jaded of hedonist like Prince Jeffri of Brunei who is estimated to have spent billions in sinful extravagance. I am reading an article about him in Vanity Fair. I had brought the magazine together with Tolle’s book and Harold Bloom’s ‘How to Read a Book’. Before travelling I had watched a clip on writing which I had wanted to do for a long time and which I crammed on Saturday night because of my trepidation on my next day's travel.

Stopping thoughts does not necessarily mean one should not do self-reflection - being another form of thought. I guess there are constructive thoughts as well as destructive thoughts. I examined my current life in this new land, with new places and new people and work experiences so much different from my old life in Asia. Sometimes I have tried to cope by reading more books or watch more movies or more travel – is it to be a better writer or is it the mind with its constant need for churning? I realized that it was the latter. One must be careful of the activities that one engages in - in pursuit of a skill because the mind can take control and bring it forward to unwanted experiences, self- justifying itself until one is old and grey and realizes the folly of his past life. In this land of abundance, one must be careful and Tolle’s work is a welcome guidance. Organized religion like Christianity is still providing the tire old words though still relevant like the immediacy of the present. Tolle is a welcome spiritual teacher in today’s world.

Reno Journey

2011-08-06T20:12:00.007+08:00

Next week I will be in the good state of Nevada in the city of Reno. It will be my second time in this quaint city near lovely Lake Tahoe. The only thing I am worried about is the plane ride into the city where we descend through perilous air pockets caused by the surrounding mountains. Reno is a small casino town very much different from the great oasis of Las Vegas like a poor cousin to a mega billionaire. But Reno has its charms with past echoes of oil and gold mining and legendary Western towns like Carson City made famous by Hollywood cowboy movies. It is a more family friendly town compared to the glitzy sin city of Las Vegas. Nowadays the town functions more as an adjunct to Lake Tahoe with its picturesque lake, ski resorts and scenic mountains. Reno is also near the site where the great pioneers of the past perished in the snow bound hills north of Tahoe. This was the pathway westward from the cold Northern cities where people strove to reach the sunshine paradise of California.

It is also the path way of the great railroads built by Chinese coolies ‘shanghaied’ from China - railroads that link the American continent from East to West. The story of the Chinese travails is still to be told – a neglected chapter in the civil rights story of America. The hardships experienced by the Asians justify their claim to being rightful citizens of the Western perimeter where large Chinese communities exist in Los Angeles, San Francisco and Vancouver. This is the distinction of the westerns states with a large proportion of Asians crossing the Pacific into the promised lands of California, Washington, Oregon and the Canadian provinces facing the great Ocean. There are more Asians of Chinese extractions in Reno than the Southern states along the Eastern perimeter. One feels more at home in the west with the diversity of Asians who live here.

Reno is also the locale of the John Huston film, ‘The Misfits’ starring Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe and Montgomery Clift on a story by noted playwright Arthur Miller (and Monroe’s husband). It’s a film that has multiple legends as both leads died after making the film – making it their last known work. The story is also worthy with the theme of the dying west. Reno represents a city who has seen better times in its history where legendary wildcatters stuck gold or oil, cowboys and gun fighters, gamblers and misfits. The landscape of barren hills and near desert like conditions reminds one of the romances of the old west. Now it is a struggling city trying to live up to its giant sister city of Las Vegas and in the shadow of Lake Tahoe one of the most beautiful places in the world. It serves as a place for recreation of Northern Californians likely from San Francisco going to Reno to gamble in the way Los Angeles residents go to Las Vegas.

We will stay in a large hotel near the airport called the Grand Sierra. The lobby contains a statue of a rider and his horse depicting the travails of the Pony Express. It has a large lobby with gambling tables and slot machines and multiple restaurants. It is a nice place to walk around and observe people. Hopefully I can try to explore places I have not seen in my last trip and use its sports facilities and pool. The project we are working on requires us to install a program in a number of facilities spread out across the country. This will be our second site and we have been testing the application all of this week. There are a few bugs but we hope to fix all of them before travelling west. It feels like the old days when I used to travel the different sites in Asia like Bangkok, Tokyo, Ohta, Shanghai and Shenyang. It is a different place from the Asian cities that we use to frequent. But the temptations and the difficulties are still the same.

The journey to Reno is a culmination of the project that started 2 years ago when I transferred from Singapore. Finally we are in the end game where the program is being rolled out to the different sites. The team has overcome a lot of obstacles to get here and there were moments where no one else seemed to be leading except me. It is not one of those large or highly visible projects in the company but one that has its own share of complexity and problems with significant changes in project personnel. It feels like being the last man standing. One is also involved in another much larger project where a larger system is being deployed to the different sites as well. We have pulled forward a bit as we got off the gate slightly faster and there may be a slight element of rivalry. But both projects are moving forward breaking out from the seeming inertia and gridlock that prevented its progress. Travelling to the different sites is the final culmination of the work.

This week has been about testing to prepare for next week in Reno. Most of the time was spent writing emails or meeting with IBM and our software contractor in Ohio, working with our support team from India and doing remote tests with our Reno team. It’s been a slow week – a much slower pace than in Asia – a place that seemed to be working on steroids. Issues were found and fixed in a relaxed pace. I also attended a good seminar on Civil Rights in the nearby Furman University – one of the most beautiful colleges I have visited. I also attended a seminar on Cloud computing and volunteer teaching in nearby schools. It was an exhilarating week where the debt ceiling crisis was finally resolved amid nerve racking fights in congress. Yesterday the stock markets worldwide crashed amid worries about the global economy but the job figures came out today with some optimistic gains, contrary to the prevailing opinion. It looks like a promising future lay ahead – capped also with the president’s birthday this week which was a fitting end to the previous political struggles in Washington.

Social Realism

2011-08-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

Last night I watched Robert Redford’s ‘The Natural.’ It’s one of his best films. I prefer it more than the more commercially successful ‘Out of Africa.’ His films are more iconic and are rich in symbolism unlike Paul Newman’s films which are grittier – more on the social realism side. Newman was good in the films that focus on Southern Gothic like Tennessee William’s ‘Cat in a Hot Tin Roof’, or Larry McMurthy’s ‘Hud’ and other films based on stories from William Faulkner. Redford’s films are more contemporary preferring films with nature as his backdrop like ‘Jeremiah Johnson’ and ‘Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid’. Bernard Malamud’s ‘The Natural’ is rich in American symbolism with baseball as the backdrop of a story about dreams, redemption, father’s and son and farm lands. Kevin Costner is following Redford’s lead – focusing on the same themes but with more lines and vocal dexterity. Redford prefers less dialogue preferring to act with his body and communicating with his eyes. In this sense he is like another legendary actor- Gary Cooper who was also accused of playing himself in all his movies.

Even Redford’s social realism films like ‘Brubaker’ or ‘All the President’s Men’ lack scenes which exploit his speaking talents (or lack thereof). He prefers roles that portray the hero as the strong silent type which he can exploit with his physicality. He gets away with it because of his extraordinary good looks and unlike Paul Newman who is also good looking but effective with long speaking roles. Normally actors like to grab long speaking roles or roles with lots of dialogue but Redford prefers to act with his body like Sean Connery, preferring to show scenes of confusion or deep thinking or other such inner turmoil by fidgeting around, creasing his brow or other such mannerism without speaking. On the other hand, actors like Marlon Brando or Al Pacino would explode with verbosity when trying to express deep emotion. They prefer words to express inner emotions while Redford prefers to reduce them to the absolute minimum. He also disdains rehearsals or multiple takes and prefers to have only one take in order to be authentic in his acting.

Redford wanted to be a painter and drifted into acting in his early years. He became a director in his later career possibly to finally express his visual imagination. His films became the canvas to express himself with his Sundance institute as an art studio where young artists like painters are trained in the old traditional sense of a studio. One sees that he is ahead of his time, channeling his success as a film star to nurture creative talents in independent cinema, where directors like Quentin Tarantino or Stephen Sondenberg learn their craft. But most people do not seem to realize his contribution to American arts because they are blinded by his looks and do not see beyond his physical beauty. But long after he is gone, his films as an actor, as a director, his contributions in Sundance and his ski preserve in Utah will enshrine his legend. It’s a pity that he could not be a better actor in the mold of Clint Eastwood – not a great thespian but with a considerable iconic status both as actor and director. I guess Redford is also working against type and did not live to excess like some artists do – living a solid and exemplary life. His life compared to so-called Hollywood rebels seemed staid and conservative which is reflected in his art.

In one sense, Redford can be seen as boring – lacking the colorful life of people like Clint Eastwood or Warren Beatty but not lacking in solid achievement. Like Eastwood, he has a long track record and the staying power to continue working and still achieve significant milestones. Perhaps like Eastwood and Woody Allen he still has a lot of good films ahead of him in his twilight years. He has starred in a lot of great films that will remain in anyone’s top ten best films as well as directed some of classics too like ‘Ordinary People’, ‘A River Runs Through it’ and ‘Quiz Show’. I hope to see his latest film ‘The Conspirator’ which is an interesting story on Lincoln’s murder. Clearly the topics of his films are diverse and not trivial. He could spot talent too – having young actors who achieve greater acclaim later like Morgan Freeman. But he did not spread his wild oats which I think is due to the isolation he got in the Utah Mountains. This isolation keeps him whole - away from the fakeness of Hollywood and celebrity. His common sense individuality is something that is missing in today’s world.

I attended Toastmaster leadership training on Saturday morning. Afterwards, I tried to do a lot of things again by reading all the books I borrowed and trying to watch many films too. I have not finished Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘The Power of Now’ but read some articles on another book on Mindfulness. I agree with the principles like it was a formula to keep sane. Live in the present, count your breaths, meditate, control your desires and so on but I find myself in a wheel, turning incessantly forward unable to follow the lessons of wisdom. It’s the reason why I cannot write anything despite my desire. I am not serious – preferring to follow the wind, trying to get something done in my myriad interests. The result is nothing gets finished. I am listening to William Faulkner’s ‘As I Lay Dying’ and will be leaving next week for Nevada to complete the project I am working on. Lots of preparation and work and challenges and problems to be solved and I still persists in distracting myself – afraid to be grounded because that would mean mediocrity and stability losing the curiosity and quest for knowledge that makes life interesting.

Disaster Week

2011-07-23T20:25:00.001+08:00

A change in the environment created one of the worst weeks ever here at the support center. Imagine a change during business hours affecting the warehouses all over the continent. Someone underestimated the risk which resulted in the late delivery of the items to the customer. What a mess, someone said. Frantic phones calls, teleconferences and group chats to resolve the issue were hastily called. Technical experts from IBM and Indian software houses, represented geographically with people calling from North America, South America, Europe and Asia. Every nationality of the world contributing to getting the problems fixed. But it took all day as the attention moved from one location to another. One suggested to start fixing the problems in the facilities located in Eastern Standard Time and working across the continent until one reaches facilities working in Western Standard Time. It seemed to be a fair request considering that these locations were coming to work while the rest were already in the midst of their workday as the daylight made its way across the land.

But alas, everyone was shouting in the conference call to get their issues fixed at once and one resorted to the severity of the problem and the consequent impact to the business. My application was in the lower end of the totem pole and so addressed last. In the meantime, one had to appease one’s angry customers and support them with workarounds. It was touch and go considering one’s customers are about 45 minutes away by car, and trying to help them accomplish their work from head office. Fortunately, some piece of the technology was still working so one could print out the needed reports from afar, with the wonders of science allowing the flow of electronic bits through cables rushing by in megabits per second to reach the intended destination, translated into paper and ink as another hardware bursts into action spewing out reports in thermal transfer mode. It saved the day to keep the facilities working and the folks can catch up on their work.

It was a nightmare that could have turned disastrous. But everyone kept their head, logically discussing the problems and trying to determine the solutions. Facilities in Canada and Mexico were told to keep their cool as the North American, European and Asian teams traded thoughts and discussed the possible options. These were experienced professionals who remained calm during times of stress though there were a few who were clearly near wits end. Calmness in the face of adversity will clearly distinguished you even in today’s high technology world. Rudyard Kipling’s advice in his great poem ‘If’ is still valid today as it was to the British colonial officers and soldiers who faced adversity in India and Africa as the British Empire strived to control their dominions. If you can keep your head when all others are losing theirs, then you will be a man, my son. Still valid advice when facing technical problems and trouble shooting issues spawned by misbehaving software, or cables or even viruses and affecting people’s jobs and losing sales and money.

Losing money is a graver sin today than losing one’s life fighting some angry native in times past. Hence, the stress to keep the machine running so the goods keep spewing out from the factories, travelling down the road in trucks to be delivered and stored in warehouses, then leaving the warehouse again to travel the roads by truck, train, plane or ship until the product ends up in the customer doorstep somewhere in the world. It is keeping this system running that needs a global army staring into computer screens, monitoring the supply and demand, making sure logistical arrangements are well taken care of to make sure the products are produced and delivered. A global system no different from the British Empire keeping their hold on their far flung realms or Alexander leading and controlling his massive armies from the Greek and Macedonian lands into the far flung Persian empire in the Middle East, moving inwards towards the Hindu Kush and India. The parallels are the same with the American Empire but the scale and operation is repeated perhaps in a lower scale in the global corporations that stride the world. The armies of these multinational entities are remote workers sitting in offices around the globe, looking into computer screens and triggering actions in their software, making phone calls and chatting remotely, linked by the cables of cyberspace.

A chink in the armor maybe the way people interact and work together to keep the whole thing running. Any misstep or miscalculation will bring things to a standstill and crisis mode steps in with hastily called phone conferences and meetings to get the system fixed - misbehaving like some ethereal behemoth existing somewhere away from view. So far the beast has been appeased and brought under control. Afterwards the remote worker bees – the knowledge workers of today are settling back in their ergonomic chairs built with advanced synthetic materials, typing into their keypads and looking in their Technicolor computer screens to check on the software beast lurking inside the network. Once again one tries to get back the previous rhythm and resume the work on one’s projects. Last Monday was seemingly peaceful before the eruption that occurred midweek. What was one working on? One asks as if it was a decade ago. Ah yes, there was a bug that needed to be fixed, complete some documents, call the supplier in Ohio to get a status report and continue testing another software. It’s a week in the life of a computer worker.

Writing as Work

2011-07-21T08:59:00.001+08:00

The urge to write for some creative people is like a delirium that writing relieves once they express themselves in prose or poetry. Writing is therefore a release - offering a therapeutic effect once the writing is completed. In these instances, writing is like a joyful act which allows their creative juices to flower in self-expression. Writing is not work but a playful activity because of the therapy it provides. The other effect is the re-ordering of thoughts to proceed in a logical sequence. As someone had said, I write so I know what I am thinking. So writing becomes a necessary activity in daily life if practiced in the right vein. There may be different ways of expression: the private route via journaling and diary writing or the public route by being an opinion writer or essayist or by letter writing. But these maybe the joyful act of expression where money is not a consideration. On the other hand, writing as work means those professions such as journalism or professional writing wherein it’s primarily a means to earn a living.

For those with a joy for writing, self-expression provides a release plus a self-organizing function to still the mind of churning thoughts. It organizes one’s thought process. For others in this vein, expressing one’s ideas and opinions also provides a release from their inner urge to be heard. Usually for those with this affliction, the joy of writing becomes work when one transitions into the profession of writing. A reckoning is reached when one realizes his writing does not measure up for the need for objectivity that journalism requires. Hence, another route is taken to be a creative writer or novelist who prefers the creative outlet as a better means to transition into being a professional writer. The initial urge for all these routes is the act of writing as creative play and therapy. On the other hand, if one does not ‘graduate’ into a more professional level, then one becomes a diarist or even a blogger whose act of writing is reserved for their private consumption. The benefit would be the therapeutic release and the organization of their thoughts that encourages them to keep writing.

Those who strive to step up from the therapy of writing to writing as a profession moves from joy to work. This is the time when one realizes that journal writing is not sufficient. The demands for professional writing such as being a novelist require not just the joy of writing but a mindset of planning and analysis. It requires one to edit his own work which needs a professional detachment and ruthlessness to ‘butcher’ his own work. This is the mark of maturity as one revises, throws away, and revises one’s own prose for the sake of the market need. Hence, the profession of writing is no longer the joy that one achieves with the simple act of producing verse. The joy is gone when one attempts to edit his own words when this singular output is thought as sacred like a gift from God. This is where one graduates into thinking that writing is driven from some divine inspiration that one should not interfere with. Instead, one moves into ‘industrial’ mode where the creative act needs to be trained to produce the work without attachment or emotion.

But this does not mean there is no creativity in the professional writing mode. It’s creativity without sentimentality. This allows the professional to achieve whatever effect is required by the market or essentially by the audience. If the market requires vampire or zombie tales then so be it. This is a creativity that is more encompassing because it does not have any private sentiment only a coldly calculating mind where one goes to the position with the best advantage. There is a multitude of creative avenues in this regard when compared to the usually self-centric or self-involved narrative of the private writer or diarist. In the public sphere, there is no longer an attachment to self but replaced with the striving to reconcile the self and with the society at large – or to one’s market or audience. Perhaps it is a sign of maturity that one leaves the comfort of anonymity and achieves solidarity or meaning with his fellow human beings who are also in this journey of self-discovery and meaning. A great writer or author is able to show the world meaning by providing the means for the reader to achieve their own release and calm their thoughts by sharing the writer’s own struggles. This is achieved by telling stories or sharing the own writer’s journey with the public.

So how does one start into the mature work of writing? One realizes craft is important especially setting a specific time and place to write regularly. This is the normal way of working at any job but one need to lose that inspired urge to write in order to relieve tension or organize thoughts which can strike at different times. Instead, one should work at a regular place and time just like any other job, without seeking divine inspiration or to relieve tension. It becomes a task just like brushing one’s teeth. This is an act of maturity as well as mastery achieved from practice and experience as well as in the practice of craft. Creativity can flower from here as well. The mastery can come from the years spent in self-expression via any means whether journaling or blogging. The key is learning the writing craft and rise to another level – the expertise needed to write without sentimentality or emotion and with cool detachment to edit, revise or gut one’s own work in order to make the prose understandable to others. The release to the mature writer is reached when his audience appreciates his work and achieves transcendence after reading the writer’s prose.

Sundance

2011-07-19T09:21:00.001+08:00

The biography of Robert Redford has an interesting passage about the actor’s experience with Marlon Brando. Both stars appear in the movie ‘The Chase’. Redford was in awe of Brando and described his acting as ‘child’s play’. According to Redford, being a genius like Brando means retaining one’s childlike feelings and perceptions. It’s an interesting observation coming from someone whose style is considered instinctive and natural. I always liked Redford as he is an appealing actor but his great looks impacts any appreciation of his talent. His performance is always the same and does not seem to have any variation. His charm is his looks as well as the honest authenticity of his roles. His best roles are those where he is outdoors as the outdoors is his element in real life. Hence, he is great in ‘Jeremiah Johnson’ and ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.’ He also acts well if the story and director is good so ‘All the President’s Men’, ‘The Way We Were’, ‘Out of Africa’ and ‘The Natural’ are good films. But he will never distinguish himself with his acting when compared to great actors like John Malkovich, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman.

He will be remembered for Sundance– his advocacy for independent films. It’s like an incubator in the way Silicon Valley entrepreneurs are helped by angel investors. It’s a great breeding ground for promoting talents in the film industry. Redford does not have a controversial life so lacks the notoriety and attention getting glare of publicity that usually surrounds other actors. He can even be said to be boring when compared to the other denizens of Hollywood. His great work will be Sundance and the Utah mountains he helped preserve. Perhaps it can even be a more lasting effort than Newman’s ‘Hole in the Wall’ which is a great charity. I think Redford has followed closely his instincts and has preserved his integrity as an artist. He started out as a painter and some samples of his painting are quite good. He seemed to have admired Modigliani who I like as well. I think this is the key in understanding Redford – his true artistic temperament and his love of the outdoors. His outdoors outlook makes him avoid ‘method acting’ (a product of the city) which seems unauthentic. Newman and Redford work well because of the contrast of styles: method acting and instinctive acting.

Redford is a true child of Los Angeles and one would think that he would remain in California and enjoy the abundant quality of nature in that state. But the fact he left Hollywood with its distracting lifestyle for the more remote and mountainous Utah is a testament to his integrity as a family man and love of remote nature. His best role is possibly ‘Jeremiah Johnson’ where both the role and the actor become one in the same way with ‘Gandhi’ and actor Ben Kingsley. But ‘Jeremiah Johnson’ does not tackle the great issues and may not have a lasting impact or relevance as other classic films like ‘Gandhi’ or ‘Lawrence of Arabia’. The only film of possible great significance is ‘All the President’s Men’ which tackles a great event but is not distinguished by his great acting and only with the performance of Jason Robarts and Dustin Hoffman. He remains relevant because his acting is authentic when he portrays decent men who have had their share of tragedy: the loss of his first child and perhaps the end of his long marriage has made him understand life's pain. He has also gone through a wrenching search for identity as described in the biography.

His analysis of Brando’s genius is interesting coming from someone like Redford with his artistic temperament. I guess all works of creativity require a certain childlike grace. This applies to all sorts of work from acting to painting to writing. Different mediums but the act of creativity is a playful act like a child at play, allowing one to freely experiment and explore in whatever direction it brings him. This brings me to my writing exercise which is easier if one is in a childlike mentality. I attended a writer’s workshop during the weekend. Basically 3 days of lectures and writing exercises. It was a good workshop held at an old Southern college not well-known in the state. It was an interesting campus with old buildings and tree-lines pathways. It also had modern structures that blended well with the green scenery. We had dinner on Friday and Saturday plus lectures from locally known authors as well as classes and writing exercises. There was a social event at a local book shop where we had wine and cheese. I met interesting people who were all working on producing some written work. There were courses in Sunday morning where I learned a lot of techniques.

During the writing exercises, I realized that I could write well (at least according to the feedback I got) in the short time allotted. Creating something from scratch is much easier if one does not constrain himself. In my case, I constrain myself with my own personal experience since my writing is basically journaling and blogging. So one may have writer’s block if one attempts to imagine new adventures based on oneself as the main character. But creating new characters from scratch seem to lift me out of any constraint as one can do just about anything. There is no self-consciousness as one may normally get if one was writing a diary and turning it into a novel. Creating things from scratch is much easier because of the freedom but the work may seem childish or trivial because one does not speak from true experience. But I guess that is fiction and one needs to make a conscious effort to suspend the disbelief of the reader. I had a similar fear in the past in my grade school days when I tried to write a spy story with my love of James Bond movies and Ian Fleming books as my only guide. After all I did not have any actual experience being a spy in my teenage years. I had this trepidation because it did not feel authentic (as compared to journal writing) and I was afraid of being found out as a fraud.

Many years later the feeling is still there so the tendency is to keep writing along the lines of journaling to maintain that feeling of authenticity. But this is a mistake because it can never be that way as it’s supposed to be fiction after all. So starting from scratch has a greater demand on the imagination which one does have in abundance. It’s the only benefit of an overactive mind filled with churning thoughts. Then again, one is no longer a teenager but someone approaching middle age, having read lots of books, travelled and lived in different countries, had interesting experiences, raised a family and so on. So the journey from teenager to middle age has provided grist to the mill for a mature writer to exploit. One feels like Redford in his quest to maintain authenticity and be natural and instinctive. But that does not distinguish great actors who need to learn techniques such as method acting to rise to another level. Consequently, one should learn the craft of writing by attending workshops and training courses as well. One can only go so far by being natural and instinctive and gain certain virtuosity like Sean Connery – not a great actor but instinctive and natural (like Redford) but who gained enough craft to go into different roles throughout his lifetime.

Writing by Dictation

2011-07-13T06:55:00.001+08:00

An article in a recent issue in ‘Wired’ magazine says dictation is the new way of writing. The improvement of software like Dragon Naturally Speaking makes dictation easier. I installed the version before the current one and works exceedingly well. Previously I had used an older version and it is nowhere near the ability of the current form. The older version required you to ‘train’ the software by dictating a specified paragraph so the software becomes familiar with your speech patterns. But it still would not get it right most of the time. On the other hand, the current reincarnation gets your dictation possibly 90 % of the time with no time wasted ‘training’ the software. Newer versions will work much better. This is a watershed in the evolution of dictation software as it’s much easier to dictate as well as control software by your own voice. It’s the difference between night and day.

The ‘Wired’ magazine says that dictation helps in the so-called pre-writing phase. The time when writers try to start a book and need some push to begin. One writer used dictation software to override his writer’s block. Dictation helps you speak your mind and capture more words. Trying to write down notes from a speaker or lectures, one would just write down 5% to 10% of words said, focusing on the key words. Following this logic, writing down words from your head may not capture the full scope of what the brain is saying. So talking is a way to get over the initial block that one faces with an empty page. It is the blank page that creates pressure on writers when trying to write. The brain tries to formulate elegant phrases, self-edit and second guess the writing impulse to just write. Speaking freely is a different paradigm and feels uninhibited when trying to speak freely. The editing will truly come later unlike writing prose when self-editing will unconsciously come to the fore.

There are precedents where famous writers dictate their books. Winston Churchill, Alexander Dumas and Montaigne are said to dictate their works to secretaries. Afterwards, the revising and editing of the work is done by hand after the dictation is typed out. Recent authors like Dan Brown use dictation software to write their books – saving money on secretaries. So there are concrete examples of writers using dictation to write books but it has never caught on until now. In the past, perhaps the cost to having secretaries prohibited authors from dictating. Or perhaps writing by hand works for them. But now the cost of the software has gone down plus the technical ability has gone up has made dictation a viable option to all writers. Perhaps the problem is how an author could incorporate this technique in his craft. The ‘Wired’ magazine says the voice recognition software will not only change the way we write but the way we think.

The normal evolution of writing skills may start as pen to paper writing by longhand, followed by typing directly into a typewriter or computer and finally dictation to a secretary or computer via voice recognition software. In each step the mode of expression gets easier with less effort. The mode of thinking shifts from visual to auditory mode. Instead of the symbols of the written word, one shifts to sounds before one sees the writing. Hence, one should liberate his mode of expression. Churchill was a famous speaker and world class orator. This may have eased his writing. Barack Obama is also a great speaker and orator and he has published 2 books before becoming a senator. With this in mind, can one say that speaking well is good training for writers who plan to use voice recognition software to ease their journey to being published authors? The common thread is honing the ability to express oneself in both speech and written prose.

Does being a speaker make it easy to be a writer? Mark Twain is said to be a famous speaker before he became a writer. He specialized in amusing anecdotes and funny stories and achieved some acclaim before turning to serious writing. Churchill also travelled the same path focusing on political and current events. From this perspective, a public speaking activity like Toastmasters is also a viable path to writing. Making public speeches and thinking on your feet with impromptu speeches hones one’s expressive skills. It tries to reconcile the inner writer’s personal search for expression and the outer challenge of making oneself understood by the general public. The writer’s challenge is something that is overcome much faster by the speaker. He will know if his speech works with the reaction of the public (and thereby make improvement before his next audience) unlike the writer who needs to wait to have his book published before getting feedback. The feedback loop is much faster.

Writing by dictation may make writing novels easier and faster. This can be the answer to today’s fast paced world where one needs instant gratification. The resulting book maybe closer to the way people think these days who are feed by off-the cuff blog reports or instant messages via Twitter or Facebook feed. It’s closer to the faced paced lifestyle of modern life. Hence, the modern writer’s training regimen is reading, writing and speaking. The main goal is develop one’s unique voice. Perhaps that is the way of the future facilitated by tools like visual thinking in order to clarify the result. My Toastmasters experience has required me to find out who I am (transplanted Asian in the Deep South) in relation to my audience and express myself with this identity. One cannot speak like an American Southerner after all. A recent commercial expressed it best with a Korean dressed in a Scottish kilt speaking with a Scottish accent. It was an amusing picture because of the incongruity of the picture. Speaking helps you understand your identity and help find yourself which is what reading and writing does too.

Being Alone

2011-07-13T06:20:00.000+08:00

Jonathan Franzen is as good an essayist as he is a novelist. ‘How to be alone?’ is a wonderful collection of his articles reprinted from various magazine publications. The most famous of his articles is the so-called Harper’s essay where he decried the decline of reading and the challenges of writing in the face of today’s incessant technology. The essay is entitled ‘Why Bother’ – alluding to the problem faced by today’s authors. Why bother writing a novel when readership is declining, when television and movies are better mediums to tell a story than a ‘social novel’, when distractions abound with the latest digital technology and the rise of today ‘visual’ thinkers who prefer visual cues to process information as compared to yester years symbolic readers. It’s as if the digital age has no place for the serious reader or the serious writer. The world has shifted to a new visual medium with iPad or tablets and graphical user interfaces that offer unending distractions and menu driven thinking.

Is there a place for a serious writer in a digital age? Fortunately, Franzen does provide some answers. He is aware of the issues and quotes Nicolas Negroponte and his book ‘Being Digital.’ Interestingly, Negroponte is dyslexic and hates to read. Franzen cites other writers who attack the incessant onslaught of the digital age. He cites a writer who attacked the nerd bible ‘Wired’ magazine as a symbol of the new priesthood of technologists. It’s a priesthood of nerds who thrive in complexity and the use of the latest technology. Now everyone is a nerd, tweaking his iPod or smart phone or iPad or tablet to access the Internet like it was another country to explore. Everyone seems to have a fascination with cyberspace with its own eco system of Facebook, Google and social networking. Want to know about reality – one can find it in videos uploaded in Youtube or the various reality sites or blogs posted in the Internet. It beats reading a novel as everything is real time with amazing videos and pictures. In cyberspace everyone is his own publisher, writer and reader.

The great social novel accepted in the mainstream cannot be written anymore. The world has fragmented into small tribes. There is no universal novel that will be relevant for everybody so niche markets now exist. One must write with his own tribal milieu in mind. The writer is an isolated individual who has no choice but to write. He is a nerd who is trying to make sense of the outer world with his inner world by using a symbolic language to express himself. Writing is a distinct activity open to only a few who have this predilection. Writers are readers in the first place and reading is part and parcel to one becoming a writer. So the writer starts as a reader and he is in contrast to today’s ‘information processors’ who are not necessarily readers but someone who look for patterns in diverse input like computer graphics, the written word, video and photos. Information processors thrive in the digital world because of the multimedia variety of the incoming information. He is not stuck in the linear world of books.

Serious reading has become a specialized activity akin to meditation as one writer suggests. It requires quiet time, focus and attention similar to meditation. Like meditation it requires some effort which is not sometimes possible in today’s attention deficit and multiple distraction worlds. But the serious reader is also answering his own inner urge in trying to find himself or his so-called identity. So the reader is also in some sort of inner quest himself. He becomes a writer when he has transcended reading as an act of self-discovery into writing as an act of self-actualization. He assumes another role in this journey of self-discovery in order to answer another transcendent urge for fulfillment. Most people are readers but few transcend into writers. This journey is all the more difficult in today’s digital environment plus the rise of visual mediums like television, movies and photos. Perhaps an analogy is the rise of photography that caused the decline of realistic painting. The result is a shift into the impressionist and abstract painting of the modern age. Perhaps the visual medium of television and movies is disrupting the social novel although the medium is entirely different. Visual products perhaps may start with the written form as most movies are adaptations of novels or short stories.

Franzen is aware of these challenges which require a sophisticated understanding of technology. He is an interesting combination of the serious writer and the computer geek who is possessed of the philosophical distance required to dispassionately analyze the situation. It is intriguing that he has found a formula to succeed and has put to good use with the subsequent publishing of two novels that were both critical and commercial success. There is life after the digital age after all. His works are dense and overly long but seem to find an audience. He belongs to the tactical intellectual writers like Don Dellilo – a writer which he seems to correspond with often. But his work seems to be grand drama which does not strike at the heart of the matter the way writers like Cormac McCarthy do. McCarthy chooses his novels well – simple and straightforward but containing the essential problems of today. I would think that most readers today will have difficulty reading Franzen as compared to reading McCarthy.

Zen Guide to Writing

2011-07-09T23:07:00.003+08:00

Reading Eckhart Tolle one would think that he has the answers to all life’s questions. He has reached a level of spiritual awareness that is rare for a westerner. Usually such wisdom was the exclusive property of Eastern mystics such as Khrisnamurti or the Dalai Lama. Western spiritual leaders such as the Pope do not have this level of integrity because most Christian religions do not really practice the vow of poverty or austerity. The Pope after all lives in one of the most elegant and extravagant locations in the world. There is no image of simplicity in those televised mass in Rome during Christmas or New Year with all the majestic trappings of wealth. Well-knows spirituals like Tolle are ascetics who do live in comfortable setting but not in the same scale as some western spiritual leaders. This gives him the cachet of spiritual respectability. Tolle combines both the western love of logic and the eastern mystical tradition.

Does Tolle have any advice for writers? The problem with writing is that it’s a mental activity - often times with egoistic leanings. This is the bane of true spirituality. Do writers make good spirituals? Or is writing purely a hedonistic activity that is incompatible to being spiritual? Or is being spiritual detrimental to being a good writer? Inferring from Tolle, one must avoid thinking and be aware of his consciousness. One is not his thinking mind. Good advice for writers as over thinking likely results in writer’s block or ‘paralysis by over analysis’. The other side is going forward by writing only about oneself and this becomes a boring tract unless one is a known public personality. So the key is striking a balance that focuses on the craft of writing and avoiding the cult of the ego. One must not look at the fruits of the act (being a famous and wealthy author) but in doing the act without any thought of the outcome. Hence, one should only focus on writing well without overthinking.

Exclusively focusing on writing is also not good because it becomes an external form where the mind will just keep churning. So avoiding the ego and just performing the work without thought is the Zen experience. This level of ease can be achieved after the appropriate number of practice hours is attained. The result will not cause the writer to be self-conscious because the notion of ego must be gone, too. The focus must be on the craft and not on the writing indulgences that one can be rooted in like in journal writing. It is a focus on self-reflection that has no end. As Eleanor Roosevelt said,’ one can be enamored in the voyage of self-discovery that one does not emerge from this journey.’ Writing does promote self-awareness but one does not remain in this spot but move forward with only the craft at hand. One does the job and moves on without thought of wealth or richness or glory that is the possible fruit of the endeavor. Even if the result is obscurity, the reaction is the same. One shows the same demeanor whether the project is a success or failure.

The Harper essay by Jonathan Franzen is another proposal on how to succeed in writing despite the modern decline in reading. He raises a relevant question when asking whether social novels are still relevant considering television or movies are a much better medium for portraying social realities. The rise of technological distraction is another impediment. Everyone prefers to surf the Internet, watch cable or go to the movies or play his smart phone or game consoles. The decline of readership will also mean the decline of the novelist. The same culprit is man’s never ending quest for instant gratification which cannot be satisfied by the discipline of reading. The answer is to focus on a certain segment of the population as the so called ‘general reader’ no longer exists. For example, one should focus on the suburban life of white Protestants in the mid-west or on the Indian immigrants in the West Coast. One should not attempt to write the great universal novel because the audience no longer exists.

Perhaps the only universal works are by writers like Tolle who write for people in search for the truth. These works come from an inner essence where true consciousness is expressed. Hemingway says that one should write one single true sentence a day at a time. Perhaps that is the secret: just get things done in a truthful manner without thinking about the result to the ego. Attending all that workshops or getting certifications should not enrich the ego but improve the craft. Targeting an audience as explained by Franzen is a tactic to succeed. But the inner skills that are needed to hone the craft are learned from Tolle. Attending workshops and training sessions is a good way to achieve an expertise that will result in a Zen like demeanor. Is the result a sort of spiritual Hemingway? Maybe not an interesting life without the good food, drinks, foreign travel and adventure. But it will not result in self-destruction and suicide which seems to be the fate of some writers. A new earth is needed as Tolle says especially with the technological predisposition of today’s modern folks.

My Reading Life

2011-07-06T10:39:00.002+08:00

Pat Conroy’s book is an exuberant re-telling of his life as a reader and writer. His love of book reading led to his craft of writing. He considers himself a ‘southern writer’ – a label his mother first gave him as she was born in Georgia. There are chapters on great books which he feels are important to read: ‘Gone with the Wind’, ‘Anna Karenina’ and ‘War and Peace.’ I have read none of these works but intend to someday in my own quest to be writer. Pat Conroy mentions that one will be a different person after reading these books. This is a theme on several of his chapters on the power of books to transform one’s life. He undertook to read as many books as he can to transition himself into being an author. Along his journey are great teachers and book sellers, of living in interesting places like Beaufort – South Carolina, Atlanta - Georgia, Paris - France and Asheville – North Carolina.

These are interesting places to grow up into a writer. The book is similar to Larry McMurtry’s ‘Books: a memoir’ and ‘Literary Life.’ It is basically a story by writers who credit books with their success as an author. Pat Conroy is more ‘literary’ in the sense that he makes wonderful sentences but in need of editing. But it was a thoroughly enjoyable account of the writer’s young life. An author he particularly likes is Thomas Wolfe and he writes about visiting his home in Asheville, North Carolina. I enjoyed Wolfe’s work as well like ‘Look Homeward, Angel’ and like Pat Conroy, struck by the elegance and density of the book’s first sentences. I also visited Wolfe’s home last year but could barely recall the passages or story lines after having read his works in my youth. I do recall some of the book scenes but preferred the works of Ernest Hemingway with his clear, short sentences and action packed plots.

Larry McMurtry and Pat Conroy struggled with their demons on the road to becoming writers. Both speak about depression, failed marriages, difficult lives in their youth especially Pat Conroy with his abusive father. Conroy is also a good humorist seeing humor and irony in situations he finds himself in. He has an artistic mentality – striving for elegance in his flowery words. McMurthy on the other hand is more like a professional writer who strives to write as many books as one can in an efficient manner. Actually I have not read their creative fiction books but enjoyed their memoirs. But I do enjoy the file adaptations of their work: ‘The Last Picture Show’, Terms of Endearment' and ‘Hud’ for McMurtry and ‘The Great Santini’, ‘The Water is Wide’ and ‘Prince of Tides’ for Conroy. Both authors have a good record of having their books converted into popular films. I guess one can say that both writers are more famous for the film adaptations of their books than the books themselves.

One sees that one becomes aware of himself in his evolution towards being a writer. It’s a question of achieving one’s identity. This awareness seems to be achieved through deep reading, writing and reflection, travel and living in different places. In one’s own situation, one can say that one has read a significant number of books, done regular self- reflections via journal writings, traveled a bit (China, Thailand, Japan, India, Malaysia) and lived in different places: Philippines, Singapore and South Carolina – USA. I guess one can claim to have the ingredients of a writer’s experience but only recently has one studied the craft of creative writing. This brings us to the lessons of Eckhart Tolle in his book ‘New Earth.’ The key is not over thinking or the accumulation of outer forms or experiences but in self-awareness and consciousness though not in a literal or verbal sense. Achieving this special awareness results in space because one’s mind no longer contains the chattering voice.

According to Tolle, the way to self-actualization is the inner journey. It does not square with the life journey of writers like McMurtry or Conroy. Perhaps a balance between inner and outer forms is needed. The benefit is the networking that one achieves by meeting other writers and creative people. Thomas Wolfe would not be successfully without the help of Maxwell Perkins his editor. Hence, awareness can only be achieved with the inner journey and the outer journey’s role is to serve as the way to get published by networking with creative people and would-be publishers. Perhaps another benefit is to learn the craft plus tools like visual thinking or writing worksheets or word processing software. Learning these outer forms will help one be on the way but one cannot learn about the true essence via eternal means. Awareness via inner knowledge maybe the starting point achieved with the lessening of one’s noisy mind.

New Earth

2011-06-28T09:15:00.001+08:00

Eckhart Tolle’s book ‘New Earth’ is a welcome vision for today’s world. It provides an update to the spiritual teachings of modern day gurus like (late) Krishnamurthy or Dalai Lama. It moves beyond the spiritual and quotes work from science as well as modern writers like Jean-Paul Sartre and concepts like existentialism. He also focuses on modern psychological ideas like the ego. So it is a mix or fusion of various disciplines into a modern and coherent message that is relevant for today’s stressful people. He makes the case that ego is the main culprit in today malaise. Quoting French Cartesian philosophy ‘I think therefore I am’, he points out that this is the start of the ego’s rise that inevitably results in mental dysfunction or delusional thinking. According to him, one does not ‘think’ but that thinking just happens like digestion. It is a function of the body. Hence, thinking is just one small facet of a person’s total consciousness.

The problem arises when one equates thinking as the representation of the person himself. This results in self-created ‘concepts’ that one fashions to explain himself. He identifies with his thinking in the brain but it’s just the ego trying to expand its importance. This results in delusional thinking and alienation because one is not the thinking brain. It’s too small to explain the totality of a person. Thinking is just a biological impulse that must be recognized as what it is – a minor component of a person’s consciousness. A person’s consciousness is composed of many things – his spiritual nature, his emotional nature, sociological aspects and so on. Thinking otherwise is just folly. Writing here now is not an expression of me, or my thinking self but an exercise in abstract symbolic expression. I am expressing myself here now not to define myself but to respond to certain biological or psychological urges.

Listening to a New York Times science feature on addiction, the research shows that addiction (to drugs or alcohol or sex) has no moral connotations. It is a misbalance of the body that responds to a predilection to endorphins or other such hormones that produce a certain high. Controlling addictions is resolved by taking medicine not attending counseling or psychiatric or religious sessions. Counseling tries to make the thinking mind dominant and forces the mind to resolve biological problems. The recent research on addiction seems to be consistent to Tolle’s view that the thinking mind is just the ego at work. Taking medication for addiction is following Tolle’s view but a transformation of consciousness is also a valid alternative. This means the transformation of consciousness will give enlightenment to the individual but not in the intellectual or logical sense. It is in the spiritual arena where faith is the answer - not words or thinking or logical constructs.

According to Tolle, the disappearance of ego results in masterful performances – where the person forgets himself and just immerses himself in the act. When one is conscious of himself then the performance becomes mediocre. One can be a technical virtuoso by being a technical master but he will not rise to excellence if he is always thinking about himself. This lesson is applicable to golf (or any sport for that matter) where one should stop his thinking and go with the flow. Over thinking is often the bane of great golfers and the solution is just to forget everything and have a good time. Hence, one loses the ego and ‘becomes’ himself with unselfconscious performance. The churning mind is the culprit especially when the person identifies with his thinking. The golf swing is a function of the body, age, feeling as well as the mind so one must remove ‘thinking’ as the only means to play better. In fact ‘over thinking’ may affect one’s body and overall feeling (i.e. no confidence) to the detriment of the game.

How to apply the lessons to creative writing? One must remove the ego from the writing process and just write. Journal or diary writing focuses on the person. Moving to creative writing is a change in mental gears. The take away of a diarist is the exercise of writing as a skill not as a thinking process. Journal writing is more often an act of self-reflection that can also feed the ego. The ego is the hero of a journal but self-reflection reduces the role of the ego by providing a larger perspective. Hence, journal writing is a therapeutic device not a creative writing exercise. Moving to creative writing – one can mistake the ego as being the hero of the novel. This is the seductive allure of Hemingway’s work that one loses sight of the craft of creative writing. To be good in creative writing means losing one’s ego like in golf. The novel is not about the diarist but a different set of characters that one must bring to life.

Like in other endeavors, overthinking is the killer of one’s goal. Eckhart Tolle attempts to remove overthinking by reducing the role of the ego via self-transformation. Perhaps this is also the solution to being a creative writer – to remove the role of the ego in the creative process. One does not strive to write the great Asian or American Novel and be rich and famous like Hemingway. It’s the ego trying to achieve recognition but hamstrings any sincere attempt to write. With the ego dominant in the mind, there is no progress. Perhaps this is the true cause of writer’s block. The technical skill of writing or expression in language exists plus the craft of creative writing but the disappearance of ego is needed, too. Unless one is writing an autobiography or other forms of non – creative fiction then perhaps one needs the ego as well.

This is a strange conclusion considering that some great writers do have outsized egos. Just look at Winston Churchill or Ernest Hemingway. Maybe a healthy ego is really needed to exist as a writer not as a component of creative writing. Removing the ego will make the act truly professional. The removal of ego means a removal of one’s emotions and sentimentality. The result is a disciplined and no-nonsense act of structured creativity. One cannot be a great editor if one is emotional. Great writers are actually great editors which require one to be ruthless in one’s own work – to discard and start over again if the novel does not come out right. Hence, one can have a healthy ego in one’s personality but no ego at all in the act of creative fiction. This is the only conclusion that one can get. After all, Eckhart Tolle is striving for a transformation of the individual’s consciousness to be better human being - not a better writer. With humility, one can be a better person and perhaps a better writer as well.

Growing Up Late

2011-06-25T06:20:00.000+08:00

I watched the classic movie ‘The Way We Were’ last night. It was not the movie I expected. I had thought it would be a run of the mill romance but in fact ended with the couple leaving each other. The last scene was the couple meeting again after many years apart although the meeting did not result in reuniting. The movie is billed as an adult romance where love stories don’t always end happily ever after. In fact, the husband essentially left his wife and abandoned his newborn child. Meeting many years later they recalled their fun times as well as the realization that reconciliation is impossible. I agree it was a mature movie which did not play the way most movies of this genre do. It also had a historical back drop of university scenes during the Spanish Civil War, red-scare in Hollywood, World War II plus rich scenes in New York and Los Angeles. It was an enjoyable movie.

The movie had an undercurrent of civil rights battles with the heroine passionately against the Red Scare in Hollywood and protested in Washington to get their rights heard. The topics remain relevant today. Robert Redford is known for his political awareness especially with his film ‘All The President’s Men’ – another political movie that I enjoyed. I am revisiting his old classic movies having reserved the following in the library: ‘The Candidate’ and ‘Jeremiah Johnson.’ I also reserved his biography. I think he is one of the few artists who will make a lasting mark on cinema with his Sundance Film Festival. He is also an accomplished actor and director although not in the caliber of the truly greats. Nevertheless, he does make interesting and relevant movies that are consistent though modest hits. Despite his stardom, he does not have a messy personal life unlike other people in his profession.

In the movie, the Redford character attended a class on creative writing. The professor singled out his work and he eventually became a novelist and screenwriter in Hollywood after serving with the Navy in World War II. The course he attended is probably for a degree in English or literature which would have been interesting if it was a degree I pursued in college. Instead I preferred an esoteric discipline like economics thinking that I would be technocrat working in a high level government office or in a bank. It may have been better if I had pursued my passion in writing instead of business. Now I am attending creative writing courses in the hope of being a novelist, working as a computer analyst while keeping modest financial investments in the hope of striking rich. I guess my degree led me to computers while keeping me aware of economics and finance so that I could benefit with that knowledge by investing in the stock market.

As I approach middle age, I still have a passion for writing although with no novel in sight. I had just realized one does not become a writer by just blogging or reading widely or writing journals. It is increasing one’s skills in creative fiction writing – precisely the lessons that the Redford character had in college. Is it too late? I guess the reasonable target is to strive for a second career as one has already undertaken one. It was a circuitous journey where I find myself facing the same writing challenges I had while in grade school when I contributed a short story to the school paper. One should have persisted despite the risk of not earning enough. What tangled lives we live as one would say. The Toastmaster experience is another aspect that could have served my youth well instead of discovering late. I guess this is more a cognitive exercise to keep one fit as one ages in mind and body. But one cannot help but feel that one is chasing a dream that was lost in one’s youth.

Perhaps it is the circumstances that require it – with constant change and travel, with the free time that has come with this phase in life, with the opportunities at present plus the abundance of creative writing courses have brought about a chance to reclaim lost chances. Life happens when you are planning something else. Perhaps one has achieved a certain experience – did that, done that but found the experience wanting. There is a question of ‘what if’ – what if things were different which the movie ‘The Way We Were’ seems to allude to. Of lost chances and different roads taken that one looks back in time. Watching the Redford movies brings me back when I enjoyed some sort of innocence. I hope to borrow his film ‘Three Days of the Condor’ which I first watched in Camp John Hay as a teenager. I watch it with my parents and brothers in Baguio City inside the military base that gave me my first glimpse of American life.